Issue 55 欢迎拍钻，必回改

candybonUID: 194801

"Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education."


Recently, the issue of competition for high score constrain the quality of each step of education has been in the limelight. Different have different views due to their own perspective. I share the opinion with most people, agree with the statement above. Careful deliberation of this problem has given me several ideas as to why I recommend so.

Due to the tendency of aiming at achieving high grade at schools in our society, more and more students, especially the graduates become lacking of the ability of accomplish tasks within limited time in reality while preserving a perfect plan. The cause of this situation owing to the absence of adequate training in solving problem in actual life by contributing the vast majority of time to conceiving ideas without consider the real conditions as a whole. A excellent example is just around me. Recently, A tall building which is designed by some architects who were top students in a famous university collapsed in a storm in Nanchang city mere because of the neglecting the influence of the wind when contrived. From above, if we pay more attention to the capability of dealing with real problem instead of the marks in schools, we can surely escape the accidents like that.

The phenomenon that everyone in school conduct with the guideline of achieving higher score rather than the improving the quality of education deduced by the mechanism of judging people in our society. At schools, the only criteria to distinguish people are their grades with the low probability of knowing each student through other ways such as interview. In order to arrest the eyes of the others, that is making themselves seem to be an excellent one, the students make all their efforts to chase after high grades, ignoring the discipline of finishing real projects. As my classmate Xiaoming who is outstanding at his grades once said (I paraphrase): "The world is not dominated by anybody, we can only take advantage of the attracting score so as to grasp any opportunities passed by. The grade is the only evidence of our capability now. ". With the fulfillment of been a top student or promise of entry the job market, the importance of quality of education is fully overshadowed.

One key resolution to this situation is to change the method of selecting people according to the analysis above. The most crucial problem we talked above is that the ability of applying the knowledge to reality does not constitute the standard of choosing people. By understanding of this point, we can simply establish a system that records the quality of their work accomplished by students. This manner makes the competition at school accord with the goal of education. Consequently, the quality of education will be promoted.

In summary, by reconstructing the constitution of the criteria that distinguish people the quality of education diminished by competition for high grades would be recovered.

kyo_jamUID: 196017

Recently, the issue of competition for high score constrain the quality of each step of education has been in the limelight. Different (有没有人呢）have different views due to their own perspective. I share the opinion with most people, agree with the statement above. Careful deliberation of this problem has given me several ideas as to why I recommend so.（观点不明确啊！）

Due to the tendency of aiming at achieving high grade at schools in our society, more and more students, especially the graduates become lacking of the ability of accomplish tasks within limited time in reality while preserving a perfect plan. The cause of this situation owing to the absence of adequate training in solving problem in actual life by contributing the vast majority of time to conceiving ideas without consider the real conditions as a whole. A excellent example is just around me. Recently, A tall building which is designed by some architects who were top students in a famous university collapsed in a storm in Nanchang city mere because of the neglecting the influence of the wind when contrived. From above, if we pay more attention to the capability of dealing with real problem instead of the marks in schools, we can surely escape the accidents like that.（个人感觉这个例子说服力一般，我觉得还是说理好）

The phenomenon that everyone in school conduct with the guideline of achieving higher score rather than the improving the quality of education deduced by the mechanism of judging people in our society. At schools, the only criteria to distinguish people are their grades with the low probability of knowing each student through other ways such as interview. In order to arrest the eyes of the others, that is making themselves seem to be an excellent one, the students make all their efforts to chase after high grades, ignoring the discipline of finishing real projects. As my classmate Xiaoming who is outstanding at his grades once said (I paraphrase): "The world is not dominated by anybody, we can only take advantage of the attracting score so as to grasp any opportunities passed by. The grade is the only evidence of our capability now. ". With the fulfillment of been a top student or promise of entry the job market, the importance of quality of education is fully overshadowed.（小明？？这例子不太好吧，可以说成是同学间的一种普遍的想法）

One key resolution to this situation is to change the method of selecting people according to the analysis above. The most crucial problem we talked above is that the ability of applying the knowledge to reality does not constitute the standard of choosing people. By understanding of this point, we can simply establish a system that records the quality of their work accomplished by students. This manner makes the competition at school accord with the goal of education. Consequently, the quality of education will be promoted.

