Issue144 同主题arts and critics 这是闭关修炼一个礼拜的第一篇限时作文！（回

chenh1207UID: 182826

Issue144  同主题arts and critics 这是闭关修炼一个礼拜的第一篇限时作文！（回拍请留下超链接）
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分3秒     502 words
提纲：
TS：完全赞成TOPIC；
BODY ：
1．        艺术作品给人以道德的指引，并且可以通过人们的感受得以流传；
2．        艺术，尤其是音乐流传了千百年，正是因为有它自身的内在价值得以持续的结果；
3．        评论家只不过是发现价值，而不是去创造。并且他们的判断具有时效性，则决定了他们不可能有lasting value.
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It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
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I definitely agree with this issue. Not only does the artist provide the mental values for our morality, but also gives a deep influence on the social lifestyle. The critic, however, compared with the artist, does little impact on giving us something of lasting value. Followings are the reason why I state that position.

When considering the artists’ impact on the morality, the artist is crucial to give the society something of lasting value. Lasting value, as far as I am concerned, is the value which human beings can remember, understand and even follow the spirits of the works of artists. For instance, nowadays, we can probably understand the meaning of the painting of Sunflower which is the most famous masterpiece by Von Gogh. This painting represents a spirit of fighting against the fate and being optimistic of the plight. In addition, I have been influenced by that spirit and want to follow this spirit. That means when I come cross the difficulty, I should warn myself I should be strong and tenacious, and maybe the most important is that I should not be depressed and must cheer myself up. Moreover, I think in the future, I can tell my son, my grandson and grandson's son that this value and spirit of Sunflower should be remembered and let it lasting for generations and generations.

Secondly, the artists, especially the musicians, can give a more detailed and special value for our society. Obviously, there are thousands of compositions, symphonies and even pop music which are being broadcasted by the mass media all day and night. Why? Not only do they can calm our emotions and give us happiness, but also they have something value that we do want to hold. These works of musicians consist of the same information and notes unchanged for thousands of years, but their meanings and values are becoming more and more popular and being accepted. For example, “the paradise” sung by singer Collins depicts a horrible impacts caused by the war and informs us to cherish our peace life. This concept of the song is being accepted by more and more people. And this illustrates that the value of the song can be handed down because the public think its value can be respected for our present society, and maybe still valuable for our future.

Finally, I think, the critic is only suitable for the evaluation of works of arts who just discovers values not design them, and does little for giving the society something of lasting value. The evaluation of the critic is merely based on the present social opinions which may be immature and probably follow the drive of economic profits to judge the works. So how can we depend on this kind of person to give us something permanent value? And how can the misleading and temporal value last for periods?

In sum, I propose that only we let the artist does the works as their freedom without the influence of the critic so that the value of the works to our society can be better remembered and understood.

onlyxiaobaiUID: 198198

It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
------正文------
I definitely agree with this issue(不是agree with something, 而是agree with someone.应改为：I definitely agree that the artist gives society something of lasting value). Not only does the artist provide the mental values for our morality, but also( he or she) gives a deep(profoundly deep,英语里面经常习惯用副词修饰形容词，多使用有用的副词可以给你的文采加分。) influence on the social lifestyle. The critic, however（however挪到compared with..的后面）, compared with the artist, does little impact on giving us something of lasting value. Followings are the reason why I state that position.

When considering the artists’ impact on the morality, the artist is crucial to give the society something of lasting value（分词短语作状语错误，主句改为：we have observed that artist is crucial ...）. Lasting value, (句号)    as far as I am concerned, （this）is the value which human beings can remember, understand and even follow the spirits of the works of artists. For instance, nowadays, we can probably understand the meaning of the painting of Sunflower which is the most famous masterpiece by Von Gogh. This painting represents a spirit of fighting against the fate and being optimistic of the plight(我不清楚plight和不合适用在这里，不如换成adversity). In addition, I have been influenced by that spirit and want to follow this spirit. That means when I come cross the difficulty, I should warn myself I should be strong and tenacious, and maybe the most important is that I should not be depressed and must cheer myself up. Moreover, I think in the future, I can tell my son, my grandson and grandson's son that this value and spirit of Sunflower should be remembered and let it lasting for generations and generations.(这一段开始的论述还不错。艺术作品给我们社会价值因为道德方面的激励。但是example太单薄，而且你只是再说你自己，没有多少说服力)

