issue 7 科技Vs人类，偶（4月，Group 1）

smartyrUID: 169453

Issue7  第12篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分2秒     423 words
从2005年2月18日10时17分到2005年2月18日11时45分
------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
For thousands of years after the history of mankind, written records have been playing the key role in human civilization. However, with the development of science and technology, a great many of modern recording means have been invented, video camera is one of them, which is able to provide an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life of human being. But is it just as the speaker asserts that, video camera becomes more important than written records involving documentation recording, thus take place of the traditional measure? As far as I am concerned, I prefer to hold that both video and written records have their advantages and disadvantages, if only properly used their advantages can human capture the objective contemporary life.

To begin with, the video documentation, as a result of advanced digital technology, introduces a new approach of recording contemporary life and society. The obvious features of the video camera focusing human's eyes is that it can provide almost one hundred percent of the events by giving sound, moving pictures, and background, which vividly describe the entire process of the events and make people feel the circumstance the event happened himself. Thanks to this video camera, it is conducing to the legal organization to deal with legal proceeding. Dishonest criminals, drunk drivers lower their head before the video screen. In addition, the media information can be compressed and recorded on optical discs, tapes, or other mediums, which offer an effective way of retaining data, also save a lot of space to restore the information.

However, on the other hand, written records are proceeding over the video camera in some respects. Written records, the most appealing to ordinary people may its lower price comparing to the digital product, which just a pen and some papers are enough. Furthermore, the written records are capable of recording what lasts a relative long time and spanning much wider space, from thousands years ago to modern time, from western to orientation. It is hardly to imagine how the great human history can been recorded or accurately copied by the video camera, whereas, thousands of years scenes of the history human history has been vivid restored indeed. A remarkable example of this case is that the Trojan War, which lasted almost ten years and cannot be pictured by the most sophisticated video camera, can easy be for a historian to describe this into hundreds of papers. In addition, written records leave tremendous of historical events with more detailed description and summarize it. Although the writer perceive and describe the events based on his specific stand and value of society, the written records he left convey the future generation this abstract facts. All these are impossible for the video camera to provide.

Therefore, it is just like a coin has its two sides. Both video camera and written records have their shortcoming. As a matter of fact, in modern society, we more often than not use the two effective measures to record the contemporary life of human being. The picture and its accompanying essay usually give people detailed description of the events and help to understand more quickly and memorize more deeply.

In the final analysis, taking into all advantages and disadvantages into account, it is difficulty to judge whether video camera or written records are the more effective means for recording our contemporary life.  Only if human being properly uses them and compensate one with the other, he can preserve more complete and perfect material for the generations to come.

mariaUID: 197971

The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
For thousands of years after the history of mankind, written records have been playing the key role in human civilization. However, with the development of science and technology, a great many of modern recording means have been invented, video camera is one of them, which is able to provide an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life of human being. But is it just as the speaker asserts that, video camera becomes more important than written records involving documentation recording, thus take place of the traditional measure? As far as I am concerned, I prefer to hold that both video and written records have their advantages and disadvantages, if only properly used their advantages can human capture the objective contemporary life. 楼主的开头好长阿，我一般都是匆匆开头与结尾怕后面没时间论述，不过已经被好多人批过了，呵呵向你学习！

To begin with, the video documentation, as a result of advanced digital technology, introduces a new approach of recording contemporary life and society. The obvious features of the video camera focusing onhuman's eyes is that it can provide almost one hundred percent of the events by giving sound, moving pictures, and background, which vividly describe the entire process of the events and make people feel the circumstance the event happened aroundhimself. Thanks to this video camera, it is conducing to the legal organization to deal with legal proceeding. Dishonest criminals, drunk drivers lower their head before the video screen能不能说的详细一点？为什么会这样？不然难以说服读者的. In addition, the media information can be compressed and recorded on optical discs, tapes, or other mediums, which offer an effective way of retaining data, also save a lot of space to restore the information.故居你的主体意思这段应该着重写video documentation 比written records 优越的地方，单说一方面似乎不大好

