Argument6 第一篇，感觉argument并不是想象中的那么好写，战友们猛烈拍砖吧！

staralwaysUID: 193479

6.The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on
jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
在Monroe建立爵士乐俱乐部将会是非常盈利的产业。当前，最近的爵士俱乐部也在65英里以外；因此，我们筹建的俱乐部C Note将会占有全部的本地市场。而且，爵士乐在Monroe非常流行：去年夏天10万多人参加了Monroe的爵士音乐节，若干知名爵士音乐家居住在Monroe，Monroe获评价最高的广播节目是平时每天播出的Jazz Nightly。最后，一项全国性研究表明典型的爵士爱好者每年花费近1000元用于爵士娱乐。显然C Note将会赚钱。

响应so猫的号召，把题目也一起贴上来，方便各位G友拍砖！

In the argument, the author concludes that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise and thus the proposed club, the C Note will certainly make a lot of money. To support this conclusion, the author cites some facts to show the popularity of jazz. In addition, the author refers to a nationwide survey to show that the typical jazz fan spends much on jazz entertainment, which is related to the profit of jazz club. The argument, seems to be reasonable at first glance, however, careful reflection shows that it suffers from several critical flaws.

Firstly, the author fails to provide adequate evidence that the proposed C Note club will be monopoly in the entire local market. Given the mere fact that the nearest club is 65 miles away does not necessarily mean that it will not attain any share of the market. It is likely that the most local jazz fans have already formed a customer loyalty to the original club, a factor that is essential to the success in the commercial field nowadays. Therefore it is difficult for C Note to attract new jazz fans, let alone monopolizing the whole market. Further more, the original club may have offered additional services for transportation of those fans, which means that distance will not be a problem for them. Being close is not equal to more market share, and it’s unconvincing for the author to be assured that C Not will have the local market all to itself only because its competitor is far away.

Secondly, the facts cited by the author are insufficient to support the assumption that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. Over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s jazz festival last year isn’t enough to indicate that the amount of jazz fans is large. What if the total population of Monroe is 10,000,000? Then only one percent of the population is jazz fans, which may show that jazz is quite unpopular. The same holds true as we consider the number of jazz musicians living in Monroe. Finally, that the “Jazz Nightly” is the highest-rated radio program in Monroe say little to the popularity of jazz. Unless the author provides enough information about other media, such as TV and the Internet, the assumed popularity of jazz is groundless.

Finally, the nationwide study may say little for the assumption that the Monroe residents will spend much money on jazz entertainment, and thus for the jazz club to be profitable. The study may be not reliable since nationwide situation possibly cannot show that of the local. Even assuming that the local situation corresponds to the result of the study, 1,000 dollars is insufficient to indicate the amount is high comparing to expenditures of other fields which can make the club tremendously profitable. Maybe this amount can only attribute to balance the club’s cost. Therefore, whether the jazz club cannot help but make money is open to doubt.

In sum, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the argument does not lend strong support to what the author maintains. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to offer enough evidence to show that jazz is really popular in Monroe. To better evaluate the argument, we need more information regarding whether the proposed C Note jazz club will earn a lot of money.

感觉语言能力有限，想问下大家是否需要把模板句背熟啊？
而且觉得好像写得过长了点，考试的时候可只有30分钟啊。

legendhfwangUID: 191674

站个座先

edisonZUID: 198680

好长的样子，你写了多长时间啊？

legendhfwangUID: 191674

In the argument, the author concludes that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise and thus the proposed club, the C Note will certainly make a lot of money. To support this conclusion, the author cites some facts to show the popularity of jazz. In addition, the author refers to a nationwide survey to show that the typical jazz fan spends much on jazz entertainment, which is related to the profit of jazz club. The argument, seems to be reasonable at first glance, however, careful reflection shows that it suffers from several critical flaws.

Firstly, the author fails to provide adequate evidence that the proposed C Note club will be monopoly （文章并没有说要monopoly啊）in the entire local market. Given the mere fact that the nearest club is 65 miles away does not necessarily mean that it will not attain any share of the market. （这不是一句话吧）It is likely that the （去掉the ）most local jazz fans have already formed a customer loyalty to the original club, a factor that is essential to the success in the commercial field nowadays. Therefore it is difficult for C Note to attract new jazz fans, let alone monopolizing the whole market. Further more, the original club may have offered additional services for transportation of those fans, which means that distance will not be a problem for them. Being close is not equal to more market share, and it’s unconvincing for the author to be assured that C Not will have the local market all to itself only because its competitor is far away.

Secondly, the facts cited by the author are insufficient to support the assumption that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. Over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s jazz festival last year isn’t enough to indicate that the amount of jazz fans is large.(有点中式了) What if the total population of Monroe is 10,000,000（什么意思）? Then only one percent of the population is jazz fans, which may show that jazz is quite unpopular. The same holds true as we consider the number of jazz musicians living in Monroe. Finally, that the “Jazz Nightly” is the highest-rated radio program in Monroe say little to the popularity of jazz. Unless the author provides enough information about other media, such as TV and the Internet, the assumed popularity of jazz is groundless.

Finally, the nationwide study may （去掉the ）say little for the assumption that the Monroe residents will spend much money on jazz entertainment, and thus for the jazz club to be profitable. The study may be not reliable since nationwide situation possibly cannot show that of the local. Even assuming that the local situation corresponds to the result of the study, 1,000 dollars is insufficient to indicate the amount is high comparing to expenditures of other fields which can make the club tremendously profitable. Maybe this amount can only attribute to balance the club’s cost. Therefore, whether the jazz club cannot help but make money is open to doubt.(这句话好象不是很对吧。whether the jazz club can heip to make money is open to doubt)

In sum, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the argument does not lend strong support to what the author maintains. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to offer enough evidence to show that jazz is really popular in Monroe. To better evaluate the argument, we need more information regarding whether the proposed C Note jazz club will earn a lot of money

staralwaysUID: 193479

顶上去