argument145 高频 超时5分钟 留链接互改啊 谢谢

忧郁天使UID: 200539

145 “A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.”

The author has not made a very persuasive argument for suggesting the people who snores eat less than the average person and exercise more. Maybe the author has not thoroughly investigated the influence caused by snore, since his or her talking points, while suggestive of the possible requirement for doing so, are not sufficient to warrant its inevitability, as there are holes in logic used to make the suggestion.

First of all, the author begins his or her argument by citing a study showing that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. This part has two flaws. For one thing, we are left unsure of what the author mean by “more likely”. The author does state the number of people that are actually involved in the study, especially the ratio of fat people who snore as opposed of that of fat people who do not snore. We can doubt that the study concerns too few people to guarantee its representative or that the discrepancy of the ratio, which might be cause by random error, is too little to warrant its truth.
Besides this ambiguity, the author has not discussed the study method—it is possible that the sample was improperly chosen or somehow predisposed to include the people who snore as well as gather flesh, again skewing the results of the survey.

Another flaw in logic lies in the statement that the interruption of breathing caused by snore wakes the person which leave the person too tired during the day to exercise, an argument for which where is no basis of proof offered. Since the waking of the person is unnoticed, we can doubt that if the so-called “wake” is real waking. Even this is the case, now that the waking is so briefly that it is hard to noticed, it is possible the influence of such waking is also so briefly that it is unnoticed, therefore it can not leave the person too tired. Again, even if we assume that it will leave the person too tired, there is no evidence to show that the person will do less exercise that needed. It is a well known fact that most modern people are sports fans; they are fond of many kinds of sports. Perhaps when they are tired, they will cut down their work load, not the exercise. By failing to rule out these and other possibility, the author’s argument has been greatly weakened.

Furthermore, the author takes that to eat less than the average person and to exercise more as the only way to solve the problem, if it is indeed a problem. Certainly there are other options available for these snoring people not to be fat. Solutions such as to take some medicine to prevent these people from snoring and to sleep a little longer than ordinary people are all ignored by the writer. What the author also fails to take into consideration is the possible negative effect on people to do so. It is likely that already in tired status, eating less and exercising more will do bad to people’s health, which is more serious than the possible trend of being fat itself.

As it stands, this suggestion of eating less and exercising more to people who snore is based on faulty reasoning and vague information. Without providing explicit details to show that there is significant relationship between snoring and gaining weight, which is due to lack of exercise, the author’s advocation fails to deliver on its premise.

Robust_ustcUID: 194958

写得不错，没时间改了，帮你顶一下

thiohuUID: 193100

The author has not made a very persuasive argument for suggesting the people who snoressnore eat less than the average person and exercise more. Maybe the author has not thoroughly investigated the influence caused by snore, since his or her talking points, while suggestive of the possible requirement for doing so, are not sufficient to warrant its inevitability, as there are holes in logic used to make the suggestion..没用磨板，新！

First of all, the author begins his or her argument by citing a study showing that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. This part has two flaws.这句话怪怪的改成the study is flawed in two respects 是不是好一些呢， For one thing, we are left unsure of what the author mean by.by去掉 “more likely”. The author does statefails to indicate the number of people that are actually involved in the study, especially the ratio of fat people who snore as opposed of.opposed of? that of fat people who do not snore. We can doubt that the study concerns too few people to guarantee its representative词性不对， or that the discrepancy of the ratio, which might be cause by random error, is too little to warrant its truth.
Besides this ambiguity, the author has not discussed the study method—it is possible that the sample was improperly chosen or somehow predisposed to include the people who snore as well as gather flesh, again skewing the results of the survey.

Another flaw in logic lies in the statement that the interruption of breathing caused by snore wakes the person which leaves the person too tired during the.the去掉 day to exercise, an argument for which where is no basis of proof offered..好累啊，橘子太长了 Since the waking of the person is unnoticed, we can doubt that if the so-called “wake” is real waking..这个不能批 Even this is the case, now that the waking is so briefly that it is hard to noticed, it is possible the influence of such waking is also so briefly trivial that it is unnoticed, therefore it can not leave the person too tired..这个理由太牵强了吧 Again, even if we assume that it will leave the person too tired, there is no evidence to show that the person will do less exercise that needed. It is a well known fact that most modern people are sports fans; they are fond of many kinds of sports. Perhaps when they are tired, they will cut down their work load, not the exerciseexercises. By.since fail failing to rule out these and other possibility, the author’s argument has been greatly weakened.

Furthermore, the author takes that to eat less than the average person and to exercise more as the only way to solve the problem, if it is indeed a problem. Certainly there are other options available for these snoring people not to be fat. Solutions such as to take some medicine to prevent these people from snoring and to sleep a little longer than ordinary people are all ignored by the writer. What the author also fails to take into consideration is the possible negative effect on people to do so. It is likely that already in tired status, eating less and exercising more will do bad.harm to people’s health, which is more serious than the possible trend of being fat.改为gaining weight是不是好些 itself.

