ISSUE64 人人都知道怎样成功但。。请指教，必回拍

dot699699UID: 175798

------题目------
Many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it.
------正文------
Nowadays, in our society people pay much more attention about individual achievements than before- biographies of famous people and blue books are full of bookstalls; everybody is wild about attaining success. However, sincerely I could not agree with the remark of the title that many people really know the way to attain their success.  
First, to win success needs people's knowledge, wisdom, diligence etc, but many people especially many young people are opportunists, who believe that them could obtain success by tricks and speculations. My cousin, a high school student, once told me that to go to college is absolutely a waste of time. " Study has no use. You see all the rich men are businessmen. They do not have much knowledge and they hate schools. You know what, you can not become rich without ill-gotten wealth.” said him. I was surprised by his words. After my deeply thinking of this problem, admittedly the market economy along as rapidly increased social wealth changed our lives, made huge influence to people’s mind, and partly twisted their old value. Therefore, I feel that to educate our adolescent to understand what is success and how to get success is necessary and important. As the speech given by the president of my university in 2004 Anniversary, to be successful needs people to be industrious, knowledgeable, persevering, and be serious with every little thing they do. Every body is familiar with the words "no pay no gain", however, not many people learn it by heart, apply it into practice, and be willing to stick to it.
Second, many people also overlook the importance of chances to the attainment of success. There are so many examples to show that many people who are erudite and diligence could not attain success through their whole lives. Why? It might be that they did not meet a good chance during their lifetimes. A famous strategist XX in ancient China wrote many distinguish books about war, however he did not obtain the trust of the emperor of the time to apply his theory into practice. It also might be the case that they did not have the ability to find out the chances or make good uses of chances, saying nothing of creating chances by themselves. I still remembered the story of my uncle, a famous scientist in china. At his time, all the college students should work in countryside or factory after graduation, as well as my uncle. After his five years’ working in factory, government held a national examination to select intellectuals to further their studies abroad. Uncle said the test was easy and need to answer in simple English, but only he and another one of his previous college classmates made trough the test, since most of them did not insist on reading and writing in English which seems no use to their countryside or factory works. Good chances went away under the unready’s eyes.

Last but not least, one’s attitude to life is important. If a person could not recover quickly from frustrations and keep to be optimistic, he could not attain success-success never belongs to a faintheart. To be up-and-coming in one’s whole life itself is just a precious success!  

In conclusion, success dose not decided by a simple factor; it is an organism of both intrinsic and extrinsic, which needs all of us to think and study. In my opinion, success is just as a perfect coincidence- in a right time a right person at a right place does a right thing. Only well-prepared people might have the chance to encounter it!

sailing_yfUID: 150982

从题目中看让我们两个方面考虑，取得和保持成功，但你的文章只写了一个如何取的，B2，B3只写了取得成功的条件，B4人生观与题意好像没太大联系？（个人观点）
请回拍

alinazhUID: 187151

你的文章我接下了，改完给你传上来！！

这是我的issue64，有时间帮我看看吧，我们切磋一下！！
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=251876 issue 64

leezedUID: 195039

You have only involved in one respect of the issue . You told us "how to attain success",which is less entire.You should extend you article on the perspective of "how to make use of the success".

dot699699UID: 175798

楼上好眼力！呵呵~~我就是不知道后面怎么写才这样“偷奸耍滑”了一下，看来还是不行啊。。。555~~

dot699699UID: 175798

因为看到这样的说法，可以理解成：很多人知道成功的途径，却不会很好的利用这些途径，就是说做不到；然后还有就是理解成，很多人成功了，但是不会利用成功果实。所以我不知道，干脆不理后面一句了。

alinazhUID: 187151

No.1  ISSUE64 人人都知道怎样成功但。。请指教，必回拍
------题目------
Many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it.
------正文------
Nowadays, in our society people pay much more attention about individual achievements than before- biographies of famous people and blue books are full of bookstalls; everybody is wild about attaining success. However, sincerely I could not agree with the remark of the title that many people really know the way to attain their success.
First, to win success needs people's knowledge, wisdom, diligence etc, but many people especially many young people are opportunists, who believe that them(they) could obtain success by tricks and speculations. My cousin, a high school student, once told me that to go to college is absolutely a waste of time. " Study has no use. You see all the rich men are businessmen. They do not have much knowledge and they hate schools. You know what, you can not become rich without ill-gotten wealth.” said him. I was surprised by his words. After my deeply thinking of this problem( 简化一下after deeply thinking), admittedly the market economy along as应该是with 吧？ rapidly increased social wealth changed our lives, made huge influence to people’s mind, and partly twisted their old value. Therefore, I feel that to educate our adolescent to understand what is success and how to get success is necessary and important. As the speech given by the president of my university in 2004 Anniversary, to be successful needs people to be industrious, knowledgeable, persevering, and be serious with every little thing they do. Every body is familiar with the words "no pay no gain", however, not many people learn it by heart, apply it into practice, and be willing to stick to it.我觉得这段的例子有点太个人化了，你外甥一个人的话不能代表当代少年的思想呀，你可以换一下主语，把这个好的例子换得大众化一些。语言方面没有问题，用词用得比我优美多了
Second, many people also overlook the importance of chances to the attainment of success. There are so many examples to show that many people who are erudite and diligence （diligent ）could not attain success through their whole lives. Why? It might be that they did not meet a good chance during their lifetimes. A famous strategist XX 这是什么意思？要是不知道人名就去查查考试的时候可别这样in ancient China wrote many distinguish books about war, however he did not obtain the trust of the emperor of the time to apply his theory into practice. It also might be the case that they did not have the ability to find out the chances or make good uses of chances, saying nothing of creating chances by themselves. I still remembered the story of my uncle又是这种个人化的例子, a famous scientist 要是很出名就说得详细点，这样比较有说服力 in china. At his time, all the college students should work in countryside or factory after graduation, as well as my uncle. After his five years’ working in factory, government held a national examination to select intellectuals to further their studies abroad. Uncle said the test was easy and need to answer in simple English, but only he and another one of his previous college classmates made trough the test, since most of them did not insist on reading and writing in English which seems no use to their countryside or factory works. Good chances went away under the unready’s eyes这句话说得好. 不过你这段的ts不是说得是没有抓住机会吗？但是你这第二个例子和结尾的话却讲的是没有准备好呀？其实我想的和你一样，就是没有准备好就是没有抓住机会，所以我觉得你后面应该在加几句，把没有准备好的事情拉回到抓不到机会上来好一点。