In summary, by reconstructing the constitution of the criteria that distinguish people the quality of education diminished by competition for high grades would be recovered.
（结尾段是需要对各段内容略微做总结的，至少老外如此。当然国内的4，6级就不必了）这样的结尾个人感觉短了。）

wildUID: 189262

看到没人给你回帖，跟我一样，倍感同病相怜。下面是我的一点意见，也许批的很了，请包含。很希望你也给我狠批一下，报一见之仇，哈哈：）
"Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education."


Recently, the issue of competition for high score constrain(s) the quality of each step of education has been in the limelight. Different （people）have different views due to their own perspective. I share the opinion with most people, agree with the statement above. Careful deliberation of this problem has given me several ideas as to (of) why I recommend so. (开头摆明观点，挺不错的。不过觉得绝对观点比较难于阐述，往下看)

Due to the tendency of aiming at achieving high grade at schools in our society, more and more students, especially the graduates become lacking of the ability of accomplish tasks within limited time（这一点在本段后面的论述中并没有提到，其实我觉得在这里也没有必要提） in reality while preserving（保持？在这里是什么意思？） a perfect plan. The cause of this situation owing to the absence of adequate training in solving problem（s） in actual life by contributing the vast majority of time to conceiving ideas without consider the real conditions as a whole. A(n) excellent example is just around me. Recently, A tall building which is designed by some architects who were top students in a famous university collapsed in a storm in Nanchang city mere because of the neglecting the influence of the wind when (the building was) contrived. From above, if we pay more attention to the capability of dealing with real problem instead of the marks in schools, we can surely escape the accidents like that. （只注重分数，不注重实践，以至于学生经验不足，带来的恶果。挺好）

The phenomenon that everyone in school conduct with the guideline of achieving higher score rather than the（删掉） improving the quality of education （is）deduced by the mechanism of judging people in our society. At schools, the only criteria to distinguish people are their grades with the low probability (fewer chances觉得原话有些别扭，可能这样好一些) of knowing each student through other ways such as interview. In order to arrest the eyes of the others, that（which） is making themselves seem to be an excellent one(excellent ones注意前后统一), the（删掉，不特指时，复数名词不用加the） students make all their efforts to chase after high grades, ignoring the discipline of finishing real projects. As my classmate Xiaoming who is outstanding at his grades once said (I paraphrase): "The world is not dominated by anybody, we can only take advantage of the attracting score so as to grasp any opportunities passed by. The grade is the only evidence of our capability now. ". With the fulfillment of been(being) a top student or promise of entry the job market, the importance of quality of education is fully overshadowed.(这种只追求分数的偏见来自于社会评判人的标准。从首句看是这样的，但是后面的论断确主要是说学校没有给社会提供其他的标准。似乎有些不一致了，该再好好的develop一下)

One key resolution to this situation is to change the method of selecting people according to the analysis above. The most crucial problem we talked above is that the ability of applying the knowledge to reality does not constitute the standard of choosing people. By understanding of this point,（似乎有些不符逻辑） we can simply establish a system that records the quality of their work accomplished by students.（这句好像是你提出的solution，我觉得应该在更靠近开头的地方明确提出） This manner makes the competition at school accord with the goal of education.（the goal of education并没有在前面指明是什么，以至于这句话让我觉得没有什么含义） Consequently, the quality of education will be promoted.（这段写得不好，逻辑不清，意思让人费解）

In summary, by reconstructing the constitution of the criteria that distinguish people the quality of education diminished by competition for high grades would be recovered.

我觉得你该更好的分析一下题目，"Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education."标红的部分我觉得是可以重点做文章的地方。Issue的题目都该是有争议的，绝对肯定或否定，不容易写。我觉得你文章的第二段就跑题了，题目中并没有提只重视分数的原因，你扯远了。第三段只有一句话是有明确意义的，其他的都很空洞，也没逻辑，不如只写两句，表达清楚就可以了。文章应该在其他的方面丰富一下。