issue212 望指教, 请留下连接互改

runnerioUID: 152251

Issue212  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：38分44秒   501 words
从2005年2月19日13时14分到2005年2月19日13时38分
------题目------
If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.
------正文------
It is just human's persistent endeavor for various goals that accelerate the development of our society in nearly all fields------art, academic, politic, etc. Worthy goals bring about great contribution to not only individuals but the collectivity. In this sense, people need to strive to realize their goals. However, they must get the clear definition of worthy goals, and take proper measures rather than any means.

Before taking measures to approach a goal, people should sense what a worthy goal is really. I define a worthy goal to be an aim which will benefit not only an individual, but other people and the society; at least the goal cannot hurt others' interests. For example, for cramming one's stomach, one goes to steal another one's bread. Then this goal is unworthy, for it hurt others' benefits. Only those which can lead to both the party's benefits and harmlessness to others (even benefits) can be called worthy goals.

However, because of the finiteness of people's logos and the complication of problems, people may do not know whether their measures will bring about what kind of results while they clearly know what they desire. Here come the clashes: means may finally protest with the goal. For instance, government , for improving the quality of people's life, take effective measures to develop the economy of the country------building more factories, exploring more mines, enlarging the farming field by sacrifice the wood area, etc. However, the factories bring about severe air and water pollution; the mines make the noise all day; the ruin of forests leads to the losing of water and soil. All these results return to human's more difficult living circumstance, not to mention the improvement of people's living standard.

To some extent, humanity is always so self-confident that people usually lack sincere condescension. Just this humanity defect makes the statement "if a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable" hard to be sound. Humans never know whether their behaviors are the first step to devastation. When they insist passionately on their goals, from the nation's unity and prosperity to the individual's fame and money, these so-called worthy goals may finally result in destruction. The notorious politician, Hitler, is just the case in point. Hitler was a mad terrorist; he thought the Germen are the most superior race in the world and must control other nations. So he developed universal terrorism to realize his dream-------- founding a unitary world. However, his terrorism incurred the universal protests which finally lead him to the abyss of defeat. This is just a good example for people to consider what the worthy goal is and what means they should take when they exert efforts to their goals.

To summarize, worthy goals have to be ones which can benefit individuals and the society both; at least cannot bring harm to others. The right means taken to attain it is also very important. The absence of either will probably jeopardize the party and the society.

zhoulin00001UID: 189304

It is just human's persistent endeavor for various goals that accelerate the development of our society in nearly all fields------art, academic, politic, etc. Worthy goals bring about great contribution to not only individuals but the collectivity. In this sense, people need to strive to realize their goals. However, they must get the clear definition of worthy goals, and take proper measures rather than any means.

Before taking measures to approach a goal, people should sense what a worthy goal is really. I define a worthy goal to be an aim which will benefit not only an individual, but other people and the society; at least the goal cannot hurt others' interests. For example, for cramming one's stomach, one goes to steal another one's bread. Then this goal is unworthy, for it hurt others' benefits. Only those which can lead to both the party's benefits and harmlessness to others很别扭，可能是我太烂，看不懂 (even benefits) can be called worthy goals.

However, because of the finiteness of people's logos and the complication of problems, people may do not know whether their measures will bring about what kind of results while they clearly know what they desire. Here come the clashes: means may finally protest with the goal. For instance, government , for improving the quality of people's life, take effective measures to develop the economy of the country------building more factories, exploring more mines, enlarging the farming field by sacrifice the wood area, etc. However, the factories bring about severe air and water pollution; the mines make the noise all day; the ruin of forests leads to the losing of water and soil. All these results return to human's more difficult living circumstance, not to mention the improvement of people's living standard.

To some extent, humanity is always so self-confident that people usually lack sincere condescension. Just this humanity defect makes the statement "if a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable" hard to be sound. Humans never know whether their behaviors are the first step to devastation. When they insist passionately on their goals, from the nation's unity and prosperity to the individual's fame and money, these so-called worthy goals may finally result in destruction. The notorious politician, Hitler, is just the case in point. Hitler was a mad terrorist？有点勉强吧？; he thought the Germen are the most superior race in the world and must control other nations. So he developed universal terrorism to realize his dream-------- founding a unitary world. However, his terrorism incurred the universal protests which finally lead him to the abyss of defeat. This is just a good example for people to consider what the worthy goal is and what means they should take when they exert efforts to their goals.

