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[i习作temp] Issue64 第1篇拿得出手的文章,同时写出了提纲,谢谢了,必回报! [复制链接]

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楼主
发表于 2005-2-28 21:39:22 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
花了近一个小时修改,大家看看吧。
------摘要------
作者:寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间:45分4秒     454 words
从2005年1月28日20时7分到2005年1月28日20时45分
------题目------
Many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it.
------正文------

开篇指出到处都是关于如何成功的信息,但是关于成功后如何做却很少(同意题目观点)。

When you go to bookstores, you could see many best sellers propagandizing their ideas of how to attain success. When you look around, you will realize that there are many movies, TV programs and friends around you try to stuff you will their idea about how to be a success.  However, if you go on to investigate these media, you will find few of them say anything about what you'd better do after your success.

举例说明从小到大,我们接受了很多如何成功的教育
There are many important points to attain success, and the people around us have shown them to us. When you are very young, your mother may tell you that if you want to be a good child, you must finish your work today. When you go to school, your teacher may advice you that if you want to graduate with honor, you must treasure your time and study hard. When you enter college, your professors persuade you that if you want to earn a lot of money, you must practice all kinds of ability and persist on your opinion. So we have learnt about how to attain success as long as our life.

我们经常看到有人成功后就停滞不前。像毛主席所说的,打天下容易坐天下。当我们成功后,我们经常会满足了。(此除还可以假期它成功后的表现,比如受众人称赞骄傲,懒于寻找新的目标)我认为对成功的最好运用是在此基础上创造新的成功。
However, when it comes to what would you do after your success, we could often hear stories like this: a person, who succeeds, finally lies on his success, doesn't move forwards any more. Our great leader, Chairman Mao, once said:" The work of establishing a country is much easier than the task of constructing it after the nation’s liberation." In the process of liberation, all of us have only one destination- to defeat the enemies, but when we have disposed of all the opponents, we will be at loss, as we have no concrete rivals at all. Besides, the task of construction will require more considerate work and longer time than the war does, so the construction after liberation really need more hard work and be more difficult.  To generalize the claim above, liberation is a kind of success and the task of construction is what we should do to make best use of success.  We, for our part, have similar experiences. For example, I am always be one of the persons who would be content with what they have achieved and think little about what to do next. In my opinion, making best use of successes means you could get more success from the one you just get. However, for many people, success just means end. Only outstanding persons can put away applause and honors, and start to make another highlight in there life.


总结人们都知道如何成功,但是不知道如何运用成功。教育和媒体应该提醒大众。
In the summary, we could see from the discussion above that many people know how to attain success, and also we have to admit that only few people know how to make the best use of it. However, I hope through our education and media, more and more people could realize the importance to pursuit other success after success.
我的GRE作文不会很好,TOEFL作文竟然才3分,我还有救吗?
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沙发
发表于 2005-2-28 23:36:45 |只看该作者
偶占座,明天学习以下,今天太晚了
成功紧跟着努力
幸福紧跟着痛苦
知足常乐,能忍自安,随缘悟性,吃亏何妨。
以律人之心律己,以恕己之心恕人。

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Cancer巨蟹座 荣誉版主

板凳
发表于 2005-2-28 23:43:19 |只看该作者
Many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it.
------正文------

开篇指出到处都是关于如何成功的信息,但是关于成功后如何做却很少(同意题目观点)。

When you go to bookstores, you could see many best sellers propagandizing their ideas of how to attain success. When you look around, you will realize that there are many movies, TV programs and friends around you try to stuff you will their idea about how to be a success. However, if you go on to investigate these media, you will find few of them say anything about what you\'d better do after your success.
[开头的方式比较有吸引力,问题是你说了半天都在交待背景,你从media来反映成功的信息多,教给人们成功后如何做的书少,这只是从侧面反映问题,并不能直接说明人们懂得如何成功,不懂得如何利用成功。所以,你应该明确的表达出你的观点,用in my view, I contend that...之类来引出你的观点!]

