Issue93 个人责任与外界条件 还要2周就考了，哪位大侠披阅一下?谢谢！

figogoUID: 175735

Issue93
------题目------
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
提纲：
1、        良好的外界条件有利于个人成功，但外因通过内因起作用。
2、        人在逆境中也能成功。
3、        现实中对自己行为不负责任的人无法获得幸福。

------正文------
Is people's behavior largely determined by the external forces, for the reason the speaker cites? I concede that the environment has a strong impact on the action and thinking of an individual. However, in my point of view, individual responsibility and internal characteristic play a more significant role than external forces do.

Admittedly, to some extent a person’s character and thinking are shaped by the surrounding in which one grows up. The fact that numerous great achievers come from advantageous families illustrates this point clearly. Consider the Strauss, the Austrian families in which father and son are both most noted composers in Waltz. The younger Strauss, born in a musician family, received excellent music education from his father, and then eventually became even more successful than his father did. No one would deny that the success of younger Strauss has a lot to do with the elder. In short, it is clear that the circumstance is an important factor in forming the one's perspective and view. On the other hand, only with the advantage brought about by the circumstance one can never attain the desired end. Suppose that the younger Strauss had little interest in music. Then how could his father teach him? How could he achieve success superior to his father? After all, it is the internal characteristic that determines people’s behavior.

Furthermore, without innate advantages, one can still make grand contributions to the society just by persistent efforts. Lincoln, one of the greatest American presidents, is a case in point. Born in a poor farmer family, Lincoln was not well educated and seemed to destine to be a farmer all his life. Yet the disadvantageous environment did not prevent him from educating and improving himself. As a child, he was so eager and enthusiastic to read books that he even read in light of fire at night. Such strenuous efforts finally led him to distinguished accomplishment. Another telling historical instance involves Napoleon, the prominent military genius in 18th century. Having joined the army, Napoleon was often laughed and regarded not suitable to be a soldier due to his height far below the average. His military ability acquiring by his endeavor nevertheless made him an outstanding commander soon. In brief, neither physical nor family disadvantages could be an real obstacle to succeed for an individual with great responsibility for oneself.

In the contemporary society, however, some people in trouble often attribute their problems to the society. For example, one without a job might think he could do nothing to change the situation but wait for the help of others. Some may even steal or rob to attain money. Lacking of personal and social responsibility, their actions not only do harm to themselves but also the society as a whole. It is not until they realize that they are responsible for their own actions and situations in which they trapped that can their living conditions be improved.

In the last analysis, while some people in advantages have better conditions to succeed, what chiefly determines the fate of an individual is the personal responsibility one takes.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250890
你们两个可以互改一下

figogoUID: 175735

up

figogoUID: 175735

谁帮我改改？

nightsky2004UID: 155946

我来看看，但是今天不行了，明天继续。

dotmanUID: 193231

觉得有些不妥

figogoUID: 175735

不妥指出请指明!
非常感谢！

dotmanUID: 193231

我自己写了一片，明天就要考试了， 不想太太高混脑子。 仔细想想你的文章还是由道理的。
－－－－－
Issue93  第11篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：dotman     共用时间：45分1秒     455 words
从2005年3月1日9时9分到2005年3月1日9时45分
------题目------
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
------正文------
the speaker's statement includes tow claims: (1)the concept of "individual responsibility" is necessary;(2) individual responsibility is a fiction. I strongly agree the former for individaul responsibility is critical to the society,However in my view, the concept of "individaul responsibility" is not a fiction but a necessary reality.

To begin with, I agree that individual responsibitliy, by which I refer to the notion that we should take the responsiblity of results of what you do, is necessary and critical to our society. primarily becase it coincide with our daily life experience.  As a child, we would be scolded for oor being late; As a dult, we would pay for our cheating behaviors; and anyone who commits criminal must be punished; In fact, the law a democratic society depends on and the regulating principles any other institutes's normal operation rely all based on the individual reponsibility. it may beyond our imagination to tell what would be

When things come to the issue that whether the concept 'individual responsibility' is a fiction, it is more tempting to agree with the speaker's assertion. Admittedly, cursorily examinatin the surround, we will find most plausible example to support the speaker's assertion. adults always complaint that they have to work; students also are boring the homework; children in rich family tend to reciept good education, while those in poor families have to give up their dream of higher education to the reality to shoulder the burden of his family. all of which seems to knits seamless web in which you have no choice and what we do has nothing to do with us but all thing with the surround and the society.

