ISSUE83 环保问题，我的第一篇作文，昨天写了2个钟，今天改了一遍

ZEALPALADINUID: 192560

Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.


     The author of the above statement argues that 'government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. I agree with him/her wholeheartedly.


    To begin with, even a few people could cause great damage to a remote area. It can be illustrated by an example of the documentary from The Discovery Channel which is about the protection of the Asian Tiger in Russia. The number of Asian Tigers, that live in the remote mountains far away from cities in Russia, decreased sharply in the early 80's of the past century because hunters killed a large number of Asian Tigers and brought the hides, that can be sold at a very high price, to illegal markets all over the world. The number of the hunters chasing Asian Tigers is small, while the number of Asian Tigers they caught is fairly a large one. The diminishing Asian Tigers broke the local ecosystem seriously and it aroused attention of the biologists through out the world about the extinction of the species of Asian Tigers. At last, the local government had to legislate to protect the areas where Asian Tigers live under the pressure from international medias.


    Furthermore, even a remote area can bright serious damage to the whole environment. For instance, in my hometown, a river has flew by the city for hundreds of years, and the origin of the river lies in mountains which is miles away from the city and accessible to only a few people. But water in the river become slim in the past few years due to the loss of enormous trees that maintained the balance of the ecosystem in the mountains. Factories chopped down the trees to make money, in the meantime, destroyed the ecosystem around the origin of the river, so water in the river is no more limpid and people in my hometown can catch no organism in the river which teemed with fish.


    Last but not least, the wildest area will disappear without the protection of the government. The wild area of Tropical Rain Forest of Amazon, which has been called the lung of the earth, was confronted with the threatening of vanishing in the past decades. There are so many people who want to bring out the lumber of the forest to make profit that the proportion of the forest waned sharply through out the night before the local government realized that certain legislation should be instituted to impede the threatening. It is so important that even the United Nations has been concerned.  The lung of the earth breathes again for the effort of the local government and the concern all over the world, although is threatening still exists.

    To sum up, environment is the most precious treasure of human beings even in the wilderness area, and not only governments but every single individual should have the idea of protecting the environment, or our offspring can only play with themselves.

ZEALPALADINUID: 192560

顶一下

晨曦UID: 177893

如果没人看，试试看多改两篇别人的，既是借鉴学习，也是熟悉人口，才能有人来帮你呢。

作文论坛强调的是互动，而不是义务啦。认真就会有进步哦，不管是改别人的还是写自己的

偶是局外人，说这个话可能方便些。勿见怪。错了算我的。

PS:可以利用页面下方的工具条来找 0回复 的文章的 —— 按照 “回复数量” 以 “降序” 排列......

ZEALPALADINUID: 192560

感谢楼上的提醒，因为我的水平实在有限，自己写还要憋好久，看到别人的文章更是不知如何下手去改，惭愧

wicwawaUID: 199056

The author of the above statement argues that '（删了'）government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. I agree with him/her wholeheartedly.（开头应该更活一点，至少paraphrase the speaker’s attitude ）


To begin with, even a few people could cause great damage to a remote area. It can be illustrated by an example of the documentary from The Discovery Channel which is about the protection of the Asian Tiger in Russia. The number of Asian Tigers, that live in the remote mountains far away from cities in Russia, decreased sharply in the early 80's of the past century because hunters killed a large number of Asian Tigers and brought the hides, that can be sold at a very high price, to illegal markets all over the world. The number of the hunters chasing Asian Tigers is small, while the number of Asian Tigers they caught is fairly a large one. The diminishing Asian Tigers broke the local ecosystem seriously and it aroused attention of the biologists through out the world about the extinction of the species of Asian Tigers(个人觉得该继续讲对wild area 的破坏了). At last, the local government had to legislate to protect the areas where Asian Tigers live under the pressure from international medias.（一定要总结）


Furthermore, even a remote area can bright serious damage to the whole environment.（你再读一遍，错了把） For instance, in my hometown, a river has flew （是flowed）by the city for hundreds of years, and the origin of the river lies in mountains which is miles away from the city and accessible to only a few people. But water(流量是flow capacity) in the river become(becomes) slim in the past few years due to the loss of enormous trees that maintained the balance of the ecosystem in the mountains. Factories chopped down the trees to make money, in the meantime, destroyed the ecosystem around the origin of the river, so water in the river is no more limpid and people in my hometown can catch no organism(organism 多指微生物，这里用aquatic products) in the river which teemed with fish.(我觉得这段应加一些论证，)


