issue134热烈欢迎广大战友拍砖

kkytUID: 188814

欢迎大家拍砖,谢谢了
134"Students should be encouraged to realize that mental agility and rhetorical skill must be accompanied by sincerity and the true conviction of their own beliefs."

I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion that it is essential to encourage the students to realize the importance of the sincerity and the true conviction of their own beliefs, other than the mental agility and rhetorical skill. In fact, all of the qualities above are the integral ingredients for the success.

To begin with, sincerity is beneficial to both the individuals and the companies. For the individuals, sincerity is the indispensable precondition for one to make friends with others. Without sincerity, no one would trust you, not to mention to be your friend. Obviously, no one would expect his friends to be adulatory. Take the friendship between Karl Max and Friedrich Engels for example; it was their sincerity and common interest that made Engels become the lifelong partner of Karl Max. As far as companies be concerned, sincerity is the significant virtues that cherished by companies. A company lack of sincerity may lead to degeneration and even bankruptcy. The collapse of the Barings Bank is a good illustration. Nick Leeson the manager of the branch of Singapore of Barings Bank claimed that he was executing purchase orders. On the contrary, he hid about 888 billion of his losses. The misdeed of Nick Lesson may be regard as a kind of the loss of sincerity. Nowadays, considering the flourish of materials and opportunities, education should especially attach great importance on fostering the students' sincerity.

Another quality of the true conviction serves as the footstone to promote one's success. History is replete with the preeminent who stuck to their own faith. As we know, Paul Ehrlich was the one who discover the chemotherapy to cure the incurable diseases. In order to seek the drug that was especially effective to against the spirochete, he had failed 605 times, until he succeeded in his 606th experiment. It is no denying that just as depending on the true conviction of his belief goaded Paul Ehrlich on to overcome the barricades. Just as U.K. Prime Minister Winston Churchill once said: “never, never, never give up.” Otherwise, a man who vacillates to do anything will find himself to be anticlimax. Therefore, anyone who wants to be excellent should take the conviction of their own beliefs into account while improving their intelligence and adaptability.

In fact, at present, mental agility and rhetorical skill have become vital capabilities that students should posses. Mental agility helps students to learn and grasp knowledge easier and comprehensively. Rhetorical skill is conducive to the communication with each other. For example, in a job interview, the applicants with rhetorical skill will have priority to be selected than those who can not express their ideas distinctly. Furthermore, whether will your ideas be enforced or not if you lack of ability to communicate?


All in all, the end of our education aims at fostering the well-rounded students. The best way for us is to develop students’ mental agility and rhetorical skill meanwhile to make them realize the importance of sincerity and fortitude. Ignoring of any qualities would fundamentally jeopardize the goal of education

flyingwindUID: 189320

134"Students should be encouraged to realize that mental agility and rhetorical skill must be accompanied by sincerity and the true conviction of their own beliefs."

I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion that it is essential to encourage the students to realize the importance of the sincerity and the true conviction of their own beliefs, other than the mental agility and rhetorical skill. In fact, all of the qualities above are the integral ingredients for the success. [开头立场还是明确的，可惜你没有提到issue题目中的“students”，可在最后一句点明]

To begin with, sincerity is beneficial to both the individuals and the companies. For the individuals, sincerity is the indispensable precondition for one to make friends with others. Without sincerity, no one would trust you, not to mention to be your friend. Obviously, no one would expect his friends to be adulatory.[这2个简单句罗嗦，可以把后面的obviously后的去掉] Take the friendship between Karl Max and Friedrich Engels for example; it was their sincerity and common interest that made Engels become the lifelong partner of Karl Max. As far as companies be concerned[这个用法可以吗？是不是你的发明？], sincerity is the significant virtues[单数=复数？] that [was]cherished by companies. A company lack of sincerity may lead to degeneration and even bankruptcy. The collapse of the Barings Bank is a good illustration. Nick Leeson the manager of the branch of Singapore of Barings Bank claimed that he was executing purchase orders. On the contrary, he hid about 888 billion of his losses. The misdeed of Nick Lesson may be regard[+ed] as a kind of [the loss of sincerity][insincerity].[从这后面就得出了学生需要提高sincerity了。从一般到个别的演绎吗？人，公司都要，student是人，所以要。起码前面也要说说：sincerity是人的美德之类综合性的话吧] Nowadays, considering the flourish of materials and opportunities[分词短语有问题，逻辑主语是education吗], education should especially attach great importance on fostering the students' sincerity.

Another quality of the true conviction serves as the footstone to promote one's success. History is replete with the preeminent[adj？] who stuck to their own faith.[又大话了，主题还是要提出“student”吧。后面再说这是重要品质等等] As we[all] know, Paul Ehrlich was the one who discover the chemotherapy to cure the incurable diseases. In order to seek the drug that was especially effective [to against有没问题？讨论] the spirochete, he had failed 605 times, until he succeeded in his 606th experiment. It is no denying that just as depending on the true conviction of his belief goaded Paul Ehrlich on to overcome the barricades. Just as U.K. Prime Minister Winston Churchill once said: “never, never, never give up.” Otherwise, a man who vacillates to do anything will find himself to be anticlimax. Therefore, anyone who wants to be excellent should take the conviction of their own beliefs into account while improving their intelligence and adaptability.[学生哪里去了？]

In fact, at present, mental agility and rhetorical skill have become vital capabilities that students should posses. Mental agility helps students to learn and grasp knowledge easier and comprehensively[不用比较级了？]. Rhetorical skill is conducive to the communication with each other. For example, in a job interview, the applicants with rhetorical skill will have priority to be selected than those who can not express their ideas distinctly. Furthermore, whether will your ideas be enforced or not if you lack of ability to communicate? [这1段比较弱]


All in all, the end of our education aims at fostering the well-rounded students[支持学生成为well-rounded，而不是支持well-rounded学生，都well-rounded了还要支持？]. The best way for us[我们是教育家吗？] is to develop students’ mental agility and rhetorical skill [meanwhileadv.!用错了][and meanwhile] to make them realize the importance of sincerity and fortitude. Ignoring of any qualities[quanlity] would fundamentally jeopardize the goal of education

思路逻辑是[比较清晰]的，
2个支持sincerity and the true conviction
一个支持mental agility and rhetorical skill
扣题不紧，特别是[主题句和各段的TS很少联系学生]。有偏题嫌疑
文中的词语给我印象教深，但似乎[并不都]用的很准确。

基础不错的，呵呵，加油！

kkytUID: 188814

谢谢 flyingwind 偶很惨愧啊,好多语法错误,自己根本注意不到