However,  for one example supporting for the speaker's assertion is more compelling instances undermine it.  we choose to work for our living, we choose to study for the advance of the whole society or for crimbling up to higher rung of the society's ladders. many people who reccept good education in his childhood fail to keep abreast with those who reccepted normal education and fight for their our fates.

In fact, accepting the speaker's assertion, we may risk at sanctioning the society's crime and make people's fight for good situation turn to be nosensical. we should fight for our own fate rather than surrend to the fate; we should take the responsibility of what we do rather than shift it to some nubulous authority. All of these manifest themself in people's fight for liberity, anti-racism, equality and so forth.

In sum, the speaker's former claim that individual responsibility properly reveal the foundamation of the society's normal operation. However the speaker overstate the the surrounding's force on people, while overlooking the ability of human to fight for themselve fates.

dotmanUID: 193231

这篇是些改过的：
－－－－－－－
Issue93  第11篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：dotman     共用时间：45分1秒     455 words
从2005年3月1日9时9分到2005年3月1日9时45分
------题目------
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
------正文------
the speaker's statement includes tow claims: (1)the concept of "individual responsibility" is necessary;(2) individual responsibility is a fiction. I strongly agree the former for individual responsibility is critical to the society, However in my view, the concept of "individual responsibility" is not a fiction but a necessary reality.

To begin with, I agree that individual responsibility, by which I refer to the notion that we should take the responsibility of results of what you do, is necessary and critical to our society. primarily because it coincide with our daily life experience.  As a child, we would be scolded for our being late; As an adult, we would pay for our cheating behaviors; and anyone who commits criminal must be punished; In fact, the law a democratic society depends on and the regulating principles any other institutes’ normal operation rely all based on the individual responsibility. It may beyond our imagination to tell what would be

When things come to the issue that whether the concept 'individual responsibility' is a fiction, it is more tempting to agree with the speaker's assertion. Admittedly, cursorily examination the surround, we will find most plausible example to support the speaker's assertion. adults always complaint that they have to work; students also are boring the homework; children in rich family tend to receipt good education, while those in poor families have to give up their dream of higher education to the reality to shoulder the burden of his family. All of which seems to knits seamless web in which you have no choice and what we do has nothing to do with us but all thing with the surround and the society.

However, for one example supporting for the speaker's assertion is more compelling instances undermine it.  we choose to work for our living, we choose to study for the advance of the whole society or for climbing up to higher rung of the society's ladders. Many people who receipt good education in his childhood fail to keep abreast with those who receipted normal education and fight for their own fates.

In fact, accepting the speaker's assertion, we may risk at sanctioning the society's crime and make (trivialize )people's fighting for good situation turn to be nonsensical. We should fight for our own fates rather than surrender to the fate and the force imposed on us; we should take the responsibility of what we do rather than shift it to some nebulous authority. All of these manifest themselves in people's fighting for liberty, anti-racism, equality and so forth. Our ancestors stand together to fight against the threatening from plague such as black dead, Martin. Luther. King leaded us to change the unequally treating for Africa Americans. Now All these stubborn ugly faces still exist. We should not sanction our cowardice and be subdued to our sluttery, but now act for a more justicial, better society.

In sum, the speaker's former claim that individual responsibility properly reveal the foundamation of the society's normal operation. However the speaker overstate the the surrounding's force on people, while overlooking the ability of human to fight for themselve fates.



