issue36 同主题写作 请往死里拍

punkerzmUID: 195528

题目
36"The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries."

正文
After a long history, there have been a lot of famous people who dedicate their lives to their great enterprise and work out many influential effects. People always intend to appraise a person in any kind of language whenever they find this person’s greatness or historical status. However, people are always faced with this dilemma: whether the contemporaries or the people live after them could determine the greatness of individuals. We should not make a hasty answer and I think we have to discuss these issues as followed.

At first, the different criterions and basis decide that an individual will have distinctive comments by people from different eras, cultures, and classes. As time goes by, the society has been altered so greatly that people in different periods would have dissimilar perspectives on the same person from points of view of dissimilar ideologies and values. Thus it is difficult to integrate their attitudes and draw an accordant conclusion. Columbus, who discovered the American continent, leaded the European to explore resources and ancient civilization on this continent. His feat brings us the whole America and let us found the modern society in this new world. Nevertheless, Columbus was considered as a messenger of the devil by the aboriginal American who lived there for thousands of years. They were forced to be homeless and became the slaves for those European immigrants. In this way, the great explorer would be a Satan as well.

Moreover, people’s merits are not easily found in a short term, while their limitations are hardly to be discovered.
Van Gogh, one of the great artists in the nineteen century, as an example, drew a lot of paintings which are thought to the most wonderful masterpieces in the world at present. Even though his works are sold at an invaluable price, he lived a miserable live and often could not have a penny to buy a bar of bread. Chairman Mao, as another instance, was apotheosized in nearly three ten years after he constitute a new government in China. After his death, however, the rational people gradually realized that Mao also brought the country some misfortune such as the institutional revolution. Since he saved people from the previous autocracy and leaded them to a better life, they regarded him as a deity. At the same time, he was regarded as a mortal again for his reign ruins the later generation’s interests. So the greatness of an individual sometimes could not be found in a hurry.

The last but not the least, the comments on an individual by people from different periods will be helpful for us to comprehend and understand this person more profoundly. People never remark on another person at random. Their critiques are always based on the influence made by that person. So the people’s attitudes in different time can well inflect an individual’s importance. Not any side of them could solely determine the conclusion of a person.

In summary, it is not proper for the people from any periods to simply determine an individual’s greatness. In our democratic society, every person has his/her right to make any comments on others, especially the famous people, to express their perspectives on these people. We should synthesize these dissimilar points from different time, not let one of them decide the others.

请诸位大人多多照顾

鬼谷子UID: 159645

36"The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries."

正文
After a long history【in the history】, there have been a lot of famous people who dedicate their lives to their great enterprise【复数】 and work out many influential effects【accomplishments/achievements/discoveries/contributions】. People always intend to appraise a person in any kind of language whenever they find this person’s greatness or historical status. 【这句你要做什么用呢？】However, people are always faced with this dilemma: whether the contemporaries or the people live after them could determine the greatness of individuals. We should not make a hasty answer and I think we have to discuss these issues as followed. 【说了半天，没有你自己的观点，这个错误就大了，要记得，开头一定要提出明确的观点或立场】

At first, the different criterions【criteria】 and basis decide that an individual will have distinctive comments by people from different eras, cultures, and classes. As time goes by, the society has been altered so greatly that people in different periods would have dissimilar perspectives on the same person from points of view of dissimilar ideologies and values. 【感觉这句有点多余，其实你的TS里面这点已经说明了，就像我刚刚看到naiba说的：每写一句话，都要看是不是都有其相应的作用】Thus it is difficult to integrate their attitudes and draw an accordant conclusion. Columbus, who discovered the American continent, leaded【led】 the European【复数】 to explore resources and ancient civilization on this continent. His feat brings us the whole America and let us found the modern society in this new world. Nevertheless, Columbus was considered as a messenger of the devil by the aboriginal American who lived there for thousands of years. They were forced to be homeless and became the slaves for those European immigrants. In this way, the great explorer would be a Satan as well. 【这个例子中的比较不是太好，你提出的标准不同时代不同评价也不同的观点是很好的，所以这里应该做时间上的比较，举出的例子应该是前人和后人有不同评价的例子，才体现题目考虑的问题】

Moreover, people’s merits are not easily found in a short term, while their limitations are hardly to be discovered. 【后半句是什么意思呢？他们的局限性很难被发现？你是要说同时代的人有局限性所以不能发现merits？还是要说因为他们局限性而犯下的评价的错误很难被发现，需要时间呢？】
Van Gogh, one of the great artists in the nineteen century, as an example, drew a lot of paintings which are thought to【regarded/considered as 】the most wonderful masterpieces in the world at present. Even though his works are sold at an invaluable price, he lived a miserable live and often could not have a penny to buy a bar of bread【when he was alive/at his time】. Chairman Mao, as another instance, was apotheosized in nearly three ten years【decades】 after he constitute 【constituted】a new government in China. After his death, however, the rational people gradually realized that Mao also brought the country some misfortune such as the institutional revolution. 【这不是正跟论点相反吗？前人是评价了他的伟大，后人发现了他的不足】Since he saved people from the previous autocracy and leaded them to a better life, they regarded him as a deity. At the same time, he was regarded as a mortal again for his reign ruins the later generation’s interests. So the greatness of an individual sometimes could not be found in a hurry. 【只提出例子是不够的，你还缺少对于例子的分析和论述】