However, on the other hand, written records are proceeding over the video camera in some respects. Written records, the most appealing to ordinary people may its lowerits price comparing to compared withthe digital product, which just a pen and some papers are enough.which just need a pen and some papers Furthermore, the written records are capable of recording what lasts a relative long time and spanning much wider space, from thousands years ago to modern time, from western to orientation. It is hardly to imagine how the great human history can beenbe recorded or accurately copied by the video camera, whereas, thousands of years scenes of the history human history has been vivid restored indeed. A remarkable example of this case is that the Trojan War, which lasted almost ten years and cannot be pictured by the most sophisticated video camera, can easy be for a historian to describe this into hundreds of papers. In addition, written records leave tremendous of historical events with more detailed description and summarize it. Although the writer perceive and describe the events based on his specific stand and value of society, the written records he left convey the future generation this abstract facts.个人觉得你最后一点不能说服读者 All these are impossible for the video camera to provide.这段论述的是written record 比  video documents 好的地方总体上看写得不错

Therefore, it is just like a coin has its two sides. Both video camera and written records have their shortcoming. As a matter of fact, in modern society, we more often than not use the two effective measures to record the contemporary life of human being. The picture and its accompanying essay usually give people detailed description of the events and help to understand more quickly and memorize more deeply.In the final analysis, taking into all advantages and disadvantages into account, it is difficulty to judge whether video camera or written records are the more effective means for recording our contemporary life. Only if human being properly uses them and compensate one with the other, he can preserve more complete and perfect material for the generations to come.

In the final analysis, taking into all advantages and disadvantages into account, it is difficulty to judge whether video camera or written records are the more effective means for recording our contemporary life. Only if human being properly uses them and compensate one with the other, he can preserve more complete and perfect material for the generations to come.[最后两段可以合并，说的内容其实是一样的]

以上是个人观点，不当之处再讨论。共勉吧如果有空的话帮我看看这篇https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=256975

枫丹UID: 166492

argument 有斑竹的意见,哎,就不多说什么了.这个我看看

mondiaUID: 193825

No.1 issue 7 科技Vs人类，偶（4月，Group 1）
Issue7 第12篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分2秒 423 words
从2005年2月18日10时17分到2005年2月18日11时45分
------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
For thousands of years after the history of mankind, written records have been playing the key role in human civilization. However, with the development of science and technology, a great many of modern recording means have been invented, video camera is one of them, which is able to provide an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life of human being. But is it just as the speaker asserts that, video camera becomes more important than written records involving documentation recording, thus take place oftake the place of; more important≠替代吧？ the traditional measure? As far as I am concerned, I prefer to hold that both video and written records have their advantages and disadvantages, if only properly used their advantages can human capture the objective contemporary life.

To begin with, the video documentation, as a result of advanced digital technology, introduces a new approach of recording contemporary life and society. The obvious features of the video camera focusing human's eyes is that it can provide almost one hundred percent of the events by giving sound, moving pictures, and background, which vividly describe the entire process of the events and make people feel the circumstance the event happened himself句子有问题吧？. Thanks to this video camera, it is conducing to the legal organization to deal with legal proceeding. Dishonest criminals, drunk drivers lower their headheads before the video screen. In addition, the media information can be compressed and recorded on optical discs, tapes, or other mediums, which offer an effective way of retaining data, also save a lot of space to restore the information.

However, on the other hand, written records are proceeding over the video camera in some respects. Written records, the most appealing to ordinary people may its lower price comparing to the digital product, which asjust a pen and some papers are enough. Furthermore, the written records are capable of recording what lasts a relative long time and spanning much wider space, from thousands years ago to modern time, from western to orientation单词有问题吧. It is hardly to imagine how the great human history can虚拟吧 been recorded or accurately copied by the video camera, whereas, thousands of years scenes of the history human history has been vivid restored indeed. A remarkable example of this case is that the Trojan War, which lasted almost ten years and cannot be pictured by the most sophisticated video camera, can easy be for a historian to describe this into hundreds of papers. In addition, written records leave tremendous of historical events with more detailed description and summarize it. Although the writer perceive and describe the events based on his specific stand and value of society, the written records he left convey the future generation this abstract facts. All these are impossible for the video camera to provide.为什么不可能？你是想说就“信息含量比”而言文字远高于图象？但只要存储技术足够发达，这个缺陷是可以克服的；上面有“关公战秦琼”的嫌疑！

Therefore, it is just like a coin has its two sides. Both video camera and written records have their shortcoming. As a matter of fact, in modern society, we more often than not use the two effective measures to record the contemporary life of human being. The picture and its accompanying essay usually give people detailed description of the events and help to understand more quickly and memorize more deeply.

