issue130 同主题写作 多提意见

lianglcl05UID: 181629

Issue 130

提纲：
   赞同前半句，对后半句有保留的赞同，表明，我们已经取得了进展，只是还没有达到最佳。
   1。socializtion 对个人有利，能够适应社会
   2。socializtion对个人的益处，带到社会，促进了社会的物繁   荣和和谐。
   3。我们的教育已经意识到了这一点，并且进行了一定的改变
   4。还有没做到的地方，需要继续努力。
   本文没限时，是本人写的第二个issue题目。请大家给点建议，尤其在思路，和说理方面，是不是有一定的清晰性。   


How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

I totally agree with the author that the socialization of children is important to the future of the society. However, the author's assertion about the education provided to the children is too pessimistic. In my point of view, the education today has partially satisfied the need of society, though there is still something left to be done.

Individually speaking, socialization is indispensable to their growth. Humans are social animals, living together and relying on each other, will inevitably have various relationships with the people in the same environment. The social virtues that we treasure today demonstrate what must be possessed by the individuals in order to live a happy life along with others— that includes cooperation, honesty, tolerance, and abilities to dissolve dispute with others, etc. Viewed from this point, Children, the promising participants of the social activities, should develop these properties from the process of socialization. Only when from an early age be us conscious about the fact that we are social animals, that we will gradually equip ourselves with these abilities and live a happy life with others in the future.

Socially speaking, socialization of children is important to the future of our society. As we gradually adapt to the society, the density of our society change with us together. The society is more harmonious since we are more tolerant with each other, and know more about how to get along well with each other. The productivity is highly raised, because we can better collaborate with each other. This illustrates the point that social properties of individuals determine the well-beings of our society, and it is important for us to develop them from an early age in the process of communicating with others and contacting with the society—that is to socialize our children.

To put it simply, children without socialization will coil in their small worlds and fail to get any pleasure from others and the society. Meanwhile, our society, without new socialized citizens to take part in, will bog down in a bleak situation in which both the material and the spiritual respects are running to crisis.

It is pleasant to discover that after many years' reform, our education system has noticed the importance of socialization of children and taken suitable measures to intensify it. For instance, the elementary education overrates the importance of the knowledge from the textbook in the past, and ignores the children's development in other respects. But now, the work load has been lessened these years, and the educator encourages young pupils to take part in the extracurricular activities. In these activities, the young students have much more chances to play and communicate with their peers, which helps them to develop the spirit of cooperation and tolerance with others. Both the individual and the society will be benefited from it in a long run.

However, we also have to accept that there is still something left for improvement in order to have a better result to the society. For example, there are few activities between children and the society. The activities between peers help children to tackle the problems in this age bracket, but the socialization in this level is not enough. They also need more chances to contact with the society. After all, they will live and work in this large community and will have relationships with various people besides their peers. Yet, I believe that with the further progress of reform, the education will find these defects and improves itself to better cater the pace of our society.

In sum, the socialization of children will do contributions both to the individuals and the society. The education system has being reformed to satisfy this need both from individual and social respects, though not reaching the ideal result at present. With this process going on, the better future of our society and the children will be realized.

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

Issue 130

提纲：
赞同前半句，对后半句有保留的赞同，表明，我们已经取得了进展，只是还没有达到最佳。
1。socializtion 对个人有利，能够适应社会
2。socializtion对个人的益处，带到社会，促进了社会的物繁 荣和和谐。看了前两条，觉得1不够扣题，题目determine the socitety。儿童如何社会化可以决定社会的命运，如果你赞同就要谈社会化对整个社会的影响，而不是对个人的影响。看怎么转到2上把
3。我们的教育已经意识到了这一点，并且进行了一定的改变
4。还有没做到的地方，需要继续努力。
文没限时，是本人写的第二个issue题目。请大家给点建议，尤其在思路，和说理方面，是不是有一定的清晰性。


How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

I totally agree with the author that the socialization of children is important to the future of the society. However, the author's assertion about the education provided to the children is too pessimistic. In my point of view, the education today has partially satisfied the need of society, though there is still something left to be done.开头清晰直接

