Issue151 第1篇 多谢各位批改建议！

DarrenYangUID: 191179

------题目------
High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.
------正文------
In this E-era, the speaker advocates an eyeball-allured viewpoint that meaningful and thoughtful communication tends to be prevented by high-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television. I strongly disagree with speaker's specious assertion. High-speed electronic communications media are framed in this case.

The crux of this matter rests with the people who are using these media, but not media themselves. Communication is an inherent characteristic of all human society from ancient times to present. The differentia, which can be altered  from one society to another, is the communication carrier, media. In China, soldiers used beacon towers to tell emperor about the enemy's situation thousand years ago. Today, we write to our dear friends on paper to confide our feelings. Beacon tower, paper are both media. The responsibility of them is just devotedly communicating information from one person or place to another at all times. How could a carrier actively prevent the things it carries? Only people, who generate information and activate communication, can bestow meaning and thought to it. The speaker covered up essential causation in an apparently ture way.

Hegel said that existence is rational. The advent of high-speed electronic communications media is not a coincidence. Electronic mail, television, cell phone, wireless network etc. have taken great majority of our daily commnucations. They do carry meaningful and thoughtful communication from individuals, to organizations, even the whole nation or earth. Many of us could remember the Christmas movie called 'you've got mail'. From the name, we already know that electronic media plays a important role in this movie. As expected, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan express their adoration to each other via internet and give us a typical E-love story which is happening all around the world everyday. Accompany with the economy globalization, it becomes a problem how to transmit orders, notices, or even company cultrure from local headquarters to subsidiaries located at different country. Here, high-speed communications, sometimes so-called simultaneous communications, help those woebegone managers. IBM Company's virtual office project is an example. As refer to a much larger scope, our nations are propagandizing their policies, new achievements, diplomatism etc. on television, broadcasting and internet everyday. Our scientists even stand for the entire earth to send electric wave signal to the universe in order to get in touch with extraterrestrial civilaztion. We can not deny that communications in the examples above are not meaningful and thoughful. What we have to and are willing to admit is that high-speed electronic communications media are dominant in current communication and do a well job.

Moreover, depending on the advantages of electronic media, they do not only offer high-speed, but also serve people with more convenience, economical and  reliable communication modes. That is why they are so compelling in this information explosion world.

Admittedly, speaker's clannish assertion was not born in the air though it is not cogent at all. Electronic communications media could not achive the acme of perfection too. Yu Shiwei, a famous entrepreneur and scholar, once told a story in his company. He said that two employees could like to send each other e-mails rather than having a direct talk and they just sit at one section next to the other. The speaker might often meet this kind of situations and converge his dissatisfaction on this point. A conjecture without circumspect consideration came out. Meanwhile, people should also not be addicted to new technology and abstemious to utilize them. Just escaping from the speaker's trap, we cannot fall into another abyss of ours.

In a word, speaker's sentence to the high-speed electronic communications media is not corroborated by facts at all. The assertion is a kind of exaggerated personal feeling without accentuating the great function of them. If let me adjudicate the case, the electronic communications media will be announced for acquittal and received accolades.

DarrenYangUID: 191179

写N久，很郁闷，很郁闷。还自己造了词，更郁闷。很多说法不会，也郁闷。。。
就让我郁闷吧。。。。。。。。

欢迎大侠们来拍啊拍啊！

DarrenYangUID: 191179

没限制时间，中间老妈还打电话过来问候元宵快乐，耽搁半小时，想到点东西全忘记了，又重新思路，写完了，自己都不想再看第二遍，不过word检查过基本单词和语法错误了。

里面反正是能用的1-9 list的红包单词，都想用上去了，呵呵。刚刚又复习了一遍，所以看看文章中能不能生拉硬套一些上去。

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

自己找个parterner,等不到的人的..

DarrenYangUID: 191179

酱紫啊，从哪里找，偶都不知道，偶是新来的。。。。希望有好心人吧。

DarrenYangUID: 191179

第一篇,还是想听听意见,挨挨砖头.
偶也是那种被拍必反拍的哦.

likeying27UID: 195699

每段最好 都写均匀点，B3太短都没有展开。
看语言，觉得还行。是不是在学280篇的写作感觉啊？
我也4月考，不过月初，现在第2篇怎么也出不来，都加油啦

likeying27UID: 195699

呵呵，剑心，呵呵，我也看漫画

DarrenYangUID: 191179

感谢修改，今天内必回拍之，哈哈。
你说的那段没有展开的是不是moreover那一段，由于没有限制时间，我自己感觉写得太多了，那一段其实应该并入上一段的讨论。

文字方面，我还没看过老外280。

lakeqianUID: 157560

在水版看到你签名里的链接，就来看看喽
eyeball-allured ?
framed?感觉很怪。。。
rests with ？

B1严格来讲有点跑题。你这段说Communication is an inherent characteristic 。。。differentia。。。communication carrier。。。How could a carrier actively prevent the things it carries。。。
你论述（其实只是用了常识归谬）了carrier不能prevent commu
但是题目要你论述什么？prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication。限定词呢？

taken great majority of ？
From the name, we already know that electronic media plays a important role in this movie. As expected, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan express their adoration to each other via internet and give us a typical E-love story which is happening all around the world everyday.好例子但是important role in this movie不能证明什么。离扣题差一步。

Moreover。。。这段太短。前一段又太长。
有的地方用词。。。好像有点怪。全文基本流畅，还是有点水平的。注意想好论证目标是什么。

DarrenYangUID: 191179

吸引眼球的 这个形容词不知道怎么说，所以造了一个:)
framed 想说陷害的意思
rest with  想表达取决于，由。。。负责的意思
估计用法都不地道。

关于B1
思维不严密，这一段写的失败。
原本想法是说，carrier与comm之间不存在prevent不prevent的问题，他们之间没有这个对应关系，更谈不上去阻止那些有用的信息了。信息的发出和接收者都是人，commu media只是carrier.

关于短的那段
自己本来是想并入上段的。想拉长，可又怕字数太多了。所以就写成那样不伦不类了。

多谢指点！
偶要继续努力了！

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

你是在西安考吗？一会帮你看一下！我也是新手，写的东东不敢往上贴呀！！ :o  :o

DarrenYangUID: 191179

我在西安考。
　
呵呵，反正贴上来让人拍砖好了，言辞越尖锐，越一针见血越好。。。拍啊拍，就被拍习惯了。