Issue93 (同主题+老题+BT) 人人拍我我拍人人

caudilloUID: 172911

Issue93  第22篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：62分7秒     496 words
从2005年2月10日21时20分到2005年2月10日22时62分
------题目------
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
------正文------
The relationship between individual and society is an everlasting topic of philosophy progress. Whether 'individual responsibility' is a necessary is one of the most controversial issues of philosophy. There are many different kinds of paraphrase to this question. Personally, I think the concept of 'individual responsibility' is not a fiction, but a necessary substantiality; everyone in society would have to account for their own action, not matter what force affect them.

The concept of 'individual responsibility' is the production of society generate. In the prehistoric period, our ancestors organize a primitive organization, which is the archetype of modern society, in order to defend the attack of beast. The organization bases on the members' loyalty, consequently the primitive 'individual responsibility' born. At that time, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is more like a fiction, because it largely depends on the members' consciousness and can not be bridled. Then our ancestors found that the organization is inefficient sometimes, which due to someone dissatisfy with their position in the organization, so that they develop a series of rules to strengthen the 'individual responsibility'.

As the human society developing, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is strengthened ceaselessly. At first the religion take part in, almost every religion in the world have some principles about the responsibility of individual, such as Catholicism and Islamism. At the same time, some theories of philosophy came in the field; some concept like 'society man' was brought out. Confucianism is the case to the point, which emphasizes the individual responsibility to the family, to the community, to the nation. Law thought to be the descendant of the primitive rules, which was enriched after the capitalism revolution, the civil law describe the responsible to a people, the crime law guarantee everyone should account to his/her action. Nowadays, we all live in a society full of personal responsibility.

As the propagandize of government and religion, the individual responsibility become a virtue in human nature, and it do make great progression to the course of human events, we can see its trail in the poet, novel and other literature works and our daily activities. For instance, Marathon, a communicator, who carried the war message from the battle to the capital, ran more than 40 kilometers, and he died for it. Now, we hold a kind of long run named Marathon to respect his strong opinion of individual responsibility. If a man disobey his individual responsibility, he will suffer from other members in the society criticize. Fuyi, the last emperor of China, who was compelled by the Japanese invader to become the puppet emperor of Manchuria; as a result, he was sneered by all the citizens of China.

In sum, from what has discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the concept of 'individual responsibility' is a fundamental principle in the human society, which contribute to the stability of society.  To actualize individual responsibility is very important to gain the respect of public and realize personal and society value.

iverUID: 198348

------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：62分7秒 496 words
从2005年2月10日21时20分到2005年2月10日22时62分
------题目------
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
------正文------
The relationship between individual and society is an everlasting topic of philosophy progress感觉首句与题目联系不大.题目说的主要是个人责任\个人行为的问题. Whether 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fictionis one of the most controversial issues of philosophy. There are many different kinds of paraphrase to this question. Personally, I think the concept of 'individual responsibility' is not a fiction, but a necessary substantiality; everyone in society would have to account for their own action, not matter what force affect affects them.感觉首段应该简要复述speaker的观点,然后表明自己观点,以及论据,为后面的论证作铺垫,起到提纲挈领的作用

过度词The concept of 'individual responsibility' is the production of society generate. In the prehistoric period, our ancestors organize a primitive organization, which is the archetype of modern society, in order to defend the attack of beast.连接词 The organization bases on the members' loyalty, consequently the primitive 'individual responsibility' born. At that time, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is more like a fiction, because it largely depends on the members' consciousness and can not be bridled. Then our ancestors found that the organization is inefficient sometimes, which due to someone dissatisfy with their position in the organization, so that they develop a series of rules to strengthen the 'individual responsibility'.

As the human society developing, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is strengthened ceaselessly. At first the religion take part in, almost every religion in the world have some principles about the responsibility of individual, such as Catholicism and Islamism. At the same time, some theories of philosophy came in the field; some concept like 'society man' was brought out. Confucianism is the case to the point, which emphasizes the individual responsibility to the family, to the community, to the nation. Law thought to be the descendant of the primitive rules, which was enriched after the capitalism revolution, the civil law describe the responsible to a people, the crime law guarantee everyone should account to his/her action. Nowadays, we all live in a society full of personal responsibility.