In the final analysis, taking into all advantages and disadvantages into account上面写的不够”all”, it is difficulty to judge whether video camera or written records are the more effective means for recording our contemporary life. Only if human being properly uses them and compensate one with the other, he can preserve more complete and perfect material for the generations to come.


我也是四月group one 的，
自己人，下手可能有点狠，不要介意 ;)
一起努力！

枫丹UID: 166492

The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
For thousands of years after the history of mankind, written records have been playing the key role in human civilization. However, with the development of science and technology, a great many of modern recording means have been invented, video camera is one of them, （这是两个句子，分开）which is able to provide an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life of human being. But is it just as the speaker asserts that, video camera becomes more important than written records involving documentation recording, thus take place of the traditional measure?（just as 应是插入语， is it后面有video有两个主语了） As far as I am concerned, I prefer to hold that both video and written records have their advantages and disadvantages, if only properly used their advantages can human capture the objective contemporary life. （为什么是被动时态）

To begin with, the video documentation, as a result of advanced digital technology, introduces a new approach of recording contemporary life and society. The obvious features of the video camera focusing（应该是人做主语吧？） human's eyes is that it can provide almost one hundred percent of the events（事件的百分百？还是百分百的事件？？） by giving sound, moving pictures, and background, which vividly describe the entire process of the events and make people feel the circumstance the event happened himself. （我感觉你这局改成伴随状语要好一些describing the entire process of the events and making people ……）Thanks to this video camera, it is conducing to the legal organization to deal with legal proceeding. Dishonest criminals, drunk drivers lower their head before the video screen.（这句太汉语话了吧？如果不是你告诉我，我也学一下啊） In addition, the media information can be compressed and recorded on optical discs, tapes, or other mediums, which offer an effective way of retaining data, also save a lot of space to restore the information.

However, on the other hand, written records are proceeding over the video camera in some respects. Written records, the most appealing to ordinary people may its lower price comparing to the digital product, which just a pen and some papers are enough.（汉语化了） Furthermore, the written records are capable of recording what lasts a relative long time and spanning much wider space, from thousands years ago to modern time, from western to orientation. (跨越长时间了空间， 这个地方入手不错，但是似乎应该说清楚)It is hardly （hard）to imagine how the great human history can been recorded or accurately copied by the video camera, whereas, thousands of years scenes of the history human history has been vivid restored indeed. A remarkable example of this case is that the Trojan War, which lasted almost ten years and cannot be pictured by the most sophisticated video camera, can easy be for a historian to describe this into （ by the use of 是不是好一些）hundreds of papers.
（这个地方有些乱，为什么它可以记录几千年的历史，是有他本身的特点所决定的，你应该说清楚。因为它可以把历史过程中的重点提取出来，不是仅仅是形式上记录）In addition, written records leave tremendous of（of 去掉） historical events with more detailed description and summarize it.（单复数弄清楚） Although the writer perceive and describe the events based on his specific stand and value of society, the written records he left convey the future generation this abstract facts.（什么意思？？） All these are impossible for the video camera to provide.（这部分和前面重了，你可以说，through their description of the event, the writer did not only reveal the process of it, but also convey his own values and specific stand in that time, which is equally valuable to historian ）但是题目是说contemporary life

Therefore, it is just like a coin has its two sides. Both video camera and written records have their shortcoming.(不好，你前面只是说各自的好处，就能得结论说都有缺点吗？) As a matter of fact, in modern society, we more often than not use the two effective measures to record the contemporary life of human being. The picture and its accompanying essay usually give people detailed description of the events and help to understand more quickly and memorize more deeply.（只是前面的重复，你最好说一下，最后这句，实在不清楚你想表达什么意思，迷惑中~~~）

In the final analysis, taking into(into  去掉) all advantages and disadvantages into account, it is difficulty（difficult） to judge whether video camera or written records are the more effective means for recording our contemporary life. Only if human being properly uses them and compensate one with the other, he can preserve more complete and perfect material for the generations to come.
不能再改了，我感觉你作文的词汇量真的不小，可是感觉用的有些乱，不过也可能是我水平不到，理解不了，如果是这样的话，你一定要告诉我，让我也进步一下！！
还有每一段的结构也要调整一下。一定要改，我认为改自己的作文比写要更能促进。

枫丹UID: 166492

自己up 一下

smartyrUID: 169453

谢谢两位！！努力中！