issue 30, 快要考试了还一点不会写,第一篇,查了很多东西,写了两天,请帮忙看一下吧

bluebirdcstonyUID: 197396

请帮忙改一下吧,我现在只查了科技类的,留下科技类的一定回改.谢谢
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.(30)

The author contends that the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time. I agree insofar as the advancement in technology in deed significantly improved people’s efficiency. However, when it comes to that the primary goal of technological advancement should be increase people’s efficiency the speakers begs the question, by overlooking the fact that efficiency is just one link in the whole process of people’s survive.  

As we have witnessed, achievement in technology has immensely improved people’s efficiency, such as farm machinery, assembly-line, Computer. For instance, household appliances eliminated much of the labor of everyday tasks, including vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, and dryers, food processors, before these inventions families have to sweeping with brooms, scrubbing clothes with wash boards, cutting cloth and stitching their own dresses and shirts, all by hand, chores often took a long time. By contrast, with the benefit of such easy operate and efficient inventions, only a short few hours needed to do chores. As a book indicates: “At the beginning of the 20th century it took a large team of farmers and field hands weeks to plant and harvest one crop, and it took four farmers to feed 10 people. Today, machinery allows the entire Midwestern corn crop to be planted in 10 days and harvested in 20; and one U.S farmer can produce enough food to feed 97 Americans and 32 people in other countries. ” All these evidence demonstrated that drudgery was fast giving way to freedom.

However, before people can savor the relative more leisure time brought by improved efficiency, they have already immersed in the ever increasing work load also cast by this improved efficiency. First, to keeping pace with technology people must pay much more attention and especially leisure time to learn how to use the new technology. For instance, how can a man live without necessary knowledge about using computer while the computer had become an integral part of every major industry and even social life? This knowledge inevitably require much leisure time. Secondly, under fierce competitive environment, people must keep up to date, gather large numbers of information, analysis, percolate important ones from those needing only a glance, all need much more work time probably most of their spare time so as not to be knocked out of the game. Which, of cause, are caused by technology.

Also the primary goal of technological advancement is not to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time. As a matter of fact, technology is just a tool which used to help people to survive, the earliest known human artifacts are roughly flaked stones, people used the sharp edges of stone to process food, , then pear-shaped axes, scrapers, knives, all of which aimed at make the environment and living conditions more friendly, the same is contemporary technology, as we all know, the excess of revenues over expenses is the profit, under fierce competition, to reduce expenses and produce more products the only way people can do is to improve efficiency, so that they get more advantages to survive, thus came the assembly-line, computer, farm machine, instant communication system, while society’s efficiency increased, some may search other ways to make further technological advances which breed still greater efficiency and, in turn, whole society’s progress. As we can see, increased efficiency is just a link during the whole process, while the primary goal is survive.

To sum up, although the statement has some merit when it comes to the technological advancement’s effect on people’s efficiency, the author fails to determine the genuine goal of technology advancement.

mariaUID: 197971

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.(30)

The author contends that the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time. I agree insofar as the advancement in technology in deedindeed significantly improvedimprove people’s efficiency. However, when it comes to that the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency, the speakers begs the question, by overlooking the fact that efficiency is just one link in the whole process of people’s survive.  
As we have witnessed, achievement in technology has immensely improved people’s efficiency, such as farm machinery, assembly-line, Computer. For instance, household appliances eliminatedsave much of the labor of everyday tasks, including vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, and dryers, food processors, before these inventionswere applied families have to sweepingseep with brooms, scrubbing clothes with wash boards, cutting cloth and stitching their own dresses and shirts, all by hand, chores often took a long time. By contrast, with the benefit of such easy operate and efficient inventions, only a short few重复了吧？ hours needed to do chores. As a book indicates: “At the beginning of the 20th century it took a large team of farmers and field hands weeks to plant and harvest one crop, and it took four farmers to feed 10 people. Today, machinery allows the entire Midwestern corn crop to be planted in 10 days and harvested in 20; and one U.S farmer can produce enough food to feed 97 Americans and 32 people in other countries. ” All these evidence demonstrated that drudgery was fast giving way to freedom.

However, before people can savor the relative more leisure time brought by improved efficiency, they have already immersed in the ever increasing work load also cast by this improved efficiency. First, to【你的to 为什么老是加动名词哪？】 keeping pace with technology people must pay much more attention and especially leisure time to learnpay more attention on 吧？ how to use the new technology. For instance, how can a man live without necessary knowledge about using computer while the computer had become an integral part of every major industry and even social life? This knowledge inevitably require much leisure time. Secondly, under fierce competitive environment, people must keep up to date, gather large numbers of information, analysis, percolate important ones from those needing only a glance, all need much more work time probably most of their spare time so as not to be knocked out of the game. Which, of cause, are caused by technology.

Also the primary goal of technological advancement is not to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time. 这句是想承上启下吧，但是感觉表达得有点别扭As a matter of fact, technology is just a tool which used to help people to survive,. theThe earliest known human artifacts arewere roughly flaked stones, people used thetheir sharp edges of stoneof stone 去掉 to process food, , then pear-shaped axes, scrapers, knives, all of which aimed at make the environment and living conditions more friendly, the same is contemporary technology, as we all know, the excess of revenues over expenses is the profit, under fierce competition, to reduce expenses and produce more products the only way people can do is to improve efficiency, so that they get more advantages to survive, thus came the assembly-line, computer, farm machine, instant communication system, while society’s efficiency increased, some may search other ways to make further technological advances which breed still greater efficiency and, in turn, whole society’s progress. As we can see, increased efficiency is just a link during the whole process, while the primary goal is to survive.个人认为b3 应与b2互换位置 第一段讲确实提高效率，在世但目的不是效率，最后是虽然提高了效率但休闲时间不会增加，仅供参考

To sum up, although the statement has some merit when it comes to the technological advancement’s effect on people’s efficiency, the author fails to determine the genuine goal of technology advancement.最好把后一段并没有减少leisure time 写上
总体说论述的还不错，不过有些语法还应注意不当之处，再讨论我明后天会写这篇文章，希望到时得到赐教

bluebirdcstonyUID: 197396

谢谢! 真的很感谢!!

mariaUID: 197971

呵呵，不用客气
共勉吧 你可以尝试着多该一些别人的文章大家都是互相借鉴共同进步的