issue162 同主题写作 好难写啊：（

parameciumUID: 154073

162"One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed

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Individual responsibility, in my view, refers to the traits that grow with the opportunities to share mutual tasks in a democracy. And these tasks should be accomplished in an orderly fashion for the welfare of the group. Though the
conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them, people hold the right to decide which things should do or which should not do. As a matter of fact, the concept of personal responsibility is not complicated and unrealistic as the statement of the author.

First of all, we all know that human are social animals, it is inevitable for them to interact with other people. One of the key elements which improve the civilization of the society lies in the abidance to the various law and moral disciplines set out by the state. It is the responsibility and duty of everyone to obey these regulations. For instance, in the realm of business, to create a healthy and efficient atmosphere, everyone involved should realize that it is their responsibility to keep respectful, trustful, equal, as well as other characters during the process of interaction with others. Otherwise, the business cannot proceed smoothly and block the development of state's overall economy. That is to say, though the condition has been established by the government, it is still totally necessary for people to take their personal responsibility to promote the healthy development of society.

In the second place, while people take their personal responsibility for what they act or speak, it also means that they are responsible for the future both of the society and their offspring in the long run. Take the hot topic, environment for example. In the time of modernization, a great amount of factories and transportation tools have become the direct sources of the pollution, which make our everyday life under the surrounding of polluted air, water and the like. Also, more and more forests have disappeared substituted by the desert, many species are still in the danger of extinction. Factually, we are creating the living conditions for our offspring. Then, if we do not anticipate to live in such a uncomfortable environment, how should we make our later generations endure that? Thus, it is time for us to take personal responsibility to protect environment and avoid the man-made damages.

Moreover, the statement that personal responsibility is unrealistic is just an excuse for some people. For example, if some one is in the status of poverty, how can he or she claim that it is natural to steal of rob? Or, when the promise of improving the social problems has not come true, some government officials say that it is not their responsibility just because the condition has been established long before that not easy for them to undertake it. And, is the phenomenon that businessmen do not obey the normal regulations in order to make more profits reasonable? If everyone does what he or she want and does not take the responsibility, the consequences will of course damage the well-being of people, the development and the civilization of the society.

In sum, though the living conditions have been established before people become aware, the concept of individual responsibilities are still necessary to improve the whole improvement of people's lives. There exists no single person without mutual tasks with other ones. And, the development of the society is no longer single's affairs.

parameciumUID: 154073

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鬼谷子UID: 159645

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鬼谷子UID: 159645

162"One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed

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Individual responsibility, in my view, refers to the traits that grow with the opportunities to share mutual tasks in a democracy. 【这句有点晦涩，民主政治中随着分享相互任务的机会而增长的特点？把一个抽象问题变得更抽象不是一个好办法】 And these tasks should be accomplished in an orderly fashion for the welfare of the group. 【是要指出责任与集体福利的关系吗？】Though the
conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them, people hold the right to decide which things should do or which should not do. As a matter of fact, the concept of personal responsibility is not complicated and unrealistic as 【asserted in 】the statement of the author. 【前面的定义与后面的观点衔接的不好】

First of all, we all know that human are social animals, it is inevitable for them 【us】to interact with other people. One of the key elements which improve the civilization of the society lies in the abidance to the various law and moral disciplines set out by the state. It is the responsibility and duty of everyone to obey these regulations. 【不清楚，因为需要interact所以需要遵守法律规则？而又把责任当作已经来用？】For instance, in the realm of business, to create a healthy and efficient atmosphere, everyone involved should realize that it is their responsibility to keep respectful, trustful, equal, as well as other characters during the process of interaction with others. Otherwise, the business cannot proceed smoothly and block the development of state's overall economy. 【感觉你论述的还是welfare的问题】 That is to say, though the condition has been established by the government, it is still totally necessary for people to take their personal responsibility to promote the healthy development of society. 【又转到了个人可以负责的问题。论点，例子，结论说的是三个方面的问题，不统一】

In the second place, while people take their personal responsibility for what they act or speak, it also means that they are responsible for the future both of the society and their offspring in the long run. Take the hot topic, environment for example. In the time of modernization, a great amount of factories and transportation tools have become the direct sources of the pollution, which make our everyday life under the surrounding of polluted air, water and the like. Also, more and more forests have disappeared substituted by the desert【;】 many species are still in the danger of extinction. Factually, we are creating the living conditions for our offspring. Then, if we do not anticipate to live【living】 in such a uncomfortable environment, how should we make our later generations endure that? Thus, it is time for us to take personal responsibility to protect environment and avoid the man-made damages. 【没有说到点上，你说的是一个现象，而污染到底是谁的责任呢？这个还没有明确的论证。另外，你把重点放在对于后人的责任上面，可是，我们应该讨论的是人们对于自己生活的责任】

Moreover, the statement that personal responsibility is unrealistic is just an excuse for some people. For example, if some one is in the status of poverty, how can he or she claim that it is natural to steal of rob? Or, when the promise of improving the social problems has not come true, some government officials say that it is not their responsibility just because the condition has been established long before that not easy for them to undertake it. 【这个题目的论据似乎不是指政府，而你这里所说的也是政府责任，而不是个人的】 And, is the phenomenon that businessmen do not obey the normal regulations in order to make more profits reasonable? 【没有谓语】 If everyone does what he or she want and does not take the responsibility, the consequences will of course damage the well-being of people, the development and the civilization of the society.

In sum, though the living conditions have been established before people become aware, the concept of individual responsibilities are still necessary to improve the whole improvement of people's lives. There exists no single person without mutual tasks with other ones. And, the development of the society is no longer single's affairs.
【complicated和unrealistic的问题没有论证。其他问题的论证上面也存在着问题。不过，你的语言功底是很好的。应该多在思路和论证上面下工夫。加油！】