issue69 你砸你砸你砸砸砸！！！

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

写的一个头晕眼花 :o  B1B2都有一种感觉：其实例子可以说明论点的 但是被我弄的不连贯 想表达的意思没说好 不知道怎么弄了 :mad:  先扔进来大家批批的

Issue 69. "Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.


In course of time and life, we can learn that only by possessing advanced knowledge and scientific thoughts can a nation keep pace with the development of the whole world and further be on a good wicket in fierce competition. This huge effect of science makes me believe that providing a higher priority to scientific research and development rather than restraining them falls within the scope of government functions.

For scientists, scientific research and development are innovative activities, whose nature decides that the environment should be loose and active. Unrestricted research and development can to a larger extent stimulate scientists' enthusiasm and potential so that they are more likely to dedicate themselves to the research and make breakthrough their fields. In Italy, where research on gene kept advanced, government has made some restrictions because of Roman Catholicism's endless criticism on life sciences. When scientists from China, America, Britain, Japan, France and German asserted that they had accomplished the sketch of human gene, Italy scientists felt angry and depressed and began writing to their government for stopping the restriction on their research. Thus it can be seen that, restriction, either from the government or other institutions will badly effect scientists’ work and further impede science and technology progress.

For the society, free scientific research and development are also beneficial in national defence, disease cure, environment protection and so on. An example in case, in 2001, President Bush made a command to restrain the stem cell research for the extraction of stem cells might lead to the death of embryos. But as soon as the US government recognized that the remedial function of stem cells on Senile Dementia is more obvious, it decided to withdraw that command but placed more funds on the research, although the government has not yet found a balance between moral standard and this medical research. In brief, even though the scientific research and development may a little side effect, they are always developed to benefit people and should not be restricted.      

Those who advocate that governments should place some restriction on scientific research and development mainly cite two reasons:  First, the application of the research may threaten the human well being.  Admittedly, some scientific research may put human beings into disasters or wars. For example, the mass biochemistry weapon research has been associated with the terrorism that frustrated the US reputation and soiled human dignity in Sep.11 Disaster. But it is not the research or development itself that does harm to people. Rather it is the "crazy devil beast” who should be blamed. Second, they may also claim that since the consequence of some researches are unpredictable, human resources and natural resources may be wasted. Nevertheless, since the consequence is still beyond human recognition, why do they focus their consideration on the dark side rather than the bright one?

History demonstrates that scientific research and development can always be constructive rather than destructive to human beings thus demands more government support. the core question is not on whether or not government should place restrictions on scientific research and development. it is how to obtain much more funds and create a loose environment for scientific research and development that a government should concern with.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

seat taken

龙非UID: 193190

第一段写得不错，论点的提出顺理成章，但是因为纵看整篇都是论证不要限制科学研究，那么个人觉得论点直接是"政府不应当限制科学研究"会比说"providing a higher priority ... rather than"更简洁，更鲜明
B1的例子其实并不是很贴切，分论点是不限制能更好地激发科学家，但是例子是限制会影响科学工作，虽然意思差不多，但绕了个弯。个人觉得分论点换个说法“限制会影响科学工作”应该更好。
接下来B2讲free的research和development的好处，是对B1进一步补充。思路很好，但是例子还是不很贴切。例子说的是政府先限制，后来觉得该研究不错，又扶植。并没有直接支持说明free的好处，如果有个例子讲政府先限制，后来放开之后，该研究取得了瞩目的成就，这样的例子就狠狠地支持了观点啦。
B3写得很好，大大加强了观点的说服力。
结尾段也OK，有自己的特色

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

楼上的建议很好
那个B1应该换TS的句子 我写完了就发现了 不过暂时没改
B2也是 我自己都说 例子不能很好的支持 作用不明显
其实呢B3有些思路不是自己一下想的 个别语句也是 有参考的 惭愧捏
楼上一说 清楚了很多了
谢谢 谢谢

发觉龙非的看法总是很有见地 呵呵 PFPF

jorgeUID: 108878

正文第一段的例子似乎不好....但三段的mass destruction weapon 的例子不错.

你的分类想法也不错. 分为对科学家和对社会两个Bodies,最后写政府确实应该intervene科学的的研究..写的挺好的.

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

谢谢兔子 这么忙还看了俺的作文捏
B1的例子觉得很难找 一时想不出来 决定换TS 改成限制的话就会阻碍进步 影响工作

ouenoUID: 194212

Issue 69. "Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.


