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[i习作temp] issue185,同主题写作,我来交作业!牛牛们一定要批噢! [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-3-3 14:27:41 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
刚开始还觉得想写很多,可写下去发现再要写真的不知道又要到多少,所以仓促结尾,这次限时又没把握好,打字速度与正确率也有待提高!

issue185
Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful.
They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could

Nowadays we can see the news increasing in amount, exaggerating in description, expanding in span. Everyone cannot get rid of the invading of the media into our daily life, and then it also bring some problems, one of which is advanced in today issue, that is scandal. Can a scandal be useful? Do they really call our attention far more than any speaker or reformer ever could? Were I left to offer my opinion, I would like to say that scandals in some realms really can do good to us and promote the advance of the society, while it cannot be denied that it also distract our attention from the main affair we should deal with, There are some factors that can support my viewpoint.

Scandals can bring some good effects on the development of society and our nation. Firstly, scandals can make people working in the politics, academia and such realms be vigilant of what they can do and what they cannot do. Everyone do not want to be involved in a scandal, for it can make our reputation diminish and do harm to our life, so do those public figures. They hope they can enjoy a tremendous popularity and are adored by poor and rich alike forever, or at least do not be entangled in a scandal, thus they will be unsleeping all the time for the sake of not committing a scandal, even more, they will do their best to make good deeds, and as a result, it will boost the development of society. For example, Nixon, the former president of American, committed a Watergate affair, which provoked a governmental upheaval and a widespread loss of the confidence of the government. In addition to the government upheaval, it also made him retire from his position and propelled the American government to do their best to restore their reputation in the hearts of American people. From then on, the political leaders behind him will be vigilant all the time. In this way, scandal can admonish those public figures indirectly on behalf of ordinary people.

For another thing, scandals can call our attentions to consider what is wrong with our society and supervise our government to take actions. In the age of intensive media coverage, those public figures cannot get rid of the ravelment with the media, covering all the aspects of our lives. Via the scandals, we will take a critical reasoning thinking and objectivity to analyze and make a fair and informed judgement, and then our government will take measures to deal with them. In short, it goes without saying that scandals can do many good effects to our life.

Admittedly, just as the saying goes that every coin has its two sides, scandals also can distract our attention from the main problems. Nowadays the media goes around us in every aspect of our life. As the profit-seeking entity, the media corporations want to make their maxim profits, and then they will cater to the minds of public via reporting something that can catch the eyebrows of the public without taking into consideration whether it is exaggerated or actual, for we public almost have a mind of prying into other's privacy and innermost secrets, preferring to hear misfortune and misdeeds of others, especially those public figures, far more than good deeds and accomplishments. Meanwhile, it is a pity to say that some public figures, such as some ever inglorious stars, are famous via some unwarrantable behaviors, which are also scandals. Thus, when we see the positive side of the scandal, we cannot ignore its negative aspect that exerts on our society.

Taking into account all the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that we should see both positive and negative side of the scandals rightly and make the most use of them.
everyone has his own dream,
for this we are flying all the time,
no matter where we go,
constant craving proves your young power!
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沙发
发表于 2005-3-3 16:06:20 |只看该作者
Nowadays we can see the news increasing in amount, exaggerating in description, expanding in span. ( 排比句非常impressive!)Everyone cannot get rid of the invading of the media( media’s invasion) into our daily life, and then it also bring some problems, one of which is advanced(?) in today issue, that is scandal. Can a scandal be useful? Do they really call our attention far more than any speaker or reformer ever could? Were I left to offer my opinion, I would like to say that scandals in some realms really can do good to us and promote the advance of the society, while it cannot be denied that it also distract our attention from the main affair we should deal with, There are some factors that can support my viewpoint.

Scandals can bring some good effects on the development of society and our nation. Firstly, scandals can make people working in the politics, academia and such realms be vigilant of what they can do and what they cannot do. Everyone do not(no one) want(s) to be involved in a scandal, for it can make our reputation diminish and do harm to our life, so do those public figures. They hope they can enjoy a tremendous popularity and are adored by poor and rich alike forever, or at least do not be entangled in a scandal, thus they will be unsleeping all the time for the sake of not committing a scandal, even more, they will do their best to make good deeds, and as a result, it will boost the development of society. (上面这两个句子有些松散,可以考虑重新安排)For example, Nixon, the former president of America(n), committed a Watergate affair, which provoked a governmental upheaval and a widespread loss of the confidence of the government. In addition to the government upheaval, it also made(forced him to) him retire from his position and propelled the American government to do their best to restore their reputation in the hearts of American people. From then on, the political leaders behind him will be vigilant all the time. In this way, scandal can admonish those public figures indirectly on behalf of ordinary people.

For another thing, scandals can call our attentions to consider what is wrong with our society and supervise our government to take actions. In the age of intensive media coverage, those public figures cannot get rid of the ravelment with the media, covering all the aspects of our lives. Via the scandals, we will take a critical reasoning thinking and objectivity to analyze and make a fair and informed judgement, and then our government will take measures to deal with them. In short, it goes without saying that scandals can do many good effects to our life.

Admittedly, just as the saying goes that every coin has its two sides, scandals also can distract our attention from the main problems. Nowadays the media goes around us in every aspect of our life. As the profit-seeking entity, the media corporations want to make their maxim profits, and then they will cater to the minds of public via reporting something that can catch the eyebrows of the public without taking into consideration whether it is exaggerated or actual, for we public almost have a mind of prying into other's privacy and innermost secrets, preferring to hear misfortune and misdeeds of others, especially those public figures, far more than good deeds and accomplishments. (前面一句话也是)Meanwhile, it is a pity to say that some public figures, such as some ever inglorious stars, are famous via some unwarrantable behaviors, which are also scandals. Thus, when we see the positive side of the scandal, we cannot ignore its negative aspect that exerts on our society.

Taking into account all the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that we should see both positive and negative side of the scandals rightly and make the most use of them. (结尾可以再详细一点把观点重申一下)

开头不错。总的来说,结构较清晰,问题的主要方面都涉及到了。但文中有些不必要的长句,看起来不利于理解。可以注意一下标点和断句。其实能把意思表达清楚,不用口语化语言都没问题。不要刻意把句子弄长了,很绕口。语言方面语法功底较好,但用词的准确性可以再精雕细琢一下。
个人意见,不当之处,多多包涵!
Sometimes in order to see the light, you have to risk the darkness.

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板凳
发表于 2005-3-3 16:20:44 |只看该作者
1.我觉得开头有点罗嗦了,从媒体引出丑闻。再简洁一点,直接从丑闻引入就可以了。观点提出的部分还是不错的。

2.B1的论述和论点不是很符合,你的论点是丑闻促进社会发展,而你的论据实际上都是在说丑闻对于leaders的警示作用,没有归到社会的进步上面。

3.B2从篇幅和论述上面显得薄弱。似乎你是在说媒体对于政府的监督。从丑闻到媒体的过渡再强调一点。

4.B3前半把论述的重点换成隐私而不是丑闻了。后面的利用丑闻炒作的内容不符合你的论点了。你的论点是从更重要的事情上面转移视线,这一点论述的不够。

5.具体例子再多一点就好了。

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RE: issue185,同主题写作,我来交作业!牛牛们一定要批噢! [修改]

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issue185,同主题写作,我来交作业!牛牛们一定要批噢!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-252092-1-1.html
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