Secondly, the artists, especially the musicians, can give a more detailed and special value for our society. Obviously, there are thousands of compositions（据我所知这个词好像没有乐曲方面的意思）, symphonies and even pop music which are being broadcasted by the mass media all day and night. Why? Not only do they can calm our emotions and give us happiness, but also they have something value that we do want to hold. These works of musicians consist of the same information and notes unchanged for thousands of years, but their meanings and values are becoming more and more popular and being accepted. For example, “the paradise” sung by singer Collins depicts a horrible impacts caused by the war and informs us to cherish our peace life. This concept of the song is being accepted by more and more people. And this illustrates that the value of the song can be handed down because the public think its value can be respected for our present society, and maybe still valuable for our future.（你讨论的音乐，那么你所指的那些special value到底是什么呢？不能只强调这些，这样陷入感情争辩而非客观论述。）

Finally, I think, the critic is only suitable for the evaluation of works of arts who just discovers values not design them, and does little for giving the society something of lasting value. The evaluation of the critic is merely based on the present social opinions which may be immature and probably follow the drive of economic profits to judge the works. So how can we depend on this kind of person to give us something permanent value? And how can the misleading and temporal value last for periods?
（对critic论证就比较好，举出了他们不能有lasting value的specific reason）
In sum, I propose that only we let the artist does the works as their freedom without the influence of the critic so that the value of the works to our society can be better remembered and understood.

总结一下，你的文章结构还是清晰的，而且紧扣主题。但还是有一些值得改进的地方：1. 尽量不要extensively use be, do等简单动词；
2. 注意不要太多使用I think， 因为你要用理服人，而不是凭你自己的think，这种词用太多了伤害文章的说服力；3.句子之间的连接不太顺畅。4.用比较陌生的词之前好好考虑一下。

还是那句话，共同进步。尽管我说话比较直率，可能改正的过程中也有很多不足。

onlyxiaobaiUID: 198198

It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
------正文------
I definitely agree with this issue(不是agree with something, 而是agree with someone.应改为：I definitely agree that the artist gives society something of lasting value). Not only does the artist provide the mental values for our morality, but also( he or she) gives a deep(profoundly deep,英语里面经常习惯用副词修饰形容词，多使用有用的副词可以给你的文采加分。) influence on the social lifestyle. The critic, however（however挪到compared with..的后面）, compared with the artist, does little impact on giving us something of lasting value. Followings are the reason why I state that position.

When considering the artists’ impact on the morality, the artist is crucial to give the society something of lasting value（分词短语作状语错误，主句改为：we have observed that artist is crucial ...）. Lasting value, (句号)    as far as I am concerned, （this）is the value which human beings can remember, understand and even follow the spirits of the works of artists. For instance, nowadays, we can probably understand the meaning of the painting of Sunflower which is the most famous masterpiece by Von Gogh. This painting represents a spirit of fighting against the fate and being optimistic of the plight(我不清楚plight和不合适用在这里，不如换成adversity). In addition, I have been influenced by that spirit and want to follow this spirit. That means when I come cross the difficulty, I should warn myself I should be strong and tenacious, and maybe the most important is that I should not be depressed and must cheer myself up. Moreover, I think in the future, I can tell my son, my grandson and grandson's son that this value and spirit of Sunflower should be remembered and let it lasting for generations and generations.(这一段开始的论述还不错。艺术作品给我们社会价值因为道德方面的激励。但是example太单薄，而且你只是再说你自己，没有多少说服力)

Secondly, the artists, especially the musicians, can give a more detailed and special value for our society. Obviously, there are thousands of compositions（据我所知这个词好像没有乐曲方面的意思）, symphonies and even pop music which are being broadcasted by the mass media all day and night. Why? Not only do they can calm our emotions and give us happiness, but also they have something value that we do want to hold. These works of musicians consist of the same information and notes unchanged for thousands of years, but their meanings and values are becoming more and more popular and being accepted. For example, “the paradise” sung by singer Collins depicts a horrible impacts caused by the war and informs us to cherish our peace life. This concept of the song is being accepted by more and more people. And this illustrates that the value of the song can be handed down because the public think its value can be respected for our present society, and maybe still valuable for our future.（你讨论的音乐，那么你所指的那些special value到底是什么呢？不能只强调这些，这样陷入感情争辩而非客观论述。）

Finally, I think, the critic is only suitable for the evaluation of works of arts who just discovers values not design them, and does little for giving the society something of lasting value. The evaluation of the critic is merely based on the present social opinions which may be immature and probably follow the drive of economic profits to judge the works. So how can we depend on this kind of person to give us something permanent value? And how can the misleading and temporal value last for periods?
（对critic论证就比较好，举出了他们不能有lasting value的specific reason）
In sum, I propose that only we let the artist does the works as their freedom without the influence of the critic so that the value of the works to our society can be better remembered and understood.

