issue 151 拍我必回！

wanderwengUID: 196531

151"High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication."

In the era with rapid scientific and technological advancement, more and more high-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail, bbs, television, telephone, emerge and burgeon in most people's life. Accordingly, along with the booming of these media, a hot debate whether these media tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication arises and attracts the whole society's attention. As far as I am concerned, although high-speed electronic communications media indeed abstract people away from realistic communication to some extent, the advantages of them outweigh the disadvantages.

On one hand, since high-speed and convenience are the most two outstanding merits of the electronic communications media, they obviously prompt and improve the rate and density of people's communication. By means of electronic mail, two friends who are oceans apart can chat intimately just like face to face; by means of telephone, the daughter who work in foreign country could listen to her mother's comforts words when she feels frustrated; by means of bbs on Internet, different people from different districts and even different countries can change thoughts and communicate freely; by means of television, people could enjoy the lively and vivid landscape and culture of other countries in their cozy rooms. Therefore, electronic communications media knit the whole world into a web , in another word,  they markedly  advance the process of globalization. And the beautiful wish of ancient Chinese, which puts that the friends far away can communicate freely like neighbors, really comes true in modern society via the help of these convenient media.

On the other hand, there are indeed some youngsters, who are addicted to the electronic communications media and neglect the realistic contact and communication with people around them. Some youngsters devote them into the fictitious world of Internet and decline to communicate with their parents, teachers and classmates; some adolescents avoid the real world and tend to indulge into the online games; some families prefer watching a boring TV play to having a chat or taking a walk with their family members. From this angle, it seems that high-speed electronic communications media does not combine people closely, but enlarge the distance between people and prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication among people.

Nevertheless, just as a communication tool, electronic media should and could not dominate and control the communication pattern and depth between people. On the contrary, it is our human being that master the tools and utilize them properly and completely to best serve us and optimize the communication among people. Therefore, people's attitudes toward these media dominate in the debate about the disadvantages and advantages of the electronic media.

To sum up, although preventing real and meaningful communication to some extent, high-speed electronic communications media still function as efficient and convenient way to propel communication. Just like a double-edged sword, these media should be better harnessed and regulated. And we should not completely deny the media just because of some transiently exiting problems, in contrast, we should search solutions to these problems to make good use of these media tools.

huijuan1210UID: 200139

151"High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication."

In the era with rapid scientific and technological advancement, more and more high-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail, bbs, television, telephone, emerge and burgeon in most people's life. Accordingly, along with the booming of these media, a hot debate whether these media tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication arises and attracts the whole society's attention. As far as I am concerned, although high-speed electronic communications media indeed abstract people away from realistic communication to some extent, the advantages of them outweigh the disadvantages.(开头不错，最后一句好像没有转折八？）

On one hand, since high-speed and convenience are the most two（two most) outstanding merits of the electronic communications media, they obviously prompt and improve the rate and density of people's communication. By means of electronic mail, two friends who are oceans apart can chat intimately just like face to face; by means of telephone, the daughter who work in foreign country could listen to her mother's comforts words when she feels frustrated; by means of bbs on Internet, different people from different districts and even different countries can change thoughts and communicate freely; by means of television, people could enjoy the lively and vivid landscape and culture of other countries in their cozy rooms. Therefore, electronic communications media knit the whole world into a web , in another word, they markedly advance the process of globalization. And the beautiful wish of ancient Chinese, which puts that the friends far away can communicate freely like neighbors, really comes true in modern society via the help of these convenient media.

On the other hand, there are indeed some youngsters, who are addicted to the electronic communications media and neglect the realistic contact and communication with people around them. Some youngsters devote them into the fictitious world of Internet and decline to communicate with their parents, teachers and classmates; some adolescents avoid the real world and tend to indulge into the online games; some families prefer watching a boring TV play to having a chat or taking a walk with their family members. From this angle, it seems that high-speed electronic communications media does not combine people closely, but enlarge the distance between people and prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication among people.

Nevertheless, just as a communication tool, electronic media should and could not dominate and control the communication pattern and depth between people. On the contrary, it is our human being that master the tools and utilize them properly and completely to best serve us and optimize the communication among people. Therefore, people's attitudes toward these media dominate in the debate about the disadvantages and advantages of the electronic media.

To sum up, although preventing real and meaningful communication to some extent, high-speed electronic communications media still function as efficient and convenient way to propel communication. Just like a double-edged sword, these media should be better harnessed and regulated. And we should not completely deny the media just because of some transiently exiting problems, in contrast, we should search solutions to these problems to make good use of these media tools.

觉得你的逻辑和语言都还不错，但这片是不是有点跑题？
大部分在讨论high speed....的好处和坏处， 就连第三段最后的也好像是在硬拉。
是不是应该再考虑一下？

anthraxUID: 176473

啊。同组的朋友啊。先占个座，然后回头帮你改吧。

anthraxUID: 176473

In the era with rapid scientific and technological advancement, more and more high-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail, bbs,(不太正式换成 internet forum会不会好点？) Televisions, telephone, (多种句式变换阿television as well as telephone) emerge and burgeon in most people's life. Accordingly, along with the booming of these media, a hot (heated) debate (concerning) whether these media tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication arises and attracts the whole society's attention. As far as I am concerned, although high-speed electronic communications media indeed abstract (拼写错误？attract才对吧)people away from realistic communication to some extent, the advantages of them outweigh the disadvantages.（开头点题了，你的开头段的任务顺利完成！！）

