issue61 越学越烂,咋办??还有一周要考了,从未得到版主大人的指点啊

xiongyicnUID: 192745

Issue61  第10篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分6秒     545 words
从2005年2月13日10时50分到2005年2月13日11时44分
------题目------
High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition.
------正文------
Admittedly, only a few people can stand under the spotlight and get concerns of the public just when they getting the high-profile awards. Someone argue that this results in some harms to the society in that many people cannot deserve such recognition. Those who conclude this notion may neglect the engines advancing the fields, and unfairly sweep out the merits of high-profiles awards. As far as I am concerned, the high-profile awards actually bring about some advantages to the society not harms.

To begin with, the high-profile would establish some heroes and examples in the relevant fields, which is essential for the advancement of these fields in that other people in the same area could be encouraged, especially for the youngers. We see that, for instance,  so many reports about the Nobel Prize receivers come into our horizons in daily life, we can simply refer to these materials turning to  newspaper, magazines, or some books or even the Internet. These materials often cover many personal information about the receivers, including their growing process, their convictions of beliefs, and more important, some essential spirits in their fields. All of these are significant for the youngers, who are standing the branches of life and confused with which road should be pursued, which virtues are essential for their pursuits. The pursuit of the receivers would be their pursuit, the spirits of the receivers would be their virtues and beliefs.

Another element to lend strong support to my position is that the high-profile awards can present a clear direction to the others in the same areas. Generally speaking, the high-profile awards often are deserved to those whose achievements bring about some essential benefits to the society or the whole mankind. Some serious problems often confront us - what exact direct should be taken or pursued?  What areas should be funded by the government? Undoubtedly, the high-profile awards could give the solution to these problems. For example, the Yunnongping, a famous scientist in agriculture, got a high-profile award from Chinese government for his outstanding achievement of crossbreed paddy, which dispel hunger away from the whole country. Many other state government fund their researcher to this area for the same success in China. Accordingly, the hunger of the whole mankind would be eliminated sooner or later.

Let us look back to this problem: is it true that many people cannot deserve such recognition? It is true on the surface. But a careful examination would reveal that the answer is no. Likewise, take the Nobel Prize for example, when someone get the Nobel Prize, their nations, majors, institutes even the colleagues would get some concerns from the public indirectly, which are as important as the direct recognition in some sense. Thus, the harms to the society due to only a few people deserve such recognition turn out be unfounded.

In sum, the high-profile awards actually can be deserved by only a few people on the surface, but many others could get the active impacts from the awards. In addition, the heroes and examples established by the awards indeed contribute a lot to the society. The clear direction produced by the high-profile awards is of great significant for the fields and even the whole mankind.

davidjackyUID: 135962

各位，尤其是刚来寄托的朋友们（1贴的），要想取得别人的信任和尊重就要主动一点，作文版是个互动的版面，请大家充分利用这里的条件，互相结队批改作文，从自己作起；并希望加入寄托的同主题写作中来讨论分析GRE写作的问题；如果你对版面和我的批改有什么意见和建议，请及时PM给我，我会给予解释或更正，谢谢。

【以下是近期的链接，请大家主动一点，消灭零回复，对于“尸位者”(经常占位不改的)，请大家予以揭发和举报，寄托将还大家一个公道】

统计截至2005-3-13 18：00

xiongyicn 发帖数: 79 issue61 越学越烂,咋办??还有一周要考了,从未得到版主大人的指点啊
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255027
No.1 issue41 主流科学和超自然.发现写得没轻没重,完全凑字数.拍我一下,考完后一定回拍
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=254977

ivyshoul 发帖数: 111 No.1 issue 183 不怎么好写啊
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255082