Last but not least, the wildest area will disappear without the protection of the government. The wild area of Tropical Rain Forest of Amazon, which has been called the lung of the earth, was confronted with the threatening of vanishing in the past decades. There are so many people who want to bring out the lumber of the forest to make profit that the proportion（production） of the forest (是木材，timber)waned sharply through out the night before the local government realized that certain legislation should be instituted to impede the threatening(threaten). It is so important that even the United Nations has been concerned. The lung of the earth breathes again for the effort of the local government and the concern all over the world, although is threatening still exists.

To sum up, environment is the most precious treasure of human beings even in the wilderness area, and not only governments but every single individual should have the idea of protecting the environment, or our offspring can only play with themselves.(最后总结不要提新观点，你没l论证individual也要　protect)
总的来说，列字很详细，这很好，比罗列大量例子好多了，我要向你学习
但论证方面要加强啊。

dot699699UID: 175798

意见和楼上差不多啊
补充2点：中心句的概括要加强，很重要的；
          语言上再稍微ACADEMIC一点。

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

占座。晚上交。如果忘记了，你要提醒我。咔咔

山坡羊UID: 169978

The author of the above statement argues that 'government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. I agree with him/her wholeheartedly.


To begin with, even a few people could cause great damage to a remote area. It can be illustrated by an example of the documentary from The Discovery Channel which is about the protection of the Asian Tiger in Russia. The number of Asian Tigers, that live in the remote mountains far away from cities in Russia, decreased sharply in the early 80's of the past century because hunters killed a large number of Asian Tigers and brought the hides, that can be sold at a very high price, to illegal markets all over the world. The number of the hunters chasing Asian Tigers is small, while the number of Asian Tigers they caught is fairly a large one. The diminishing Asian Tigers broke the local ecosystem seriously and it aroused attention of the biologists through out the world about the extinction of the species of Asian Tigers. At last, the local government had to legislate to protect the areas where Asian Tigers live under the pressure from international medias.[例子很有说服力]


Furthermore, even a remote area can bright serious damage to the whole environment. For instance, in my hometown, a river has flew by the city for hundreds of years, and the origin of the river lies in mountains which is miles away from the city and accessible to only a few people. But water in the river become slim in the past few years due to the loss of enormous trees that maintained the balance of the ecosystem in the mountains. Factories chopped down the trees to make money, in the meantime, destroyed the ecosystem around the origin of the river, so water in the river is no more limpid and people in my hometown can catch no organism in the river which teemed with fish.


Last but not least, the wildest area will disappear without the protection of the government. The wild area of Tropical Rain Forest of Amazon, which has been called the lung of the earth, was confronted with the threatening of vanishing in the past decades. There are so many people who want to bring out the lumber of the forest to make profit that the proportion of the forest waned sharply through out the night before the local government realized that certain legislation should be instituted to impede the threatening. It is so important that even the United Nations has been concerned. The lung of the earth breathes again for the effort of the local government and the concern all over the world, although is threatening still exists.

To sum up, environment is the most precious treasure of human beings even in the wilderness area, and not only governments but every single individual should have the idea of protecting the environment, or our offspring can only play with themselves.
[语言楼上指出了不多说，我觉得结构上，2和3都说破坏的危害有些相似。
我的提纲：
1荒野有很重要的意义
2荒野很容易被人破坏（可以展开，被盗猎，被开发）
3要注意保护的方法
仅供参考]

iverUID: 198348

No.1 ISSUE83 环保问题，我的第一篇作文，昨天写了2个钟，今天改了一遍
Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.


The author of the above statement 可以简单的用speaker代替 argues that 'government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. 直接将作者的话照搬 is not wiseI agree with him/her wholeheartedly.


