issue10 机井高频谢谢拍砖

指向大海UID: 158737

题目
10"Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated." 10． 政府必须保证主要城市用于发展的财政支持，因为国家的文化传统发源于并保留在这些主要城市
正文
Nowadays, government gives financial support to different areas of one country. Some believe that major cities should receive these support cause they are the origin of a nation's cultural traditions, while others commonly held opinions are the rural areas of a country should get more money for development. As far as I am concerned, although both urban and rural areas should obtain enough money for development, major cities should obtain more money.

First of all, it is always true that big cities of a country boom not in economic but also in culture. For example, as the capital of China, Beijing is one of the fast-growing cities in China. About two dozen national key universities and hundreds of institutions were build in this long-history city, thus ensuring the culture preservation and development. The indication of Chinese culture, Hutong-a traditional alleyway, exists only in Beijing. Almost every foreigner came to Beijing visited the Hutong and amazed on the primitive simplicity of Hutong. Beijing city also have a large number of population, secondly only to Shanghai. Therefore, if we invest money in this city, the development of universities, institutions and tourist will undoubtedly accelerates the progress of education and the third industry. The investment on other areas which have no top schools, no tourist resources will be a waste of money and time.

In addition, the development of major cities will benefits both their self and the neighboring areas. Let's take America for example, in the east coast of Unite States, three major cities-New York, Boston and Philadelphia configure a triangle. Such triangle has promoted the education, industry, politics of America, thereby driving the neighboring areas to promote fast than before. Both major cities and neighboring areas were developed, then the culture of the America was better preserved and generated, then major cities and neighboring areas were developed better. So bring on a well-developed circle. The same example in China is the Shanghai-Hangzhou-Ningbo triangle. These three major cities make the southeast of China obtain billions of dollars in the past decades. Even the farmers in these areas can brought Cadillac, which is uncommon in other districts of China. All these examples illustrate that the money spent in major cities can have the best profits.

Admittedly, rural areas deserve financial support too. Not all the major cities of a country are bound to the responsibility of preserving a nation's culture traditions. Due to the impact of globalization, the cities of a world are being homogenized, as a consequence, a nature's culture traditions might be preserved and generated in small cities, or towns and villages. They can also have a profit after investment. But one should not ignore that the culture in these areas was not the mainstream of a nation, and might be harmful sometimes. For instance, in most rural areas of China people light the firecrackers to celebrate the Spring Festival. This custom is noisy and dangerous. A survey showed that about one third of patients after festival went to hospital for deafness caused by the noise of firecracker. So investment in the firecracker industry is not a wise idea. And this supports my opinion that major cities deserve more financial support.

In conclusion, government must ensure the financial support in major cities not only because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated, but also because big cities boom in every aspects of society and can drive the neighboring areas to develop.

G猫UID: 192988

好多天没改作文了，占位占位：）

G猫UID: 192988

题目
10"Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated." 10． 政府必须保证主要城市用于发展的财政支持，因为国家的文化传统发源于并保留在这些主要城市
正文
Nowadays, government gives financial support to different areas of one country. Some believe that major cities should receive these support cause [because] they are the origin of a nation's cultural traditions, while others [other] commonly held opinions are [that] the rural areas of a country should get more money for development [我觉得既然大城市都说了要财政支持的原因, 这个也应该点一下,for development 太泛] . As far as I am concerned, although both urban and rural areas should obtain enough money for development, major cities should obtain more money.

First of all, it is always true that big cities of a country boom not in economic but also in culture. For example, as the capital of China, Beijing is one of the fast-growing cities in China. About two dozen national key universities and hundreds of institutions [什么institution? Institution可指的东西很多,可以限定一下,比如,institutions of learning, institutions of research, 我觉得光罗列数字没有比较并不能体现出什么, 应该体现出远比其他地方多的意思] were build in this long-history city, thus ensuring the culture preservation and development [只是前面的情况似乎不能很好地支持ensuring culture preservation and development, 应该对大学等的文化传承作用具体说一下,再过渡到这个结论]. The indication of Chinese culture [one of indications…], Hutong-a traditional alleyway, exists only in Beijing [这个例子不好, 虽然别的地方也许没有北京的胡同文化, 但是每个地方都有各自有特色的文化,这点不具有可比性]. Almost every foreigner came [comes] to Beijing [to] visited [visit] the Hutong and amazed on the primitive simplicity of Hutong. Beijing city also have a large number of population, secondly only to Shanghai [人口也不是个很好的原因]. Therefore, if we invest money in this city, the development of universities, institutions and tourist [tourism] will undoubtedly accelerate the progress of education and the third industry. The investment on other areas which have no top schools, no tourist resources will be a waste of money and time [不赞同结尾的观点, 而且没有经过论证, 最好不要下这样的结论]
[你的ts提到了economic和culture, 就应该按这个来展开, 先据economic的例子, 再来culture的例子. 例子在精不在多, 如果能把一个例子分析透彻了,就够了, 可以把大学和研究机构的例子展开论述, 胡同,人口什么的不要也罢,不是很有说服力的例子, 而且注意用词的时候突出more, less. 不然从你的句子推断, 似乎一分钱都不想给其他地方给.]

