Issue214 第一次贴作文上来，欢迎拍砖，拍我者必回！！[征文投稿]

thinking in GTUID: 195028

Issue214  第一次贴作文上来，欢迎拍砖，拍我者必回！！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分4秒     493 words
从2005年2月2日15时11分到2005年2月2日15时45分
我写的教育类Issue第二篇(限时加修改拼写)，月底就要考了，文章实在是令人汗颜，望大牛们多多指教！不胜感激！
目前的问题：句式单一、拼写错误、自己的套路还没有形成……从今开始拼了！
先交代一下思路吧：
Position: agree
Syllabus: body
1、从社会角度出发，可以给天才们发展的目标、宽广的视野。
2、从家庭的角度讲，家长希望自己孩子的教育是受社会认同的。
3、从儿童的自身发展需要讲，他们希望得到有效的教育----因材施教。
------题目------
Society should identify those children who have special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Otherwise, these talents are likely to remain undeveloped.
------正文------
Why, you may wonder, children with special talents and abilities cannot gain his achievement and reputation when he grows up. Maybe the responsibility should be taken by our social education. Unless certain innate talents are nurtured and cultivated in the right period of development that is during early childhood the potential talent can be no longer meaningful.

In society aspect, she can broaden children's eyereaches in that particular terrain and give them the most brilliant goal to succeed. Obviously, how can a child who is musical gifted come to fruition without access to a musical instrument? It is hard for us to realize nowadays how difficult it was for the specialists to gain the passion of touching the top of a academic discipline peak. But the gifted child need some kind of guidance to empower their ability when he is still young but full of imagination. The social responsibility is to guide them to the academic way.

In family aspect, both parents hope to achieve the social recognition with their special education to the gifted children. In some kind of meaning, IQ, A kind of test which be used to measure the intelligence of a child, appears some useful information to us that the effect which attract us to teach our child as smart as Einstein. But sometimes it may be a fatal mistake which can ruin a child’s whole life. Even these days, when this measurement seems positive, the belief remains that we must take the right attitude toward our children that which kind of education should be taken. As the head of Pharmacology at my university once said(and I paraphrase): “Having a free and happy childhood ensure children to have a healthy and stable psycho state when they grow up, which is also essential to guarantee their being capable to excel in their areas of ability.” So what attitude of judging a education the society taken is also important to every family.

In the young genius aspect, regarding to educational effectiveness, it is more fair and effective for all the children when they some children with special talents are identified. He must be selected and received distinctive education.

Admittedly, there is no denying that without the self struggle, none of us can achieve the success, though the education is as efficient as a society can afford. However, this alone dose not constitute a sufficient support to weaken the importance value of support from the society. When the advantage and disadvantage of them are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.  

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, we may be comfortable to say that full talent children need our society's concerns and give them the most effective education to their innate ability, because they are so young but vigorous that maybe determine our human being's future.

hayden001UID: 195385

一些行与行之间的words没有用到hyphen.

In some kind of meaning, IQ, A kind of test which be used to measure the intelligence of a child, appears some useful information to us that the effect which attract us to teach our child as smart as Einstein.
字母大写，语法小错

a child’s whole life 中的那个 ’是中文里用的吧?

being capable to excel in their areas of ability
be capable 字典里的用法只有~ of doing something.

不好意思，改错做多了，读完后不知道作者在说什么，只看出了一些小问题，sorry la  :D

thinking in GTUID: 195028

汗，论坛自动换行的，不过不知ETS的系统会不会计较。其他的我在查查看

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我看看

thinking in GTUID: 195028

沉了，up一下

鬼谷子UID: 159645

不好意思，答应你了还没看呢

kkytUID: 188814

偶来了,我学习学习

鬼谷子UID: 159645

------题目------
Society should identify those children who have special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Otherwise, these talents are likely to remain undeveloped.
------正文------
Why, you may wonder, 【新概念蜘蛛那篇的语言，不错】children with special talents and abilities cannot gain his achievement and reputation when he grows up. 【这里应该是问号的】Maybe the responsibility should be taken by our social education. Unless certain innate talents are nurtured and cultivated in the right period of development that is during early childhood the potential talent can be no longer meaningful. 【觉得这里还是说undeveloped好，因为talent本身不会是无意义的。】

In society aspect, she【who？】 can broaden children's eyereaches in that particular terrain and give them the most brilliant goal to succeed. Obviously, how can a child who is musical gifted come to fruition without access to a musical instrument? 【不接触乐器怎么知道他有天赋呢？这里应该说是without musical education】 It is hard for us to realize nowadays how difficult it was for the specialists to gain the passion of touching the top of a academic discipline peak. 【这句的作用是什么？】 But the gifted child need some kind of guidance to empower their ability when he is still young but full of imagination. The social responsibility is to guide them to the academic way.
【没说到重点，首先对于培养天才的方法没有交代就说它好了，为什么好呢？另外，如何发展天才没说清楚】

