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[i习作temp] 还有七天了, 大家帮忙改改作文(高频issue7,10,ar147,192) [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-3-21 13:27:52 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
7 "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records." 八
正文:   
With the rapid development of camera technology, the video camera indeed play a more and more important role in recording the contemporary life. And some people think it has become a more important form of documentation than written records some However, in my opinion, the video camera is a good complement of the written records, but not a substitute to them.
   It is obvious that the technique of recording especially the video camera increases and improves with a high speed. And this technology not only provides an accurate and convincing record but also transmit information promptly and conveniently. An good case is that when the Iraq war broke out, All people who concerned the information of the war needed not to go to the dangerous places of the war or wait for the result of each battle after the whole war as our forefathers did. We were able to get the convincing information on the television which had been recorded by the video camera wherever and whenever we were. And the camera record in time also helps people a lot. For instance, several weeks ago, when the tsunami happened in the southeastern part of Asia, people from all over the world watch the view of the people in the disaster from the record of the video camera. And this record both evoke the all kind people's pity on the poor people of the tragedy and make a amount of people to decide to denote to the area which suffered the catastrophe. Therefore, the record of video camera is so significant and in the modern society we almost can't lose it.
    Otherwise, although the importance of the video camera, it is the complement to the written record, but not the substitute to it. The written record has some advantages depend on which it can't be replaced. Firstly, in many developing areas and countries, people lack the machines to watch the types of record recorded by the video camera. And the more significant which we should concern is that the original areas where the old culture and ceremony preserved best always the places very poor and not easily to attain, if the written record extinct, we will have no record of those areas. Secondly, even if many people have the special equipment, the record of written recording such as magazines and newspapers is also the most convenient access to the daily news and other information. For example, you can read a newspaper on the bus or the railway station, but you may don't will to carry a heavy equipment with you when go out. Last, the written record is also convenient to preserve and seems not likely to decay.
    Further, the written record has some other advantages to exist. For instance, the written record is able to record a large number of data and statistics which will be checked often and can't be shown though the video camera. Another case is that the literature and art works such as fictions, novels, poems and so forth which are record by the written method keep the most space for the reader's imagination. Consider that when you read a eminent novel, you can image what the hero look like, and how gorgeous the queen is. But when you watch the same work from the TV, you can merely accept the reality of the actors.     
   In sum, the video camera play a important role in the modern society for it's accurate and prompt and is a concernful complement to the old way of recording. But the written record still has it unique and exclusive impact on the people, so it is can't be replaced.  

10 "Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated." 九
     
    In the modern country, the major cities play a very important role in the thriving of the country. And the government indeed needs to ensure the major's financial support. But in my view, the importance of the major cities is not entirely attributable to preserve the nation's cultural traditions but various reasons. And then the countryside where the cultural traditions are preserved and which areas also need to develop, also need a sufficient financial support.
    It can't be denied that in the most modern countries in the world, the major cities including the majority of capitals play significant roles. Firstly, the country's advancement and modernization often depend on the major cities. Since that there are many universities, collages, research system and the largest companies in major cities, for instance, there are more than 50 universities in Peking the capital of PRC, and there are hundreds of famous companies and commercial systems in New York which is the biggest city of the USA. And the reality tell us these system of higher education, enormous companies bear the responsibility of improving our living and developing the society. Secondly, the major city always contains a large number of people; Tokyo which is the capital of Japan contains more than 10.000,000 people. Therefore ensure the living standard of the major country will have significant impact on the steady of a country. Finally, the major also accommodate many famous artists, and in the major cities there are some great art works which represent the culture of a country or a society. All these mentioned above require that the major cities need the financial support from the government.
    Otherwise, the countryside, the small towns and the small cities also demand the financial support from the government. In my opinion, many cultural traditions are preserved better in the countryside than major cities. One reason is that many major cities look the same in some aspects for that they are catching up the fashion and modernization of the world. One friend of my father told me that he found the people in Hong Kong and Sydney wearing the same kinds of shoes and closes, the skyscrapers are in the same style and many modern types of equipment in the cities are same. However, if you go to the countryside of China or other countries, you will find many traditional ceremonies are preserved very well and the people always have on their traditional clothes because these areas are less influenced by the modern world. And the other reason is that the artists need these small areas which are less interrupted by the outside to produce the good art works, so these areas are concernful for generating new cultures.
    Further, most of the small towns and the countryside are poorer and underdevelopment. And if a country wants to develop fast or become a perfect society, it should develop the countryside and small cities as well as the major cities in a balanced way. For example, the project of “exploration of the west” is taken in China in order to offer more chances to the western part of China where the economical level is very low. From the last two segments, we can find that the countryside and the small areas also need the financial support from the government.
    In sum, the major cities should be supported by the government for the important role it played in the country. However, the most countries should develop in a balanced way and also need to preserve the tradition in the small areas, so the government should fund the small areas as well.