To summarize, worthy goals have to be ones which can benefit individuals and the society both; at least cannot bring harm to others. The right means taken to attain it is also very important. The absence of either will probably jeopardize the party and the society
楼主水平之高，言语无法形容，只有一点小建议，body3和body2互换，这样可以有条理

runnerioUID: 152251

楼上的,表这样,给点建设性意见哈, :o
不过还是谢谢你的鼓励 :p
可是为啥BODY2要和BODY3互换呀,我想了半天,还是没想明白为啥互换了有条理一些? :(

kkytUID: 188814

上次欠你的问题, 你那篇找不到了,今天拿这篇开刀吧 哈哈,学习ing 觉的你好厉害啊,38分44秒 501 words 牛~``

kkytUID: 188814

runnerio
Issue212 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：38分44秒 501 words
从2005年2月19日13时14分到2005年2月19日13时38分
------题目------
If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.
只要值得，不择手段达到目的是合理的。
------正文------
It is just human's persistent endeavor for various goals that accelerate the development of our society in nearly all fields------art, academic, politic, etc. [Worthy goals bring about great contribution to not only individuals but the collectivity][确实要先定义什么样的算是worthy的事]. In this sense, people need to strive to realize their goals. However, they must get the clear definition of worthy goals, and take proper measures rather than any means. [开头很好，值得学习，向下看你的论述]

Before taking measures to approach a goal, people should sense what a worthy goal is really. I define a worthy goal to be an aim which will benefit not only an individual, but other people and the society; at least the goal cannot hurt others' interests. For example, for cramming one's stomach[这个用法不对啊，cram vi. ], one goes to steal another one's bread. Then this goal is unworthy, for it hurt others' benefits.[ Only those which can lead to both the party's[party指谁？跟上面的individual 是同义词么？金山上说是参与者，那还行，还是社会] benefits and harmlessness to others (even benefits) can be called worthy goals].

However, because of the finiteness of people's logos[理念，汗~这单词都会。但Webster上的解释：好象是哲学用语，在此不妥，望三思 ] and the complication of problems, people may do not know whether their measures will bring about what kind of results while they clearly know what they desire. Here come the clashes:[冒号后冒一句话？啥意思啊] means may finally protest with the goal. For instance, government , for improving the quality of people's life, take effective measures to develop the economy of the country------building more factories, exploring more mines, enlarging the farming field by sacrifice the wood area, etc. However, the factories bring about severe air and water pollution; the mines make the noise all day; the ruin of forests leads to the losing of water and soil. All these results return to human's more difficult living circumstance, not to mention [to] the improvement of people's living standard.
[你这段的作用是什么，你在论证什么问题，是你的TS 句people may do not know whether their measures will bring about what kind of results while they clearly know what they desire.这段和你要反驳的有什么关系？偶没明白]

To some extent, humanity is always so self-confident that people usually lack sincere condescension[condescension更多的是屈尊的意思，还是换成humility吧]. Just this humanity defect makes the statement "if a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable" hard to be sound. Humans never know whether their behaviors are the first step to devastation. When they insist passionately on their goals, from the nation's unity and prosperity to the individual's fame and money, these so-called worthy goals may finally result in destruction. The notorious politician, Hitler, is just the case in point. Hitler was a mad terrorist[恐怖分子？fascist]; he thought the Germen are the most superior race in the world and must control other nations. So he developed universal terrorism to realize his dream-------- founding a unitary world. However, his terrorism incurred the universal protests which finally lead him to the abyss of defeat. This is just a good example for people to consider what the worthy goal is and what means they should take when they exert efforts to their goals.[这段举例说了不择手段的危害]

To summarize, worthy goals have to be ones which can benefit individuals and the society both; at least cannot bring harm to others. The right means taken to attain it is also very important. The absence of either will probably jeopardize the party.

