issue162同主题,昨天写了没敢发,又写了一遍,请大家拍啊,必回拍

kkytUID: 188814

issue162
"One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed."

人们常听说个人需要为他们自己的生活负责任。然而，人们发现自己所在的环境在人们认识到之前早已经建立了。因此，个人责任的概念要比通常人们想象的要更复杂和不切实际。

[交晚了抱歉，这个太难了，偶昨天写了一次，太恶心，就又改了，还是很烂，大家猛拍啊。]
[观点：个人责任是复杂的，但不是不现实的，个人除对自己负责外还要服从社会责任。]
(1)人的活动受社会环境的影响和制约，因此人的责任是复杂的，包括社会责任和个人责任以及其他责任，人是社会中人，社会的条件环境在很大程度上不因个人的改变而而改变，例如人不能选择自己的父母出身家庭条件，再如道德，法律等观念影响着个人的行为，个人责任的实现只有在法律和道德范围下才有意义。因此做为个人不但要有个人责任也要有社会责任。
（2）个人责任首先要为社会负责，而不是为自己负责。比如]如发生了SARS，tsunami 事件，医疗工作者不顾生命危险冒死医救，就是把社会责任放在更高的位置，而不是为了自己的责任。再比如解放伊拉克人民，美国士兵为了民主不惜生命，推翻Saddam 政权。因此社会是有集体组成的，人是社会的人，当个人生活和社会责任矛盾时服从社会。

（3）当然人要能为自己的生活负责，命运终掌握在自己手中。只要通过努力，就能取得成功。若Helen Keller 如果自暴自弃，不努力最终会一事无成。

Nowadays, personal responsibility which means something for which one is responsible, a duty, an obligation, or a burden is a hot issue. I fundamentally agree with the speakers’ claim that the concept of responsibility is more complicated than it is often assumed, but in my idea, it is not absurd and unrealistic though the conditions have largely been established long before, therefore people should take responsibility both for their own life and society.


To begin with, the conditions and circumstances that individuals live influence and restraint their personal behavior, thus the concept of responsibility involves not only the need for their own and the society. For one hand as we know, social environment and conditions that has been built up by the whole people can not be altered to some extent. For example, it is obviously that we can not decide our parents and family no matter how poor they are. For another hand, individuals’ deed was restricted by social laws and moral ethics, in the other word, only those behaviors that accord with social tenets can be effective. Therefore, as far as the term of personal responsibility is concerned, it refers to both for individuals and whole society.
Furthermore, individuals should take into account the interest of society first rather than their own benefit. Without social exist, without individual live. History is laded with people who sacrificed their own benefits for the sake of social interests. For instance, myriads of doctors and nurses from many different countries congregated into South-East Asia where tsunami broke out neglecting their own family in order to cure the patients. Another example which also illustrates my idea is the war of Iraq. For the democracy and freedom of the Iraqi, the brave US soldiers desperately overturned the Saddam government without considering their youthful lives. Hence, after all, the development of individuals need the society and people should abandon their responsibility for their own lives when it contradicted with social require.      
   
Admittedly, it is only the individuals who can take responsibility for their own life. Just as an old saying said one's fate is grasped by your own hand and only through continuous hard work people can get success. Take Helen Keller a deaf blind woman as example, though she was disabled, nevertheless, she did not lose heart and still worked hard and conquered all the difficulties she confronted, finally she became a role model for millions of people in twenty century. To the contrary, for example, my classmate xiaoqiang who born in a poor family regarded himself as a bad student and gave up his studying, eventually he committed a crime when he left school. These examples illustrate that the condition of individual's life was determined by what you have paid, to some way.

In sum, to the certain conditions, one person who lives in society would take all kinds of responsibilities such as for society, for his own etc. It is essential for individuals to fulfill their obligation to both their own lives and collectivity.

bcomerUID: 182621

zhan zuo

kkytUID: 188814

to bacomer 昨天是你的作文吧,偶记不请了 ,改完找不到作者了,郁闷ing 我看看你的

bcomerUID: 182621

：）
谢谢你看我的作文
不过昨天的作文应该不是我的
今天是我节后第一次来作文版
写的不好，尚需努力，一起加油吧

……
改你的作文去了:)

bcomerUID: 182621

Nowadays, personal responsibility which means something for which one is responsible, a duty, an obligation, or a burden is a hot issue. I fundamentally agree with the speakers’ claim that the concept of responsibility is more complicated than it is often assumed, but in my idea, it is not absurd and unrealistic though the conditions have largely been established long before, therefore people should take responsibility both for their own life and (the) society.


