Issue11 第1篇 写的太差了，大家给点意见吧！

combatantUID: 200023

Issue11  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分6秒     482 words
从2005年2月14日23时56分到2005年2月15日0时45分
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All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.
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generally ,  I  intent to disagree the assertion that all nation should support to develop a global university for the purpose of solving the world's most persistent social problems. admittedly, the initial motive and willing of the speaker is striving for the harmony and happiness of human being all over the world, however, the method the speaker suggested sound not so practical and even might lead to opposite consequences.

To  begin with , it is too difficult for all nation to coordinate their jointly action to build a global university aiming at solving persistent social problems at present situation. as we all know, the world today is far from being a harmony, friendly and warmly big family. There are many differences between countries in outlook of the world, believing, religion, social system and even the understanding of truth and justice. Therefore ,  it is extremely difficult to persuade all nations, which might be original enemy to each other, to cooperate efficiently to build a global university.

Consequently , it is very likely that an established global university can not produce useful methods to solve persistent social problems, and even arouse new conflicts between different counties and cultures. in a campus filled by students coming from every part of world with varies culture background, it is very naturally  that they hold different way of life and thinking. if they are organised to discuss about the problem of persistent social problems, they might all stick to their own stance and dispute each other fiercely but without conclusion. Thinking  about an isereal student meet an arabian student in a global university and discuss social problems existing in their own country, the arabian student might attribute some social problem to the isereal invation while isereal student naturally defend his own county, a conflict might be aroused in such situation.

Finally , in order to solve the world's most persistent social problem, can we find any better solution other than creating a global university? the answer is positive. if we want to consider every nation's interest and attitude in solving the world's most persistent social problems, we can organize a conference inviting social experts from all nations to discuss this problem in stead of a global university. because the experts are more self-constraint and destiny-oriented, they do much better to focus on solving problems in spite of existing conflicts between their own countries. Therefore , the social problem experts are more capable and reliable to solve most persistent social problems for all human's interest.

in summary, it an endearing idea to ask all nations to create a global university for solving persistent social problems, but it is unrealistic for certain conditions existing in today's world. however, we can turn to other better ways to fulfill our endearing task ,such as hold a world-wide social problem experts conference. with our effort, i believe the world would become a harmony and endearing one

这是我的第一篇。我写完后改了些明显的拼写错误，其他错误没改。昨天看了一个帖子说自己发贴给大家改前要本着尊重大家劳动的态度自己先改。但是我这次尽量把练习的原作贴上来，大家给看看处于什么水平，到底有多差，这样的文章3分有吗？各位给指导指导吧。不胜感激：）

ponponUID: 181304

占座

ponponUID: 181304

Generally(开头大写) , I intent to disagree the assertion that all nation should support to develop a global university for the purpose of solving the world's most persistent social problems. admittedly, the initial motive and willing of the speaker is striving for the harmony and happiness of human being all over the world, however, the method the speaker suggested sound not so practical and even might lead to opposite consequences.

To begin with , it is too difficult for all nations to coordinate their jointly action to build a global university aiming at solving persistent social problems at present situation. as we all know, the world today is far from being a harmony, friendly and warmly big family. There are many differences between countries in outlook of the world, believing, religion, social system and even the understanding of truth and justice. Therefore , it is extremely difficult to persuade all nations, which might be original enemy to each other, to cooperate efficiently to build a global university.
语言有点偏激，世界现在是在远离和谐嘛，整段重复说因为很多不同而很难建造，是不是应该详细的分析一下不同会导致什么，然后有怎么样，再得出结论
Consequently , it is very likely that an established global university can not produce useful methods to solve persistent social problems, and even arouse new conflicts between different counties and cultures. in a campus filled by students coming from every part of world with varies culture background, it is very naturally that they hold different way of life and thinking. if they are organized to discuss about the problem of persistent social problems, they might all stick to their own stance and dispute each other fiercely but without conclusion. Thinking about an iseeal student meet an Arabian student in a global university and discuss social problems existing in their own country, the arabian student might attribute some social problems to the isereal invation while isereal student naturally defend his own county, a conflict might be aroused in such situation.然后会导致什么结果呢，说下去，作一个小结

Finally , in order to solve the world's most persistent social problem, can we find any better solution other than creating a global university? the answer is positive. if we want to consider every nation's interest and attitude in solving the world's most persistent social problems, we can organize a conference inviting social experts from all nations to discuss this problem in stead of a global university. because the experts are more self-constraint and destiny-oriented, they do much better to focus on solving problems in spite of existing conflicts between their own countries. Therefore , the social problem experts are more capable and reliable to solve most persistent social problems for all human's interest.
我有点异议，其实国际会议是国际性大学的一部分，因为大学搞研究的主力是教授，学生是助手，那教授是否self-constraint and destiny-oriented，另外在大学里教授探讨问题，那不就相当于开会了，个人愚见

in summary, it an endearing idea to ask all nations to create a global university for solving persistent social problems, but it is unrealistic for certain conditions existing in today's world. however, we can turn to other better ways to fulfill our endearing task ,such as hold a world-wide social problem experts conference. with our effort, i believe the world would become a harmony and endearing one
这篇文章你提出这样的观点也算大胆创新，但是讲道理时，过于极端，看问题应该全面，其实不建，也要适当让步

combatantUID: 200023

thanks ponpon! 第一次写issue，当时为了努力控制时间，还有些想法没有写上去。本来想正文第一段写个正面同意issue观点的段落，不过当时构思造句卡住了，放下去想以后写，后来就没时间来不及了。ponpon评价立意上很正确，我自己看了，确实有点偏激，全是反对。另外觉得写的时候好多意思表达不出来。这个改怎么解决啊？表达能力非一日之功啊。还有各个论点论证乏力，想不到强有力的论证方法和论据例子，没个自然段结束是都是心里不安，觉得不能信服的证明论点。

combatantUID: 200023

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