In course of time and life不太明白为什么说终有一天，论述的是现实呀, we can learn that only by possessing advanced knowledge and scientific thoughts can a nation keep pace with the development of the whole world and further be on a good wicket in fierce competition. This huge effect of science makes me believe that providing a higher priority to scientific research and development rather than restraining them falls within the scope of government functions.观点清晰，开头也不是套用的问句开头法，我以后要多借鉴了

For scientists, scientific research and development are innovative activities, whose nature decides that the environment should be loose and active.是不是少了中心句？ Unrestricted research and development can to a larger extent比较级？ stimulate scientists' enthusiasm and potential so that they are more likely to dedicate themselves to the research and make breakthroughin their fields. In Italy, where research on gene kept advanced, government has made some restrictions because of Roman Catholicism's endless criticism on life sciences. When scientists from China, America, Britain, Japan, France and German asserted that they had accomplished the sketch of human gene, Italy scientists felt angry and depressed and began writing to their government for stopping表述能否更简洁一点，觉得write to government这种可以不用写出来 the restriction on their research. Thus it can be seen that, restriction, either from the government or other institutions will badly effectaffect scientists’ work and further impede science and technology progress.

For the society, free scientific research and development are also beneficial in national defence, disease curetreatment, environment protection and so on. An example in case有这种说法吗？是否应该是a case in point, in 2001, President Bush made a command to restrain the stem cell research for the extraction of stem cells might lead to the death of embryos. But as soon as the US government recognized that the remedial function of stem cells on Senile Dementia is more obvious, it decided to withdraw that command but placed more funds on the research, although the government has not yet found a balance between moral standard and this medical research. In brief, even though the scientific research and development may［cause a little side effect, they are always developed to benefit people and should not be restricted. 感觉这个例子不很persuasive,没有说取消禁令后给社会带来多大benefit

Those who advocate that governments should place some restriction on scientific research and development mainly cite two reasons: First, the application of the research may threaten the human well being. Admittedly, some scientific research may put human beings into disasters or wars. For example, the mass biochemistry weapon research has been associated with the terrorism that frustrated the US reputation and soiled human dignity in Sep.11 Disaster. But it is not the research or development itself that does harm to people. Rather it is the "crazy devil beast” who should be blamed. Second, they may also claim that since the consequence of some researches are unpredictable, human resources and natural resources may be wasted. Nevertheless, since the consequence is still beyond human recognition, why do they focus their consideration on the dark side rather than the bright one?这段内容很充实,很赞的

History demonstrates that scientific research and development can always be constructive rather than destructive to human beings thus不能单独引导从句,要用and thus,或直接接分词demands more government support. the core question is not on whether or not government should place restrictions on scientific research and development. it is how to obtain much more funds and create a loose environment for scientific research and development that a government should concern with.


有个问题，说一下我的感觉，一看就知你是生物major的，例子举得都是生物类的，会不会让人觉得知识面不够广，其实科学还有其他学科的，比如认为科学安全性核物理的研究。突然发觉第一段例子是否很好支持论点（你好象没写），我认为第一段说明＂提高积极性和能动性＂可以说工业革命期间，科学飞速发展，瓦特改良蒸汽机，许多电气的发明，电话，飞机，因为大环境宽松

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue 69. "Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.


In course of time and life, we can learn that only by possessing advanced knowledge and scientific thoughts can a nation keep pace with the development of the whole world and further be on a good wicket 【是自己造出来的表达吗？】in fierce competition. This huge effect【effet？说科学的用处或者贡献是否好一点】 of science makes me believe that providing a higher priority to scientific research and development rather than restraining them falls within the scope of government functions. 【很好的开头，观点清楚，语言也有很大进步】

For scientists, scientific research and development are innovative activities, whose nature decides that the environment should be loose and active. Unrestricted research and development【看了后面的内容，觉得这里应该说是无限制的environment of research and development】 can【这里该加个逗号吧】 to a larger extent 【还有这里】stimulate 【我觉得无限制应该不能算是一种刺激，我觉得应该说是在这样一个宽松自由的环境下，他们更自在的施展自己的能力】 scientists' enthusiasm and potential so that they are more likely to dedicate themselves to the research and make breakthrough 【少了个in吧】their fields. In Italy, where research on gene kept advanced, government has made some restrictions because of Roman Catholicism's endless criticism on life sciences. When scientists from China, America, Britain, Japan, France and German asserted that they had accomplished the sketch of human gene【我知道的是draft of the human genome】, Italy scientists felt angry and depressed and began writing to their government for stopping the restriction on their research. Thus it can be seen that, restriction, either from the government or other institutions will badly effect scientists’ work and further impede science and technology【scientific and technological】 progress.
【论述不错，例子也不错，但是你没有说Italy的政府限制基因研究了以后如何了，应该写出他们因此的落后，再跟其他国家基因图谱的完成做对比。