On one hand, since high-speed and convenience are the most two outstanding merits of the electronic communications media, they obviously prompt and improve the rate and density of people's communication. By means of electronic mail, two friends who are oceans apart can chat intimately just like face to face; by means of telephone, the daughter who work in foreign country could listen to her mother's comforts（comforting） words when she feels frustrated; by means of bbs on Internet, different people from different districts and even different countries can change thoughts and communicate freely; by means of television, people could enjoy the lively and vivid landscape and culture of other countries in their cozy rooms.(嗯，排比用得有气势，这样的话也有了字数有了保证，不错不错) Therefore, electronic communications media knit the whole world into a web(中文意思英语表达？不太通顺……) , in another word, they markedly advance the process of globalization. And the beautiful wish of ancient Chinese, which puts that the friends far away can communicate freely like neighbors, really comes true in modern society via the help of these convenient media.

On the other hand, there are indeed some youngsters, who are addicted to the electronic communications media and neglect the realistic contact and communication with people around them. Some youngsters devote them into the fictitious world of Internet and decline to communicate with their parents, teachers and classmates; some adolescents avoid the real world and tend to indulge into the online games; some families prefer watching a boring TV play to having a chat or taking a walk with their family members. From this angle, it seems that high-speed electronic communications media does not combine people closely, but enlarge the distance between people and prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication among people.（语言的确流畅，意思明确，只是觉得缺乏激动人心的文字，可能句式要多变一点）

Nevertheless, just as a communication tool, electronic media should and could not dominate and control the communication pattern and depth between people. On the contrary, it is our human being that masters the tools and utilize them properly and completely to best serve us and optimize the communication among people. Therefore, people's attitudes toward these media dominate in the debate about the disadvantages and advantages of the electronic media.(嗯，对观点进行了升华，效果很不错。)

To sum up, although preventing real and meaningful communication to some extent, high-speed electronic communications media still function as efficient and convenient way to propel communication. Just like a double-edged sword, these media should be better (bettered) harnessed and regulated. And we should not completely deny the media just because of some transiently exiting problems; in contrast, we should search solutions to these problems to make good use of these media tools.
大体上我觉得论证清楚有力，不存在跑不跑题得问题，只是语言文字需要多多琢磨，加油阿，多看范文，我也一样需要共勉！

sblbaslerUID: 175229

占个坐

sblbaslerUID: 175229

In the era with rapid scientific and technological advancement, more and more high-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail, bbs, television, telephone, emerge and burgeon in most people's [U]life[/U] [B]复数吧[/B] . Accordingly, along with the booming of these media, a hot debate whether these media tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication arises and attracts the whole society's attention. As far as I am concerned, although high-speed electronic communications media indeed abstract people away from realistic communication to some extent, the advantages of them outweigh the disadvantages.
[B]没什么说的，完成任务[/B]
On one hand, since high-speed and convenience are the most two outstanding merits of the electronic communications media, they obviously [U]prompt and improve the rate and density of people's communication[/U] [B][两个动词的宾语最好分开][/B] . By means of electronic mail, two friends who are oceans apar[U]t can chat intimately just like face to face;[/U][B][这似乎是电话而不是电子邮件][/B]   by means of telephone, the daughter who work in foreign country could listen to her mother's comforts words when she feels frustrated; by means of bbs on Internet, different people from different districts and even different countries can change thoughts and communicate freely; by means of television, people could enjoy the lively and vivid landscape and culture of other countries in their cozy rooms. Therefore, electronic communications media knit the whole world into a web , in another word, they markedly advance the process of globalization. And the beautiful wish of ancient Chinese, which puts that [U]the friends far away can communicate freely like neighbors[/U] [B][可不可以告诉我你指的是哪句中文，我真的不知道呀！ :D [/B] , really comes true in modern society via the help of these convenient media.

On the other hand, there are indeed some youngsters, who are addicted to the electronic communications media and neglect the realistic contact and communication with people around them. Some youngsters [U]devote[/U] [B]这是个褒义词吧[/B]  them into the fictitious world of Internet and decline to communicate with their parents, teachers and classmates; some adolescents avoid the real world and tend to indulge into the online games; some families prefer watching a boring TV play to having a chat or taking a walk with their family members. From this angle, it seems that high-speed electronic communications media does not combine people closely, but enlarge the distance between people and prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication among people.[B]这段你举的是个别的现象，但却通过这个得出了总体的结论，这也算个hasty generalization 吧 :p ][/B]

Nevertheless, just as a communication tool, electronic media should and could not dominate and control the communication pattern and depth between people. On the contrary, it is our human being that master the tools and utilize them properly and completely to best serve us and optimize the communication among people. Therefore, [U]people's attitudes [/U] [B][怎么突然跑出来个态度，你的TS中没有提呀，而且你也没讲清楚具体是什么态度，只是笼统的把它提出，有写仓促和理由不足][/B]  toward these media dominate in the debate about the disadvantages and advantages of the electronic media.

To sum up, although preventing real and meaningful communication to some extent, high-speed electronic communications media still function as efficient and convenient way to propel communication. Just like [U]a double-edged sword[/U] [B][双刃剑的话就不是你TS中的利大于弊][/B]  these media should be better harnessed and regulated. And we should not completely deny the media just because of some transiently exiting problems, in contrast, we should search solutions to these problems to make good use of these media tools

[B]跑题觉得不存在，只是语言还须提炼，逻辑不是很严密，尤其是第三段，不写估计还好些。
个人愚见！！[/B]