argument48,请大家拍

o28UID: 160145

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48The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country
of Corpora.
"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards
for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory
board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of
all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time
using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are
highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also
highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less
physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low
expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline
in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve
when the economy does."
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In this argument, the arguer uses the evidence that the regions of
Corpora which have the highest fitness levels are still those have the most
computers to support the conclusion that using computer too long is not the
reason for the low physically fit levels in Corpora. The evidence seems
reasonable at a first glance. But after carefully thinking there are some
critical fallacies.

First of all, having the most computers within the regions of Corpora does
not mean the people living there still use computers for the longest time.
Perhaps, the real reason that these regions have the most computers is there are
more people in these regions. The author does not give the data that shows how
long people use computers per day in different regions of Corpora, so it is
possible that the real reason that the regions where people have the most computers are also have the highest physically fit levels is due to the awareness of controlling the time of using computer.

In addition, the arguer also indicates the recent decline in the economy
is most likely the cause of the low physically fit level. This argument
is doubtful because the arguer does not give evidence that the low
expenditures on fitness-related products and services is result from the
decline in economy. Perhaps, the expenditures on fitness-related products
are always low in this city, or it is because there is a swim of buying
fitness-related products several years ago and the need of products of
this kind decreases this year. If so, there is no evidence that the
fitness levels will improve when the economy does.

To sum up the arguer make a hasty generalization in this argument. To
strengthen the argument the arguer would have to give evidence that
people in the regions having the most computers also spend the longest
time in using computers. To better evaluate this argument, we would need
more information how the expenditures on fitness-related products and
services affects  the physically fit levels, and how the economy affects
the expenditures on fitness-related products and services.

o28UID: 160145

希望大家相互修改共同提高

imjasonUID: 176604

In this argument, the arguer uses the evidence that the regions of
Corpora which have the highest fitness levels are still those[+that?] have[or "having"] the most computers to support the conclusion that using computer too long is not the reason for the low physically fit levels in Corpora. The evidence seems reasonable at a first glance. But after carefully thinking there are some critical fallacies.[Maybe the first sentense can be less complex and more clear]

First of all, having the most computers within the regions of Corpora does not mean the people living there still[can be omitted] use computers for[can be omitted] the longest time. Perhaps, the real reason that these regions have the most computers is [+that?]there are more["most" may be better] people in these regions. The author does not give the data that shows how long people use computers per day in different regions of Corpora, so it is possible that the real reason that the regions where people have the most computers are also have the highest physically fit levels is due to the awareness of controlling the time of using computer.[you've stated several possibilities but not clearly]

In addition, the arguer also indicates the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause of the low physically fit level. This argument is doubtful because the arguer does not give evidence that the low expenditures on fitness-related products and services is result from the decline in economy. Perhaps, the expenditures on fitness-related products are always low in this city, or it is because there is a swim of buying fitness-related products several years ago and the need of products of this kind decreases this year. If so, (there is no evidence)[it is unfairly assumes] that the fitness levels will improve when the economy does.
[no other flaws?]
To sum up the arguer make a hasty generalization in this argument. To
strengthen the argument the arguer would have to give evidence that
people in the regions having the most computers also spend the longest
time in using computers. To better evaluate this argument, we would need more information how the expenditures on fitness-related products and services affects the physically fit levels, and how the economy affects the expenditures on fitness-related products and services.

imjasonUID: 176604

感觉不够饱满，其实还有其他的错误啊
我个人觉得的提纲：
1。时隔20年，前后健康标准会有很大的不同。
2。不能排除电脑的原因。总体高可能在受电磁辐射，眼睛卫生等方面最低。
3。拥有电脑最多不能说明使用也是最多的。（PS：可能应该在人口众多上多说点）
4。花费低的其他原因。

另外这是我从别的地方看到的，也许有点帮助，呵呵48.        Corpora,physical fitness 结论：经济形式好了，健康水平会提高。目前全国健康协会说只有四分一的市民身体达标，而此时与健康有关的产品和服务上的开支异常地低。另外虽然全国协会说健康水平下降是多用电脑造成的，但本城的健康水平高同时电脑拥有量也高，所以显然电脑不是不健康的原因。 •论断的前提不一定成立。论断的前提是经济形式好了，人们在健康产品和服务上的开支就会上升，但这不一定成立。论者没有提供资料证明目前这方面的低开销主要是由于经济不景气造成，或是人们的钱多了就一定会增加这方面的开支。也有可能是目前健康产品和服务不能满足大家的要求，或是服务质量不好。 •论证的论据没有说服力。论据说C城整体健康水平高同时电脑拥有量高，所以证明电脑没有造成健康下降。首先C城目前的健康水平如何论者没有提供资料，只是说二十年前C城一半的居民达标，那么目前在全国只有四分之一的人达标的情况下，C城的情况如何，我们不能排除C城比全国水平低的可能。其次电脑拥有量高不代表使用电脑时间长。 •论者结论武断：经济形式好了，人们在与健康有关的产品和服务上的开支增加了，人们健康水平就会提升。但没有证据证明这项开支与人的健康水平有必然联系，甚至没有证据证明这些产品和服务一定能提高人们的健康水平。结论：论者要加要说服力还需要提供资料显示健康产品和服务能多大程度上帮助人们提高健康水平，而目前人们对于这项花销的看如何，是什么导致了开支的下降。