Sluttery, sloth, acedias . idleness indolence
Sluttery sloth  idleness indolence.
Cowardice cowardhearted
Recreancy recreancy coward faint-hearted
Nebulous nebulous
Nebulous trivialize trivialize the social societal ladders climb rung

nightsky2004UID: 155946

Is people's behavior largely determined by the external forces, for the reason the speaker cites? I concede that the environment has a strong impact on the action and thinking of an individual. However, in my point of view, individual responsibility and internal characteristic play a more significant role than external forces do.
首段说出了你的观点，应该是totally disagree吧，接着看看
Admittedly, to some extent a person’s character and thinking感觉这里用thought似乎更好 are shaped by the surrounding in which one grows up.这里在说外因影响内因，这个thesis与你的syllabus里的不太对口呀 The fact that numerous great achievers come from advantageous families illustrates this point clearly.这里说得不是很严谨，毕竟Thomas Edison等不少家境不好的人也成功了 Consider the Strauss, the Austrian families in which father and son are both most noted composers in Waltz.应该说the two important members are father and son The younger Strauss, born in a musician family,这里感觉说清楚点更好，who born and grow in a family with good music environment received excellent music education from his father, and then eventually became even more successful than his father did.两个人的成就一定要分出优劣吗？不用比较及直接说是不是也可以？ No one would deny that the success of younger Strauss has a lot to do with the elder. In short, it is clear that the circumstance is an important factor in forming the one's这里one用得似乎过多了，换成person之类的词来代替一下吧 perspective and view. On the other hand, only with the advantage brought about by the circumstance one can never attain the desired end. Suppose that the younger Strauss had little interest in music.这里似乎又和syllabus一致了，但是和本段的thesis确不太符合了 Then how could his father teach him? How could he achieve success superior to his father? After all, it is the internal characteristic that determines people’s behavior.
本段的主题句（应该是段首句）讲的是外因影响内因，搂主又用了大部分的分子来论述它，但在段末似乎把前面的都给加了一个限定条件，使得楼主的观点显得有些突兀，且缺少说明（仅仅一个suppose和一个问句没有力度）
Furthermore, without innate advantages, one can still make grand contributions to the society just by persistent efforts.这个thesis和题目有关系吗？ Lincoln, one of the greatest American presidents, is a case in point.没有任何论述马上就举例子？ Born in a poor farmer family, Lincoln was not well educated and seemed to destine这里感觉有点别扭，可以去掉destine，其作用并不很明显 to be a farmer all his life. Yet the disadvantageous environmentpoor environment did not prevent him from educating and improving himself. As a child, he was so eager and enthusiastic to read books that he even read in light of fire at night. Such strenuous efforts finally led him to distinguished accomplishment. Another telling historical instance involves Napoleon, the prominent military genius in 18th century. Having joined the army, Napoleon was often laughed and regarded not suitable to be a soldier due to his height far below the average.这个例子没有说明太多的问题，仅仅是一些laugh equals to the poor environment? His military ability acquiring by his endeavor nevertheless made him an outstanding commander soon. In brief, neither physical nor family disadvantages could be an real obstacle to succeed for an individual with great responsibility for oneself.
楼主的thesis：environment do not necessarily affect people’s mind 的想法是好的，但是论述得不太清楚，因为对于environmental force 似乎说得不够，或者太浅显了
In the contemporary society, however, some people in trouble often attribute their problems用trouble好点 to the society添上and do not care what they do这句和题目似乎又没有什么关系. For example, one without a job might think he could do nothing to change the situation but wait for the help of others. Some may even steal or rob to attainattain是说付出努力得到的，对于seal or rob…换个词吧 get money. Lacking of personal and social responsibility, their actions not only do harm to themselves but also the society as a whole. It is not until they realize that they are responsible for their own actions and situations in which they trapped that can their living conditions be improved.
这段的目的不明确，似乎无法对题目做出support
In the last analysis, while some people in advantages have better conditions to succeed, what chiefly determines the fate of an individual is the personal responsibility one takes.你的总结段也有问题，不太通顺呀
楼主的意思还可以，但是似乎论述得不到位，很多话说得有中式英语的痕迹，建议多看看范文，加油呀

