issue154，父母社区与教育，限时，部分作过修改

will_foreverUID: 193568

Issue154  第6篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分1秒    657 words
从2005年2月1日10时38分到2005年2月1日11时45分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
------正文------
It is just education that guides us forward when we retrospect to the past; it is just education that soar the wings of our aspiration while we are looking to the future; it is just  education that make us have a belief in the future that gives us optimism. Were I left to offer my opinion on the issue, I would not hesitate a moment to say that as the vital part of the society, education is not only the work of a group of professional educators but also the responsibility of both parents and communities. There are some factors that can support my personal inclination and preference.

In the first place, nowadays teachers who have received a special; training in teaching is the chief executors of the education. It may attribute to the divident of jobs and the systemic educating method they take to cultivate children. There goes a chinese saying:" Teachers are the great men in the sun and the engineers of the hunmanities' souls."  From here, we can see the significance of our teachers .In schools, there exist many advanced equipments, which can be demonstrated by teachers and in succession operated by students, thus improving their knowledge practically. What is more, our children can enjoy a better study atmosphere in school and learn how to get along with others. In this way, our children can accept well-prepared education and have enough courage to meet the challenge of the difficulties in the future. In short, the role the professional educators play is so important to our society that we cannot ignore.

Furthermore, parents should be involved into the education of their children. For most children, parents are our first and enlightening teacher, who we can learn from not only the language but also some thoughts, such as how to treat others, the original value system and distinguishing between good and bad, right and wrong and so forth. It is parents who give us the first impression to the world. It is parents who we trust and admire from the beginning. In addition, we mostly imitated the words and deeds of our parents in childhood and accepted all the things they taught without choice and judgement. Whether a family is happiness or not involves the philosophy and world view of children. Let us see an example about the children of the single-family. A survey showed that the children in the single-family have a high rate of committing a crime or being dropped out of school, for the shadow and the ill surroundings in their childhood. Thus, what the parents should do is to take part in the education actively and optimistically.

In addition, as the living space, community should have a responsibility to join the education of children. Well environment the communities have will do better to the build-up of characters and the future of children. If the community is full of love and affectionateness and all people here are willing to help others, the children here will build a good character and take pleasure in helping others. On the contrary, if the community is filled with affectation and fraud and few people want to help others, the children here will be influenced by what they constantly see and hear and perhaps will do harm to the community or the society in return. For example, recently the family of my best friend moves from one community to another near our local campus. What his family intend and hope for is to give his children a better environment to study not only knowledge but also a good value system. In short, we will arrive the agreement that the community should be involved into the education.

The last thing I would like to advance and emphasize is that professional educators, parents and communities should cooperate together to take on the responsibility of the education on our children and should pay enough even more attention to it. Perhaps none plays a more important role in the course of human civilization than does education. Thus, what we should do is how to combine the three together and make the most use of each other.

Taking into account all the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that both parents and community should take the responsibility in the education of our children with the profession educators unconditionally. What is more, all of them should pay more attention to the education and let our children will benefit more from what they do.

ponponUID: 181304

It is just the education that guides us forward when we retrospect to the past; it is just the education that soar the wings of our aspiration while we are looking to the future; it is just the education that make us have a belief in the future that gives us optimism. Were I left to offer my opinion on the issue, I would not hesitate a moment to say that as the vital part of the society, education is not only the work of a group of professional educators but also the responsibility of both parents and communities. There are some factors that can support my personal inclination and preference.

In the first place, it goes without saying that nowadays teachers who have received a special; training in teaching is the chief executors of the education, attributing to the divident of the jobs and the systemic educating method they take to cultivate children. Moreover, in the schools, there exist many advanced equipments, which can be demonstrated by teachers and in succession operated by students, thus improving their knowledge practically. What is more, our children can enjoy a better study atmosphere in school and learn how to get along with others. In this way, our children can accept well-prepared education and have enough courage to meet the challenge of the difficulties in the future. In short, the role the professional educators pay is so important to our society that we cannot ignore.