In family aspect, both parents hope to achieve the social recognition with their special education to the gifted children. In some kind of meaning, IQ, A kind of test which be used to measure the intelligence of a child, appears some useful information to us that the effect which attract us to teach our child as smart as Einstein. But sometimes it may be a fatal mistake which can ruin a child’s whole life. Even these days, when this measurement seems positive, the belief remains that we must take the right attitude toward our children that which kind of education should be taken. As the head of Pharmacology at my university【范文通才专才的语言，呵呵，你真是借鉴了不少啊，但是，药理学老师说的话在教育问题上面有力度吗？】 once said(and I paraphrase): “Having a free and happy childhood ensure children to have a healthy and stable psycho state when they grow up, which is also essential to guarantee their being capable to excel in their areas of ability.” So what attitude of judging a education the society taken is also important to every family. 【从家长希望天才得到特殊教育到IQ测试再到教育的正确态度最后转到儿童的自由幸福童年，一直是想到哪写到哪，没有中心没有重点】

In the young genius aspect, regarding to educational effectiveness, it is more fair and effective for all the children when they some children with special talents are identified. He must be selected and received distinctive education. 【你想说明什么？】

Admittedly, there is no denying that without the self struggle, none of us can achieve the success, though the education is as efficient as a society can afford. However, this alone dose not constitute a sufficient support to weaken the importance value of support from the society. When the advantage and disadvantage of them are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, we may be comfortable to say that full talent children need our society's concerns and give them the most effective education to their innate ability, because they are so young but vigorous that maybe determine our human being's future.
【刚看到你的中文提纲的时候就觉得有问题，看完了全文发现你的主要问题不只是论述的逻辑性一致性问题。更主要的是你对于题目理解的问题。题目讨论的是应该不应该，而你的论点全是一些表面现象，似乎是对于一个问题各方面的反应。那到底是应该还是不应该呢？从你的观点来说是应该的，那么为什么应该呢？是否我们能够正确的identify出来天才呢？是否特殊的教育适合他们的成长呢？是否没有特殊教育天才就会埋没呢？写文章的时候一定要多问自己几个问题。建议再仔细研究一下范文。】

thinking in GTUID: 195028

嗯，写的时候一直是信马由缰，不知不觉就跑题了，下午一定仔细修改

thinking in GTUID: 195028

改了几处chinglish，不知正确否，请大牛指点：好像empower 和 innate用的也有问题，看样子这篇要重写了。
Why, you may wonder,(Why do you doubt) children with special talents and abilities cannot( eliminate "not") gain his(their),(you gotta use pluralism to correspond to "talents and abilities") achievement and reputation when he(they) grows up. Maybe the responsibility should be taken by our social education.(Better use initiative clause because those big noses get used to it)  Unless(wrong order,put it in the at last.)certain innate ("inborn" because innate is British English)talents are nurtured and cultivated in the right period of development("development period") that is during early childhood the potential talent can be no longer meaningful.

In society aspect, she can broaden children's eyereaches in that particular terrain and give them the most brilliant goal to succeed. Obviously, how can a child who is musical gifted come to fruition without access to a musical instrument? It is hard for us to realize nowadays how difficult it was for the specialists to gain the passion of touching the top of a academic discipline peak. But the gifted child need some kind of guidance to empower their ability when he is still young but full of imagination. The social responsibility is to guide them to the academic way.

In family aspect, both parents hope to achieve the social recognition with their special education to the gifted children. In some kind of meaning, IQ, A kind of test which be used to measure the intelligence of a child, appears some useful information to us that the effect which attract us to teach our child as smart as Einstein. But sometimes it may be a fatal mistake which can ruin a child’s whole life. Even these days, when this measurement seems positive, the belief remains that we must take the right attitude toward our children that which kind of education should be taken. As the head of Pharmacology at my university once said(and I paraphrase): “Having a free and happy childhood ensure children to have a healthy and stable psycho state when they grow up, which is also essential to guarantee their being capable to excel in their areas of ability.” So what attitude of judging a education the society taken is also important to every family.

In the young genius aspect( 3 ins, don't you think it is too overlapping?) regarding to educational effectiveness, it is more fair and effective for all the children when they some
children with special talents are identified. He must be selected and received (any problem?)distinctive education.

Admittedly, there is no denying that without the self struggle, none of us can achieve the success, though the education is as efficient as a society can afford. However, this alone dose not constitute a sufficient support to weaken the importance value of support from the society. When the advantage and disadvantage of them are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an integrate(integrated capability) and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, we may be comfortable to say that full(comprehensive)talent children need our society's concerns and give (what is its subject?) them the most effective education to("on") their innate ability, because they are so young but(chaos relationship and connection) vigorous that maybe determine our human being's future.