issue93 同主题写作315考最后一次参与这个写作了，留连接回拍

指向大海UID: 158737

Individual responsibility is so hot an issue nowadays that it attracts the attention of more and more people safety and government management. While some people present their views that individual responsibility is largely determined by their own making rather than forces and people should be held responsible for their own action, I insist that this opinion is just someone’s good wish, yet the concept of personal responsibility is much complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.

The fact is that individuals are molded by the social environment in which they grow up and the culture in which they are instilled with. A case in point is that the soldier in the battle field. Although seldom a soldier have personal hatred towards the enemies, he is forced to kill the enemies in that circumstance or else the enemies kill him. When victory comes, the healthy soldiers returned their home with honors, while the wounded might become disabled and the death will never come back. Remember the movie Forrest Gump? Then you must know the typical character. Lieutenant Dan- a soldier fight for army for years, finally he turned to be a cripple in the war of Vietnam, and the worst, no honor, only almsgiving. When he met Gump years later, he was addicted to alcohol and sex in that he has no hope in life, listen to what he said “That’s all they ever talk about. Jesus this and Jesus that, ha Have I found Jesus? They even had a priest come and talk to me. He said god is listening, but I have to help myself. Now if I accept Jesus into my heart, I’ll get to walk beside him in the kingdom of heaven. Do you hear what I said? Walk beside him in the kingdom of heaven. Well, kiss my crippled ass. God is listening? What a crock of shit.” This illustrate that the cause of a well-growing person turned to be one has no hope to government society as well as individual responsibility. Some what negative, however, I still intend to claim the society and world as a whole today pay little attention to the lower class, thus they said the concept of “individual responsibility” is a necessary fiction. The other factor cause this phenomenon is the family and mass-media.

Family, where the children grow up, influence the children than any other group. With the incredible increasing rate of divorce and violence in family, children’s moral education turned to be a failure. The movie Catch me if you can was based on a real story about Frank, a kid cheated by making fake checks since 16 years old when his parents divorced. He pretend to be a pilot, a doctor, a lawyer, honored career, successfully cheated 4,000,000 dollars. Being one of the problem teenagers, others are all show no care about others and society. There has to be another cause, the mass-media, including the newspaper, television, internet and the like, demonstrated a new materialistic attitude that we had never before experienced. Films and sitcoms portrayed every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke in the leisure of life. This kind of films and book, change the society’s alcohol, sex, or even drug are normal in one’s life. So we wouldn’t surprise for the high rate crime including teenager crime today.

Luckily, however, education by society or by other noble-minded people plays a significant role in the cultivation of people’s mind. More and more people are awarded of the necessary of individual responsibility. They were told not to do things harm others even if you want and tolerant others while you suffered grievance, and do not blame the fate when he is unfair because this is what life about. See the change of Lieutenant Dan after he met Forrest Gump, he finally made his peace with God. Look at the comeback to FBI at the last moment FBI, I bet many people moved as I did since another real man was growing up. Our education serves as the best machine in culture one’s mind. Anyway, what we hope is the healthy growing of individuals.

From what has been discussed above, we may know that even though the dilemma still exists, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that people’s actions were decided by the circumstances as well as their own making, but the concept of personal responsibility is much more complex than people’s good wish. To make our world a bright future, individual can take their respective responsibility through moral education and the positive work of noble-minded people.

指向大海UID: 158737

花了一个小时写的比较长，个人感觉比较乱，应该可以删一些废话，还希望大家多看看，留连接，如果我时间不够了，考完了因为会帮你改的

crazyfox3UID: 171430

有一些语法错误，请自己修改
例子方面比较淡薄，主要是围绕电影阐述的（2，4段），3段还不错，可以把例子在丰富些
逻辑方面很清晰，很明确，语言很干净，不过还是可以看到模板的影子
祝3。15大胜而归