[把我的想法写在下面吧，偶看了2小时，说实话还是不是很明白你的论证，可能是偶水平较差加之状态不好。说说我的想法吧]
[1、admittedly,你的语言很不错，词汇也很丰富，估计红宝基本差不多了，但是偶认为你最后一段写的不好，你还有那么长时间为什么不把最后一段写好点呢，我也不敢搬们弄斧给你改，你在斟酌以下]
[2、however偶是严重不理解你的论证思路。分析以下你的开头的主题句，they must get the clear definition of worthy goals, and take proper measures rather than any means.从主题句来看（1）首先要定义以下worthy goals 这个你有。（2）问题出在第二点的论证上，既然要论证 take proper measures, 而不是any means. 就要论证一下一方面我们take 各种各样proper measures 最终我们实现了哪些成就，也就是好处，另一方面如果我们不择手段会有什么害处]
[3、比如，为了战胜SARS，我们采取了各种措施，包括科研公关，兴建医院，隔离检查等，最终战胜了非典，这说明只要目标明确就应该去做，下面反面就不说了，你那段很好。]
[坏了，忘了结合你的worthy goals定义想一下，先发上来，讨论以下，说的不对，请见凉]

runnerioUID: 152251

１．party 是当事人的意思．
２．冒号后面表明clash是什么．
３．ＢＯＤＹ２说由于人类理性的局限性和问题的复杂性,人们知道目标的同时却并不清楚他们的手段会带来什么后果（也许是毁灭），是为了证明不应该采用any means．不过你一语打醒梦中人 :eek: ，我确实忽略了proper means的论证．
４．ＢＯＤＹ３是说人类太自信以至缺乏真诚的谦卑，经常为了目标而疯狂，例子是为了证明这种疯狂可能带来的严重后果．从人性方面论证不能take any means．
５．严重感谢你为我提供的论证思路，我觉得我要是再加上你的论证方法会让文章条理更清晰． :D
６．今天作实验，想试试连着写ＩＳＳＵＥ最多能写几篇，发上来的是第５篇，当时已差不多神智不清了（写完了我去打饭，愣是把银行卡当成了饭卡 :o ）．所以可能直接导致了你的无法理解．
７．最后谢谢你的辛苦批改．欢迎继续讨论． :p ＢＯＷ～～～～

runnerioUID: 152251

哦，对了，刚才忘记说了，你能不能具体的给我说一下我最后一段哪写的不好啊？论证，语言，还是something else？
ＳＩＧＨ，自己写的文章，自己看１００遍都不知道该在哪动刀
再次感谢！

mummybabyUID: 197156

------题目------
If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.
------正文------
It is just human's persistent endeavor for various goals that（that 改为to） accelerate the development（s） of our society in nearly all fields------art, academic, politic, etc. Worthy goals bring about great contribution to not only individuals but (also 好像不能少吧) the collectivity. （前面这句没读懂是什么意思阿，要么主语改为realizing worthy goals 或 attaining worthy goals）In this sense, people need to strive to realize their goals. （我觉得前面两句有点乱，建议改改）However, they must get the clear definition of worthy goals, and take proper measures rather than any means.（你的重点是说确定worthy goals，还是即使是对worthy goals 也要采取合理的means？）

Before taking measures to approach a goal, people should sense（estimate or judge） what a worthy goal is really（really is）. I define a worthy goal to be an aim which (if realized) will benefit not only an individual, but (also) other（much more） people and （even the whole）the society; At least the goal cannot hurt others' interests. For example, for(for去掉,一般好像是能用分词作状语就不要再加介词了,但语法没错) cramming one's stomach, one goes to steal another one's bread. Then(去掉) this goal is unworthy, for it hurt(s) others' benefits. Only those which can lead to both the party's benefits and harmlessness to others (even benefits) can be called worthy goals.

(我还是不太清楚measures用在这里合不合适，他好想强调的是在最后采取的行动和权宜之策)
However, because of the finiteness of people's logos and the complication of problems, people may do not know［whether their measures will bring about what kind of results while they clearly know what they desire］（what kind of results will be brought by their measures, though they clearly know what they desire）. Here come the clashes: means may finally protest with the goal. For instance, government , for improving the quality of people's life, take effective measures to develop the economy of the country------building more factories, exploring more mines, enlarging the farming field by sacrifice the wood area, etc. However, the factories bring about（result in，换个表达方式） severe air and water pollution; the（换位 exploring） mines make the noise（induce noise） all day; the（大写，这我不太清楚，word好像建议大写） ruin of forests leads to the（去掉） losing of water and （sterilizing of）soil. All these results return to（return to好像不是这个意思阿） human's more difficult living circumstance, not to mention the improvement of people's living standard.（觉得前面这句话有问题，只是造成了环境破坏，而这正是提高生活水平所带了的负面影响阿，至少不能说是没有提高生活水平把，后面只是改了句子，没有该意思，建议斟酌一下）（All these results repay more difficult living circumstance to human beings without improvement of public living standard. ）