As it stands, this suggestion of eating less and exercising more to people who snore is based on faulty reasoning and vague information. Without providing explicit details to show that there is significant relationship between snoring and gaining weight, which is due to lack of exercise, the author’s advocation fails to deliver on its premise.

thiohuUID: 193100

写得还不错！
水平有下限，可能改得不是很好。
同一个题目arguement 145，帮我看一下,劳驾
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=256470

猫猫624UID: 171232

The author has not made a very persuasive argument for suggesting the people who snores eat less than the average person and exercise more. Maybe the author has not thoroughly investigated the influence caused by snore (snoring 是不是好点，snore 名词时鼾声）, since his or her talking points, while suggestive of the possible requirement for doing so, are not sufficient to warrant its inevitability, as there are holes in logic used to make the suggestion. (这句话有点怪，since as，都表原因，放在一个句子中。最好拆开) 开头不同于一般的写法，好！但是用词造句还要推敲。

First of all, the author begins his or her argument by citing a study showing that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. （这里是不是应该加以个however）This part has two flaws. For one thing, we are left unsure of what the author mean by “more likely”. The author does （not）state the number of people that are actually involved in the study, especially the ratio of fat people who snore as opposed of that of fat people who do not snore. We can doubt that the study concerns too few(a small proportion of 好一点 too太绝对) people to guarantee its representative or that the discrepancy of the ratio, which might be cause(caused) by random error(errors), is too little to warrant its truth.
Besides this ambiguity, the author has not discussed the study method—it is possible that the sample was improperly chosen or somehow predisposed to include the people who snore as well as gather flesh, again skewing the results of the survey.

Another flaw in logic lies in the statement that the interruption of breathing caused by snore wakes the person which leave the person too tired during the day to exercise, an argument for which where is no basis of proof offered. (这句话改改吧，太长了，不好懂) Since the waking of the person is unnoticed, we can doubt that if the so-called “wake” is real waking（？？？这样有问题). Even this is the case, now that the waking is so briefly that it is hard to noticed, it is possible the influence of such waking is also so briefly that it is unnoticed, therefore it can not leave the person too tired. Again, even if we assume that it will leave the person too tired, there is no evidence to show that the person will do less exercise that needed. （在argument中不要出现这样的说法，以为它后面不是真理，应该用perhaps 或possible句型）It is a well known fact that most modern people are sports fans; they are fond of many kinds of sports. Perhaps when they are tired, they will cut down their work load, not the exercise. By failing to rule out these and other possibility（possibilities）, the author’s argument has been greatly weakened.

Furthermore, the author takes that (that 不要)后面不是从句 to eat less than the average person and to exercise more as the only way to solve the problem, if it is indeed a problem. Certainly there are other options available for these snoring people not to be fat. Solutions such as to take some medicine to prevent these people from snoring and to sleep a little longer than ordinary people are all ignored by the writer. What the author also fails to take into consideration is the possible negative effect on people to do so. It is likely that already in tired status, eating less and exercising more will do bad to people’s health, which is more serious than the possible trend of being fat itself.

As it stands, this suggestion of eating less and exercising more to people who snore is based on faulty reasoning and vague information. Without providing explicit details to show that there is significant relationship between snoring and gaining weight, which is due to lack of exercise, the author’s advocation fails to deliver on its premise.
（作者用词造句还有问题，不要故意拉长句子）不使用常规的论证句子不知道是不是作者有意想创新？？？
欢迎回拍！！

lianglcl05UID: 181629

In the argument, the author recommends that anyone who snores should restrict their mealdiets and increase exercise frequency. To champion his/her recommendation, the author cites a study, which shows a higher possibility for snorers to gain weight. In addition, the author reasons that snoring during night leads to a tired feeling in daytime, and as a result, less inclination to exercise, and therefore results in weigh increase. At first glimpseglance, the argument appears somewhat plausible; close scrutiny, however, reveals how groundless it is.个人习惯，我不太喜欢restate的方式。

The threshold of the argument involves in the statistical reliability of the study. To evaluate the study, one should consider how the study was conducted. If the study was rested on self-report, it would be unreliable----people would just respond with the expected results. In addition, one would need to consider how broad study was. For example, were the people studies［under study］limited to those who suffered with weight problems? If this is true, then study result would be attributable to the unrepresentativeness of the sample.借鉴范文，不错。但是，我认为没有必要完全按照范文的来。因为他的survey类错误，我认为重要的是在两个group的对照上，或者说是experiment control.我也有同样的想法，但是还是从逻辑关系的角度来进行，有兴趣可以对照一下。