To begin with, the conditions and circumstances that (in which) individuals live influence and restraint (restrict) their personal behavior, thus the concept of responsibility involves not only the need for their own and (and also) the society. For one hand as we know, social environment and conditions that has (have) been built up by the whole people can not be altered to some extent. For example, it is obviously (obvious) that we can not decide our parents and family no matter how poor they are. For another hand, individuals’ deed was (deeds were) restricted by social laws and moral ethics, in the other word, only those behaviors that accord with social tenets can be effective. Therefore, as far as the term of personal responsibility is concerned, it refers to both for individuals and (the?) whole society.
Furthermore, individuals should take into account the interest of society first rather than their own benefit (benefits). Without social exist, without individual live. History is laded with people who sacrificed their own benefits for the sake of social interests. For instance, myriads of doctors and nurses from many different countries congregated into South-East Asia where tsunami broke out neglecting their own family in order to cure the patients. Another example which also illustrates my idea is the war of Iraq. For the democracy and freedom of the Iraqi, the brave US soldiers desperately overturned the Saddam government without considering their youthful lives. Hence, after all, the development of individuals need the society and people should abandon their responsibility for their own lives when it (be contradicted with sth / contradict sth) contradicted with social require.

Admittedly, it is only the individuals who can take responsibility for their own life. Just as an old saying said one's fate is grasped by your own hand and only through continuous hard work people can get success. Take Helen Keller a deaf blind woman as example, though she was disabled, nevertheless, she did not lose heart and still worked hard and conquered all the difficulties she confronted(two ‘and’ in one sentence^^) , finally she became a role model for millions of people in twenty century( the 20th century?). To the contrary, for example, my classmate xiaoqiang who born in a poor family regarded himself as a bad student and gave up his studying, eventually he committed a crime when he left school. These examples illustrate that the condition of individual's life was determined by what you have paid, to some way.

In sum, to the certain conditions, one person who lives in (the) society would take all kinds of responsibilities such as for society, for his own etc. It is essential for individuals to fulfill their obligation (+s) to both their own lives and collectivity.

觉得写的挺好的：）

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我占，昨天只看到你的提纲，今天终于看到你的文章了呵呵

鬼谷子UID: 159645

issue162
"One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed."

人们常听说个人需要为他们自己的生活负责任。然而，人们发现自己所在的环境在人们认识到之前早已经建立了。因此，个人责任的概念要比通常人们想象的要更复杂和不切实际。

[交晚了抱歉，这个太难了，偶昨天写了一次，太恶心，就又改了，还是很烂，大家猛拍啊。]
[观点：个人责任是复杂的，但不是不现实的，个人除对自己负责外还要服从社会责任。]
(1)人的活动受社会环境的影响和制约，因此人的责任是复杂的，包括社会责任和个人责任以及其他责任，人是社会中人，社会的条件环境在很大程度上不因个人的改变而而改变，例如人不能选择自己的父母出身家庭条件，再如道德，法律等观念影响着个人的行为，个人责任的实现只有在法律和道德范围下才有意义。因此做为个人不但要有个人责任也要有社会责任。
（2）个人责任首先要为社会负责，而不是为自己负责。比如]如发生了SARS，tsunami 事件，医疗工作者不顾生命危险冒死医救，就是把社会责任放在更高的位置，而不是为了自己的责任。再比如解放伊拉克人民，美国士兵为了民主不惜生命，推翻Saddam 政权。因此社会是有集体组成的，人是社会的人，当个人生活和社会责任矛盾时服从社会。

（3）当然人要能为自己的生活负责，命运终掌握在自己手中。只要通过努力，就能取得成功。若Helen Keller 如果自暴自弃，不努力最终会一事无成。

Nowadays, personal responsibility which means something for which one is responsible, a duty, an obligation, or a burden is a hot issue. I fundamentally agree with the speakers’ claim that the concept of responsibility is more complicated than it is often assumed, but in my idea, it is not absurd and unrealistic though the conditions have largely been established long before, therefore people should take responsibility both for their own life 【lives】and society.


