issue130同主题写作，终于写到一个自己想写的东东了

restartingUID: 195448

Issue130:
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Children are regarded as the future of our society. As the speaker asserts, how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Therefore, our education should point to how to socialize our children well. However, nowadays, most people deviate from the original purpose of education and have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
  
  To begin with, the socialization of children plays a very key role in shaping the personalities and training viabilities of people. From families, schools and even communities, children should learn how to communicate with other people, how to make decisions by their own, and how to distinguish between reality and appearance, which are all very essential for individuals to survive in society. If children are hard to distinguish the reality and appearance, they may tend to be deceived by others in this overwhelmed-information society. If children are very egocentric and hard to establish proper relationships with peers, they may be difficult in cooperating with others in future work.

  In addition, the successful socialization can result in the uniformity of our country. Through formal and informal education to form the socialization of children, children learn the morality and rules of society, which are very helpful for individuals to become qualified citizens form the consistent values in country and. Culture plays a very vital part in the socialization of children. The socialization of children is a process of imposing traditional values and views of certain culture on children. For example, western countries emphasize the individual success and the people in western countries trend to show them and lead others in groups. Whereas, people in eastern countries such as China and Japan, put much emphasis on cooperation with other people, and eastern people trend to cooperate with others and like to be led by other people. Therefore, the socialization of children can ensure people acting uniformly and avoid conflicts in one country.

With the development of new technology such as the mass media and Internet, we need more cooperation and communication with others than before. However, many people including parents and teachers are not aware of this, and they put much emphasis on the grades of children rather than social abilities of children. They hold the idea that children can learn naturally about how to communicate by themselves when they go to universities. Unfortunately, we found some students in China cannot lead a life without their parents in universities and have to leave schools due to lack of basic viabilities. Many people fail to consider that the best time to train the socialization of children is between six-year-old and twelve-year-old rather than after they go to university. And some parents may think it is the duty of schools to train students. We should know that, everyone in families, schools or communities might impact greatly on the socialization of students. Socialization unlike the classes of mathematics or physics needs the participation of all people in families and communities.
  
To sum up, the socialization of children is the essential task for the whole society, and the success of socialization can lead the society to better. However, we should call for parents and communities' attentions on the socialization of children.

希望大家多多批评指教。bow～ :p  :p

hazechenUID: 197677

呵呵，支持一下mm
mm最擅长的东东
大家帮忙一起看看啊

kkytUID: 188814

偶来学习一下 :D

virathenaUID: 191035

Culture plays a very vital part in the socialization of children. The socialization of children is a process of imposing traditional values and views of certain culture on children. For example, western countries emphasize the individual success and the people in western countries trend to show them and lead others in groups. Whereas, people in eastern countries such as China and Japan, put much emphasis on cooperation with other people, and eastern people trend to cooperate with others and like to be led by other people. Therefore, the socialization of children can ensure people acting uniformly and avoid conflicts in one country.

这段话不太懂啊，为什么说文化对社会化很重要，然后说东西方文化差异，然后就得出社会化能让人们避免冲突了?

还有哈，我觉得那个社会化和最后说到的social ability是有差距的，而且那个6-12岁是社会化的关键阶段的是有哪里来的呢？

仅供参考 :D

kkytUID: 188814

Issue130:
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Children are regarded as the future of our society. As the speaker asserts, how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Therefore, our education should point to how to socialize our children well. However, nowadays, most people deviate from the original purpose of education and have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.[开头很明确，全部支持，接着看你的论述]

To begin with, the socialization of children plays a very key role in[on] shaping the personalities and training viabilities of people. From families, schools and even communities, children should learn how to communicate with other people, how to make decisions by their own, and how to distinguish between reality[用essence表示本质比较好] and appearance, which are all very essential for individuals to survive in society. If children are hard to distinguish the reality and appearance, they may tend to be deceived by others in this overwhelmed-information society. If children are very egocentric and hard to establish proper relationships with peers, they may be difficult in cooperating with others in future work.[接下来对社会呢？] [这段讲社会化的作用，也就是论证第一点，但是determine the destiny of society 没有论证出来,应当加一句如果儿童不社会化对社会会怎么样]

In addition, the successful socialization can result in the uniformity of our country[导致国家的一致？什么意思？]. Through formal and informal education to form the socialization of children, children learn the morality and rules of society, which are very helpful for individuals to become qualified citizens form the consistent values in country and[？]. Culture plays a very vital part in the socialization of children.[忽然 引入culture,用意何在？] The socialization of children is a process of imposing traditional values and views of certain culture on children. For example, western countries emphasize the individual success and the people in western countries trend to show them and lead others in groups. Whereas, people in eastern countries such as China and Japan, put much emphasis on cooperation with other people, and eastern people trend to cooperate with others and like to be led by other people. Therefore, the socialization of children can ensure people acting uniformly and avoid conflicts in one country. [看完才知道你的意思了，不过这段组织的比较散，逻辑性差，开头的morality 那句作用是什么？]

With the development of new technology such as the mass media and Internet, we need more cooperation and communication with others than before. However, many people including parents and teachers are not aware of this, and they put much emphasis on the grades of children rather than social abilities of children. They hold the idea that children can learn naturally about how to communicate by themselves when they go to universities. Unfortunately, we found some students in China cannot lead a life without their parents in universities and have to leave schools due to lack of basic viabilities. Many people fail to consider that the best time to train the socialization of children is between six-year-old and twelve-year-old rather than after they go to university. [为啥这么说，有根据么？]And some parents may think it is the duty of schools to train students. We should know that, everyone in families, schools or communities might impact greatly on the socialization of students. Socialization unlike the classes of mathematics or physics needs the participation of all people in families and communities. [这段论证我们存在的问题，最好不要出现多次we,以第三人称最好]

To sum up, the socialization of children is the essential task for the whole society, and the success of socialization can lead the society to better. However, we should call for parents and communities' attentions on the socialization of children.[为什么把school 丢了，你不是说school 也有问题么？]

[总的来说写的不错，层次挺清楚的，加油~~]

restartingUID: 195448

virathena,kkyt,谢谢你们啦。意见很中肯。
我自己在下面写觉得思路很清楚，贴上来一读才发现漏洞百出。呵呵，我再仔细改改。