Secondly, even if the study cited in the argument is reliable, the author's lines of reasoning are flawed. First of all, snoring does not necessarily lead to exhaust during daytime. Perhaps by lengthening sleeping hours, those people who snore at night obtained ［obtain］more sleeping time than average person, and thus offset the negative effect brought about by the intermitted interruption of sleeping during night. Consequently, they might not feel tired in daytime. Secondly, even if snoring had resulted in tiredness in daytime, the author still cannot presumptuously indicate that the people who snore would exercise less. Perhaps those people might reduce work loads or working hours to feel refreshed so as to exercise more times. In short, the author fails to justify his/her claim that it is snoring that is responsible for the tendency to gain weight.关于推理过程的分析不错，值得学习:)

In addition, the author overlooks other possible explanations for the readiness to increase weight. For example, it is entirely possible that those people who snored suffered from certain disease which caused these people to easily become bulky［不需要用过去式］. Without ruling out this and other possible explanation［s］ for the likeliness, I cannot accept the author's recommendation that exercise more would be effective to solve the problem referred in the argument.

Finally, the author's advice that people who snore should exercise more begs the question: what should the person with snoring problem do to overcome the tiredness resulted from snoring. It is highly possible that people who snore could not exercise effectively to keep fit because they would feel exhausted during the exercise.后面，你也说是对解决肥胖无关。但是，前面好像和后面无关。我认为文章主要在讨论snore 和 gaining weight的关系和问题，而tiredness 只是其中的一个推断过程。 Hence, it seems that the recommendation does nothing to resolve the cause problemof gaining weight claimed and renders it a poor advice.

To sum up, the argument is untenable as it stands. To make it more persuasive, the author would have to produce ［provide］evidence that the study cited is statistically reliable. Moreover, the author should have provided strong evidence more evidence is needed to showthat it is snoring that led to the inclination to gaining weigh. To better evaluate this argument, I would need to know the effectiveness of exercise for the people who snore to lose weightwhether the people who snored could exercise effectively to lose weight

文章比较精彩，逐句分析，让我对文章又有了新的见解。同时，以上只是我的一点观点，可能改的不好，还请原谅。这篇文章，我也是今天早上刚写的，和你有所不同，从整体把握.有时间的话，也帮我看看，提点意见。:)

文章就在下面：

lianglcl05UID: 181629

The argument has problems from several facets. Firstly, it assumes that the correlation between snore and fatness amounts to a causal relationship. In addition, the author's deduction from snore to fatness is not reliable. Finally, the ultimate recommendation confuses cause with effect. I will further discuss these problems in turn.

To begin with, based on the data, the author assumes that snore is the reason of fatness. However, the author fails to consider other possible alternatives to the fatness of those people, who snore. Perhaps that these people do not take any exercise in their daily life. And it is entirely possible that these people have bad dietary habits which cause them eat too much unhealthy food. Without ruling out these possible reasons, it is reasonable for us to focus on these aspects rather than the phenomenon of snore to be the cause of gaining weight.

The author deduces from snore to the result of gaining fat is appealing at first glance; however, the reasoning is based on the unwarranted evidence which renders the conclusion groundless. The deduction bases on the assumption that people who snore often stop breathing during the night. However, the author fails to give sufficient evidence to prove this important assumption. Without further evidence, it will be just viewed as subjective presumption which leads the conclusion to be questionable.

Even if snore is the cause of fatness, the final recommendation is also arguable. The author recommends that people who snore should eat less and to exercise more. It seems that the author confuses cause with effect, in that the former persuasion shows that it is snore instead of eat and exercise that is the real cause of fatness. So the best way for people to do is to cure snore, rather than to take the author's suggestion.

In sum, the reasoning given above sounds appealing at first, but not cogent after a careful scrutiny. Unless ruling out other possible alternatives and giving further information to prove the reliability of the evidence, the conclusion, snore being the reason of fatness, will be unconvincing.

xin320UID: 165608

The author has not made a very persuasive argument for suggesting the people who snores eat less than the average person and exercise more. Maybe the author has not thoroughly investigated the influence caused by snore, since his or her talking points, while suggestive of the possible requirement for doing so, are not sufficient to warrant its inevitability, as there are holes in logic used to make the suggestion.