To begin with, the conditions and circumstances that individuals live【in】 influence and restraint their personal behavior, thus the concept of responsibility involves not only the need for their own and 【but also/but】the society. 【把环境的影响和对于社会的责任联系起来，证明了complicated，很好的思路】For 【on】one hand as we know, social environment and conditions that has been built up by the whole people 【whole people？】can not be altered to some extent. For example, it is obviously that we can not decide our parents and family no matter how poor they are. For another hand, 【on the other hand】 individuals’ deed was restricted by social laws and moral ethics, in the other word, only those behaviors that accord with social tenets can be effective. 【这个论断跟前面关系不大】Therefore, as far as the term of personal responsibility is concerned, it refers to both for individuals and whole society. 【关于社会责任论述不清】

Furthermore, individuals should take into account the interest of society first rather than their own benefit. Without social 【society】exist, without individual live. 【这样的表达可以吗？】 History is laded with people who sacrificed their own benefits for the sake of social interests. For instance, myriads of doctors and nurses from many different countries congregated into South-East Asia where tsunami broke out neglecting their own family in order to cure the patients. Another example which also illustrates my idea is the war of Iraq. For the democracy and freedom of the Iraqi, the brave US soldiers desperately overturned the Saddam government without considering their youthful lives. 【这个例子有点功利性哦，为了博取老美好感吗？不过老美也有很多人对于这个问题有正确的看法的，慎用】 Hence, after all, the development of individuals need the society and people should abandon【sacrifice】 their responsibility for their own lives when it contradicted with social require.

Admittedly, it is only the individuals who can take responsibility for their own life. 【这个怎么能够让步呢？应该是你的论点中的一个关键环节啊】Just as an old saying said one's fate is grasped by your own hand and only through continuous hard work people can get success. 【没有论述清楚就匆匆的举例了】Take Helen Keller a deaf blind woman as example, though she was disabled, nevertheless, she did not lose heart and still worked hard and conquered all the difficulties she confronted, finally she became a role model for millions of people in twenty century. To the contrary, for example, my classmate xiaoqiang【小强？hoho旺财。。】 who born in a poor family regarded himself as a bad student and gave up his studying, eventually he committed a crime when he left school. These examples illustrate that the condition of individual's life was determined by what you have paid, to some way.

In sum, to the certain conditions, one person who lives in society would take all kinds of responsibilities such as for society, for his own etc. It is essential for individuals to fulfill their obligation to both their own lives and collectivity.
【B1把环境的影响和对于社会的责任联系起来，证明了complicated的观点很好，没有论述清楚。B3不该让步，因为个人对于生活负责是你B1B2论述的一个前提。而且，位置不对，应该放在最前面，只有论证了个人对于生活可以负责这个前提才能谈到个人对于生活的责任与对于社会的责任的比较的问题。注意逻辑顺序。加油！】

kkytUID: 188814

谢谢bcomer和鬼谷子
特别是鬼谷子啊 ,好辛苦啊,几乎修改了每篇同主题写作.敬仰ing

wanderwengUID: 196531

你的提纲很层次分明哦 而且你举的例子都好有时代感 学习ing

OnlytimeUID: 194963

我写了一个小时的东西，回复时出了问题，全没了！！气死了！！！
重新写！！

OnlytimeUID: 194963

首先向kkyt道个歉，因为现在上校外网不太方便，所以现在才回拍你的作文。Sorry
我不太会用颜色修改作文，而且前面已经有两位大虾对你的语言提出了建议。所以我主要说一些你的结构吧。
首先，每段内部结构非常好，是ETS喜欢的“论点+举例论证+结论”模式。例子也挺有说服力的。而且

也比较注意用关联词。不错：）
但是内容上就比较有问题了：第一段：你论点好像说responsibility既包括对自己生活的，也包括对社会

的，但例子好像是说环境对responsibility的影响。第二段：例子也有点儿问题，neglect individual

interest一定意味着abandon personal responsibility for one's life吗？阅卷者也未必会这么认为吧

。第三段：你的段首句我没读懂，好像缺成分。这一段我的理解有两种可能：1）do not lose heart,

work hard才能responsible, 但是do not lose heart, work hard不就是undertake responsibilities的

过程吗？2）do not lose heart, work hard才能创造一个significant life。这样的话，这一段根本不能算是让步，放在文章最后也很不合适。 此外，从内容上看，段落之间的衔接和过渡也不太自然。
根据你的文章，我的建议如下：[当然，仅供参考：）]
开头可以写：责任的复杂性不但表现在它的内容上（也就是，既要对自己的生活负责，由要对社会负责），还表现在，外界环境对个人履行责任有着不可忽视的影响。
1、个人要对自己的生活负责。也就是你原来的第三段，这样来说明对自己生活负责会给自己的生活多么有利。就像我们现在痛苦的考G，是为了将来有米啊！：）当然了，作文里不能这么说啦，你原来第三段的例子就蛮好的。：）
2、个人要有社会责任感。而且两者相冲突的时候，要把社会责任感放在首位。你的第二段，例子可以改一改，再怎么irrelevant的例子，经过适当的修饰后，可能也会变得pertinent哦！：）
3、个人活动受环境的影响和制约。你原来的第一段，相当于一个让步。

