issue130 socialization 各位， 晚安啦

haiyaUID: 187989

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Does the socialization of children determine the destiny of society? The author claims so. Yet, in my opinion, although the socialization plays a vital role in the education, there are many other equally important aspects when it comes to the decisive element of a society's fate. Additionally, with the respect of fostering children to create a better society, although the socialization is not regarded as a formal course, students experience the process since they also live in the society.

Lending credibility firstly to the crucial impact of socializing children on the fate of society, the ability of children to adapt the society embodies the future of a society to some extent. It is because, on the one hand, they will take the responsibility of propelling the wheel of society as major force in the near future. And, on the other hand, every second, our relationship with others is established. It may be the communication, cooperation and the supply of raw material, etc. As the social nature of human, no one is able to live in and contribute his/her wisdom and endeavor to the society without the socialization.

Opposite to the second contention, the children today are well socialized in many aspects, such as cooperation and competition with other peers. In school, as a social niche, the amount of children with various characters and personalities are enough to simulate the general circumstance in the society. In the school, children take part in various activities, such as football match and group discussion so that they learn the spirit of cooperation and take advantage of all their talents and endeavor to accomplish the goals. Also, referring to their own study or other individual contests, how to be the best is always considered by them. The children have a clear idea that they should depend on themselves more on the way to win instead of resorting to others. Therefore, although the schools hold few courses about the socialization, children experience it every day.

Yet, when referring to the decisive element about the education of children to the fate of a society, the socialization is not the all. The decisive element is a synergistic aggregation among not only socialization but also knowledge, life skills and ethic education. Fortunately, they are all emphasized in the education. Without the knowledge, we lose the chance to absorb the wisdom of our ancestors and are tantamount to the primitive who also don't know the complexity and roominess of the world. Without life skills, we are incapable of dealing with the changing things which are not taught in the classroom and of catching the pace of the development. Without ethic, students seem dynamites that threat the stability of the society. Especially the students who own knowledge, life skills and well-socialization but lack the ethic standard, they, such as the crazy scientists who research on cloning human and nuclear weapon equal the greater dynamites which are lethal to the society.

To sum up, the children’s equalities involving not only socialization but also knowledge, life skills and ethic standard determine the fate of society since the children's future connotes the society's future. What we should do is to establish a atmosphere to assist them to form a firm base about the qualities above and be confident in their ability in the future. After all, no one can be taught them the philosophy of the life but themselves since life is a private matter.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

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鬼谷子UID: 159645

No.1 issue130 socialization 各位， 晚安啦
130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Does the socialization of children determine the destiny of society? The author claims so. Yet, in my opinion, although the socialization plays a vital role in the education, there are many other equally important aspects when it comes to the decisive element of a society's fate. Additionally, with the respect of fostering children to create a better society, although the socialization is not regarded as a formal course, students experience the process since they also live in the society. 【后面这句似乎是让步，但是students指的是children吗？process是指socialization吗？还是fostering children to create a better society的过程？我觉得无论指哪一个都不是很适合的。如果说你的students指的是children，那么socialization从题目来看是他们必经的过程，而不是说因为他们生活在社会中所以才会经历；如果你的process指的是fostering children to create a better society，那么从题目来看，这个应该是家长的任务，也是与students无关的。另外，你的观点中没有提到题目中的后半句。】

Lending credibility firstly to the crucial impact of socializing children on the fate of society, the ability of children to adapt the society embodies the future of a society to some extent. It is because, on the one hand, they will take the responsibility of propelling the wheel of society as major force in the near future. And, on the other hand, every second, our relationship with others is established. 【应该说因为socialize才产生的】It may be the communication, cooperation and the supply of raw material, 【这个不应该算是relationship吧】 etc. As the social nature of human, no one is able to live in and contribute his/her wisdom and endeavor to the society without the socialization. 【我觉得这里你应该是说without the relationships found in the process in which he/she is socialized，还是应该扣住socialize说，而且强调一下儿童的socialization最重要，是人们长大以后建立relationship的基础】