举例说明从小到大,我们接受了很多如何成功的教育
There are many important points to attain success, and the people around us have shown them to us. When you are very young, your mother may tell you that if you want to be a good child, you must finish your work today. When you go to school, your teacher may advice you that if you want to graduate with honor, you must treasure your time and study hard. When you enter college, your professors persuade you that if you want to earn a lot of money, you must practice all kinds of ability and persist on your opinion. So we have learnt about how to attain success as long as our life. [我们被教育如何成功是否就是人们知道如何成功呢?这似乎不是等价的]

我们经常看到有人成功后就停滞不前。像毛主席所说的,打天下容易坐天下。当我们成功后,我们经常会满足了。(此除还可以假期它成功后的表现,比如受众人称赞骄傲,懒于寻找新的目标)我认为对成功的最好运用是在此基础上创造新的成功。
However, when it comes to what would you do after your success, we could often hear stories like this: a person, who succeeds, finally lies on his success, doesn\'t move forwards any more. Our great leader, Chairman Mao, once said:\" The work of establishing a country is much easier than the task of constructing it after the nation’s liberation.\" In the process of liberation, all of us have only one destination- to defeat the enemies, but when we have disposed of all the opponents, we will be at loss, as we have no concrete rivals at all. Besides, the task of construction will require more considerate work and longer time than the war does, so the construction after liberation really need more hard work and be more difficult. To generalize the claim above, liberation is a kind of success and the task of construction is what we should do to make best use of success. We, for our part, have similar experiences. For example, I am always be one of the persons who would be content with what they have achieved and think little about what to do next. In my opinion, making best use of successes means you could get more success from the one you just get. However, for many people, success just means end. Only outstanding persons can put away applause and honors, and start to make another highlight in there life.

[how to make the best use of success你的理解是还要继续成功,要守住成功,但是我认为人成功之后应该回报社会,你可以再写一个body来讨论一下,而且以成功来回报社会实际上才是这个题目的背景和意义所在。还有利用success带来的名声来帮助别人,组织活动,都可以写写的]

总结人们都知道如何成功,但是不知道如何运用成功。教育和媒体应该提醒大众。
In the summary, we could see from the discussion above that many people know how to attain success, and also we have to admit that only few people know how to make the best use of it. However, I hope through our education and media, more and more people could realize the importance to pursuit other success after success.

[你写得简单了点,要得高分就必须展现你逻辑的严密性和对问题认识的深度,仔细研究一下范文吧]

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地板
发表于 2005-3-1 00:36:02 |只看该作者
谢谢 pooh,从你的评价我收获很大。看来对题目我还是没有理解透。我会继续努力的。。。
我的GRE作文不会很好,TOEFL作文竟然才3分,我还有救吗?

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发表于 2005-3-1 01:46:46 |只看该作者
我觉得写得还是不错的,挺清晰,尤其是从语言上比较有加分点。
不过我也强烈建议,开头可更直接些,还有B3,这样既节省时间又让阅卷人好找,不然看了那么多做作文再去找你的论点,多烦啊,给人方便与己方便嘛。
如果说有什么问题的话,坦白地说,我觉得这篇文章好像有点带有教育别人讲故事的感觉,有点缺少AWA那种超级论证的意味,所以从考试的角度可能就要打点折扣了!
是不时说的过激了点,请原谅,个人意见,毕竟都是共同的目的嘛!:)
PS:pooh姐姐不是马上要考试了吗?还帮着看,唉,太感动了。
愿无私的POOH明天好运!:)



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发表于 2005-3-1 14:05:09 |只看该作者
谢谢jaojie. 我觉得你说的很有道理。
刚开始写,可能还没找到AW的那种火药感觉。
看来我要加倍努力了,不然3/14。。。北京。。。。...
我的GRE作文不会很好,TOEFL作文竟然才3分,我还有救吗?

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RE: Issue64 第1篇拿得出手的文章,同时写出了提纲,谢谢了,必回报! [修改]

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Issue64 第1篇拿得出手的文章,同时写出了提纲,谢谢了,必回报!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-251309-1-1.html
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