指向大海UID: 158737

谢谢楼上的，我明天就去济南了，回来再帮你改作文把

我也觉得例子不好举啊，这道题考场上碰到估计就放弃了，语法一致是我的弱项啊，考场上只能尽力小心了

指向大海UID: 158737

明天一早做去济南的火车，如果今天晚上有人拍我一定加倍奉还

parameciumUID: 154073

晚一点发上来，行不？

parameciumUID: 154073

Individual responsibility is so hot an issue nowadays that it attracts the attention of more and more people safety and government management[后半句不通顺]. While some people present their views that individual responsibility is largely determined by their own making rather than forces and people should be held responsible for their own action, I insist that this opinion is just someone’s good wish, yet the concept of personal responsibility is much complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.
[我觉得这个破题不是太好，和下面你讲到的几个TS不大一致]

The fact is that individuals are molded by the social environment in which they grow up and the culture in which they are instilled with. A case in point is that the soldier in the battle field. Although seldom a soldier have personal hatred towards the enemies, he is forced to kill the enemies in that circumstance or else the enemies kill him. When victory comes, the healthy soldiers returned their home with honors, while the wounded might become disabled and the death will never come back. Remember the movie Forrest Gump? Then you must know the typical character. Lieutenant Dan- a soldier fight for army for years, finally he turned to be a cripple in the war of Vietnam, and the worst, no honor, only almsgiving. When he met Gump years later, he was addicted to alcohol and sex in that he has no hope in life, listen to what he said “That’s all they ever talk about. Jesus this and Jesus that, ha Have I found Jesus? They even had a priest come and talk to me. He said god is listening, but I have to help myself. Now if I accept Jesus into my heart, I’ll get to walk beside him in the kingdom of heaven. Do you hear what I said? Walk beside him in the kingdom of heaven. Well, kiss my crippled ass. God is listening? What a crock of shit.” [这个例子写得太冗长了,这样做只会削弱论点]This illustrate that the cause of a well-growing person turned to be one has no hope to government society as well as individual responsibility. Some what negative, however, I still intend to claim the society and world as a whole today pay little attention to the lower class, thus they said the concept of “individual responsibility” is a necessary fiction. The other factor cause this phenomenon is the family and mass-media.[我觉得后面这一句可以改一改,直接放入下一段]

Family, where the children grow up, influence the children than any other group. With the incredible increasing rate of divorce and violence in family, children’s moral education turned to be a failure. The movie Catch me if you can was based on a real story about Frank, a kid cheated by making fake checks since 16 years old when his parents divorced. He pretend to be a pilot, a doctor, a lawyer, honored career, successfully cheated 4,000,000 dollars. Being one of the problem teenagers, others are all show no care about others and society. There has to be another cause, the mass-media, including the newspaper, television, internet and the like, demonstrated a new materialistic attitude that we had never before experienced. Films and sitcoms portrayed every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke in the leisure of life. This kind of films and book, change the society’s alcohol, sex, or even drug are normal in one’s life. So we wouldn’t surprise for the high rate crime including teenager crime today.[有堆砌例子的嫌疑]

Luckily, however, education by society or by other noble-minded people plays a significant role in the cultivation of people’s mind. More and more people are awarded of the necessary of individual responsibility. They were told not to do things harm others even if you want and tolerant others while you suffered grievance, and do not blame the fate when he is unfair because this is what life about. See the change of Lieutenant Dan after he met Forrest Gump, he finally made his peace with God. Look at the comeback to FBI at the last moment FBI, I bet many people moved as I did since another real man was growing up. Our education serves as the best machine in culture one’s mind. Anyway, what we hope is the healthy growing of individuals.

From what has been discussed above, we may know that even though the dilemma still exists, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that people’s actions were decided by the circumstances as well as their own making, but the concept of personal responsibility is much more complex than people’s good wish. To make our world a bright future, individual can take their respective responsibility through moral education and the positive work of noble-minded people.[结尾段有TWE的影子, 呵呵]
[写得还不错,逻辑线索挺明确的,不过有些是在”无话找话”,凑字数]

祝15好运

leezedUID: 195039

你的b1,b2两段实际上写的是一个reasoning即b1开头的那句话，只不过是写了军人和孩子这两个方面
examples虽不少但reasoning有些单薄,这样会使文章不够complicated
此外，遣词用句上还是可以的

bluelegend66UID: 161638

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