Issue162 第1篇 同主题 欢迎提意见

ctxUID: 199330

Issue162  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分1秒     565 words
从2005年2月10日15时26分到2005年2月10日16时45分
------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.


------正文------
These days the concept of personal responsibility becomes more and more concerned by people. From my point of view, while I agree with the author's assertion that the concept of personal responsibility is complicated, I cannot agree that this concept is unrealistic and useless for an individual's life and for our society. On the contrary, I hold the idea that each individual should take responsibility for their own lives and the concept of personal responsibility is so important and essential that a society cannot advance without it.

To begin with, admittedly, it is very true that the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely built long before people realize them. We are all ordinary people and have no super powers. We cannot choose our genders, our families in which we are born, our races and even our nationalities; we have no right to choose the conditions in which we live in before our births. The reason for all these is that the conditions have been largely established before we become aware of them. For instance, we have no other choice but to obey the laws and regulations imposed upon us by our nation.

However, the concept of personal responsibility is necessary rather than unrealistic for an individual's life and for the society. Though because of the complexity of the living conditions the concept of personal responsibility become more complicated, an individual and even a society cannot advance with such concept. When confronted with large choice in our lives, the idea that we have to responsible for the result brought by our choice, whether good or not. Only with the concept of personal responsibility will each individual try his or her best to think over the problem before the decision is made, thus making an individual more reasonable. When it comes to a larger society, the concept of personal responsibility becomes more essential. It is obvious that almost every society requires its people to take responsibility for their behaviors. Each person cannot do harm to others or damage the whole society when using his or her freedom; otherwise, the person has to lose something because of the responsibility for his or her own behaviors. Clearly, it is personal responsibility that makes a society in harmony and each individual gets max amount of freedom.

Furthermore, though the conditions or circumstances around us have existed before we come to this world, it is not necessary the case that such conditions and circumstances are invariable. We can do something to change the conditions if it is not fair for most social members, and this is more extended personal responsibility, namely social responsibility. For instance, the founders of the United States fight with the British colonists for the desire of freedom and independence. To a larger extent, this also involves the concept of responsibility, the responsibility for the human history. The civil rights movements in 1960's serve as another example. Many Americans, including a large number of white Americans, take the idea of equal rights as their social responsibilities, thus resulting in the progress of American society.

In sum, though we cannot decide the conditions we live in before we go to this planet, the concept of personal responsibility is entirely necessary for people's lives and for the society. What's more, the conditions are not necessarily and will not be in the original state as it was largely established. Sometimes it is our social responsibility, the extended personal responsibility, to change the conditions in which we live and make our society a better one.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

批作业

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue162 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分1秒 565 words
从2005年2月10日15时26分到2005年2月10日16时45分
------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.


------正文------
These days the concept of personal responsibility becomes more and more concerned by people. 【感觉你这句是为了背景而背景，跟后面没什么联系，要记住，写每句话都要考虑其作用的】From my point of view, while I agree with the author's assertion that the concept of personal responsibility is complicated, I cannot agree that this concept is unrealistic and useless 【这个恐怕不是题目中的意思吧】for an individual's life and for our society. On the contrary, I hold the idea that each individual should take responsibility for their own lives and the concept of personal responsibility is so important and essential that a society cannot advance without it.
【环境影响呢？】

To begin with, admittedly, it is very true that the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely built long before people realize them. We are all ordinary people and have no super powers. 【罗嗦，As ordinary people, we cannot….】We cannot choose our genders, our families in which we are born, our races and even our nationalities; we have no right to choose the conditions in which we live in before our births. 【你说没有选择是要证明什么呢？】 The reason for all these is that the conditions have been largely established before we become aware of them. 【这个问题是需要你证明的，结果你当成一个已知的结论来用了，错误。应该是说什么什么样的内容是你这句的原因才对】For instance, we have no other choice but to obey the laws and regulations imposed upon us by our nation.
【我觉得你没有把你论述的choose的问题跟环境联系上，而且，你的TS也没有有效的证明】

However, the concept of personal responsibility is necessary rather than unrealistic for an individual's life and for the society. 【necessary跟unrealistic我觉得不构成对比，是两个内容。而且，你上段一直说没有选择，那么我们怎么会有责任呢？】Though because of the complexity of the living conditions the concept of personal responsibility become more complicated, 【这个也是没有证明的问题】an individual and even a society cannot advance with such concept. When confronted with large【big/major/important/significant】 choice in our lives, the idea【主语错误，前面confront的主语是我们，这里的主语却变成了idea】 that we have to 【are】responsible for the result brought by our choice, whether good or not. 【那么是否有外界的影响呢？是否只是由我们自己决定的呢？这里的论证含糊】 Only with the concept of personal responsibility will each individual try his or her best to think over the problem before the decision is made, thus making an individual more reasonable.【因果颠倒了】 When it comes to a larger society, the concept of personal responsibility becomes more essential. It is obvious that almost every society requires its people to take responsibility for their behaviors. Each person cannot do harm to others or damage the whole society when using his or her freedom; otherwise, the person has to lose something because of the responsibility for his or her own behaviors. Clearly, it is personal responsibility that makes a society in harmony and each individual gets max amount of freedom. 【首先论点就把necessary和realistic混在一起说了，然后论证方面也是有纠缠的，思路不清啊】