The last but not the least, the comments on an individual by people from different periods will be helpful for us to comprehend and understand this person more profoundly. People 【should】never remark on another person at random. Their critiques are always based on the influence made by that person. 【这句说的不是很好】So the people’s attitudes in different time can well inflect an individual’s importance. Not any side of them could solely determine the conclusion of a person. 【最终合了一下，还是很好的想法的】

In summary, it is not proper for the people from any periods to simply determine an individual’s greatness. In our democratic society, every person has his/her right to make any comments on others, especially the famous people, to express their perspectives on these people. We should synthesize these dissimilar points from different time, not let one of them decide the others.

【思路没有什么问题，不过论证上面还需要加强，而且，语法等低级错误还有不少，希望以后注意检查。加油！】

punkerzmUID: 195528

多谢斑竹帮忙
我原来想着是用几个问题来引出观点,看来这个在GRE里是行不通的

naiba369UID: 131655

up

鬼谷子UID: 159645

用问题引出观点不是不可以的，你可以在开头对于问题给出一个大概的看法、解释，也就是你的总的观点立场。如果只给出了问题，没有观点，就会被认为观点不明确的。

naiba369UID: 131655

就是，只有这样才能做到思路的连贯、清晰

davidjackyUID: 135962

36"The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries."

正文
After a long historyin the river of history, there have been a lot of famous people who dedicate their lives to their great enterprise and work out many influential effects. People always intend to appraise a person in any kind of language whenever they find this person’s greatness or historical status. However, people are always faced with this dilemma: whether the contemporaries or the people live after them could determine the greatness of individuals. We should not make a hasty answer and I think we have to discuss these issues as followed.【这样的开头，应该算背景开头，本意很好的，但是缺乏给出自己的观点，这样的范例很少，至少研究范文我得不出相关的结论，保守的说，还是给出自己的观点和立场；另外，给出背景的历史以后就可以直接到人们的puzzle，中间那句people…status是画蛇添足；总之，开头应讲求简练、准备并引人入深】

At first, the different criterions and basis decide that an individual will have distinctive comments by people from different eras, cultures, and classes.【这段你要讲述不同标准和偏见会决定评价结果的不同，而这个不同恰恰是eras, cultures, and classes,后面论述的例子也应该和此对应，看完你的例子以后我觉得你可以把cultures和classes去掉，只说来自不同时间的人评论将有所不同；】 As time goes by, the society has been altered so greatly that people in different periods would have dissimilar perspectives on the same person from points of view of dissimilar ideologies and values. Thus it is difficult to integrate their attitudes and draw an accordant conclusion. Columbus, who discovered the American continent, leaded the European to explore resources and ancient civilization on this continent. His feat brings us the whole America and let us found the modern society in this new world. Nevertheless, Columbus was considered as a messenger of the devil by the aboriginal American who lived there for thousands of years. They were forced to be homeless and became the slaves for those European immigrants. In this way, the great explorer would be a Satan as well. 【哥伦布同学的例子没有古今评价的差异的描述，只是你认为他的贡献很大，评价的时候请注意突出古今，把你的观点放在他们的后面，让他们来说话】

Moreover, people’s merits are not easily found in a short term, while their limitations are hardly to be discovered.
Van Gogh, one of the great artists in the nineteen century, as an example, drew a lot of paintings which are thought to the most wonderful masterpieces in the world at present. Even though his works are sold at an invaluable price, he lived a miserable live and often could not have a penny to buy a bar of bread【这个例子很好，用时态变换突出古今的评价差异，不错，但是limitation写毛老爹可以，写VG同学不太适合，考虑一下；按照你最后的结论，倒不如用它作为TS好了，这样更确切一下，你说呢？】. Chairman Mao, as another instance, was apotheosized in nearly three ten years after he constitute a new government in China. After his death, however, the rational people gradually realized that Mao also brought the country some misfortune such as the institutional revolution. Since he saved people from the previous autocracy and leaded them to a better life, they regarded him as a deity. At the same time, he was regarded as a mortal again for his reign ruins the later generation’s interests. So the greatness of an individual sometimes could not be found in a hurry.

The last but not the least, the comments on an individual by people from different periods will be helpful for us to comprehend and understand this person more profoundly. People never remark on another person at random. Their critiques are always based on the influence made by that person. So the people’s attitudes in different time can well inflect an individual’s importance. Not any side of them could solely determine the conclusion of a person.

In summary, it is not proper for the people from any periods to simply determine an individual’s greatness. In our democratic society, every person has his/her right to make any comments on others, especially the famous people, to express their perspectives on these people. We should synthesize these dissimilar points from different time, not let one of them decide the others.
【从全文来看，你主要想说不同时间对人的评价会不同，不同时代的人对于伟人的评价不同。论述应该说可以，要改正的地方不少，例子和句子服务的对象，在GRE的短阅读中，作者不会无缘无故多写一个句子，大部分长阅读也是如此，所以写GRE的作文，也要遵从这个精髓，希加强训练，以期正果，个人意见，仅供参考】