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[i习作temp] Issue59 时隔几天第三篇浮出水面,学习类,希望砖块像昨晚的雪花一样纷飞! [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-2-19 19:15:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
“Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think to and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them.”
提纲:轻微反对(针对前半句),趋向于平衡的观点
1>        关注模范人物是有必要的。这些人之所以被人们视为模范,正是因为他们在思想道德、文化修养以及实际工作等方面表现出色,具有正确的方向和较高的水准,是被普遍认可的。他们的事迹可以被看作是社会大众人生道路的指导。
2>        关注模范人物对于个人也有很大的帮助。每个人都会有陷入困境的时候,在这时候,模范人物的事迹会重新激发起斗志,鼓舞人们继续奋斗。
3>        不可否认,每个人自身的特点,以及所处的环境都不尽相同,一味的照搬照抄是不行的。要有自己独立的方面。
4>        在人生之路上,模范人物的作用和自身的独立思考应该结合起来。

Every year, tens of thousands people all over the world go to the Lincoln Memorial to light on a candle of respects in their heart, looking for a behavioral model in their daily life. Critics such as the statement above will certainly argue that overemphasizing has been put on such role models while it dose little to promote people to think and act independently. But even common sense can tell us that this is not true. There are strong reasons for emphasizing on those people yet cannot be seen as excessive.

Why we spend much time on setting up people as our role models and pay much attention to them? It’s because they deserve to be and thus the public emphasis. In their lift, they conform to high moral and ethical standards; they score excellently in knowledge and literal sense; and when comes to their performance in practical working areas, they leads others in enthusiasm and final outputs. Their lives are vivid guidance fro us to learn a lot and try to behave ourselves just like them later. A good example is Comrade LeiFeng, a hero well-known to Chinese people, died in an accident in the 1960’s. Why an ordinary soldier among the thousands of the Chinese army be highly respected and we people are asked to learn from him even more than 40 years later after his death? That’s because, he serves as a model, an immortal model of a person who is always ready to help others, a spirit of great importance in a society that we’ll face difficulties and thus need help from time to time. And when we constantly try to help others, we find that we are living in a harmonious environment. In short, it is necessary to spend our time on those models, for they play an essential role in guiding us.

In addition, we’ll inevitably struggle in dilemmas during our lives many times. Under such circumstances, the role models can be seen as a light tower in the stormy ocean. Many of those behavioral models, while finally succeeded in their career, met an amount of confrontations in the way they strived for success. Take our great reformer, the late DengXiaoping, as an example. He was put into prison because of wrong judgement at the age of 65. But he didn’t lose heart and after the false was overturned, he led the Chinese people run into a new era of ever increasingly rapid development. His deeds have made us to know we should never give up and thus relit the fighting will in the minds of those who are facing resistance in their way of finding truth. Such is the effect of learning from those models and the reason why we attach much importance to them.

Admittedly, we cannot merely do exactly what those role models did or are doing. Everyone has his own personality, habits and characteristics. What’s more, we’re all living in different environments. Thus, if we ignore these distinctions and imitate the models totally, little good will be done to us and even there comes harm. We may develop dependence on their way of thinking and acting thus not able to walk the way independently, let alone making the choices that are best for us. In a word, there do exist some merits we can appreciate from those role modes, it is not the whole of them.

In sum, we cannot argue that too much emphasis has been placed on role models. In fact, learning from them while maintaining the ability of thinking and acting independently do not intrinsically conflict with each other. Actually, making study of the role models works just for the purpose of being more independently in our way of life.

不知道有没有写离题,大家多帮忙看看吧:)
Love, is always a star in the foggy dawn......

寄托博客:爱似晨星
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沙发
发表于 2005-2-19 20:10:40 |只看该作者
对B1有个疑问,我觉得你驳的时候把is写成了should,应该是驳斥到底有没有关注的太多这个事实,而不是应不应该关注.还有就是用spend time on合适么?用关注比较好吧
向往天空的颜色
听见花开的声音
闻见幸福的味道
体会快乐的感觉

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板凳
发表于 2005-2-19 20:42:15 |只看该作者
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地板
发表于 2005-2-19 21:21:45 |只看该作者
最初由 花之颜色 发布
[B]对B1有个疑问,我觉得你驳的时候把is写成了should,应该是驳斥到底有没有关注的太多这个事实,而不是应不应该关注.还有就是用spend time on合适么?用关注比较好吧 [/B]


我写反驳的那两段逻辑上的顺序是有点类似于在第一段中先说一下有必要关注,不知道这样可不可以。我是问了有没有离题的问题,看来有危险啊:(

谢谢花之颜色的拍砖!
Love, is always a star in the foggy dawn......

