argument146 第3篇 留连接24小时互改,限时后改了拼写错误

猫猫624UID: 171232

Argument146  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分4秒     437 words
从2005年2月16日10时32分到2005年2月16日11时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper.
'The librarians in our town's school system have reported that the number of trips that our students make to their school library on a voluntary basis has decreased significantly in recent years. For example, the average seventh-grade student visited the school library five times last year, but four of those visits were part of required classroom activities. This shows that our students are reading less than in the past. To address this problem, our town needs to improve the atmosphere of the libraries so that they will be comfortable places in which to work. If students view the libraries as uncomfortable, then they are unlikely to want to spend much time there.'
------正文------
In the editorial the arguer claims that their town needs to improve the atmosphere of the libraries so that they will be comfortable places, in order to encourage students spend much time there. To substantiate this claim, the arguer points out that the average seventh-grade student visited the school library five times, four of which were part of required classroom activities. Close inspection of evidence reveals, however, that it renders little credible support for the arguer’s conclusion.

To begin with, relying on the fact that the average seventh-grade students visiting the school library less frequently last year, the arguer unfairly assumes that students in the town are reading less than in the past. First, the seventh-grade students only account for a small proportion of the whole students in the town, thus they might not be representative of the real situation of all students. Second, there is no evidence about reading frequency of seventh-grade students in the past, thus merely condition last year cannot justifiably conclude the claim that students are reading less than in the past. Third, less reading frequency cannot indicate less amount of reading. It is highly possible that students spent more time in the library every time, or students acquire much reading materials from public libraries or the Internet. In short, lacking enough evidence, the arguer cannot convincing conclude that students in the town are reading less than in the past.

Secondly, even assuming students in the town are reading less in the school libraries than in the past, no evidence is provided to bolster the assumption that the atmosphere of the libraries is the dominant reason why students less frequency of libraries' visits. Perhaps, the number of books in the libraries is out-of-dated and cannot satisfy the students' current needs. Or perhaps, staff’s service of libraries is undesirable compared to other types of libraries. As noted above, without ruling out many other possible reasons, the arguer's recommendation about improving atmosphere is undermined.

Thirdly, the author assumes that if the atmosphere of school libraries is improved, students would like to spend much time there. However, the arguer offers no evidence to substantiate this assumption. Perhaps, the number of computers should increase to satisfy the needs of increasing prevalent long-range education. In short, even assuming atmosphere of libraries is one of the important factors upon which students depend to choose whether reading in libraries or not, many other factors, such the quantity and quality of books, the device and service related and the like, should not be overlooked.

In conclusion, the recommendation of arguer is logically flawed. To better strengthen the argument the arguer must provide clear evidence that less reading frequency of seventh-grade students last year strongly indicate that students in the town read less than in the past. The arguer much also provide supportive evidence that improving atmosphere of libraries would be necessary and suffice to attract students to spend much time there.

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

看看

boancquUID: 165060

6

寻梦UID: 171591

In the editorial the arguer claims that their town needs to improve the atmosphere of the libraries so that they will be comfortable places, in order to encourage students spend much time there. To substantiate this claim, the arguer points out that the average seventh-grade student visited the school library five times, four of which were part of required classroom activities. Close inspection of evidence[,however,reveals] reveals, however, that it renders little credible support for the arguer’s conclusion.

To begin with, relying on the fact that the average seventh-grade students visiting the school library less frequently last year, the arguer unfairly assumes that students in the town are reading less than in the past. First, the seventh-grade students only account for a small proportion of the whole students in the town, thus they might not be representative of the real situation of all students. Second, there is no evidence about reading frequency of seventh-grade students in the past, thus merely condition last year cannot justifiably conclude the claim that students are reading less than in the past. Third, less reading frequency cannot indicate less amount of reading. It is highly[entirely] possible that students spent more time in the library every time, or students acquire much reading materials from public libraries or the Internet. In short, lacking enough evidence, the arguer cannot convincing conclude that students in the town are reading less than in the past.

Secondly, even assuming students in the town are reading less in the school libraries than in the past, no evidence is provided to bolster the assumption that the atmosphere of the libraries is the dominant reason why students less frequency of libraries' visits. Perhaps, the number of books in the libraries is out-of-dated and cannot satisfy the students' current needs. Or perhaps, staff’s service of libraries is undesirable compared to other types of libraries. As noted above, without ruling out many other possible reasons, the arguer's recommendation about improving atmosphere is undermined.