First of all, the author begins his or her argument by citing a study showing that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. This part hashave two flaws. For one thing, we are left unsure of what the author means by “more likely”. The author does state the number of people that are actually involved in the study, especially the ratio of fat people who snore as opposed of that of fat people who do not snore. We can doubt that the study concerns too few people to guarantee its representative or that the discrepancy of the ratio, which might be cause by random error, is too little to warrant its truth.
Besides this ambiguity, the author has not discussed the study method—it is possible that the sample was improperly chosen or somehow predisposed to include the people who snore as well as gather flesh, again skewing the results of the survey.skew用的？另外单独成段不太好吧？

Another flaw in logic lies in the statement that the interruption of breathing caused by snore wakes the person which leave the person too tired during the day to exercise, an argument for which where is no basis of proof offered. Since the waking of the person is unnoticed, we can doubt that if the so-called “wake” is real waking. Even this is the case, now that the waking is so briefly that it is hard to noticed, it is possible the influence of such waking is also so briefly that it is unnoticed, therefore it can not leave the person too tired. Again, even if we assume that it will leave the person too tired, there is no evidence to show that the person will do less exercise that needed. It is a well known fact that most modern people are sports fans; they are fond of many kinds of sports. Perhaps when they are tired, they will cut down their work load, not the exercise. By failing to rule out these and other possibility, the author’s argument has been greatly weakened. Well done

Furthermore, the author takes that to eat less than the average person and to exercise more as the only way to solve the problem, if it is indeed a problem. Certainly there are other options available for these snoring people not to be fat. Solutions such as to take some medicine to prevent these people from snoring and to sleep a little longer than ordinary people are all ignored by the writer. What the author also fails to take into consideration is the possible negative effect on people to do so. It is likely that already in tired status, eating less and exercising more will do bad to people’s health, which is more serious than the possible trend of being fat itself.

As it stands, this suggestion of eating less and exercising more to people who snore is based on faulty reasoning and vague information.此句话写得太虚了，几乎所有argu都用得上，就显得用处不大了 Without providing explicit details to show that there is significant relationship between snoring and gaining weight, which is due to lack of exercise, the author’s advocation fails to deliver on its premise.开头结尾要简练，在结尾只要提出主要错误，及改善的建议即可
这个题目的错误好像不是很好找的，基本上我觉得也就这些了。错误点都找出来了1.study的sample size 和random的问题2.noticed 问题。3.一个假设，如果按照作者的看法会如何，anyone的绝对化的问题。改的不好，不妥之处多包涵。

911tgUID: 172901

大家也帮我改改啊，我水平有限改的不好还请原谅，见我的签名同题目，谢谢了

The author has not made a very persuasive argument for suggesting the people who snoressnorer.尽量简洁最好不要照抄原文  eat less than the average person and exercise more. Maybe the author has not thoroughly investigated the influence caused by snore, since his or her talking points, while seems suggestive of the possible requirement for doing so, are not sufficient to warrant its inevitability, as there are holes in logic used to make the suggestion. 确实没用模板写的不错

First of all, the author begins his or her argument by citing a study showing that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. This part has two flaws加上seriouly weaken the argument是不是更好，不然这个简单句太简单了吧 . For one thing, we are left unsure of what the author mean by “more likely”. The author does fail tostate the number of people that are actually involved in the study, especially the ratio of fat感觉这个词不好有贬义，obese这个词怎么样？ people who snore as opposed of that of fat people who do not snore. We can doubt that the study concerns too few people to guarantee its representative representativeness or that the discrepancy of the ratio, which might be cause by random errorerrors, is too little to warrant its truth.这句话加这什么意思不太明白，哪的从句？
Besides this ambiguity, the author has not discussed the study method—it is possible that the sample was improperly chosen or somehow predisposed to include the people who snore as well as gather flesh这个用的好, again skewing the results of the survey.

Another flaw in logic lies in the statement that the interruption of breathing caused by snore wakes the person which leave the person too tired during the day to exercise, an argument for which where is no basis of proof offered. Since the waking of the person is unnoticed, we can doubt that if the so-called “wake” is real waking. 这个最好别说不是特别好, 给你点建议：since the waking caused by apnea goes unnoticed according to the arguer, how can he judge whether one is waking or sleeping Even this is the case, now that the waking is so briefly that it is hard to noticed, it is possible the influence of such waking is also so briefly that it is unnoticed, therefore it can not leave the person too tired. Again, even if we assume that it will leave the person too tired, there is no evidence to show that the person will do less exercise that they needed. It is a well known fact that most modern people are sports fans; they are fond of many kinds of sports. Perhaps when they are tired, they will cut down their work load, not the exercise exercises. By failing to rule out these and other possibility, the author’s argument has been greatly weakened.

Furthermore, the author takes that to eat less than the average person and to exercise more as the only way to solve the problem, if it is indeed a problem. Certainly there are other options available for these snoring people not to be fat. Solutions such as to take some medicine to prevent these people from snoring and to sleep a little longer than ordinary people are all ignored by the writer. What the author also fails to take into consideration is the possible negative effect on people to do so. It is likely that the snorer already in tired status, eating less and exercising more will do bad to people’s health, which is more serious than the possible trend of being fat itself.这段论证的最好令人信服

As it stands, this suggestion of eating less and exercising more to people who snore is based on faulty reasoning and vague information. Without providing explicit details to show that there is significant relationship between snoring and gaining weight, which is due to lack of exercise, the author’s advocation fails to deliver on its premise.结尾最好有点建议