Furthermore, though the conditions or circumstances around us have existed before we come to this world, it is not necessary the case that such conditions and circumstances are invariable. 【这个not invariable的想法还是不错的】 We can do something to change the conditions if it is not fair for most social members, and this【what？】 is more extended personal responsibility, namely social responsibility. For instance, the founders of the United States fight with the British colonists for the desire of freedom and independence. To a larger extent, this also involves the concept of responsibility, the responsibility for the human history. The civil rights movements in 1960's serve as another example. Many Americans, including a large number of white Americans, take the idea of equal rights as their social responsibilities, thus resulting in the progress of American society. 【觉得你把个人责任引申的太过了】

In sum, though we cannot decide the conditions we live in before we go to this planet, the concept of personal responsibility is entirely necessary for people's lives and for the society. What's more, the conditions are not necessarily and will not be in the original state as it was largely established. Sometimes it is our social responsibility, the extended personal responsibility, to change the conditions in which we live and make our society a better one.
【从你后文来看，你开头的论点不是很完整的。B1choose的问题似乎没有跟conditions的问题联系上B2把necessary和realistic混在一起了B3把个人责任延展到脱离了主题了。说明论证上面是有一定问题的。加油！】

thiohuUID: 193100

These days the concept of personal responsibility becomes more and more concerned by people..[这句话与上句连惯性不好，前一句应该有讨论话题下一句from my point of view 才能连上].From my point of view, while I agree with the author's assertion that the concept of personal responsibility is complicated, I cannot agree that this concept is unrealistic and useless for an individual's life and for our society. On the contrary, I hold the idea that each individual should take responsibility for their own lives and the concept of personal responsibility is so important and essential that a society cannot advance without it.

To begin with, admittedly, it is very true that the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely built long before people realize them. We are all ordinary people and have no super powers. We cannot choose our genders, our families in which we are born, our races and even our nationalities; we have no right to choose the conditions in which we live in before our births. The reason for all these is that the conditions have been largely established before we become aware of them. For instance, we have no other choice but to obey the laws and regulations imposed upon us by our nation..[好像没能证明中心句].

However, the concept of personal responsibility is necessary rather than unrealistic for an individual's life and for the society. Though because of the complexity of the living conditions the concept of personal responsibility become more complicated, an individual and even a society cannot advance with such concept. When confronted with large choice in our lives, the idea that we have to responsible for the result brought by our choice, whether good or not. Only with the concept of personal responsibility will each individual try his or her best to think over the problem before the decision is made, thus making an individual more reasonable. When it comes to a larger society, the concept of personal responsibility becomes more essential. It is obvious that almost every society requires its people to take responsibility for their behaviors. Each person cannot do harm to others or damage the whole society when using his or her freedom; otherwise, the person has to lose something because of the responsibility for his or her own behaviors. Clearly, it is personal responsibility that makes a society in harmony and ..[[可以改成 maximizes the freedoms of the individual].. freedom.each individual gets max amount of freedom.

Furthermore, though the conditions or circumstances around us have existed before we come to this world, it is not necessary the case that such conditions and circumstances are invariable..[很好，体现complicated]. We can do something to change the conditions if it is not fair for most social members, and this is more extended personal responsibility, namely social responsibility. For instance, the founders of the United States fight with the British colonists for the desire of freedom and independence. To a larger extent, this also involves the concept of responsibility, the responsibility for the human history. The civil rights movements in 1960's serve as another example. Many Americans, including a large number of white Americans, take the idea of equal rights as their social responsibilities, thus resulting in the progress of American society.