顺便传授一点儿我的经验：在没有把握的情况下，开头可以“开门见山”。我经常是先写正文。然后，把每段的开头句（也就是中心句）Cut, 原处Paste,再Paste到开头。然后稍加修改。这样的开头，既表明了论点，又为下文做了铺垫，这样的文章永远不会跑题，也不会漏题（当然，前提是，每一段都与题目直接相关）。结尾就是在把开头换一种说法，然后加点儿号召什么的。：）

你什么时候考？如果时间充裕，可以背背孙远的工具箱，没有的话，新概念也不错。因为从你这篇文章来看，英语中的中式思维和中式表达比较严重的说，可以利用新概念每篇课文后面的翻译练习一下中译英。

以上就是我的意见啦，当然，仅供参考，因为我的水平也很烂啦。加油加油哦！一起走完GT路！！

kkytUID: 188814

真的谢谢Onlytime 的建议,你说的还真准,我几乎都忙写了,没背过任何东西,写出来很空洞啊,我要计划少写,多背了, 不过我会继续改大家的作文.潜水学习计划正在考虑中ing

medwinUID: 189909

Nowadays, personal responsibility which means something for which one is responsible, a duty, an obligation, or a burden is a hot issue.这句不太通顺，由于后面的is a hot issue比较短，可以说personal responsibility is a hot issue，which…，此外定语重句嵌套有点不连贯，for which one is responsible可以，但是后面duty，obligation不能和for连起来 I fundamentally agree with the speakers’speaker’s claim that the concept of responsibility is more complicated than it is often assumed, but in my idea, it is not absurd and unrealistic though the conditions have largely been established long before, therefore people should take responsibility both for their own life and society.这句话写得很好

To begin with, the conditions and circumstances that individuals live in influence and restraint their personal behavior, thus the concept of responsibility involves not only the need for their own and but also吧 the society. For one hand 一般是on the one hand，on the other hand吧 as we know, social environment and conditions that has been built up by the whole all the people can not be altered to some extent. For example, it is obviously that we can not decide our parents and family no matter how poor they are. For another hand, individuals’ deed was restricted by social laws and moral ethics, in the other word, only those behaviors that accord with social tenets can be effective. Therefore, as far as the term of personal responsibility is concerned, it refers to both for individuals and whole society.
Furthermore, individuals should take into account the interest of society first rather than their own benefit.个人要顾全大局，可没有谈到和责任的关系啊，需点明 Without social exist, without individual live. History is laded with people who sacrificed their own benefits for the sake of social interests. For instance, myriads of doctors and nurses from many different countries congregated into South-East Asia where tsunami broke out neglecting their own family in order to cure the patients. Another example which also illustrates my idea is the war of Iraq. For the democracy and freedom of the Iraqi, the brave US soldiers desperately overturned the Saddam government without considering their youthful lives. Hence, after all, the development of individuals need the society and people should abandon their responsibility for their own lives when it contradicted with social require.这些人放弃的是自己的利益，而不是责任，恰恰相反，医生和士兵正是在履行职责

Admittedly, it is only the individuals who can take responsibility for their own life. Just as an old saying said one's fate is grasped by your own hand and only through continuous hard work people can get success. Take Helen Keller a deaf blind woman as example, though she was disabled, nevertheless, she did not lose heart and still worked hard and conquered all the difficulties she confronted, finally she became a role model for millions of people in twenty century. To the contrary, for example, my classmate xiaoqiang who born in a poor family regarded himself as a bad student and gave up his studying, eventually he committed a crime when he left school. These examples illustrate that the condition of individual's life was determined by what you have paid, to some way.这一段写得不错，意思明确

In sum, to the certain conditions, one person who lives in society would take all kinds of responsibilities such as for society, for his own himself比较好 etc. It is essential for individuals to fulfill their obligation to both their own lives and collectivity.
作者首段题的观点是：责任因环境而更复杂了，但不是unrealistic的，人们因该对自己的生活以及社会负责。
B1只说了个人责任和个人和社会都有关，但是复杂性没有说明，应该进一步说这种和社会的关系导致责任复杂化。
B2我觉的不太好，说个人要顾全大局，没有围绕责任，也不和第一段的论点关系不大，而且最后的总结不太正确
B3写得很好，论述了生活责任，举例充分

Mars3000UID: 198477

issue162
"One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed."