总结一下，你的文章结构还是清晰的，而且紧扣主题。但还是有一些值得改进的地方：1. 尽量不要extensively use be, do等简单动词；
2. 注意不要太多使用I think， 因为你要用理服人，而不是凭你自己的think，这种词用太多了伤害文章的说服力；3.句子之间的连接不太顺畅。4.用比较陌生的词之前好好考虑一下。

还是那句话，共同进步。尽管我说话比较直率，可能改正的过程中也有很多不足。

sblbaslerUID: 175229

[B]前面有人给你仔细改语法了，我就不挑这个了。[/B]
I definitely agree with this issue. Not only does the artist provide the mental values for our morality, but also gives a deep influence on the social lifestyle. The critic, however, compared with the artist, does little impact on giving us something of lasting value. Followings are the reason why I state that position.
[B]首先对于开头把deep influence 提出来我保留我的意见。我的想法是好象题目中没提到这个问题吧。接着看！[/B]
When considering the artists’ impact on the morality, the artist is crucial to give the society something of lasting value. Lasting value, as far as I am concerned, is the value which human beings can remember, understand and even follow the spirits of the works of artists. For instance, nowadays, we can probably understand the meaning of the painting of Sunflower which is the most famous masterpiece by Von Gogh. This painting represents a spirit of fighting against the fate and being optimistic of the plight.[U] In addition, I have been influenced by that spirit and want to follow this spirit. That means when I come cross the difficulty, I should warn myself I should be strong and tenacious, and maybe the most important is that I should not be depressed and must cheer myself up. Moreover, I think in the future, I can tell my son, my grandson and grandson's son that this value and spirit of Sunflower should be remembered and let it lasting for generations and generations[/U] .
[B]这整个一块有两个问题，首先就是口语化的词太多，显得很不正式！其次就是有种在抒情的感觉，不是在很客观的对一个问题发表自己的看法，可能你写的时候很慷慨激昂心潮澎湃但这种表达对ISSUE来说是不利的。我分析可能是因为你I用的过多了原因吧！再加上是写自己的例子，最好改一下！[/B]
Secondly, the artists, especially the musicians, can give a more detailed and special value for our society. Obviously, there are thousands of compositions, symphonies and even pop music which are being broadcasted by the mass media all day and night. Why? Not only do they can calm our emotions and give us happiness, but also they have something value that we do want to hold. These works of musicians consist of the same information and notes unchanged for thousands of years, but their meanings and values are becoming more and more popular and being accepted. For example, “the paradise” sung by singer Collins depicts a horrible impacts caused by the war and informs us to cherish our peace life. This concept of the song is being accepted by more and more people. And this illustrates that the value of the song can be handed down because the public think its value can be respected for our present society, and maybe still valuable for our future.
[B]这段的用词还是不是很好，主要是比如more and more等这种词反复出现，例子吧也一般，[/B]
Finally, [U]I think[/U] ,[B][太口语化，有advocate,maintain为什么不用呢][/B]  the critic is only suitable for the evaluation of works of arts who just discovers values not design them, and does little for giving the society something of lasting value. The evaluation of the critic is merely based on the present social opinions which may be immature and probably follow the drive of economic profits to judge the works. So how can we depend on this kind of person to give us something permanent value? And how can the misleading and temporal value last for periods?
[B]你为什么要用这么多的疑问句呢，你又没有给出答案，这不是在写汉语，中国人其实都明白你是什么意思但美国人就不一定，至少我不敢保证[/B]
In sum, I propose that only we let the artist does the works as their freedom without the influence of the critic so that the value of the works to our society can be better remembered and understood.

[B]可能是对你的观点不是很赞同所以看文章时尖锐了一点，但的确觉得你的立意值得商榷，不仅和题目要表达的有差距而且BODY之间的观点也缺乏连续性，最好看看大家的讨论再改改吧！语言方面可以参考一下新东方总结的比较长用的比较好的词汇，估计对你提高会比较大[/B]

chenh1207UID: 182826

看了大家的建议，正在仔细体会！