Individually speaking, socialization is indispensable to their their是谁？看你的TS果然是individual的方面growth. Humans are social animals, living together and relying on each other, will inevitably have various relationships with the people in the same environment. The social virtues that we treasure today demonstrate what must be possessed by the individuals in order to live a happy life along with others— that includes cooperation, honesty, tolerance, and abilities to dissolve dispute with others, etc. Viewed from this point, Children, the promising participants of the social activities, should develop these properties from the process of socialization. Only when from an early age be us conscious about the fact that we are social animals, that we will gradually equip ourselves with these abilities and live a happy life with others in the future. 这段米有仔细看，感觉有些歪，一直在强调对个人的影响，如何生活的愉快啊，适应社会啊什么，注意题目，是社会化决定社会命运。貌似你要把个人的影响带到社会上去，但是这里花费笔墨太多说个人，感觉起作用不大，因为你没有对socialization这个概念进行分析，你说的各个方面感觉有些散,对你后面联系社会影响有局限性

Socially speaking, socialization of children is important to the future of our society. As we gradually adapt to the society, the density of our society change with us together. The society is more harmonious since we are more tolerant with each other, and know more about how to get along well with each other. The productivity is highly raised, because we can better collaborate with each other. why?这样productivity就可以rasie了啊？This illustrates the point that social properties of individuals determine the well-beings of our society, and it is important for us to develop them from an early age in the process of communicating with others and contacting with the society—that is to socialize our children.果然，联系的有些牵强，而且只说到了协作的问题。这段是重点啊，感觉没有好好展开，关键还是前面说的对社会化的概念没有好好理解一下，以至于说到社会层面的时候没有很好的扣住socialization的含义，只说个协作，没有说服力，而且应该再展开一下的，你又很快的转移到教育小孩子很重要上面了

To put it simply, children without socialization will coil in their small worlds and fail to get any pleasure from others and the society. Meanwhile, our society, without new socialized citizens to take part in, will bog down in a bleak situation in which both the material and the spiritual respects are running to crisis.

It is pleasant to discover that after many years' reform, our education system has noticed the importance of socialization of children and taken suitable measures to intensify it. For instance, the elementary education overrates the importance of the knowledge from the textbook in the past, and ignores the children's development in other respects. But now, the work load has been lessened these years, and the educator encourages young pupils to take part in the extracurricular activities. In these activities, the young students have much more chances to play and communicate with their peers, which helps them to develop the spirit of cooperation and tolerance with others. Both the individual and the society will be benefited from it in a long run.这段建议再详细点，重点论证一下，这样会更有力一些，给我的感觉就是看着还不错准备好好往下看呢就没了。。。

However, 太强了！会削弱你的论证we also have to accept that there is still something left for improvement in order to have a better result to the society. For example, there are few activities between children and the society. 这不是和你上文矛盾嘛？刚说有课外活动，又说少社会活动，建议这个教育有缺陷的地方不要说你上文肯定过的东西，从侧面来说The activities between peers help children to tackle the problems in this age bracket, but the socialization in this level is not enough. They also need more chances to contact with the society. After all, they will live and work in this large community and will have relationships with various people besides their peers. Yet, I believe 你believe有用么？人家问我们会不会教育小孩，只有believe说明现在还是不会教育，还需要我们从心里来展望一下。这和你上文说的缺陷的内容很有关，如果想转回你的观点，我觉得还是说尽管有一些微小的缺陷，但是整体上还是朝着积极的方向发展的that with the further progress of reform, the education will find these defects and improves itself to better cater the pace of our society.

In sum, the socialization of children will do contributions both to the individuals and the society. The education system has being reformed to satisfy this need both from individual and social respects, though not reaching the ideal result at present. With this process going on, the better future of our society and the children will be realized.

好话不说了。说几个问题：1，建议一开始对socialization进行理解和分析，后面才能好好的围绕这个方向来展开。2，B1个人感觉有些不够扣题，主要是说的太多了，喧宾夺主，题目的重点是社会的影响啊，你说了一堆个人，当然是为了转到社会，但是却没有联系好，到说社会的时候没几句就说完了，而且socialization只停留在协作和容忍，这样的话社会的明天是什么样？交流呢？竞争呢？适应周围环境变化呢？还是socialization的理解上不够深入。3，B3一小段单列出来，感觉作用不大，我的建议呢，B123合并，或者B1拆出来一小段就可以，重点说社会影响。4，让步那段，基调定的有些局限，对于你上文肯定过的东西，你又说做的不够，很难以有说服力，也不好再往你的论点上转，让步呢，让一小下就可以了，关键还是要为了你的论点服务。看下同主题写作专题里面的材料，比较有帮助。加油！

chenh1207UID: 182826

唉，楼上拍的太好了，我都看得入神了！
这次先欠你一篇，下次我一起补上！