Issue 7 拍砖请留回拍地址

shengzhongbellUID: 199083

7. "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

Response:

Some people believe that video camera is more important than written records as document instrument according to that the former can provide accurate and convincing record of contemporary life. On the contrary, some other people consider written records more significant. In my opinion, I would rather like to believe that both video camera and written records are important.

To begin with, video camera an instrumental document appliance. It was invented no more than 150 years, after his forerunner camera. More people are probable to infer that video camera is used to make movies. As a matter of fact, another important function is document. The video camera helps human record history. Nowadays, we can watch some important and exciting history moment in television. For instance, we can restore the moment when the first plane in the world, taking off as a bird. Likewise we can see some  segment involving the second world war. The video camera helps witness the history. It seems that we are shuttling in the history. Today, video camera plays a much more important role in documentation, especially on those great days such as Olympic days. On that day, there will be numerous/uncountable video cameras in the sports field, recording almost all the details in the game. As a result, people can recall those exciting, intense and unforgettable/memorable moment. Thereby the video camera makes huge contribution to the documentation.

On the other hand, written record is also an important form of documentation that nothing can replace or substitute. For thousands years, human have recorded things through writing. At the beginning, our ancestor wrote records on the stone and cloth. Later, paper was invented by Chinese. Then the paper began to change human's life. People write almost everything on paper. Written records become the best way to make document. Most history is documented by paper. Even the Bible is written by several people. Today we can find written records anywhere such as company, government, school and so on. In these fields, most documentation is based on written paper. Different from video camera, written records have its own special advantage. Sometimes, it is convenient to use such method for documentation. Concerned the evidence I mentioned, written records are important for documentation as well.

Finally, it makes no difference to decide that which form of documentation is more important. Because both document forms serve human. The significance is how we do the document by distinctive methods. When we are recording a match, we would better to use camera. By contrast, some document must be recorded by written form. Most contracts are written on the paper, specifically, both delegate sign their name on the contracts, signifying their promise. Each form of documentation has their benefits. It depends on that how we utilize them.

In sum, the video camera and written form in documentation are both important. Different documentation needs different fitting instrument. What is important is that how we make great use of these methods.

pringleUID: 195431

Some people believe that video camera is more important than written records [as document instrument according to that the former can provide accurate and convincing record of contemporary life.-> to document contemporary life, for it's highly accurate and convicing.] On the contrary, [some 删掉] other people consider written records more significant. In my opinion, I would rather like to believe that both video camera and written records are important.[感觉on the contrary一句距题意有偏差：题设并未提到有人说written records{更}重要。但对你自己的论点干扰不大。]

To begin with, video camera [is ?] an instrumental document[ation?] appliance. It was invented no more than 150 years, after [his->its] forerunner camera. More people [are->were] probable to infer that video camera [is->could be: infer 用法] used to make movies. As a matter of fact, another important function is document[ation]. The video camera helps human record history[是否应改为our contemprory life啊？ 因为你下边的例子实际是相机记录当时人们的生活现状。video不可能直接记录历史。这是我的理解，你可再证于别人。]. Nowadays, we can watch some important and exciting history moment in television. For instance, we can restore the moment when the first plane in the world, [taking->taken] off [as->like] a bird. Likewise we can see some segment involving the second world war. [The video camera helps us witness the history. It seems that we are shuttling in the history.-> It seems we can witness and shuttle in the history with its help.] Today, video camera plays a much more important role in documentation, especially on those great days such as Olympic days. On that day, there will be numerous/uncountable video cameras in the sports field, recording almost all the details in the game. As a result, people can recall those exciting, intense and unforgettable/memorable moment. Thereby the video camera makes huge contribution to the documentation.

On the other hand, written record is also an important form of documentation that nothing can replace or substitute. For thousands [of] years, human have recorded things through writing. At the beginning, our ancestor wrote records on the stone and cloth. Later, paper was invented by Chinese. Then the paper began to change human's life. People write almost everything on paper. Written records become the best way [这个best似乎不该说，和你的论点冲突。] to [make 删去] document. Most history is documented [by->on] paper. Even[even ?] the Bible is written by several people. Today we can find written records anywhere such as company[->ies], government, school and so on. In these fields, most documentation is based on written [paper->records]. Different from video camera, written records have its own special advantage. Sometimes, it is convenient to use such method for documentation. Concerned the evidence I mentioned, written records are important for documentation as well.

Finally, it makes [no difference ???] to decide that which form of documentation is more important. Because both document forms serve human. The significance is how we do the document by distinctive methods. When we are recording a match, we [would better to->'d better] use camera. By contrast, some [document->other things] must be recorded [by->in] written form. Most contracts are written on the paper, specifically, both delegate sign their name on the contracts, signifying their promise. Each form of documentation has their benefits. It depends on that how we utilize them.

In sum, the video camera and written form in documentation are both important. Different documentation needs different fitting instrument. What is important is that how we make great use of these methods.

[个人感觉：本文论题是在说“video具备convicing，accurte的优点”->"它比笔纸记录更（!!）重要"。A->B。相应的issue应该在这个前提下写，着重是：1  支持一下本观点，写一些video确实具有这些优点的例子。并且，这个支持应该简单说一下，举两个例子就行了。   2    纸笔记录是否次于（不重要？）video方法？为什么？论证这个时，一定要说清在不具备video那些优点情况下，自身的优点或不足。"   总之，一定要和video有所对比。

而本文，虽然自己提出的观点很对（“...都很重要”）， 但我觉得在论证中，各讲各的重要性，没有对比，尤其对为什么不是“video比written更重要”这个事儿说透。 另外，第二段开头我觉得有些说的多了，因为"video是记录的手段"这个已经是题设的既定事实，不应该过多笔墨说这个事实的形成和发展。而其余的例子则可视为对题设的简单支持，只是本段没有明确提出这一分论点。  一定要早点就"video比written更重要"这个题设结论进行说明论证。 仅是个人观点。:)]

davidjackyUID: 135962

各位，尤其是刚来寄托的朋友们（1贴的），要想取得别人的信任和尊重就要主动一点，作文版是个互动的版面，请大家充分利用这里的条件，互相结队批改作文，从自己作起；并希望加入寄托的同主题写作中来讨论分析GRE写作的问题；如果你对版面和我的批改有什么意见和建议，请及时PM给我，我会给予解释或更正，谢谢。

【以下是近期的链接，请大家主动一点，消灭零回复，对于“尸位者”(经常占位不改的)，请大家予以揭发和举报，寄托将还大家一个公道】

统计截至2005-3-13 18：00

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