nightsky2004UID: 155946

Is people's behavior largely determined by the external forces, for the reason the speaker cites? I concede that the environment has a strong impact on the action and thinking of an individual. However, in my point of view, individual responsibility and internal characteristic play a more significant role than external forces do.
首段说出了你的观点，应该是totally disagree吧，接着看看
Admittedly, to some extent a person’s character and thinking感觉这里用thought似乎更好 are shaped by the surrounding in which one grows up.这里在说外因影响内因，这个thesis与你的syllabus里的不太对口呀 The fact that numerous great achievers come from advantageous families illustrates this point clearly.这里说得不是很严谨，毕竟Thomas Edison等不少家境不好的人也成功了 Consider the Strauss, the Austrian families in which father and son are both most noted composers in Waltz.应该说the two important members are father and son The younger Strauss, born in a musician family,这里感觉说清楚点更好，who born and grow in a family with good music environment received excellent music education from his father, and then eventually became even more successful than his father did.两个人的成就一定要分出优劣吗？不用比较及直接说是不是也可以？ No one would deny that the success of younger Strauss has a lot to do with the elder. In short, it is clear that the circumstance is an important factor in forming the one's这里one用得似乎过多了，换成person之类的词来代替一下吧 perspective and view. On the other hand, only with the advantage brought about by the circumstance one can never attain the desired end. Suppose that the younger Strauss had little interest in music.这里似乎又和syllabus一致了，但是和本段的thesis确不太符合了 Then how could his father teach him? How could he achieve success superior to his father? After all, it is the internal characteristic that determines people’s behavior.
本段的主题句（应该是段首句）讲的是外因影响内因，搂主又用了大部分的分子来论述它，但在段末似乎把前面的都给加了一个限定条件，使得楼主的观点显得有些突兀，且缺少说明（仅仅一个suppose和一个问句没有力度）
Furthermore, without innate advantages, one can still make grand contributions to the society just by persistent efforts.这个thesis和题目有关系吗？ Lincoln, one of the greatest American presidents, is a case in point.没有任何论述马上就举例子？ Born in a poor farmer family, Lincoln was not well educated and seemed to destine这里感觉有点别扭，可以去掉destine，其作用并不很明显 to be a farmer all his life. Yet the disadvantageous environmentpoor environment did not prevent him from educating and improving himself. As a child, he was so eager and enthusiastic to read books that he even read in light of fire at night. Such strenuous efforts finally led him to distinguished accomplishment. Another telling historical instance involves Napoleon, the prominent military genius in 18th century. Having joined the army, Napoleon was often laughed and regarded not suitable to be a soldier due to his height far below the average.这个例子没有说明太多的问题，仅仅是一些laugh equals to the poor environment? His military ability acquiring by his endeavor nevertheless made him an outstanding commander soon. In brief, neither physical nor family disadvantages could be an real obstacle to succeed for an individual with great responsibility for oneself.
楼主的thesis：environment do not necessarily affect people’s mind 的想法是好的，但是论述得不太清楚，因为对于environmental force 似乎说得不够，或者太浅显了
In the contemporary society, however, some people in trouble often attribute their problems用trouble好点 to the society添上and do not care what they do这句和题目似乎又没有什么关系. For example, one without a job might think he could do nothing to change the situation but wait for the help of others. Some may even steal or rob to attainattain是说付出努力得到的，对于seal or rob…换个词吧 get money. Lacking of personal and social responsibility, their actions not only do harm to themselves but also the society as a whole. It is not until they realize that they are responsible for their own actions and situations in which they trapped that can their living conditions be improved.
这段的目的不明确，似乎无法对题目做出support
In the last analysis, while some people in advantages have better conditions to succeed, what chiefly determines the fate of an individual is the personal responsibility one takes.你的总结段也有问题，不太通顺呀
楼主的意思还可以，但是似乎论述得不到位，很多话说得有中式英语的痕迹，建议多看看范文，加油呀

nightsky2004UID: 155946

不小心发了两次，真是。。。
我今天身体不好，改的作文是昨天答应的，但是难免有错误，或者语言不当的地方，请见谅。

figogoUID: 175735

感激不尽！