Mars3000 发帖数: 20 No.1 issue162 刚才那篇打不开，再发一个吧。第三稿，巨超时，逻辑有些牵强，请哪位帮忙看看有否抢救价值。乐于
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255097

lunatic 发帖数: 74 No.1 Issue 186 感觉后面有点跑题了
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255093

pringle 发帖数: 15 Issue87 看见大家都在讨论 欢迎拍砖! 必回拍
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255017

laofo 发帖数: 23 issue185 昨日高频_写得怎么还是这么烂—留下回拍地址
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=254991

shengzhongbell 发帖数: 14 Issue 7 拍砖请留回拍地址
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255005

situhuizi 发帖数: 9 No.1 Issue 147欢迎砖头！
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=254947

xueer 发帖数: 4 No.1 issue218 please and thank you
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255089

onlyxiaobai 发帖数: 17 No.1 Issue181,题目很长，写得也很慢，还好没有超时！大家帮忙拍！
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255088

fengconglee 发帖数: 8 Issue50 第2篇 你拍我，我必回拍
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=254930

捕梦者 发帖数: 1 issue 87 beginners and experts V2.0 眼高手低,好郁闷!
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255086

willor 发帖数: 4 Issue87感觉很难写，也写得很烂 欢迎排砖，留下地址保证回拍
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255021

wng0 发帖数: 2 No.1 Issue99 心想怎么也算准备了一回作文，不能连一篇也不发吧？于是乎。。
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255073

virathena 发帖数: 5 issue185 高频题啊，大家支点着吧
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255065

llamas 发帖数: 1 No.1 Issue153 第一篇“难产“四小时，大家给看看，谢
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255048

mummybaby 发帖数: 1 issue108,欢迎大家的砖头,多多指教
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255049

comingsoonUID: 175137

Admittedly, only a few people can stand under the spotlight and get concerns of the public just when they getting get the high-profile awards. Someone argue that this results in some harms to the society in that many people cannot deserve such recognition. Those who conclude this notion may neglect the engines advancing the fields, and unfairly sweep out the merits of high-profiles awards. As far as I am concerned, the high-profile awards actually bring about some advantages to the society not instead of harms.

To begin with, the high-profile would establish some heroes and examples in the relevant fields, which is essential for the advancement of these fields in that other people in the same area could be encouraged, especially for the youngers. We see that, for instance, so many reports about the Nobel Prize receivers come into our horizons in daily life, we can simply refer to these materials turning to newspaper, magazines, or some books or even the Internet. These materials often cover many 好像是用much,貌似 personal information about the receivers, including their growing process, their convictions of beliefs, and more important, some essential spirits in their fields. All of these are significant for the youngers, who are standing the branches of life and confused with which road should be pursued, which virtues are essential for their pursuits 句子结构似乎，which后面不能接一个完整的句子 . The pursuit of the receivers would be their pursuit 又用pursuit重复了，可以用purpose或者其他的 , the spirits of the receivers would be their virtues and beliefs. 这个句子的结构一般不太好，感觉很突兀

Another element to lend strong support to my position is that the high-profile awards can present a clear direction to the others in the same areas 其实这段的意思应该是说high-profile awards能解决社会问题，为社会带来积极的影响吧。但是这个ts并没有清楚地表达这个意思，而且说得很模糊 . Generally speaking, the high-profile awards often are deserved to those whose achievements bring about some essential benefits to the society or the whole mankind. Some serious problems often confront us - what exact direct should be taken or pursued 这句话什么意思？ ? What areas should be funded by the government? Undoubtedly, the high-profile awards could give the solution to these problems. For example, the Yunnongping Yuan Longping , a famous scientist in agriculture, got a high-profile award from Chinese government for his outstanding achievement of crossbreed paddy, which dispel hunger away from the whole country 将饥饿驱逐？虽然中文里是比较好的比喻，但是英文里这样说不太好吧 . Many other state government state government，其他国家的政府？foreign government? fund their researchers to this area for the same success in China. Accordingly, the hunger of the whole mankind would be eliminated sooner or later.
Accordingly, hunger, one of the most persistent social problems, would be eliminated sooner or later

Let us look back to this problem: is it true that many people cannot deserve such recognition? It is true on the surface. But a careful examination would reveal that the answer is no. Likewise, take the Nobel Prize for example, when someone get the Nobel Prize, their nations, majors, institutes even the colleagues would get some concerns from the public indirectly, which are as important as the direct recognition in some sense 其实应该指出为什么这种间接的关注也是十分重要的 . Thus, the harms to the society due to only a few people deserve such recognition turn out be unfounded.
Thus, the assertion that such high-profile awards is harmful to the society turns out to be unfounded
得诺贝尔奖和同事得诺贝尔奖毕竟是两回事，无法充分对only a few people deserve such recognition 进行反驳