Opposite to the second contention, 【指的是什么？是说题目的后半句吗？最好明确一点】 the children today are well socialized in many aspects, such as cooperation and competition with other peers. In school, as a social niche, the amount of children with various characters and personalities are enough to simulate the general circumstance in the society. In the school, children take part in various activities, such as football match and group discussion so that they learn the spirit of cooperation and take advantage of 【这个词组我感觉贬义偏多，用use就可以吧】all their talents and endeavor to accomplish the goals. Also, referring to their own study or other individual contests, how to be the best is always considered by them. The children have a clear idea that they should depend on themselves more on the way to win instead of resorting to others. Therefore, although the schools hold few courses about the socialization, children experience it every day. 【如果你想反驳题目的后半句，我觉得还是应该说我们已经知道如何去教育儿童让他们能够将社会变得更好，那么就应该强调学校和家长在正确的socialize儿童中的作用，而不应该说学校没有教，是他们自己学会的。而且，这也不现实。】

Yet, when referring to the decisive element about the education of children 【开头你说的“决定因素”是社会命运的“决定因素”，而这里“决定因素”又变成儿童教育的“决定因素”。前后不一致】to the fate of a society, the socialization is not the all. The decisive element【后面说了那么多因素，这里就应该是复数的】 is a synergistic aggregation among not only socialization but also knowledge, life skills and ethic education. Fortunately, they are all emphasized in the education. Without the knowledge, we 【不是we，而应该是children】lose the chance to absorb the wisdom of our ancestors and are tantamount【这个指的是数量价值之类的，不适合指人吧】 to the primitive【这个是形容词，应该是primitive people吧】 who also don't know the complexity and roominess of the world. 【看起来你说的ancestor 和primitive people不是一回事的，你的意思是后者更老一点，更无知吗？而且，你的意思是想说如果没有知识我们学不到祖先的智慧，然后会像远古人一样无知吗？那么，后半句就应该说and will be like/similar to 。。。】Without life skills, we are incapable of dealing with the changing things which are not taught in the classroom and of catching the pace of the development. Without ethic, students 【前面用了几个we，这里又用students，从结构上来看你这几句是并列的，那么你把we等同于students吗？混乱。而且，students也不是专指children的，应该更明确一点】seem dynamites that threat the stability of the society. Especially the students who own knowledge, life skills and well-socialization but lack the ethic standard, they, such as the crazy scientists who research on cloning human and nuclear weapon equal the greater dynamites which are lethal to the society. 【观点是好的，但是应该记得我们要说的是儿童，教育也是儿童的教育，抓住重点】

To sum up, the children’s equalities 【你想说qualities吧？】involving not only socialization but also knowledge, life skills and ethic standard determine the fate of society since the children's future connotes the society's future. What we should do is to establish a atmosphere to assist them to form a firm base about the qualities above and be confident in their ability in the future. After all, no one can be taught them【？？？no one can be taught them？？该是no one can taught them】 the philosophy of the life but themselves since life is a private matter.【让儿童自己教自己生活的哲学？首先，我觉得题目说的是儿童被教育的情况，然后，生活的哲学于社会的进步有关系吗？】
【我觉得有必要回过头来分析一下题目，题目提出了两个问题，一是，儿童如何socialize是否决定社会命运，二是，我们是否知道如何去教育儿童，让他们能够建立一个更好的社会。那么我们论述的重点就应该在于儿童的socialization和我们对儿童的教育方面。你文章很明显的一个问题就是没有扣住儿童来说，开头就提出了模糊的students，然后，后面经常说到了我们应该学什么的问题，脱离了儿童的问题。另外，你在B1（应该是个让步段吧）阐明了一个问题就是儿童是社会的未来。但是你后面的反驳过程中没有清楚的讲明白为什么只有socialization不能建立更好的社会、不能让儿童成为将来的栋梁，虽然说出来教育中还需要很多方面，但是仍然没有论证明白为什么其他方面能够决定社会的命运。另外，对于“我们”教育儿童的问题你忽略了，B2你虽然说了儿童现在得到了社会化的机会，但是你没有说到“我们”的作用，你的意思是，虽然学校没有提供相关的教育，但是儿童可以自己socialize自己。最后一个问题就是顺序问题，如果按照你开头陈述的顺序，似乎B3的内容应该是第一段。
总的来说感觉你对于题目的理解不是很完整的，语言上面很多的词句还需要斟酌。加油啊！】

flyingwindUID: 189320

虽然不是改我的文章,仍然对 鬼谷子 斑竹 bow一个

非常的详细和睿智!!

希望楼主能看到,顶一个

haiyaUID: 187989

收到~~谢谢楼上的提醒，还有谢谢鬼鬼。
我认真研究一下先~~：）