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发表于 2005-2-19 23:47:01 |只看该作者
Every year, tens of thousands people all over the world go to the Lincoln Memorial to light on a candle of respects in their heart, looking for a behavioral model in their daily life. Critics such as the statement above will certainly argue that overemphasizing has been put on such role models while it dose little to promote people to think and act independently. But even common sense can tell us that this is not true. There are strong reasons for emphasizing on those people yet cannot be seen as excessive. 开篇不错,只是But even...这一句太绝对了,让人觉得不够严谨,连常识都可以告诉答案那还用论述什么呢?个人觉得最后两句可以合起来表达这么一个意思:这个观点是错的,因为有很多理由证明榜样并没有被过于强调

Why we spend much time on setting up people as our role models and pay much attention to them? It’s because they deserve to be and thus the public emphasis. 这句话我没读通,to be what??and连接的是什么东东,thus在这里修饰哪个词?In their lift 虚心请教一个,in their lift有这种用法吗?, they conform to high moral and ethical standards; they score excellently in knowledge and literal sense; and when comes to their performance in practical working areas, they leads others in enthusiasm and final outputs. 这三个排比不够严谨,只要是role model都具备以上三个特征吗?Their lives are vivid guidance fro for us to learn a lot and try to behave ourselves just like them later. A good example is Comrade LeiFeng, a hero well-known to Chinese people, died in an accident in the 1960’s. Why an ordinary soldier among the thousands of the Chinese army be highly respected and we people are asked to learn from him even more than 40 years later after his death? That’s because, he serves as a model, an immortal model of a person who is always ready to help others, a spirit of great importance in a society that we’ll face difficulties and thus need help from time to time. And when we constantly try to help others, we find that we are living in a harmonious environment. In short, it is necessary to spend our time on those models, for they play an essential role in guiding us. 用疑问句来引出TS是不错的一种做法,但是你的疑问句答案是他们deserve,不够明确。应该是说他们可以指导我们

In addition, we’ll inevitably struggle in dilemmas during our lives many times. Under such circumstances, the role models can be seen as a light tower in the stormy ocean. Many of those behavioral models, while finally succeeded in their career, met an amount of confrontations in the way they strived for success. Take our great reformer, the late DengXiaoping, as an example. He was put into prison because of wrong judgement at the age of 65. But he didn’t lose heart and after the false was overturned, he led the Chinese people run into a new era of ever increasingly rapid development. His deeds have made us to know we should never give up and thus relit the fighting will in the minds of those who are facing resistance in their way of finding truth. Such is the effect of learning from those models and the reason why we attach much importance to them. 这一段其实还是论证榜样可以指导我们,基本没有什么新意。但如果确实没有其他角度可写,这样也行,只是文章就不够深刻了

Admittedly, we cannot merely do exactly what those role models did or are doing. Everyone has his own personality, habits and characteristics. What’s more, we’re all living in different environments. Thus, if we ignore these distinctions and imitate the models totally, little good will be done to us and even there comes harm. We may develop dependence on their way of thinking and acting thus not able to walk the way independently, let alone making the choices that are best for us. In a word, there do exist some merits we can appreciate from those role modes, it is not the whole of them.

In sum, we cannot argue that too much emphasis has been placed on role models. In fact, learning from them while maintaining the ability of thinking and acting independently do not intrinsically conflict with each other. Actually, making study of the role models works just for the purpose of being more independently in our way of life.

从整篇来看,论点是榜样并没有被过分强调,B1的结题是说有必要花费时间在榜样身上,B2结题说榜样很重要是应该的,虽然沾边,但都没有直接回答为什么没有过分强调?因此分数不会很高。
这道题有两个大方向去破,破第一句就是榜样有没有被过分强调,个人觉得这种事实方向比较难说清楚,象“通才与专才”跟这有点类似,6分范文就没有直接回答专才是否overrated,直接论证确实比较难,而是提出自己的观点-需要balance来回应这个题目。以前xiaohe有一篇issue59的文章,立场跟你一样,我没细看,但大家评价不错,你可以自己找找看借鉴借鉴;第二个方向就是破第二句应不应当独立思考,就比较好写了。

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发表于 2005-2-20 00:14:10 |只看该作者
首先感谢龙非的拍砖!
那个in their lift应该是in their life。lift在word里也检查不出来:(
的确觉得要写没有过分强调很难,你的意思破第二句就是立论要独立思考和行动,而把emphasizing on role models 当作让步部分这样会容易写是吧?
Love, is always a star in the foggy dawn......

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发表于 2005-2-20 07:50:10 |只看该作者
如果我来破第二句的话,我的position应该会是“人们应当独立思考,同时借鉴模范的好的做法,从而做出最适合自己的做法”,还是不会去直接去碰“emphasis”

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发表于 2005-2-20 11:33:47 |只看该作者
最初由 龙非 发布
[B]如果我来破第二句的话,我的position应该会是“人们应当独立思考,同时借鉴模范的好的做法,从而做出最适合自己的做法”,还是不会去直接去碰“emphasis” [/B]


谢谢龙非的建议。
Love, is always a star in the foggy dawn......

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RE: Issue59 时隔几天第三篇浮出水面,学习类,希望砖块像昨晚的雪花一样纷飞! [修改]

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Issue59 时隔几天第三篇浮出水面,学习类,希望砖块像昨晚的雪花一样纷飞!
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