To some extent, humanity is always so self-confident that people usually lack sincere condescension. Just this humanity defect makes the statement "if a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable" hard to be sound. Humans never(太绝对) know whether their behaviors are the first step to devastation. When they insist passionately on their goals, from the nation's unity and prosperity to the individual's fame and money, these so-called worthy goals may finally result in destruction. The notorious politician, Hitler, is just the case in point. ［Hitler was a mad terrorist;］（being a mad terroist） he thought the Germen are(were) the most superior race in the world and must control other nations. So he developed universal terrorism to realize his dream-------- founding a unitary world. However, his terrorism incurred the universal protests which finally lead(led) him to the abyss of defeat. This is just a good example for people to consider what the worthy goal is and what means they should take when they exert efforts to their goals.(我觉得这个例子不太好，既然这不是一个worthy goal 就谈不上在最后实现他的方法的合理性了,它最多能说明是否worthy这个问题)

To summarize, worthy goals have to be ones which can benefit individuals and the society both; at least(觉得应该是at the same time,或者直接就是without harms to…) cannot bring harm to others. The right means taken to attain it is also very important. The absence of either will probably jeopardize the party and the society.

kkytUID: 188814

[to runnerio]
１．party 是当事人的意思．[ok, I see]

２．冒号后面表明clash是什么．[晕~自己昨天糊涂啊，但, protest 这个词用的不好吧，你是要说方法可能与结果背道而驰么？The effect of means may be contrary to the anticipated goals，我造句不行，多见量，向你学习ing ]

３．ＢＯＤＹ２说由于人类理性的局限性和问题的复杂性,人们知道目标的同时却并不清楚他们的手段会带来什么后果（也许是毁灭），是为了证明不应该采用any means．不过你一语打醒梦中人  ，我确实忽略了proper means的论证．[原来如此，我明白了，昨天对while 理解有误，再回去看看，觉得你少了一句点题的话，加到最后：发展经济，提高生活水平虽好，但不择手段，破坏了生态平衡和和谐发展，反而不能实现这个目标，这样就清楚了。]

４．ＢＯＤＹ３是说人类太自信以至缺乏真诚的谦卑，经常为了目标而疯狂，例子是为了证明这种疯狂可能带来的严重后果．从人性方面论证不能take any means．[原来这样啊，那问题就更大了，你这样是跑题感觉了（个人观点 ）这就忽略了本题的前面一个假设，if the goal is worthy ，这是前提，连worthy 都没有，怎么谈别的？]
５．严重感谢你为我提供的论证思路，我觉得我要是再加上你的论证方法会让文章条理更清晰．  [哈哈，惭愧惭愧，表这么说，脸红ing ]
６．今天作实验，想试试连着写ＩＳＳＵＥ最多能写几篇，发上来的是第５篇，当时已差不多神智不清了（写完了我去打饭，愣是把银行卡当成了饭卡  ）．所以可能直接导致了你的无法理解．[别忘了拿打完拿出来就行，五篇，立即晕倒~``传授点经验吧,谢谢]
７．最后谢谢你的辛苦批改．欢迎继续讨论．  ＢＯＷ～～～～[谢谢，表客气 一起进步！]
哦，对了，刚才忘记说了，你能不能具体的给我说一下我最后一段哪写的不好啊？论证，语言，还是something else？ ＳＩＧＨ，自己写的文章，自己看１００遍都不知道该在哪动刀
再次感谢！[最后一段，你又说一遍worthy goals have to be ones which can benefit individuals and the society both; at least cannot bring harm to others.在你文章中第四遍了，所以我觉得的不好。]
[换以下这个行么，仅做参考，写的不好，班门弄斧了。In sum, at the presumption of ensuring the worthiness of the purpose, people should spend even much time considering a more but may not the most valid, available(available) mean the complete their goals.]

runnerioUID: 152251

谢谢楼上各位,我真是受益非浅 :p
kkyt,可不可以把你的变色工具传给我一份,我在论坛上下的不能用 :(
谢谢了,我的QQ93759028

kkytUID: 188814

能用吧,你就不要弹出阻止就行, 哈哈 就是标题栏那行:为保护你的安全, Internet Exploer 已经限制此文件显示可能访问你的计算机的内容,单击此处查看选项.单击允许阻止内容就行了.