145.
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
正文:
     The editorial suggests that anyone who snores should try to eat less and to exercise more for lose weight. To support the suggestion, the author cites a study as the evidence. This reasoning is unsubstantiated and therefore is unconvincing.
     In the first place, the author fails to give the accurate data of the study on which the conclusion relies. Perhaps the number of the sample is so limited, and it is not representative enough to draw any conclusion. Perhaps the number of the people who snore and gain more weight is just a little more to the people do not snore, for instance, in the total 100 people, 51 people who snore and gain weight to the other 49 who do not snore. And the lower this ratio, the less warranted the conclusion is.
     Secondly, the author unfairly assumes that the people who gain weight easily are attributable to snore. But there is no evidence to prove that is the real case, and there are many other factors may influence the gaining of weight. It is possible that those who gain weight easily like too eat food with high energy and fat, or like to spending most of their time sitting and watching TV. Without ruling out these possible scenarios, I can't accept the author's reasoning.
     In addition, even if the snore people indeed easily gain weight, the author rest on the assumption that the people who snore lacks of exercise for that those people are interrupted in sleeping caused by snore to stop breath. However, we lack the detail statistics of how many people stop breathing when snore in their sleep. The less the number is, the less convinced the assumption is. Even if snore of many people indeed interrupts their breathing. There is no evidence to show it will influence the physical condition significantly so as to let the people feel tired when exercising.
    Finally, even if the foregoing assumption is credible. The author suggests anyone who snores should try to eat less and exercise more than the average person. However, common sense tells us that not every person who snores are fatter than average and need to lose weight. And there must be some people who snore are thinner than average people, and it is unnecessary for them to do so much exercise or eat less. In the contrary, what this kind of people should do is to eat more and rest more.
   In sum, the author's suggestion rests on some insufficient assumption and too extreme and therefore unconvincing. To strengthen the argument, the author should give more evidences too prove the real condition. To better assess the argument, more proper proposal should be offered.   

192. The following is a letter to the editor of the Roseville Gazette.
"Despite opposition from some residents of West Roseville, the arguments in favor of merging the townships of Roseville and West Roseville are overwhelming. First, residents in both townships are confused about which authority to contact when they need a service; for example, the police department in Roseville receives many calls from residents of West Roseville. This sort of confusion would be eliminated with the merger. Second, the savings in administrative costs would be enormous, since services would no longer be duplicated: we would have only one fire chief, one tax department, one mayor, and so on. And no jobs in city government would be lost—employees could simply be reassigned. Most importantly, the merger will undoubtedly attract business investments as it did when the townships of Hamden and North Hamden merged ten years ago."
正文:
   The letter recommends to merging the Roseville and West Roseville for many advantages. In order to support the recommendation, the author cites some evidences such as confusion of the people from the two towns and so on. The reasoning of the author is unwarranted and therefore is unconvincing.
     In the first place, the author points out those residents in two townships are confused about which authority to contact when they need service. However, there is no evidence to prove after the merging this problem will be solved. It is highly possible that after merging, the authority departments will become too large, and the worker or the official themselves will be confused by the residents of which town they should serve. And the residents might acquire less and worse service for that the servers of the authority department from the two towns might relies the responsibility on the other side.
     Secondly, the author tells that the saving in administrative cost would be enormous, since many services as fire chief and tax department would no longer be duplicated. However, the author fails to offer any condition of the two tows. Perhaps the towns contain a large area. And two fire chiefs is needed for addressing the fire danger in different areas. Perhaps the only one tax departments will not work efficient for that the official from different towns will have their own rule in working. Perhaps one major will bring more debates such as who from which towns to be the major, and how to ensure the major from one town will just to another town. All these problems might be serious after merging.
    In addition, the author assumes the merging will bring business investments as the merging of Hamden and North Hamden. But the author doesn't provide any evidence to show the similarity between the merging of R&WR and the merging of H&NH. It is entire possible that the good result of the merging of H&NH will not gained by R&WR for that the practical condition of two areas has enormous differences.
    Finally, there might be many other better measures to take for the problems faced by the two towns than merging. For instance, the government can increase efficiency to reduce the cost. And there are also many other aspects influence the merging, for example, the regulation of the country and the economical level of the two towns. Without ruling out these possible scenarios, the author's conclusion is too hasty.
    In sum, the author's suggestion is unsubstantiated to be accepted. To strengthen the argument, more details of the merging should be offered. And to better assess the argument, other factors which will affect the result of the merging should be discussed.

谢谢!
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发表于 2005-3-21 13:48:46 |只看该作者
求大家帮我改改吧!!!谢谢谢谢!!!!

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板凳
发表于 2005-3-21 13:49:59 |只看该作者
随便改一片也好 啊!

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RE: 还有七天了, 大家帮忙改改作文(高频issue7,10,ar147,192) [修改]

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还有七天了, 大家帮忙改改作文(高频issue7,10,ar147,192)
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