Furthermore, parents should be involved into the education of their children. For most children, parents are our first and enlightening teacher, who we can learn from not only the language but also some thoughts, such as how to treat others, the original value system and distinguishing between good and bad, right and wrong and so forth. It is parents who give us the first impression to the world. It is parents who we trust and admire from the beginning. In addition, we mostly imitated the words and deeds of our parents in childhood and accepted all the things they taught without choice and judgement. Whether a family is happiness or not involves the philosophy and world view of children. Let us see an example about the children of the single-family. A survey showed that the children in the single-family have a high rate of committing a crime or being dropped out of school, for the shadow and the ill surroundings in their childhood. Thus, what the parents should do is to take part in the education actively and optimistically.

In addition, as the living space, community should have a responsibility to join the education of children. Well environment the communities have will do better to the build-up of characters and the future of children. If the community is full of love and affectionateness and all people here are willing to help others, the children here will build a good character and take pleasure in helping others. On the contrary, if the community is filled with affectation and fraud and few people want to help others, the children here will be influenced by what they constantly see and hear and perhaps will do harm to the community or the society in return. For example, recently the family of my best friend moves from one community to another near our local campus. What his family intend and hope for is to give his children a better environment to study not only knowledge but also a good value system. In short, we will arrive the agreement that the community should be involved into the education.

The last thing I would like to advance and emphasize is that professional educators, parents and communities should cooperate together to take on the responsibility of the education on our children and should pay enough even more attention to it. Perhaps none plays a more important role in the course of human civilization than does education. Thus, what we should do is how to combine the three together and make the most use of each other.

Taking into account all the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that both parents and community should take the responsibility in the education of our children with the profession educators unconditionally. What is more, all of them should pay more attention to the education and let our children will benefit more from what they do.
很羡慕你在限时内可以完成这么长的文章，你的整个文章思路清晰，主题第一段讲了教师，二讲了父母，三讲了社会，最后做了概括， 但是希望你可以好好改改你的语法错误!

ponponUID: 181304

It is just the education that guides us forward when we retrospect to the pasthistory; it is just the education that soarsoars the wings of our aspiration while we are looking to the future; it is just the education that make us have a belief in the future that gives us optimism. Were I left to offer my opinion on the issue, I would not hesitate a moment to say that as the vital part of the society, education is not only the work of a group of professional educators but also the responsibility of both parents and communities. There are some factors that can support my personal inclination and preference.用这个词不妥，词性感觉有问题

In the first place, it goes without saying that nowadays teachers who have received a specialwhat; training in teaching is the chief executors of the education, attributing to the divident of the jobs and the systemic educating method they take to cultivate children. Moreover, in the schools, there exist many advanced equipments语法错误, which can be demonstrated by teachers and in succession operated by students, thus improving their knowledge practically. What is more, our children can enjoy a better study atmosphere in school and learn how to get along with others. In this way, our children can accept well-prepared education and have enough courage to meet the challenge of the difficulties in the future. In short, the role the professional educators payplay is so important to our society that we cannot ignore.

Furthermore, parents should be involved into the education of their children. For most children, parents are our first and enlightening teacher, who we can learn from not only the language but also some thoughts, such as how to treat others, the original value system and distinguishing between good and bad, right and wrong and so forth. It is parents who give us the first impression to the world. It is parents who we trust and admire from the beginning. In addition, we mostly imitated the words and deeds of our parents in childhood and accepted all the things they taught without choice and judgement. Whether a family is happiness or not involves the philosophy and world view of children. Let us see an example about the children of the single-family. A survey showed that the children in the single-family have a high rate of committing a crime or being dropped out of school, for the shadow and the ill surroundings in their childhood. Thus, what the parents should do is to take part in the education actively and optimistically.

In addition, as the living space, community should have a responsibility to join the education of children感觉也不对. Well environment the communities have will do better to the build-up of characters and the future of children. If the community is full of love and affectionateness and all people here are willing to help others, the children here will build a good character and take pleasure in helping others. On the contrary, if the community is filled with affectation and fraud and few people want to help others, the children here will be influenced by what they constantly see and hear and perhaps will do harm to the community or the society in return. For example, recently the family of my best friend moves from one community to another near our local campus. What his family intend and hope for is to give his children a better environment to study not only knowledge but also a good value system. In short, we will arrive the agreement that the community should be involved into the education.

The last thing I would like to advance and emphasize is that professional educators, parents and communities should cooperate together to take on the responsibility of the education on our children and should pay enough even more attention to it. Perhaps none plays a more important role in the course of human civilization than does education. Thus, what we should do is how to combine the three together and make the most use of each other.

