帮忙看看怎么展开段落？

bluefiaryUID: 184899

Issue142  第9篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分8秒     367 words
从2005年2月1日7时9分到2005年2月1日7时45分
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The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.
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I strongly agree what the speaker stated above,  it is unthinkable that a society without question can develop in a good way.

Appropriate criticism can help the government to be industrious, efficient, disinterested, and pragmatic, thus serves the society better. When people actively anticipate the affairs of government, they can learn the temporary policy better, and more or less support or object the ideas they suppose. However, when a government is far away from people's critics, take the Hitler's government for example. He advocated the dictatorship and did not allow anyone else to take part in the politics, eventually leading to his demise of his administration.

It is also true that challenging the academic authority can stimulate and urge the theoretical and technological innovations, consequently facilitate the progress of the science and technology that better promote the development of the society. Copernicus, Polish astronomer, who advanced the theory that the earth and other planets revolve around the sun, disrupting the Ptolemaic system of astronomy. This was due to the skeptics to the authority, old celestial theories, so that he made his determinations to find a new scientific theory, then caused these great contributions to the development of astronomy. While Bacon who objected that the philosophy in the medieval centuries had imprisoned people's ideas, and advocated people should not adore idol, so that extricate from blind authority. Galileo also questioned the authority, Aristotle's theory that the heavier the object, the faster it descends. He just threw two objects to the brae and destroyed the old and obsolete theories. Those people all did not passively accept the established beliefs and bravely question authority, so they can stimulate theoretical and technology innovations, thus make great contributions to the well-being of society.

Nothing in the world is immaculate, authority itself also is deficient. Therefore, people should not be in dread of the authority. And when you find some indications that is abnormal and paranormal, you can put up with your ideas boldly. Even this sometimes proves to be wrong, however, just as a proverb put," to err is to human", we will not make progress and thus benefit the society if we do not have the courage to question authority.

jaojieUID: 195494

最后一段是陈述自己的理由, 不是去呼吁啊!
先说说你的展开想法吧:)

bluefiaryUID: 184899

孙远的书里不是有教结尾可以呼吁的吗？
我是不是还要再另加一段？

我是觉得自己每一段写的不够深入

davidjackyUID: 135962

The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.
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I strongly agree what the speaker stated above, it is unthinkable that a society without question can develop in a good way.【这恐怕是寄托论坛最短的开头了，倒无可厚非】

Appropriate criticism can help the government to be industrious, efficient, disinterested, and pragmatic, thus serves the society better【这个地方是说criticism还是government】serves，考虑一下，如果是government，是不是不能这么用thus. When people actively anticipate the affairs of government, they can learn the temporary policy better, and more or less support or object the ideas they suppose【这段话放在这里论述是不合适的，这段的中心是说适当的criticism的作用，可以直接写without批评，会怎样，然后引起Hitler的例子，然后举美国人民批评美国政府的作法起到监督作用，这样会好很多，你说呢？】. However, when a government is far away from people's critics, take the Hitler's government for example. He advocated the dictatorship and did not allow anyone else to take part in the politics, eventually leading to his demise of his administration.

It is also true that challenging the academic authority can stimulate and urge the theoretical and technological innovations, consequently facilitate the progress of the science and technology that better promote【常常better就可以直接接名词，better the life等等，所以promote少显赘余】 the development of the society. Copernicus, Polish astronomer, who advanced the theory that the earth and other planets revolve around the sun, disrupting the Ptolemaic system of astronomy【句子写的很好，但是主语C，谓语哪里去了，who不要】. This was due to the skeptics to the authority, old celestial theories, so that he made his determinations to find a new scientific theory, then caused these great contributions to the development of astronomy. While【while表示对比，B也是怀疑权威，所以不能用while，后面还有G同学，可以删掉一个】 Bacon who objected that the philosophy in the medieval centuries had imprisoned people's ideas, and advocated people should not adore idol, so that extricate from blind authority. Galileo also questioned the authority, Aristotle's theory that the heavier the object, the faster it descends. He just threw two objects to the brae and destroyed the old and obsolete theories. Those people all did not passively accept the established beliefs and bravely question authority, so they can stimulate theoretical and technology innovations, thus make great contributions to the well-being of society.

【我觉得这段你可以让步一下，说我们不能无限制的置疑，否则社会将处于混乱状态。可以举一些一带而过的例子】Nothing in the world is immaculate, authority itself also is deficient. Therefore, people should not be in dread of the authority. And when you find some indications that is abnormal and paranormal, you can put up with your ideas boldly. Even this sometimes proves to be wrong, however, just as a proverb put," to err is to human", we will not make progress and thus benefit the society if we do not have the courage to question authority.

jaojieUID: 195494

也许每段结尾再加个总结会好一些？