In addition, the development of major cities will benefit both their self [themselves] and the neighboring areas. Let's [不要let’s了] take America for example, in [on?] the east coast of Unite States, three major cities-New York, Boston and Philadelphia configure a triangle. Such triangle has promoted the education, industry, politics of America [为什么这个triangle就promote education等了??] , thereby driving the neighboring areas to promote fast than before [怎么就driving neighboring area了]. Both major cities and neighboring areas were developed, then the culture of the America was better preserved and generated, then major cities and neighboring areas were developed better [这句话有点奇怪, 上面的内容都有点泛泛而谈了, 缺少具体的分析]. So bring on a well-developed circle. The same example in China is the Shanghai-Hangzhou-Ningbo triangle. These three major cities make [make?] the southeast of China obtain billions of dollars in the past decades. Even the farmers in these areas can brought Cadillac, which is uncommon in other districts of China. All these examples illustrate that the money spent in major cities can have the best profits. [这个观点不错, 但是对为什么have best profit 作出具体的分析, 比如有好的投资环境, 最集中的高素质人力资源, 发达的物流, 而不是只说出这么几个地方,有什么样的结果, 不能让人信服]

Admittedly, rural areas deserve financial support too. Not all the major cities of a country are bound to the responsibility of preserving a nation's culture traditions [你这话的意思就是有些大城市没有保持文化传统的责任, 与common sense不符吧]. Due to the impact of globalization, the cities of a [all over the] world are being homogenized, as a consequence, a nature's culture traditions might be preserved and generated in small cities [均质化所以要…没有什么道理, 要保留地方的文化传统跟全球化没什么因果关系吧, 应该是虽然但是的关系], or towns and villages. They can also have a profit after investment [why? What profit?]. But one should not ignore that the culture in these areas was not the mainstream of a nation, and might be harmful sometimes. For instance, in most rural areas of China people light the firecrackers to celebrate the Spring Festival [不能这么说吧, 现在好多大城市都开禁了哩]. This custom is noisy and dangerous. A survey showed that about one third of patients after festival went to hospital for deafness caused by the noise of firecracker [这也太骇人听闻了, noise引起耳聋?]. So investment in the firecracker industry is not a wise idea [跳到投资烟火工业, 不太合适]. And this supports my opinion that major cities deserve more financial support.

In conclusion, government must ensure the financial support in major cities not only because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated, but also because big cities boom in every aspects of society and can drive the neighboring areas to develop.


[小的语法错误有点多, 注意will后面动词原型, 时态的使用.
有几个观点都是可以展开分析的, 分析的时候最好通过比较突出大城市的优势, 没有比较怎么知道投到大城市的钱更有价值呢?
还有这个题目的结论是基于it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated这个假设, 所以最好对这点重点分析]

指向大海UID: 158737

谢谢了有空我一定回改！

对于这个题目偶是犹豫了的，这种因果类题目究竟说因还是说果？我觉得两者都重要可以偏重一方面的，不同意见尽管提

还有每年鞭炮真的造成很多小孩耳聋和眼瞎了啊！不是骇人听闻：）

G猫UID: 192988

对于题目里出现的因果关系，我认为先论证，并且重点论证因是很有必要的。如果你能对题目基于的假设进行有效的批驳或者支持，无疑对反对或者支持结论是最有力的。

另：我的意思不是说不认同这个事实，而是觉得用nosie不是很准确，如果找不到合适的词，我觉得可以考虑accident。