Taking into account all the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that both parents and community should take the responsibility in the education of our children with the profession educators unconditionally. What is more, all of them should pay more attention to the education and let our children will benefit more from what they do.
很羡慕你在限时内可以完成这么长的文章，你的整个文章思路清晰，主题第一段讲了教师，二讲了父母，三讲了社会，最后做了概括， 但是希望你可以好好改改你的语法错误!

ponponUID: 181304

给我提意见吧，谢谢https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=251586

will_foreverUID: 193568

限时没写这么多的，后来还作了些修改的，加了一些句子！

1.personal inclination and preference 是我惯用的写法，在这用是不大好，就改成viewpoint吧
2.special后面跟的就是training，不小心中间加了逗号：）
3.there exist many advanced equipments我个人觉得这个没有语法问题呀，采用的是倒装结构呀
4.我想表达的是作为生存环境，自己也感觉没表达好，正在寻找怎么修改呢。
谢谢修改：）

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue154 第6篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分1秒 657 words
从2005年2月1日10时38分到2005年2月1日11时45分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
------正文------
It is just education that guides us forward when we retrospect to the past; it is just education that soar the wings of our aspiration while we are looking to the future; it is just education that make us have a belief in the future that gives us optimism. Were I left to offer my opinion on the issue, I would not hesitate a moment to say that as the vital part of the society, education is not only the work of a group of professional educators but also the responsibility of both parents and communities. There are some factors that can support my personal inclination and preference. 【过去现在和将来:D不错的开头方法】

In the first place, nowadays teachers who have received a special; training in teaching is the chief executors of the education. It may attribute to the divident of jobs and the systemic educating method they take to cultivate children. There goes a chinese saying:" Teachers are the great men in the sun and the engineers of the hunmanities' souls." From here, we can see the significance of our teachers .In schools, there exist many advanced equipments, which can be demonstrated by teachers and in succession operated by students, thus improving their knowledge practically. What is more, our children can enjoy a better study atmosphere in school and learn how to get along with others. In this way, our children can accept well-prepared education and have enough courage to meet the challenge of the difficulties in the future. In short, the role the professional educators play is so important to our society that we cannot ignore. 【TS需要修改，你是要论述老师和学校在教育中的重要性的。除了TS外的其他部分都不错。注意低级错误】

Furthermore, parents should be involved into the education of their children. For most children, parents are our first and enlightening teacher, who we can learn from not only the language but also some thoughts, such as how to treat others, the original value system and distinguishing between good and bad, right and wrong and so forth. It is parents who give us the first impression to the world. It is parents who we trust and admire from the beginning. In addition, we mostly imitated the words and deeds of our parents in childhood and accepted all the things they taught without choice and judgement. Whether a family is happiness or not involves the philosophy and world view of children. Let us see an example about the children of the single-family. A survey showed that the children in the single-family have a high rate of committing a crime or being dropped out of school, for the shadow and the ill surroundings in their childhood. Thus, what the parents should do is to take part in the education actively and optimistically. 【论述比较到位，不过单亲家庭儿童的例子解释的不够】

In addition, as the living space, community should have a responsibility to join the education of children. Well environment the communities have will do better to the build-up of characters and the future of children. If the community is full of love and affectionateness and all people here are willing to help others, the children here will build a good character and take pleasure in helping others. On the contrary, if the community is filled with affectation and fraud and few people want to help others, the children here will be influenced by what they constantly see and hear and perhaps will do harm to the community or the society in return. For example, recently the family of my best friend moves from one community to another near our local campus. What his family intend and hope for is to give his children a better environment to study not only knowledge but also a good value system. In short, we will arrive the agreement that the community should be involved into the education.
【看到这里我想到了issue130，How children are socialized。。。可以利用130的观点强调对于儿童socialize的重要性，然后论述社区是儿童被socialized的最好环境】
The last thing I would like to advance and emphasize is that professional educators, parents and communities should cooperate together to take on the responsibility of the education on our children and should pay enough even more attention to it. Perhaps none plays a more important role in the course of human civilization than does education. Thus, what we should do is how to combine the three together and make the most use of each other. 【最后还不忘“合”一下，不错】

Taking into account all the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that both parents and community should take the responsibility in the education of our children with the profession educators unconditionally. What is more, all of them should pay more attention to the education and let our children will benefit more from what they do.