In sum, though we cannot decide the conditions we live in before we go to this planet, the concept of personal responsibility is entirely necessary for people's lives and for the society. What's more, the conditions are not necessarily and will not be in the original state as it was largely established. Sometimes it is our social responsibility, the extended personal responsibility, to change the conditions in which we live and make our society a better one.
l不如改为A useful/helpful tool

thiohuUID: 193100

翻译：人们经常听说个人需要为他们自己的生活负责任。然而，人们发现自己所处环境的存在远远早于人们意识到这些环境。因此，人们责任的概念比通常人们想象的要复杂和不切实际。
分析：
1 人们发现自己所处环境的存在远远早于人们意识到自己的环境 针对这点提纲：为什么会远远早于能？ 因为在童年时候，我们是不会关注我们是长在农村还是城市，父母有多少钱，不会太在意住房条件怎么样，不会在意我们是男还是女，我们只知道自己的父母是天下最好的父母，在哪里都能安睡， 男孩子与女孩子会不分差别的玩游戏。穷孩子会和富孩子相处得十分融洽，他们不会考虑什么贫富差距，到我们成年的时候，我们会抱怨父母不够有钱， 自己为什么没长在城市，而这一切都已经存在了。
2 the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.
既然有比较的话，那么就要把这两个比较的对象具体化 often assumed 的是什么呢？ Often assumed 对立的是什么呢？ 对立的应该是实际的concept of personal responsibility. 根据thus 表明第1点所分析的和推出的 much more complicated and unrealistic 应当有一个推理过程。那这条逻辑线是什么呢？ 我认为这里complicated 表明这是由于每个人的条件都并不是自己来选择，而是上天安排的，那不同的condition, personal responsibility 肯定不同，而且加上了条件那么personal 可能就不再是personal 了，而是与conditions 息息相关了，所以这体现了复杂性。然后把condition 具体化，如果一个人生下来就是王储，那它的责任可能就得将一生奉献给治理好这个国家，对比生来是平民的人来说personal responsibility 肯定不同。还有就是condition 有时可以通过个人努力而改变，这时，改变后可能personal responsibility 可能就改变了。如the founders of the United States fight with the British colonists for the desire of freedom and independence 他们的责任可能有延伸到对历史对人类负责了。正是因为personal responsibility 与环境相关，所以个人责任就是Unrealistic ，因为还有牵涉到他人

thiohuUID: 193100

这道变态题难写！能写出来我觉得你写得很好了。我现在还写不出issue来，真是个大问题！

crazyfox3UID: 171430

These days the concept of personal responsibility becomes more and more concerned by people. From my point of view, while I agree with the author's assertion that the concept of personal responsibility is complicated, I cannot agree that this concept is unrealistic and useless for an individual's life and for our society. On the contrary(感觉as far as i am concerned更合适一点), I hold the idea that each individual should take responsibility for their own lives and the concept of personal responsibility is so important and essential that a society cannot advance without it.

To begin with, admittedly, it is very（可以省掉very）true that the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely built long before people realize them. We are all ordinary people and have no super powers(super powers 是上幂的意思). We cannot choose our genders, our families in which we are born, our races and even our nationalities; we have no right to choose the conditions in which we live in before our births（这句话总结前面，不要用分号吧）. The reason for all these is that the conditions have been largely established before we become aware of them. For instance, we have no other choice but to obey the laws and regulations imposed upon us by our nation（不是nation而是government）.举了例子却没有论述，例子等于白举，感觉你的例子也不太合适，有点跑题，应该拘泥前面提到的一个里再来阐述

However, the concept of personal responsibility is necessary rather than unrealistic for an individual's life and for (for不要)the society. Though because of the complexity of the living conditions the concept of personal responsibility become more complicated, an individual and even a society cannot advance with such concept. When confronted with large choice in our lives, the idea that we have to responsible for the result brought by our choice, whether good or not（语法严重错误）. Only with the concept of personal responsibility will each individual try his or her best to think over the problem before the decision is made, thus making an individual more reasonable. When it comes to a larger society, the concept of personal responsibility becomes more essential. It is obvious that almost every society requires its people to take responsibility for their behaviors. Each person cannot do harm to others or damage the whole society when using his or her freedom; otherwise, the person has to lose something because of the responsibility for his or her own behaviors. Clearly, it is personal responsibility that makes a society in harmony and each individual gets max amount of freedom.

Furthermore, though the conditions or circumstances around us have existed before we come to this world, it is not necessary the case that such conditions and circumstances are invariable. We can do something to change the conditions if it is not fair for most social members, and this is more extended personal responsibility, namely social responsibility. For instance, the founders of the United States fight with the British colonists for the desire of freedom and independence. To a larger extent, this also involves the concept of responsibility, the responsibility （responsibility的重复使用）for the human history. The civil rights movements in 1960's serve as another example. Many Americans, including a large number of white Americans, take the idea of equal rights as their social responsibilities, thus resulting in the progress of American society.例子需要论述

In sum, though we cannot decide the conditions we live in before we go to this planet, the concept of personal responsibility is entirely necessary for people's lives and for the society. What's more, the conditions are not necessarily and will not be in the original state as it was largely established. Sometimes it is our social responsibility, the extended personal responsibility, to change the conditions in which we live and make our society a better one.

对于新手来说，已经不错了，只不过词汇的重复使用问题严重，语法错误不少
逻辑方面我看得有点糊涂，希望以后能把提纲也写出来
加油！！！