Issue130 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！

sailing_yfUID: 150982

共用时间：44分19秒     536 words
------题目------
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
------正文------
It is right that the future of our society is under dthe controll of children, but I disagree withe speaker, claiming that we have not learned how to educate them to achieve brilliant future, that our current system, in which professional experts involve in the education and a large number of resource are devoted into forming a better and more effective way that more children could share the opportunity of education, proved to be useful to help our society for future.

As far as the future of our society are concerned, no one could deny the fact that the responsibility, obligation and wealthy of current existed in world will totally be left to children after thirty years. What we so now and owned today should be given peacefully to the next generation. Because only the children, equipped with the vigors, knowledge, even time, these fundamental elements that are required for required for competation to strive for progress, could take the task of developing forward, and fulfill the task. This is the principal of nature arranged by God. And no one could change this natural rules.

Though not always to satisfy everyone's personal requirement, the existed education have served well as a machine to produce the qualitified works for society. Acquiring knowledge, politness and works for society is the visible characteristics of youngsters who intend to exert all their energy to the job. And this is just what the society required. For example, our teacher, in class, impart the ability and skill like maths, physics, chemicals, even English and computer skills to us to attain a position in society. After hard work in gym, we, the adolescence, train our body physically and mentally. Not only could the youngths try their best to achieve triumph, but also the teacher tend to play a more important role to help. Furthermore, the support from family is of most importance and aid from government such like funding a library,supplying a chance of communicating with foreigner, denifitely facillite this process. Thus the essence of educating the young men have been emphersized by us and functioned well to construct a bright future.

If the task is not properly fulfilled by the existed system, our planet are bound to fall into a chaos. We need not look further to find the evidence. The elder could not retire and the newcomer could find the proper position to repay back to the society for what the adolescence had consumed. And if the educating system, when the heavy profits are required by family and himself, could not provide what we are eager to, a disaster in population will be followed from the punishment of disorder. The anger under the subornitives broke out for the opportunity of developing. And the speed of progress will be inhibited by employing unsuitable people to the position. Therefor, it is a truely disadvantage to both prematures and the mature.

In conclusion, the future of our society are determined by the newcomer, and the society had, after thousnds of years' experience, are equipped with excellent system to cater to the demand of society. Only when the adult acknowledge children's right os administrating the society in future,could our society thrive for ever.
提纲：
同意前半句，反对后半句。
B2孩子掌握未来
B3我们已经掌握教育的技巧和本质
B4反这说，如果没有教育，社会会混乱

sailing_yfUID: 150982

作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分19秒     536 words
从2005年2月18日14时25分到2005年2月18日15时44分
------题目------
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
------正文------
It is right that the future of our society is under the control of children, but I disagree with the speaker, claiming that we have not learned how to educate them to achieve brilliant future, that our current system, in which professional experts involve in the education and a large number of resource are devoted into forming a better and more effective way that more children could share the opportunity of education, proved to be useful to help our society for future.

As far as the future of our society are concerned, no one could deny the fact that the responsibility, obligation and wealthy of current existed in world will totally be left to children after thirty years. What we so now and owned today should be given peacefully to the next generation. Because only the children, equipped with the vigor, knowledge, even time, these fundamental elements that are required for required for competition to strive for progress, could take the task of developing forward, and fulfill the task. This is the principal of nature arranged by God. And no one could change these natural rules.

Though not always to satisfy everyone's personal requirement, the existed education have served well as a machine to produce the qualified works for society. Acquiring knowledge, politeness and works for society is the visible characteristics of youngsters who intend to exert all their energy to the job. And this is just what the society required. For example, our teacher, in class, impart the ability and skill like math, physics, chemicals, even English and computer skills to us to attain a position in society. After hard work in gym, we, the adolescence, train our body physically and mentally. Not only could the youngsters try their best to achieve triumph, but also the teacher tend to play a more important role to help. Furthermore, the support from family is of most importance and the aid from government such like funding a library, supplying a chance of communicating with foreigner, definitely facilities this process. Thus the essence of educating the young men have been emphasized by us and functioned well to construct a bright future.

If the task is not properly fulfilled by the existed system, our planet is bound to fall into a chaos. We need not look further to find the evidence. The elder could not retire and the newcomer could find the proper position to repay back to the society for what the adolescence had consumed. And if the educating system, when the heavy profits are required by family and himself, could not provide what we are eager to, a disaster in population will be followed from the punishment of disorder. The anger under the subordinate broke out for the opportunity of developing. And the speed of progress will be inhibited by employing unsuitable people to the position. Therefore, it is a truly disadvantage to both premature and the mature.

In conclusion, the future of our society are determined by the newcomer, and the society had, after thousands of years' experience, are equipped with excellent system to cater to the demand of society. Only when the adult acknowledge children's right of administrating the society in future, could our society thrive for ever.
对不起，第一篇错去太多，改一下

枫丹UID: 166492

占个位子
帮你顶起来
明天之前给你发上来啊:)

sailing_yfUID: 150982

ding

枫丹UID: 166492

It is right that the future of our society is under the control of children, but I disagree with the speaker, claiming that we have not learned how to educate them (them 说清楚哦)to achieve brilliant future, （把这个长句分开）that our current system, in which professional experts involve in the education and a large number of resource are devoted into forming a better and more effective way that more children could share the opportunity of education, proved to be useful to help our society for future.你的主题应该再明确一下，有些罗嗦