In sum, the high-profile awards actually can be deserved by only a few people on the surface, but many others could get the active impacts from the awards. In addition, the heroes and examples established by the awards indeed contribute a lot to the society. The clear direction produced by the high-profile awards is of great significant for the fields and even the whole mankind.

xiongyicnUID: 192745

今天眼睛睁不开了,明天再细看回复并回拍!!

xiongyicnUID: 192745

Admittedly, only a few people can stand under the spotlight and get concerns of the public just when they getting get the high-profile awards. Someone argue that this results in some harms to the society in that many people cannot deserve such recognition. Those who conclude this notion may neglect the engines advancing the fields, and unfairly sweep out the merits of high-profiles awards. As far as I am concerned, the high-profile awards actually bring about some advantages to the society not instead of harms.

To begin with, the high-profile would establish some heroes and examples in the relevant fields, which is essential for the advancement of these fields in that other people in the same area could be encouraged, especially for the youngers. We see that, for instance, so many reports about the Nobel Prize receivers come into our horizons in daily life, we can simply refer to these materials turning to newspaper, magazines, or some books or even the Internet. These materials often cover many 好像是用much,貌似 personal information about the receivers, including their growing process, their convictions of beliefs, and more important, some essential spirits in their fields. All of these are significant for the youngers, who are standing the branches of life and confused with which road should be pursued, 添一个with是不是能表述更清楚一些 which virtues are essential for their pursuits 句子结构似乎，which后面不能接一个完整的句子 . The pursuit of the receivers would be their pursuit 又用pursuit重复了，可以用purpose或者其他的 , the spirits of the receivers would be their virtues and beliefs. 这个句子的结构一般不太好，感觉很突兀的确很突兀,没时间想好的句子,想到什么写什么,结果时间还是很紧张.汗

Another element to lend strong support to my position is that the high-profile awards can present a clear direction to the others in the same areas 其实这段的意思应该是说high-profile awards能解决社会问题，为社会带来积极的影响吧。但是这个ts并没有清楚地表达这个意思，而且说得很模糊 .我这一段想表述high-profile能提供明确的研究方向,让人们知道什么方向的研究具有比较大的社会效益.自己后来看也发现表述很不清楚,并且逻辑混乱.我改一下 When it comes to  these serious questions: What exact direction should be set superior to another? What areas should be funded by the government? We are often confused facing them. The high-profile awards could give us some guides and directions.  Generally speaking, the high-profile awards often are deserved to those whose achievements bring about some great benefits to the society or the whole mankind. For example, Yuan Longping , a famous scientist in agriculture, got a high-profile award from Chinese government for his outstanding achievement of crossbreed paddy, which dispel hunger away from the whole country 将饥饿驱逐？虽然中文里是比较好的比喻，但是英文里这样说不太好吧 . Many foreign governments, whose country are also confronted with the hunger would fund their researchers to this area, similar to the crossbreed paddy, for the same success in China. Accordingly, hunger, one of the most persistent social problems, would be eliminated sooner or later

Let us look back to this problem: is it true that many people cannot deserve such recognition? It is true on the surface. But a careful examination would reveal that the answer is no. Likewise, take the Nobel Prize for example, when someone get the Nobel Prize, their nations, majors, institutes and even the colleagues would get some concerns from the public indirectly, which are as important as the direct recognition in some sense 其实应该指出为什么这种间接的关注也是十分重要的. 因为时间有限,不容展开,现在我补写 The institutions of the receivers would boost their reputations and attractive more gifted researchers.The nation of the receivers could get higher international status and respect of foreign countries.  Thus, the assertion that such high-profile awards is harmful to the society turns out to be unfounded

In sum, the high-profile awards actually can be deserved by only a few people on the surface, but many others could get the active impacts from the awards. In addition, the heroes and examples established by the awards indeed contribute a lot to the society. The clear direction produced by the high-profile awards is of great significant for the fields and even the whole mankind.

谢谢楼上的批改.说实话,写完之后自己也觉得很粗糙,但是没有太多时间再来润色,特别是在句式,用法等. 看来得好好加油了.