Last but not least, one’s attitude to life is important. If a person could not recover quickly from frustrations and keep to be optimistic, he could not attain success-success never belongs to a faintheart. To be up-and-coming in one’s whole life itself is just a precious success!

In conclusion, success dose not decided by a simple factor; it is an organism of both intrinsic and extrinsic, which needs all of us to think and study. In my opinion, success is just as a perfect coincidence- in a right time a right person at a right place does a right thing. Only well-prepared people might have the chance to encounter it!
我觉得你这段只分析了issue的第一句话，压根就没提第二句话。可我怎么觉得这篇jssue的重点应该是第二句话呀，语法中不是说but后面的市重点吗？ 所以我觉得你还应该在讨论一下第二句话，这样才不会跑题呀！！不过你的语言的确很不错！！应该向你学习呀。

我的新文章，请帮忙看看，谢谢：
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252057 issue154
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252058 argu57

wicwawaUID: 199056

Nowadays, in our society people pay much more attention about individual achievements than before- biographies of famous people and blue books（我太菜，blue book 是什么意思） are full of bookstalls; everybody is wild about attaining success. However, sincerely I could not agree with the remark of the title that many people really know the way to attain their success.
First, to win success needs people's knowledge, wisdom, diligence etc, but many people especially many young people are opportunists, who believe that them（they） could obtain success by tricks and speculations. My cousin, a high school student, once told me that to go to college is absolutely a waste of time. " Study has no use. You see all the rich men are businessmen. They do not have much knowledge and they hate schools. You know what, you can not become rich without ill-gotten wealth.” said him. I was surprised by his words. After my deeply thinking of this problem, admittedly the market economy along as rapidly increased social wealth changed our lives, made huge influence to(on) people’s mind, and partly twisted their old value. Therefore, I feel that to educate our adolescent to understand what is success and how to get success is necessary and important. (这个句式你已经第四边用了)As the speech given by the president of my university in 2004 Anniversary, to be successful needs people to be industrious, knowledgeable, persevering, and be serious with every little thing they do. Every body is familiar with the words "no pay no gain", however, not many people learn it by heart, apply it into practice, and be willing to stick to it.（第一个例子应该再精练点）

Second, many people also overlook the importance of chances to the attainment of success. There are so many examples to show that many people who are erudite and diligence could not attain success through their whole lives. Why? It might be that they did not meet a good chance during their lifetimes. A famous strategist XX in ancient China wrote many distinguish books about war, however he did not obtain the trust of the emperor of the time to apply his theory into practice. It also might be the case that they did not have the ability to find out the chances or make good uses of chances, saying nothing of （换let alone）creating chances by themselves. I still remembered the story of my uncle, a famous scientist in china. At his time, all the college students should work in countryside or factory after graduation, as well as my uncle. After his five years’ working in factory, government held a national examination to select intellectuals to further their studies abroad. Uncle said the test was easy and need to answer in simple English, but only he and another one of his previous college classmates made trough the test, since most of them did not insist on reading and writing in English which seems no use to their countryside or factory works. Good chances went away under the unready’s eyes.（例子太冗长，我觉得还是在讲要努力才能抓住机会，且跟前面一段又有点矛盾，建议这段不如递交，说 moreover, chance only favors people with preparation）

Last but not least, one’s attitude to life is important. If a person could not recover quickly from frustrations and keep to be optimistic, he could not attain success-success never belongs to a faintheart.(faith heart) To be up-and-coming in one’s whole life itself is just a precious success! (三段的分量分配不是很好，而且只对题目一半进行了论述)
In conclusion, success dose not decided by a simple factor; it is an organism of both intrinsic and extrinsic, which needs all of us to think and study. In my opinion, success is just as a perfect coincidence- in a right time a right person at a right place does a right thing. Only well-prepared people might have the chance to encounter it!

总的来说，思路很清晰，但放在例子上的笔墨太多，而且观点不够全面，值得推敲