issue196 等待并谢谢各位的宝贵意见

bigdouUID: 193522

196 Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of live.

提纲：
P1. 科技发展提供的好处比问题更多。
P2. 科技发展在很多领域改善了人们的生活。
P3. 如果没有科技的发展，我们人生活在水深火热中。
P4. 它也带来了一些问题。
P5. 总结，提出期望。

Now, several pessimist complain that the development of technology reduce the quality of Human’s life and threat the existence of the earth, which is the mother of all the people and creature. However, in spite of the harm, the new technology also is good for the human being, and technology benefits us more than threatens.

The development of technology improves our quality of life in many regions, including medical treatment, transportation, communication, education and so on. Thanks to the products of now technology, thousands of things, which the people hundreds years ago could just think of in myth or even couldn't think of, have became true. Telescope and telephone, for example, give the ability to people, with which human can see the crater on the moon and hear the voice of people at the other side of the earth. In this case, people just like   possessing of the eyes and ears that can see and hear the things thousands miles away, described in the myth in China. In addition, fun and conditioner makes it easy and comfortable to live in broiling summer days; Plane shortens the time from China to the USA to about 10 hours; Computer and Internet lets us gain the information all of the world just at home. These are so many inventions that it is hard to count.

Just think, if we live without all this advanced equipment and setting, if we go back to the condition of antiquity, what will happen? Without the convenient vehicle, such as car, train and plane, it is hard for us to travel between two adjoining cities, not to speak of going abroad; Without conditioner and the other equipment using to regulate temperature, in days too cold or too hot, people, especially the people in poor condition, such as babies and old men, must felt bad, even dead. In short, without the development of technology, we would still live a serious life, in other word, technology improve the quality of our life.

However, with the development of technology, some problems hard to resolve emerge. Pollution is one of most conspicuous amount these problems. Cars and factories release a large amount of greenhouse gas, leading to the global warming and sea level moving up, which may threaten the existence of the place along the sea; The waste water without treatment being pumped to rivers and creeks, contaminate the water drunk by people, and may cause many serious illness. Besides the pollution depicted above, noise pollution, nuclear pollution and pollution from plastic wastes also affects the normal life of us. Moreover, the excess exploitation of energy sources, the development of nuclear weapon and biochemical weapon, cutting trees and killing wild animals, all of which will do harm to environment, even ourselves and the earth. All these problems are caused by that some persons only take into account the interest of themselves or their own country, and some others just consider the short-term interest, but not the interest of future.

In a word, the deployment of technology changes our life. Although it leads to some problems because of the selfishness and the short view of human, it gives us more convenience and improvement. If all of us can think much of sustainable development, the technology can provide more benefits and fewer problems to us.

跳动的琴弦UID: 171113

呵呵，占个座，我第一次改作文哈，待会见！

跳动的琴弦UID: 171113

issue196 等待并谢谢各位的宝贵意见
196 Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of live.

提纲：
P1. 科技发展提供的好处比问题更多。
P2. 科技发展在很多领域改善了人们的生活。
P3. 如果没有科技的发展，我们人生活在水深火热中。
P4. 它也带来了一些问题。
P5. 总结，提出期望。

Now, several pessimist complain that the development of technology reduce the quality of Human’s life and threat the existence of the earth, which is the mother of all the people and creature. However, in spite of the harm, the new technology also is good for the human being, and technology benefits us more than threatens.