【总体上面思路清晰，结构工整。做为一篇限时的文章已经很不错了。要注意的是低级错误的检查。还有语言表达上面还要加强一点。论述过程中多一点具体的例子。加油！】

thinking in GTUID: 195028

It is just education that guides us forward when we retrospect to the past; it is just education that soar the wings of our aspiration while we are looking to the future; it is just education that make us have a belief in the future that gives us optimism. Were I left to offer my opinion on the issue, I would not hesitate a moment to say that as the vital part of the society, education is not only the work of a group of professional educators but also the responsibility of both parents and communities. There are some factors that can support my personal inclination and preference.
（首肯原命题，首句的排比是设计好的吗(just for education)？）
In the first place, nowadays teachers who have received a special; training in teaching is the chief executors of the education. It may attribute to the dividend （diversity or different?）  of jobs and the systemic educating method they take to cultivate children. There goes a chinese saying:" Teachers are the great men in the sun and the engineers of the hunmanities' souls." From here, we can see the significance of our teachers .In schools, there exist many advanced equipments, which can be demonstrated by teachers and in succession operated by students, thus improving their knowledge practically. What is more, our children can enjoy a better study atmosphere in school and learn how to get along with others. In this way, our children can accept well-prepared education and have enough courage to meet the challenge of the difficulties in the future. In short, the role the professional educators play is so important to our society that we cannot ignore. (定义教师团队的重要作用)

Furthermore, parents should be involved into the education of their children. For most children, parents are our first and enlightening teacher, who we can learn from not only the language but also some thoughts, such as how to treat others, the original value system and distinguishing between good and bad, right and wrong and so forth. It is parents who give us the first impression to the world. It is parents who we trust and admire from the beginning. In addition, we mostly imitated the words and deeds of our parents in childhood and accepted all the things they taught without choice and judgement. Whether a family is happiness or not involves the philosophy and world view of children. Let us see an example about the children of the single-family. A survey showed that the children in the single-family have a high rate of committing a crime or being dropped out of school, for the shadow and the ill surroundings in their childhood. Thus, what the parents should do is to take part in the education actively and optimistically.（家长的作用）

In addition, as the living space, community should have a responsibility to join the education of children. Well environment the communities have will do better to the build-up of characters and the future of children. If the community is full of love and affectionateness and all people here are willing to help others, the children here will build a good character and take pleasure in helping others. On the contrary, if the community is filled with affectation and fraud and few people want to help others, the children here will be influenced by what they constantly see and hear and perhaps will do harm to the community or the society in return. For example, recently the family of my best friend moves from one community to another near our local campus. What his family intend and hope for is to give his children a better environment to study not only knowledge but also a good value system. In short, we will arrive the agreement that the community should be involved into the education.
（社区）
The last thing I would like to advance and emphasize is that professional educators, parents and communities should cooperate together to take on the responsibility of the education on our children and should pay enough even more attention to it. Perhaps none plays a more important role in the course of human civilization than does education. Thus, what we should do is how to combine the three together and make the most use of each other.（）

Taking into account all the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that both parents and community should take the responsibility in the education of our children with the profession educators unconditionally. What is more, all of them should pay more attention to the education and let our children will benefit more from what they do.

总算读完了，实在是很能写，pf.言归正传，你的句式很丰富，逻辑也很清楚合理，不过也有拼写错误的小毛病（可能是通病吧），建议可以看一下张红岩托福作文书附录4--常见拼写错误（ judgment, humanities），对于字数，同学考时也写了700+，但是最后是4.0，东方老师也说不用太多，500-600就差不多了，可以多推敲一下句子萨！呵呵

jaojieUID: 195494

早就想凭评了，但总处故障：（
开头不错
B1主题句的不明确可使将你这篇文章大打折扣阿
分领域写很好，
最后强调合并是不是可以在论证一下，说一下三者的依赖， 回应题目？
一直觉得你的文章都听不错的，限时的情况下，功底扎实，思路清晰，加油！

will_foreverUID: 193568

谢谢楼上的几位朋友：）

现在正在修改中

这一篇自我感觉是比较好写的，因为比较贴近生活，所以才有可能洋洋洒洒的写这么多！