As far as the future of our society are concerned, no one could deny the fact that the responsibility, obligation and wealthy of current existed in world will totally be left to（handed down是不是好一些） children after thirty years. What we so now and owned today should be given peacefully to the next generation. Because only the children, equipped with the vigor, knowledge, even time, these fundamental elements that are required for required for competition to strive for progress, could take the task of developing forward, and fulfill the task. This is the principal of nature arranged by God. And no one could change these natural rules.（这一段感觉相当混乱啊，前面说responsibility , obligation , wealthy, 后面又说 vigor, knowledge 搞不清楚你这一段到底在讲什么呢？）

Though not always to satisfy everyone's personal requirement, the existed education have served well as a machine to produce the qualified works for society. Acquiring knowledge, politeness and works for society is （单复数）the visible characteristics of youngsters who intend to exert all their energy to the job. And this is just what the society required. For example, our teacher, in class, impart the ability and skill like math, physics, chemicals, even English and computer skills to us to attain a position in society. After hard work in gym, we, the adolescence, train our body physically and mentally. Not only could the youngsters try their best to achieve triumph, but also the teacher tend to play a more important role to help. Furthermore, the support from family is of most importance and the aid from government such like funding a library, supplying a chance of communicating with foreigner, definitely facilities this process. Thus the essence of educating the young men have been emphasized by us and functioned well to construct a bright future.
这一段我看明白了，但是你开头怎么会说制造工作呢？我又糊涂了！应该是equip the child with the ability to work for the society .是吗/

If the task is not properly fulfilled by the existed system, our planet is bound to fall into a chaos. We need not look further to find the evidence. The elder could not retire and the newcomer could find the proper position to repay back to the society for what the adolescence had consumed. And if the educating system, when the heavy profits are required by family and himself, could not provide what we are eager to, a disaster in population will be followed from the punishment of disorder. The anger under the subordinate broke out for the opportunity of developing. And the speed of progress will be inhibited by employing unsuitable people to the position. Therefore, it is a truly disadvantage to both premature and the mature.
感觉这一段和上面有些重复，没有强化， 而且很抽象的说
In conclusion, the future of our society are determined by the newcomer, and the society had, after thousands of years' experience, are equipped with excellent system to cater to the demand of society. Only when the adult acknowledge children's right of administrating the society in future, could our society thrive for ever
不好意思，稍微打击你一下，首先你应该把你自己要写什么搞清， 自己的主题最好明确，整篇文章要有层次感。在段的展开时要有逻辑性。还有简单的语法错误尽量避免。继续努力你会越写越好的。

sailing_yfUID: 150982

B3是说一个比喻，跟您理解的一样
以后加强逻辑，简化开头
谢谢

山坡羊UID: 169978

How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
------正文------
It is right that the future of our society is under the control [不太好吧]of children, but I disagree with the speaker, claiming that we have not learned how to educate them to achieve brilliant future, that our current system, in which professional experts involve in the education and a large number of resource are devoted into forming a better and more effective way that more children could share the opportunity of education, proved to be useful to help our society for future[这一句觉得问题挺多的，你再看看，form a way, in the education  anumber of resource?].

As far as the future of our society are concerned, no one could deny the fact that the responsibility, obligation and wealthy of current existed in world will totally be left to [left?不好吧]children after thirty years. What we so now and owned today should be given peacefully[？] to the next generation. Because only the children, equipped with the vigor, knowledge, even time, these fundamental elements that are required for required for competition to strive for progress, could take the task of developing forward, and fulfill the task. This is the principal of nature arranged by God. And no one could change these natural rules.[这段是说教育重要性，感觉不怎么扣题啊]

Though not always to satisfy everyone's personal requirement, the existed education have served well as a machine to produce the qualified works for society. Acquiring knowledge, politeness and works for society is the visible characteristics of youngsters who intend to exert all their energy to the job. And this is just what the society required. For example, our teacher, in class, impart the ability and skill like math, physics, chemicals, even English and computer skills to us to attain a position in society. After hard work in gym, we, the adolescence, train our body physically and mentally. Not only could the youngsters try their best to achieve triumph, but also the teacher tend to play a more important role to help[them]. Furthermore, the support from family is of most importance and the aid from government such like funding a library, supplying a chance of communicating with foreigner, definitely facilities this process. Thus the essence of educating the young men have been emphasized by us and functioned well to construct a bright future.

If the task is not properly fulfilled by the existed system, our planet is bound to fall into a chaos. We need not look further to find the evidence. The elder could not retire and the newcomer could find the proper position to repay back to the society for what the adolescence had consumed. And if the educating system, when the heavy profits are required by family and himself, could not provide what we are eager to, a disaster in population will be followed from the punishment of disorder. The anger under the subordinate broke out for the opportunity of developing. And the speed of progress will be inhibited by employing unsuitable people to the position. Therefore, it is a truly disadvantage to both premature and the mature.
[这段不太符合总题吧]
In conclusion, the future of our society are determined by the newcomer, and the society had, after thousands of years' experience, are equipped with excellent system to cater to the demand of society. Only when the adult acknowledge children's right of administrating the society in future, could our society thrive for ever.
对不起，第一篇错去太多，改一下
B1部分同意
B2孩子决定未来我们掌握了教育的技巧和本质
B4反过来说没有教育的危害
[感觉你服务于总论点只有B3,我觉得原题只有两个谈法：是否社会化决定？是否我们会教育了？而不是说教育的重要性。
可能不对，仅供参考]