For the society, free scientific research and development are also beneficial in national defence, disease cure, environment protection and so on. An example in case, in 2001, President Bush made a command to restrain the stem cell research for the extraction of stem cells might lead to the death of embryos. But as soon as the US government recognized that the remedial function of stem cells on Senile Dementia is more obvious, it decided to withdraw that command but placed more funds on the research, although the government has not yet found a balance between moral standard and this medical research. In brief, even though the scientific research and development may 【have】a little side effect, they are always developed to benefit people and should not be restricted. 【论点是不错的，但是我觉得例子稍稍有些不适合，或者说你的侧重点不突出，因为你这段是要说明“没有限制”的科学研究发展对于社会国家的好处，所以你例子的重点也应该在好处上面，而你主要是在解释US政府该不该限制干细胞研究的问题上面，而且还提到了道德的问题，这样会削弱例子的力量。我觉得你应该说US政府看到干细胞研究在老年痴呆方面的作用，于是大力支持，比其他的国家给予科研更多的自由，然后，有了种种成果，然后，老年人受益，社会受益。】

Those who advocate that governments should place some restriction on scientific research and development mainly cite two reasons: First, the application of the research may threaten the human well being. Admittedly, some scientific research may put human beings into disasters or wars. For example, the mass biochemistry weapon【你要说的是biochemical weapons 还是weapons of mass destruction？】 research has been associated with the terrorism that frustrated the US reputation and soiled human dignity in Sep.11 Disaster. 【你想说的是，基地组织也在做生化/大规模杀伤性武器实验？所以911跟 生化/大规模杀伤性武器实验有关？】But it is not the research or development itself that does harm to people. Rather it is the "crazy devil beast” 【这个是一个现成的说法吗？你指的是进行这些研究的人？】 who should be blamed. Second, they may also claim that since the consequence of some researches are 【单复数问题。。。】unpredictable, human resources and natural resources may be wasted. Nevertheless, since the consequence is still beyond human recognition, why do they focus their consideration on the dark side rather than the bright one? 【你说的是因为结果不可知，所以是好是坏不一定？我觉得这样的反驳是不够的，应该明确的说明即使后果不可预测也不该限制科学研究，因为任何的科研都是无法提前知道结果的，难道所以的科研都不做了？另外，我们可以控制科研的方向，不让它向evil的方向进行，因为你已经说过了，问题在于人而不在于科研本身的，所以，若是人不evil，估计科研也不会evil的】
【这段论述中展开的两点还是可以的，但是例子举的不好】

History demonstrates that scientific research and development can always be constructive rather than destructive to human beings thus demands 【主语是历史吧，你的意思是历史要求更多的政府支持？结合下两句我觉得应该把两句连起来改为Thus the concern of every government should not be ………but……】more government support. the 【大写！】core question is not on whether or not government should place restrictions on scientific research and development. it【。。。】 is how to obtain much more funds and create a loose environment for scientific research and development that a government should concern with.
【感觉这篇文章比昨天的那篇又有进步，结构上面更好了一点，例子也更多了一点，但是要注意把例子选好用好，要fit你的论点，继续努力吧！】

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

谢谢oueno 我不是学生物的 看看我的资料 财经大学 虽然我的专业在国外是土木学院 在我们学校就是个四不象

你的建议很好
那个开头in couse of time and life, 是以前看别的文章用到的，貌似最初出自i have a dream.在人类历史文明进程中，貌似
对B1B2例子的建议很好 我也觉得我的例子被我运用的有些没说服力 没组织好
我的开头，以前也是restate题目，后来鬼谷子提了意见，我就在写的时候多想了想怎么可以简洁直接的提出观点，呵呵。我写的那个issue8的开头谷子也表扬了，你可以瞅瞅。可见这样还是比restate好的，以后还要多研究 :o
谢谢建议 一起努力噢

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

to 鬼
draft of the human genome  我那个是自己编的 又丢人ing 嘿嘿 记下了 诶 我有时候就是的 查不出来的就自己编造了 说汉语都是的 以后要改正 宁可不用都不要乱用 呵呵
B2的例子 我自己写完了也觉得有些没说到位的 看了你和龙非的建议 才明白过来问题在哪里 呵呵
结尾段第一句，我写的时候顺着就写下来了 觉得demonstrate后面是个宾从 所以demand的主语和can always be的主语一致都是research  现在你和oueno都提出了 看了是有问题
关于大写，其实我写的时候一个都没大写，后来粘到word才改正的，没想到最后一段忘了改正了，ft 被发现了 ;)

感谢各位！！