Argument66 根据jj选写的.自己改过,请指教

yiyi2005UID: 192894

Argument66  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：32分19秒     307 words
从2005年2月6日9时13分到2005年2月6日9时32分
------题目------
The following appeared in a letter from a firm providing investment advice to a client.
'Homes in the northeastern United States, where winters are typically cold, have traditionally used oil as their major fuel for heating. Last year that region experienced 90 days with below-average temperatures, and climate forecasters at Waymarsh University predict that this weather pattern will continue for several more years. Furthermore, many new homes have been built in this region during the past year. Because of these developments, we predict an increased demand for heating oil and recommend investment in Consolidated Industries, one of whose major business operations is the retail sale of home heating oil.'
提纲:
1假设继续用油不成立
2假设天气继续冷不成立
3即使假设成立,不一定投资ic公司.
------正文------
In this argument, the author recommend investment in Consolidated Industriesremain use oil as their major fuel, one of whose major business operations is the retail sale of home heating oil, because he predict an increased demand for heating oil. To support this, he stated this region was extremely cold and traditionally uses oil as major fuel for heating, and cited a climate forecasters at Waymarsh University that this weather pattern will continue for several more years. He also argues many new homes have been built in this region during the past year. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the author’s recommendation.

To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that the old homes and the newly built homes will use oil as their major fuel. However the author provides no evidence to prove this. It is highly possible that people in this region will use other source for heating, such as gas or wood. Or perhaps people will install new equipment such as solar energy system. In either case, the author’s recommendation upon this assumption is groundless.

Moreover the author stated that the weather in this region will remain as cold as before. Common sense informs us the weather is changing every day, no one can predict it. There are many factors that can influence it. Besides, the prediction made by the Waymarsh University is unreliable without more information about by whom and how this prediction is made and if the amount of sample is large enough. Unless the author can provide more information to demonstrate this assumption, I still remain unconvinced.

Even if the author can warrant the assumptions above, his recommendation is problematic, Because Consolidated Industries may involve in many fields. Even it can profit in the retail sale of home heating oil. Its other branches may influence it profits. Besides the author fails to consider other corporations that may be better in management, sailing methods and other aspects. Without considering other companies it will be presumptuous to suggest any investment in CI.

In sum, the argument is unwarranted as it stands. To strengthen it the author must demonstrate that people in this region will remain using oil as their fuel for heating, and weather in this region will remain as cold as before. To better evaluate this argument the author must provide how the prediction was made in Waymarsh University and information about other companies operating retail sale of home heating oil.

有个问题哦,to strengthen 和to better evaluate 后面的东西有什么不同啊?各写些什么呢?

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

In this argument, the author recommend investment in Consolidated Industries remain use oil as their major fuel, one of whose major business operations is the retail sale of home heating oil, because he predict an increased demand for heating oil. To support this, he stated this region was extremely cold and traditionally uses oil as major fuel for heating, and cited a climate forecasters at Waymarsh University that this weather pattern will continue for several more years. He also argues many new homes have been built in this region during the past year. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the author’s recommendation.第一段中对作者的论点提得太多了，肢体要反驳的就可以了不必面面俱到

To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that the old homes and the newly built homes will use oil as their major fuel. However the author provides no evidence to prove this. It is highly possible that people in this region will use other source for heating, such as gas or wood. Or perhaps people will install new equipment such as solar energy system. In either case, the author’s recommendation upon this assumption is groundless.缺一点总结性的句子，还有如果加一个例子是不是就有字数了

Moreover the author make another assumption that the weather in this region will remain as cold as before. Common sense informs us the weather is changing every day, no one can predict it.太绝对了吧，天气预报可以呀，气象学家也可 There are many factors that we may not include. Besides, the prediction made by the Waymarsh University is unreliable without more information about by whom and how this prediction is made and if the sample they collect is big enough in size. Unless the author can provide more information to demonstrate this assumption, I still remain unconvinced.

Even if the author can warrant the assumptions forgoing, his recommendation is problematic, Because Consolidated Industries may involve in many fields. Even it can profit in the retail sale of home heating oil. Its other branches may influence it profits. Besides the author fails to consider other corporations that may be better in management, sailing methods and other aspects. Without considering other companies it will be presumptuous to suggest any investment in CI.

In sum, the argument is unwarranted as it stands. To strengthen it the author must demonstrate that people in this region will remain using oil as their fuel for heating, and weather in this region will remain as cold as before. To better evaluate this argument the author must provide how the prediction was made in Waymarsh University and information about other companies operating retail sale of home heating oil.

你的模版看起来和我的有点像啊！呵呵
每一段得主体论正部分还需要加强：现在这样看起来光有骨头没有肉啊！相反开头过于冗长了
看得出你再用模版而且跟我的很像，论证本身应该没什么问题，努力一下你的目标我觉得完全可以实现
不好意思我没看具体的语言

lunaticUID: 150745

Moreover the author make another assumption that the weather in this region will remain as cold as before
这句不是作者的假设，所以不能用assumption
“There are many factors that we may not include.”跟上下句都没有连接词，句中的we到底指谁啊？是指气象预报人嘛？
forgoing？？？放弃的？？
the sample they collect is big enough in size 这个看着有点别扭，the amount of samples they collect is large enough
最后一个关于“other branches'  profits”的驳斥点我觉得不是很有力，感觉像是强词夺理，不太合适
“to strengthen 和to better evaluate 后面的东西有什么不同啊?各写些什么呢?” 我觉得to strengthen 后面的理由更重要一些

yiyi2005UID: 192894

谢谢zhangqiang928
lunatic 真好.已经根据你的意见改了,还有片argu有空帮我看看,
https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... d=253321=argument68