As the propagandize of government and religion, the individual responsibility become a virtue in human nature, and it do make great progression to the course of human events, we can see its trail in the poet, novel and other literature works and our daily activities. For instance, Marathon, a communicator, who carried the war message from the battle to the capital, ran more than 40 kilometers, and he died for it. Now, we hold a kind of long run named Marathon to respect his strong opinion of individual responsibility. If a man disobey his individual responsibility, he will suffer from other members in the society criticize he will suffer from other members' critize in the society. Fuyi, the last emperor of China, who was compelled by the Japanese invader to become the puppet emperor of Manchuria; as a result, he was sneered by all the citizens of China.

In sum, from what has discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the concept of 'individual responsibility' is a fundamental principle in the human society, which contributes to the stability of society. To actualize individual responsibility is very important to gain the respect of public and realize personal and society value.
感觉文章过渡不是很好!
最好多一些连接词,这样可以让文章更有说服力!
并且感觉文章的论证不是很充分,可以参考下面的提纲:
A Individual responsibility should be consider as a necessary fiction, because a normal person, who has the basic judgement and clear consciousness, can actually discriminate whether his behavior is right or wrong.

B Admittedly, people behavior is determined, to some extent, by the force not of their own making, they should also be aware of the consequences caused by these actions before doing them, such as robbing,thieving, and so on.
C therefore, it does not make any sense to state that one can take responsibility for his or her due to the behavior are determined by forces not of their own making.
不过,如果是限时写的就已经不错了,加油!(上面的提纲是参考其他书记的,其实
Issue162   https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=254072
         
Issue51    https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252778
Issue185   https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252572
Issue61    https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252108

Argument212  https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=251935
)

鬼谷子UID: 159645

占一个

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue93 第22篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：62分7秒 496 words
从2005年2月10日21时20分到2005年2月10日22时62分
------题目------
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
------正文------
The relationship between individual and society is an everlasting topic of philosophy progress. Whether 'individual responsibility' is a necessary is one of the most controversial issues of philosophy. There are many different kinds of paraphrase【应该用复数】 to this question. Personally, I think the concept of 'individual responsibility' is not a fiction, but a necessary substantiality; everyone in society would have to account for their own action, not matter what force affect them. 【从哲学的角度来引出问题，你知道你后文是否也涉及到了哲学的问题，呵呵】

The concept of 'individual responsibility' is the production of society generate【generating？generation？process of generation？】. In the prehistoric period, our ancestors organize【过去式】 a primitive organization, which is the archetype of modern society, in order to defend the attack of beast【复数】. The organization bases【过去式】 on the members' loyalty, consequently the primitive 'individual responsibility' born. At that time, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is more like a fiction, because it largely depends on the members' consciousness and can not be bridled. Then our ancestors found that the organization is inefficient sometimes, which due to someone dissatisfy with their position in the organization, so that they develop a series of rules to strengthen the 'individual responsibility'. 【从个人责任产生的历史上来谈，完全靠意志决定的个人责任是fiction，而个人责任需要rules来加强。很新颖的论点】

As the human society developing【develops】, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is strengthened ceaselessly. At first the religion take part in, almost every religion in the world have some principles about the responsibility of individual, such as Catholicism and Islamism. 【举点具体例子，如何要求个人责任的】At the same time, some theories of philosophy came in the field; some concept like 'society man' was brought out. Confucianism is the case to the point【in point】, which emphasizes the individual responsibility to the family, to the community, to the nation. 【the family, the community, and the nation.】 Law thought to be the descendant of the primitive rules, which was enriched after the capitalism revolution, the civil law describe【ascribe】 the responsible 【responsibility】to a people, the crime law guarantee everyone should account to his/her action. Nowadays, we all live in a society full of personal responsibility. 【从宗教哲学法律三方面来展开，证明外力加强了个人责任。论点充实论据丰富】