Thirdly, the author assumes that if the atmosphere of school libraries is improved, students would like to spend much time there. However, the arguer offers no evidence to substantiate this assumption. Perhaps, the number of computers should increase[be increased] to satisfy the needs of increasing prevalent long-range education. In short, even assuming atmosphere of libraries is one of the important factors upon which students depend to choose whether reading in libraries or not, many other factors, such the quantity and quality of books, the device and service related and the like, should not be overlooked.

In conclusion, the recommendation of arguer is logically flawed. To better strengthen the argument the arguer must provide clear[clearer] evidence [to prove]that less reading frequency of seventh-grade students last year strongly indicate that students in the town read less than in the past. The arguer much also provide supportive evidence that improving atmosphere of libraries would be necessary and suffice [effective]to attract students to spend much time there.大侠的我看了三遍,受益匪浅谢谢,我是中午加你得那个

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

[B1、sample: many students are excluded]
[B2、Establishing a causal relationship improving the atmosphere and students would go to library]
[B3、B4有点重复，没有说服力
B4、可以写学生们现在都在干什么！Surfing in net、Watching TV、Go to museum
语言逻辑都可以
The survey of this argument lack credibility and therefore it could not lend strong support the author’s conclusion. Many students are excluded.
The author fails to establish causal relationship between five times and reading less.
Even assuming that the atmosphere of libraries had improved, students may don’t go to library]

我也是西安的，还不如你呢！我25号 汗！ 加油！]

猫猫624UID: 171232

谢谢楼上的鼓励和拍砖.准备了将近10天的argument 总算有了点眉目.开始向issue 挑战.....
楼上说B3和B4重复,我上的是张雷东的课,上可讲了措施的必要性necessary 和充分性suffice. 我就是分别展开两段写的.是不是放到一段好一些呢?
楼上西安的朋友加油!!!

thminUID: 192642

In the editorial the arguer claims that their town needs to improve the atmosphere of the libraries so that they will be comfortable places, in order to encourage students spend much time there. To substantiate this claim, the arguer points out that the average seventh-grade student visited the school library five times, four of which were part of required classroom activities. Close inspection of evidence reveals, however, that it renders little credible support for to the arguer’s conclusion.

To begin with, relying on the fact that the average seventh-grade students visiting the school library less frequently last year, the arguer unfairly assumes that students in the town are reading less than in the past. First, the seventh-grade students only account for a small proportion of the whole students in the town, thus they might not be representative of the real situation of all students. Second, there is no evidence about reading frequency of seventh-grade students in the past, thus merely condition last year cannot justifiably conclude the claim that students are reading less than 加they were in the past. Third, less reading frequency cannot indicate less amount of reading. It is highly entirely更好 possible that students spent more time in the library every time, or students acquire much reading materials in other ways, say from public libraries or the Internet. In short, lacking enough evidence, the arguer cannot convincing convincingly conclude that students in the town are reading less than in the past.

Secondly, even assuming students in the town are reading less in the school libraries than in the past, no evidence is provided to bolster the assumption that the atmosphere of the libraries is the dominant reason why students 加paid less frequency of libraries' visits. Perhaps, the number of books in the libraries is out-of-dated and cannot satisfy the students' current needs. Or perhaps, staff’s service of libraries is undesirable compared to other types of libraries. As noted above, without ruling out many other possible reasons, the arguer's recommendation about improving atmosphere is undermined.

Thirdly, the author assumes that if the atmosphere of school libraries is improved, students would like to spend much time there. However, the arguer offers no evidence to substantiate this assumption. Perhaps, the number of computers should increase to satisfy the needs of increasing prevalent long-range long-distance education. In short, even assuming atmosphere of libraries is one of the important factors upon which students depend to choose whether reading in libraries or not, many other factors, such the quantity and quality of books, the device and service related and the like, should not be overlooked.

In conclusion, the recommendation of arguer is logically flawed. To better strengthen the argument the arguer must provide clear evidence that less reading frequency of seventh-grade students last year strongly indicate that students in the town read less than in the past. The arguer muchmust also provide supportive evidence that improving atmosphere of libraries would be necessary and suffice sufficient to attract students to spend much time there.

楼主的语言不错，基本上没有什么大的问题。我只是在一些地方做了些小小的改动和建议，总的说来写得很好。
但是我觉得你指出的第二个逻辑错误和第三个逻辑错误（也就是第三段和第四段）基本上是一个问题，希你可以把它们合并起来。好像楼上的一些大侠们已经提到了。我觉得你的第二段写得很好，问题总结得很全面，我看了好几遍，很受益，谢谢！也欢迎你为我拍砖。我也是西安的，11号就考了，希望我们多多交流。