To begin with, even a few people could cause great damage to a remote area. It can be illustrated by an example of the documentary from The Discovery Channel which is about the protection of the Asian Tiger in Russia. The number of Asian Tigers, that which live in the remote mountains far away from cities in Russia, decreased sharply in the early 80's of the past century because hunters killed a large number of Asian Tigers and brought the hides, that can be sold at a very high price, to illegal markets all over the world. The number of the hunters chasing Asian Tigers is small, while the number of Asian Tigers they caught is fairly a large one. The diminishing Asian Tigers broke the local ecosystem seriously and it aroused attention of the biologists through out the world about the extinction of the species of Asian Tigers. At last, the local government had to legislate to protect the areas where Asian Tigers live under the pressure from international medias. 例子举的很有说服力，但是有点长了。并且最后能加以总结，比如说：即使很少的人，也能对remote wilderness具有很大的破坏力


Furthermore, even a remote area can bright serious damage to the whole environment. For instance, in my hometown, a river has flew by the city for hundreds of years, and the origin of the river lies in mountains which is miles away from the city and accessible to only a few people. But water in the river become slim in the past few years due to the loss of enormous trees that maintained the balance of the ecosystem in the mountains. Factories chopped down the trees to make money, in the meantime, destroyed the ecosystem around the origin of the river, so water in the river is no more limpid and people in my hometown can catch no organism in the river ， which teemed with fish.


Last but not least, the wildest area will disappear without the protection of the government. The wild area of Tropical Rain Forest of Amazon, which has been called the lung of the earth, was confronted with the threatening of vanishing in the past decades. There are so many people who want to bring out the lumber of the forest to make profit that the proportion of the forest waned sharply through out the night before the local government realized that certain legislation should be instituted to impede the threatening. It is so important that even the United Nations has been concerned. The lung of the earth breathes again for the effort of the local government and the concern all over the world, although is threatening still exists.

To sum up, environment is the most precious treasure of human beings even in the wilderness area, and not only governments but every single individual should have the idea of be responsible for protecting the environment, or our offspring can only play with themselves.

virathenaUID: 191035

Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.


The author of the above statement argues that 'government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. I agree with him/her wholeheartedly.
[I]这段话作为开头不够吸引人，只是题目的重复，其实重复也可以，但是要至少要变换句式，要不感觉只是看了两遍题目[/I]
To begin with, even a few people could cause great damage to a remote area. It can be illustrated by an example of the documentary from The Discovery Channel which is about the protection of the Asian Tiger in Russia. The number of Asian Tigers, that live in the remote mountains far away from cities in Russia, decreased sharply in the early 80's of the past century because hunters killed a large number of Asian Tigers and brought the hides, that can be sold at a very high price, to illegal markets all over the world. The number of the hunters chasing Asian Tigers is small, while the number of Asian Tigers they caught is fairly a large one. The diminishing Asian Tigers broke the local ecosystem seriously and it aroused attention of the biologists through out the world about the extinction of the species of Asian Tigers. At last, the local government had to legislate to protect the areas where Asian Tigers live under the pressure from international medias.

[I]这段几乎全被例子占了，有例子是好的，但是要有分析，没有分析的例子是苍白的[/I]

Furthermore, even a remote area can bright serious damage to the whole environment. For instance, in my hometown, a river has flew by the city for hundreds of years, and the origin of the river lies in mountains which is miles away from the city and accessible to only a few people. But water in the river become slim in the past few years due to the loss of enormous trees that maintained the balance of the ecosystem in the mountains. Factories chopped down the trees to make money, in the meantime, destroyed the ecosystem around the origin of the river, so water in the river is no more limpid and people in my hometown can catch no organism in the river which teemed with fish.

[I]as mentioned above[/I]


Last but not least, the wildest area will disappear without the protection of the government. The wild area of Tropical Rain Forest of Amazon, which has been called the lung of the earth, was confronted with the threatening of vanishing in the past decades. There are so many people who want to bring out the lumber of the forest to make profit that the proportion of the forest waned sharply through out the night before the local government realized that certain legislation should be instituted to impede the threatening. It is so important that even the United Nations has been concerned. The lung of the earth breathes again for the effort of the local government and the concern all over the world, although is threatening still exists.
[I]题目说的是每人去的地方吧，这段的例子好像不太切题哦，而且……又几乎全被例子占了[/I]

To sum up, environment is the most precious treasure of human beings even in the wilderness area, and not only governments but every single individual should have the idea of protecting the environment, or our offspring can only play with themselves.
[I]这段忽然话锋一转，提到可持续发展了 :p 但是好像很突然哦，作为最后一段，是否应当适当的总结一下呢？还有or our offspring can only play with themselves.有点别扭[/I]