大家帮我看看，人生第一篇ARGU...题目65

zztalentUID: 170379

题目65  用时45分钟
The speaker suggests that the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses of which the opinion is vulnerable.

The argument is based on the hasty generalization that all brands of domestic cheeses would sell better than imported cheeses.However,the mere fact that the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin is insufficient evidence to conclude that all brands of domestic cheeses would be welcomed.Especially in the situation that the store is the newest,maybe the only cheeses sold in that store are domestic or mainly domestic with some obscure imported cheeses,and from the argument we also can't exclude the special instance that the dwellers living near the newest store are not so rich while buying inported cheeses calls for more money.

Lacking more specific information about  the recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine ,it is impossible to access the authentic connection that  the survey indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. First,we don't know the magazine's influence among the nation.Further more, we can only see there are some subscribers claiming their preference to the domestic cheeses in the condition that no assured number of those subscribers is given.Last but not the least, what does the statement mean by saying "increasing"?From 20 percent to 80 percent is  "increasing",while from 1 percent to 10 percent is "increasing" as well.The arthor only provides a fact of "increasing" but he fails to take into account the possible differences between different  "increasing"s.

Another unwarrented assumption is that the customers of the chain's different stores all have the same preference.Each customer has his or her own taste,though the prices of domestic and imported cheeses may vary there are still many people like to buy what they like for different reasons,such as brand,producing area,quality ,and taste.So if the store can't offer the customer what they want ,no matter what it is ,it may cause  the discontentment  through which the customer may have the impression that the store have few things and do not consider much for the customers' needs though he or she  does not even try other items in th store .This is familiar with all of us,when we want to buy the commodities in one store but find it has few to choose or don't  have the one you want, for more than 3 times you experience this situation,you will draw the conclusion that the store has few to buy and consider it a bad one.So if the customers form this opinion I can hardly say the benefits and profits of the store will be improved.
In sum, the president’s evidences do not warrant his conclusion, to need to do more investigations and research in this issue and take prudent measures to reform the sales of cheeses as well as other commodities to achieve a good profit.

yiyi2005UID: 192894

This is familiar with all of us,when we want to buy the commodities in one store but find it has few to choose or don't have the one you want, for more than 3 times you experience this situation,you will draw the conclusion that the store has few to buy and consider it a bad one.So if the customers form this opinion I can hardly say the benefits and profits of the store will be improved.
you和we人称不一致
to need to do more investigations and research in this issue and take prudent measures to reform the sales of cheeses as well as other commodities to achieve a good profit.这句话通吗?
第一次改,改的不好还请指教 :)
整个感觉楼主写的很好,考虑周全,语言也不错

晨曦UID: 177893

如果没人看，试试看多改两篇别人的，既是借鉴学习，也是熟悉人口，才能有人来帮你呢。

作文论坛强调的是互动，而不是义务啦。认真就会有进步哦，不管是改别人的还是写自己的 :)

偶是局外人，说这个话可能方便些。勿见怪。错了算我的。

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