As the propagandize【propaganda】 of government and religion, 【as it is propagandized by the government and religion】 the individual responsibility become a virtue in human nature, and it do make great progression to the course of human events, we can see its trail in the poet, novel and other literature works and our daily activities. For instance, Marathon, a communicator, 【messenger】 who carried the war message from the battle to the capital, ran more than 40 kilometers, and he died for it. Now, we hold a kind of long run named Marathon to respect his strong opinion of individual responsibility. 【这个例子不太好】 If a man disobey his individual responsibility, he will suffer from other members in the society criticize. 【the critiques/blames of other members in the society】 Fuyi, 【Puyi】the last emperor of China, who was compelled by the Japanese invader to become the puppet emperor of Manchuria; as a result, he was sneered by all the citizens of China. 【这个例子同样不合适】
【这段的论述显然没有上段成功，论点不是很清楚，后面只有例子而无论述，且例子不合适】

In sum, from what has discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the concept of 'individual responsibility' is a fundamental principle in the human society, which contribute to the stability of society. To actualize individual responsibility is very important to gain the respect of public and realize personal and society value.
【你只证明了你开头论点一个方面，就是个人责任不是fiction而是a necessary substantiality。人们如何决定行为社会如何影响人们行为却没有论述。B1是个人责任的历史，B2是社会加强个人责任B3个人责任的重要。没有人们行为由谁决定问题的论述。考虑的还不够全面，不过B2论证的很不错。加油！】

caudilloUID: 172911

谢谢iver和鬼谷子

我会尽快刊出2nd edition
欢迎大家来拍

sblbaslerUID: 175229

The relationship between individual and society is an everlasting topic of philosophy progress. Whether 'individual responsibility' is a necessary [U]（最好用necessity)[/U] is one of the most controversial issues of philosophy. There are many different kinds of paraphrases to this question. Personally, I think the concept of 'individual responsibility' is not a fiction, but a necessary substantiality; everyone in the society would have to account for their own action, not [U]( no ）[/U] matter what force affects them.

The concept of 'individual responsibility' is the production of society generate[U](去掉). [/U]  In the prehistoric period, our ancestors organize a primitive organization, which is the archetype of modern society, in order to defend the attack of beast. The organization bases on the members' loyalty, consequently the primitive 'individual responsibility' born. At that time, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is more like a fiction, because it largely depends on the members' consciousness and can not be bridled. Then our ancestors found that the organization is inefficient sometimes, which due to someone dissatisfy with their position in the organization, so that they develop a series of rules to strengthen the 'individual responsibility'.

As the human society developing, the concept of 'individual responsibility' is strengthened ceaselessly. At first the religion take[U]（took）[/U]  part in, almost every religion in the world have has some principles about the responsibility of individual, such as Catholicism and Islamism. At the same time, some theories of philosophy came in the field; some concept like 'society man' was brought out. Confucianism [U](最好解释一下子[/U] ) is the case to the point, which emphasizes the individual responsibility to the family, to the community, to the nation. Law thought to be the descendant of the primitive rules, which was enriched after the capitalism revolution, the civil law describes the responsible to a people, the crime law guarantees everyone should account to his/her action. Nowadays, we all live in a society full of personal responsibility.[U]最后一句话没有根据呀！你前面的推理MS不能得出后面的结论吧！[/U] As the propagandize of government and religion, the individual responsibility becomes a virtue in human nature, and it do make great progression to the course of human events, we can see its trail in the poet, novel and other literature works and our daily activities. For instance, Marathon, a communicator, who carried the war message from the battle to the capital, ran more than 40 kilometers, and he died for it. Now, we hold a kind of long run named Marathon to respect his strong opinion of individual responsibility. If a man disobeys his individual responsibility, he will suffer from other members in the society criticize. Fuyi, the last emperor of China, who was compelled by the Japanese invader to become the puppet emperor of Manchuria; as a result, he was sneered by all the citizens of China. [U]你举Fuyi例子是为证明他没有承担责任么？有些牵强吧！估计让老外看了以后不会达到你的预期效果[/U] In sum, from what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the concept of 'individual responsibility' is a fundamental principle in the human society, which contribute to the stability of society. To actualize individual responsibility is very important to gain the respect of public and realize personal and society value
[U]你的这篇文章写的似乎想通过人类责任形成的过程来说明人们不能逃避责任，但这样似乎给人的感觉不是很有说服力，而且你主要的毛病就是动词的单复数问题，太严重了！感觉这种思路想写好不容易！[/U]