[color=#FF0000]Argument1 欢迎拍呀！ 我必回拍的 24小时 留一个连接我必看！[/c

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

[Argument1 欢迎拍呀！ 我必回拍的 24小时 留一个连接我必看！]
Argument1  第5篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
------题目------
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
'Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.'
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The author of this argument claims that the company should build their next new store in Plainsivllle. To support her assumption the author also claims that Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The author also cites that the local health club which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business has more numbers than ever and a new generation of customers will appear. Close scrutiny of this evidence reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's assertion.

The author bases her claim partly on the fact that the report of Plainsville merchants about the number of sales about running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. However, the author provides no evidence that the number of other productions which local residents who are highly concerned with leading healthy lives need. Lacking such evidence, it is equally possibly that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time cause by the competition of sports such as long running sport. Besides, the author does not provides any information about the price of sunning shoes and exercises clothing. Perhaps it is possibly that the price of running and exercise clothing is low so many people buy them.

To further bases her claim, the author cites the fact that the local health club which nearly closed are very successful now. However, the author overlooks the possibility the reason about leading the health club to lacking of business five years ago, Moreover, the unsuccessful state in five years can readily be explained by factors than the residents are not concerned with leading healthy lives. Perhaps the club was not at a denser geographic area, or an area where turnover in home-ownership is higher for reasons unrelated to the realization of healthy, and that the quality of service was not good, the management of club was bad. Without ruling out such alternative explainable for the reasons about leading the club to lacking of business, the author cannot defend the conclusion that based on this evidence that resident are highly concerned with leading healthy lives.

In further support of her claim the author point out that schoolchildren will be new generation of customers because they are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program. However, the author provides no evidence that schoolchildren will consume in our stores. Moreover, it is possibly be explained that the schoolchildren are required to attend the 'fitness for life' program, but many of them don't like it. Perhaps the program failed to make the schoolchildren have the realization about healthy. Without establishing that all other factors affecting the program, the author cannot rely on this limited anecdotal evidence to support her claim.

In conclusion, the author's evidence lends little credible support to her claim. To persuade me that the company will benefit in Plainsville, the author would need to provide clear evidence that all state about the sales of production are all-time highs, and that the health club are better now cause by that people are highly concerned with leading healthy lives in the local. Finally, to better evaluate the author's claim we would need more information the program.

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=252321

当阳光照遍每个角落
心情像风般漂泊不停留
抛开界限 快乐行走
我有属于自己的方式做梦

西安外国语学院 3月25日

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

记得留一一个连接啊
多了我不知道是哪个的  嗬嗬！

wenchuanjingUID: 190091

You are so strong!
I have to speak highly of you.
Come on!

naiba369UID: 131655

建议楼主还是用黑色的标题

以配合版主的工作

peripateticUID: 198920

Maybe you should correct your spelling and simple gramatical errors before posting.
It's hard to read you know...=)

croushonUID: 195704

顶芽

yiyi2005UID: 192894

The author of this argument claims that the company should build their next new storestores in Plainsivllle. To support her assumption是claim吧? the author also claims that Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The author also cites that the local health club which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business has more numbers than ever and a new generation of customers will appear. Close scrutiny of this evidence reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's assertion.

The author bases her claim partly on the fact that the report of Plainsville merchants about the number of sales about running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs.too many "about" However, the author provides no evidence that the number of other productionsproducts which local residents who are highly concerned with leading healthy lives need.结构有问题 Lacking such evidence, it is equally possibly that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time cause by the competition of sports such as long running sport. Besides, the author does not provides any information about the priceprices of sunning shoes and exercises clothing. Perhaps it is possibly that the price of running and exercise clothing is low so many people buy them.

To further bases her claim,is there a saying like thisthe author cites the fact that the local health club which nearly closed are very successful now. However, the author overlooks the possibility the reason about leading the health club to lacking of business five years ago, Moreover, the unsuccessful state in five years can readily be explained by factors than the residents are not concerned with leading healthy lives. Perhaps the club was not at a denser geographic area, or an area where turnover in home-ownership is higher for reasons unrelated to the realization of healthy, and that the quality of service was not good, the management of club was bad. Without ruling out such alternative explainable factorsfor the reasons about leading the club to lacking of business, the author cannot defend the conclusion that based on this evidence that resident are highly concerned with leading healthy lives.感觉语言较乱

In further support of her claim the author point out that schoolchildren will be new generation of customers because they are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program. However, the author provides no evidence that schoolchildren will consume in our stores. Moreover, it is possibly be explained that the schoolchildren are required to attend the 'fitness for life' program, but many of them don't like it. Perhaps the program failed to make the schoolchildren have the realization aboutrealize healthyhealth. Without establishing that all other factors affecting the program, the author cannot rely on this limited anecdotal evidence to support her claim.

错误都找出来了,但很多语言问题,建议楼主先贴到word里看看.
第二次给别人改,改的不好,请指教

chinhoiUID: 173262

楼上的改得比较仔细了，我再改了下第二段
感觉语言要加强，不然对你的论证还是有影响的
论证本身问题不大
还有开头结尾都可以再简洁些

The author of this argument claims that the company should build their next new store in Plainsivllle. To support her assumption the author also claims that Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The author also cites that the local health club which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business has more numbers than ever and a new generation of customers will appear. Close scrutiny of this evidence reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's assertion.
你这里不必把每个论据都写一遍的，下面的段落又重复，会显得罗嗦。北美范文里面的开头连作者自己都不推荐的

The author bases her claim partly on the fact that the report of Plainsville merchants about the number of sales about running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. However, the author provides no evidence that the number of other productions which local residents who are highly concerned with leading healthy lives need. Lacking such evidence, it is equally possibly that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time cause by the competition of sports such as long running sport. Besides, the author does not provides any information about the price of sunning shoes and exercises clothing. Perhaps it is possibly that the price of running and exercise clothing is low so many people buy them.

To further bases her claim, the author cites the fact that the local health club which nearly closed are very successful now. However, the author overlooks the possibility the reason about(reason + for 而且这里又是possibility又是reason，有点乱了，要表达的东西反而不清楚。) leading the health club to lacking of business five years ago, Moreover, the unsuccessful state经营状况？英语是这么表达吗？我不太清楚，不过感觉有点chinglish呵呵 in five years can readily be explained by factors than the residents are not concerned with(about) leading healthy lives. Perhaps the club was not at a denser geographic(我猜你想说人口密集？) area, or an area where turnover in home-ownership is higher后面没有比较，high就可以了 for reasons unrelated to the realization of healthy, and that the quality of service was not good, the management of club was bad. Without ruling out such alternative explainable for the reasons about leading the club to lacking of business, the author cannot defend the conclusion that不要了，太多that显乱 based on this evidence that resident are highly concerned with leading healthy lives.

In further support of her claim the author point out that schoolchildren will be new generation of customers because they are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program. However, the author provides no evidence that schoolchildren will consume in our stores. Moreover, it is possibly be explained that the schoolchildren are required to attend the 'fitness for life' program, but many of them don't like it. Perhaps the program failed to make the schoolchildren have the realization about healthy. Without establishing that all other factors affecting the program, the author cannot rely on this limited anecdotal evidence to support her claim.

In conclusion, the author's evidence lends little credible support to her claim. To persuade me that the company will benefit in Plainsville, the author would need to provide clear evidence that all state about the sales of production are all-time highs, and that the health club are better now cause by that people are highly concerned with leading healthy lives in the local. Finally, to better evaluate the author's claim we would need more information the program.

有空也帮忙看看我的吧
a65 https://bbs.gter.net/showthread....threadid=252957