人们常听说个人需要为他们自己的生活负责任。然而，人们发现自己所在的环境在人们认识到之前早已经建立了。因此，个人责任的概念要比通常人们想象的要更复杂和不切实际。

交晚了抱歉，这个太难了，偶昨天写了一次，太恶心，就又改了，还是很烂，大家猛拍啊。
观点：个人责任是复杂的，但不是不现实的，个人除对自己负责外还要服从社会责任。
(1)人的活动受社会环境的影响和制约，因此人的责任是复杂的，包括社会责任和个人责任以及其他责任，人是社会中人，社会的条件环境在很大程度上不因个人的改变而而改变，例如人不能选择自己的父母出身家庭条件，再如道德，法律等观念影响着个人的行为，个人责任的实现只有在法律和道德范围下才有意义。因此做为个人不但要有个人责任也要有社会责任。
（2）个人责任首先要为社会负责，而不是为自己负责。比如/color如发生了SARS，tsunami 事件，医疗工作者不顾生命危险冒死医救，就是把社会责任放在更高的位置，而不是为了自己的责任。再比如解放伊拉克人民，美国士兵为了民主不惜生命，推翻Saddam 政权。因此社会是有集体组成的，人是社会的人，当个人生活和社会责任矛盾时服从社会。

（3）当然人要能为自己的生活负责，命运终掌握在自己手中。只要通过努力，就能取得成功。若Helen Keller 如果自暴自弃，不努力最终会一事无成。

Nowadays, personal responsibility which means something for which one is responsible, a duty, an obligation, or a burden is a hot issue. I fundamentally agree with the speakers’ claim that the concept of responsibility is more complicated than it is often assumed, but in my idea, it is not absurd and unrealistic though the conditions have largely been established long before, therefore 【and therefore,这里therefore是副词吧】 people should take responsibility both for their own life and society.


To begin with, the conditions and circumstances that individuals live influence and restraint their personal behavior【behaviors】, thus【and thus】 the concept of responsibility involves not only the need for their own and the society. For one hand as we know, social environment and conditions that has been built up by the whole people can not be altered to some extent. For example, it is obviously that we can not decide our parents and family no matter how poor they are. For another hand, individuals’ deed was restricted by social laws and moral ethics, in the other【In the other】  word, only those behaviors that accord with social tenets can be effective. Therefore, as far as the term of personal responsibility is concerned, it refers to both for individuals and whole society.
Furthermore, individuals should take into account the interest of society first rather than their own benefit. Without social exist, without individual live. History is laded with people who sacrificed their own benefits for the sake of social interests. For instance, myriads of doctors and nurses from many different countries congregated into South-East Asia where tsunami broke out neglecting their own family in order to cure the patients. Another example which also illustrates my idea is the war of Iraq. For the democracy and freedom of the Iraqi, the brave US soldiers desperately overturned the Saddam government without considering their youthful lives. Hence, after all, the development of individuals need the society and people should abandon their responsibility for their own lives when it contradicted with social require.

Admittedly, 【你这样的让步可能有问题，这样给人的理解是虽然下文是正确的但其不是主要的；而事实应该表达的是尽管条件是由上文确定的，但命运确是由下文即人的努力决定的】it is only the individuals who can take responsibility for their own life. Just as an old saying said one's fate is grasped by your own hand and only through continuous hard work people can get success. Take Helen Keller a deaf blind woman as example, though she was disabled, nevertheless, she did not lose heart and still worked hard and conquered all the difficulties she confronted, finally she became a role model for millions of people in twenty century. To the contrary, for example, my classmate xiaoqiang who born in a poor family regarded himself as a bad student and gave up his studying, eventually he committed a crime when he left school. These examples illustrate that the condition of individual's life was determined by what you have paid, to some way.

In sum, to the certain conditions, one person who lives in society would take all kinds of responsibilities such as for society, for his own etc. It is essential for individuals to fulfill their obligation to both their own lives and collectivity.

这么多大牛都评过了，我也就随便说两句
语法上的问题我也叫不准，所以如果我说的不对，请兄台务必指出来。
对于个人责任的定义，我与兄台的看法有出入：
因为题中明确提到了personal responsibility，所以我想是不是就不应包括社会及家庭责任。
我在自己写的时候怕触雷区，没敢提。