The development of technology improves our quality of life in many regions, including medical treatment, transportation, communication, education and so on. Thanks to the products of now technology（new technology）, thousands of things, which the people hundreds years ago could just think of in myth or even couldn't think of, have became true. (这句话这样写thousands of things, visualized in the myths for hundreds of years, has now become true.) Telescope and telephone, for example, give the ability to people(不是给了人这种能力，那不成超人了，呵呵), with which human can see the crater on the moon and hear the voice of people at the other side of the earth.(呵呵，是不是GRE阅读做多了，还是受什么毒害了，这个句子也太#%!#@#了吧) In this case, people just like possessing of the eyes and ears that can see and hear the things thousands miles away, described in the myth in China. In addition, fun（电扇是这个吗？） and conditioner makes it easy and comfortable to live in broiling summer days; Plane shortens the time from China to the USA to about 10 hours; Computer and Internet lets （人称）us gain the information all of the world just at home. These（there）are so many inventions that it is hard to count.这一段建议重写; 第一语言不够简洁；第二，语法错误太多；第三，不要把句子拆得太散，不要主谓宾过分分家。

Just think, if we live without all this advanced equipment and setting, if we go back to the condition of antiquity, what will happen? Without the convenient vehicle, such as car, train and plane, it is hard for us to travel between two adjoining cities, not to speak of going abroad; Without conditioner and the other equipment using to regulate temperature, in days too cold or too hot, people, especially the people in poor condition, such as babies and old men, must felt bad, even dead这一句写得好散啊，呵呵，而且must feel bad, even dead用的不好. In short, without the development of technology, we would still live a serious life, in other word, technology improve the quality of our life.

However(这个转折词不好让步的话用admittedly), with the development of technology, some problems hard to resolve emerge. Pollution is one of “the” most conspicuous amount(呵呵，amount 还是among?) these problems. Cars and factories release a large amount of greenhouse gas, leading to the global warming and sea level moving up, which may threaten the existence of the place along the sea; The(the) waste water without treatment being pumped to rivers and creeks, contaminate the water drunk by people, and may cause many serious illness. Besides the pollution depicted above, noise pollution, nuclear pollution and pollution from plastic wastes also affects the normal life of us. Moreover, the excess exploitation of energy sources, the development of nuclear weapon and biochemical weapon, cutting trees and killing wild animals, all of which will do harm to environment, even ourselves and the earth. All these problems are caused by that some persons only take into account the interest of themselves or their own country, and some others just consider the short-term interest, but not the interest of future.
这一段又只说缺点不说优点了，这样子好处和坏处似乎看起来一样多了。不是让你给坏处写少一点，而是要论证出为什么坏处比好处少。

In a word, the deployment of technology changes our life. Although it leads to some problems because of the selfishness and the short view of human, it gives us more convenience and improvement. If all of us can think much of sustainable development, the technology can provide more benefits and fewer problems to us.这句话不够严密，不是多想着可持续发展就能提供更多的好处和很少的问题的。
首先提一下思路的问题。题目的第一句话是说解决的比引发的问题少，你首段论点提到了这一点，却没有在文章中很好的论述。你的注意力都集中在改善生活与否的问题上，然而，尽管你用了两个自然段正反论述改善大于破坏，可是接着那一段满段写坏处，好处一句不提，这样就削弱了你的论点，读者不知道你到底想说是好还是坏。那一段可以先作让步，说不可避免的产生了一些问题，略提一二，然后说技术的进步也同时在解决这些问题（呵呵，建议而已啊）。

其实我认为这篇题目有一个因果关系，就是因为创造的问题比解决的多，所以带来了威胁而不是改善。应该抓住这个比较和因果来进行论述。
是不是一定创造的比解决的多？什么是the quality of life? 即使创造的比解决的多是否一定威胁了我们的生活质量而不是改善？
不然的话，只能停留在一个表层上，体现不出你的critical thinking!

还有，语法上有很多错误（这个我也常犯，惭愧）。句子写得不够简洁，似乎刻意写长句而给句子拆的很零散，用词要在考究一些。

呵呵，就这些，我水平很滥，天天为ISSUE发愁，尤其政治艺术哲学法律真是狂晕！所以鸟人说的有些可能不对，适当参考即可。End!

跳动的琴弦UID: 171113

第一次改文章，好爽！不过我还不会用那个修改工具，去研究一下，下次用那个改！

bigdouUID: 193522

谢谢楼上，改得这么细心。
谢谢提出这么多宝贵的意见，我会回却好好研究，努力改正的。