Argument132 恳请大家拍砖

winterblueUID: 194732

Argument132
练了几天issue，再写argument，字数还不到四百，是不是不够？水平好像反而也下降了？哪位高抬贵手，指点迷津？小女子先谢谢了！
------题目------
The following appeared in an editorial in the local newspaper of Workville.
'Workers should be allowed to reduce their workload from 40 to 25 or even 20 hours per week because it is clear that people who work part-time instead of full-time have better health and improved morale. One store in Workville, which began allowing its employees to work part-time last year, reports that fewer days of sick leave were taken last year than in previous years. In contrast, the factory in Workville, which does not allow any of its employees to work part-time, had a slight increase in the number of days of sick leave taken last year. In addition, a recent survey reports that most of the store employees stated that they are satisfied with their jobs, while many of the factory employees stated that they are dissatisfied with their jobs.'
------正文------
In the argument, the arguer recommends to reduce workers' workload. In support of the recommendation, the arguer makes comparison between one store and one factory in Workville and concludes that part-time work would improve the health and morale of workers. However, the argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

First, the mere fact that employees in the store took fewer days of sick leave last year does not necessarily mean that the their health conditions have been improved. Because the overall time in work decreased last year, it might be the case that many employees got sick when they were out of work. For that matter, the number of days of sick leave reported is much smaller than the actual number of days when employee got illness. Thus, the overall health conditions of the employees may remain the same as before, or even get worse during last year.

Second, the arguer unfairly establishes the casual relationship between the increase of the number of days of sick leave and the full-time policy. Yet there are a myriad of variables that can contribute to the increase. Perhaps the working condition greatly deteriorated last year. It might be also likely that the workers frequently used sick leave as an excuse when they are not really ill. Before such alternative explanations are ruled out, the arguer cannot make me convinced.

Third, the survey cited is too vague to be informative. We are told nothing about how the survey was conducted and whether the result is representative of all the workers. Furthermore, the information provided in the survey is not enough for the purposing of drawing any conclusion. Why are employees satisfied with their jobs? Maybe it is the high salary and low pressure lead to their satisfaction, which has nothing to do with their work hours. On the other hand, the reason why factory employees are discontent about their job may lie in their poor working condition or lower social status that are not related to working interval either.

In sum, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. In order to better access the argument, the arguer has to provide more evidences about the health conditions of the store and factory workers. In addition, the arguer should also demonstrate that the length of working period is the only thing that concerns employees.

winterblueUID: 194732

小up一下

晨曦UID: 177893

如果没人看，试试看多改两篇别人的，既是借鉴学习，也是熟悉人口，才能有人来帮你呢。

作文论坛强调的是互动，而不是义务啦。认真就会有进步哦，不管是改别人的还是写自己的 :)

偶是局外人，说这个话可能方便些。勿见怪。错了算我的。

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