argument137,the last argument.give me some confidence!

bluefiaryUID: 184899

Argument137  第16篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：27分58秒     470 words
从2005年2月21日15时52分到2005年2月21日16时27分
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The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.
'At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River.'
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In this argument, the author tries to recommend the Mason City council increase its budget for improvement to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River. Though it was thought that river was not clean enough and residents were avoiding the river, the author claims that the agency responsible for rivers in the region has announced plans to clean up Mason River, thereby, he or she believes that recreational use of the river would be likely to increase.  The author's recommendation, however, is failed to consider several critical factors that would seriously undermine its credence.

On the one hand, the author's recommendation is based on a groundless assumption that the lands along the river is not satisfied by the residents and the government's budget is not enough for the development. However, there is no evidence to support it is the case. There are complaints that about the quality of the water in the river does not follow the residents are also not content with the publicly own lands along the river. It is possible that though the water in the river is not clean, but it does not affect the use of the lands along the river, that is to say, perhaps the water does not give out uncomfortable odor, or it does not affect the fundamental health of the residents. In addition, the complaints may be come from some residents that are not representative of all the people's opinions. Therefore, it is unwarrantedly to come to this recommendation without considering those possibilities.

On the other, though the agency responsible for rivers in the region has announced plans to clean up the river, there is no evidence to prove that it really has taken effects. The author fails to provide some effective and detailed evidence to convince us. Moreover, granted the conditions of the river may have been improved, it does not follow that the recreational use of the river is likely to increase. Since at present, Mason City residents have already seldom use the river for any recreational activity, they may have divert their activities to another place that is suitable and healthy for their use. Then, if the conditions of the river have improved, due to the habits and preconception, they are possibly reluctant to change their centers into this river; in this sense, the use of the river does not definitely to increase. So the author is too optimistic to anticipate the near future without considering some other factors that would affect the results.

To sum up, the recommendation is not persuasive as it stands. To make his recommendation acceptable, the author would have to investigate the current situation about the lands along the river. Furthermore, he or she needs to know the residents' attitudes towards the use of river if the plans are really taken effects.

ponponUID: 181304

占座

ponponUID: 181304

The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.
'At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River.'
------正文------
In this argument, the author tries to recommend the Mason City council increase its budget for improvement to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River. Though it was thought that river was not clean enough and residents were avoiding the river, the author claims that the agency responsible for rivers in the region has announced plans to clean up Mason River, thereby, he or she believes that recreational use of the river would be likely to increase. The author's recommendation, however, is failed to consider several critical factors that would seriously undermine its credence.
限时能写这么多字很佩服，但是第一段还有点罗索
On the one hand, the author's recommendation is based on a groundless assumption that the lands along the river is not satisfied by the residents and the government's budget is not enough for the development. However, there is no evidence to support it is the case去掉. There are complaints that about the quality of the water in the river does not follow the residents are also not content with the publicly own lands along the river. It is possible that though the water in the river is not clean, but it does not affect the use of the lands along the river, that is to say, perhaps the water does not give out uncomfortable odor, or it does not affect the fundamental health of the residents. In addition, the complaints may be come from some residents that are not representative of all the people's opinions. Therefore, it is unwarrantedly to come to this recommendation without considering those possibilities. 你的这一段论证有点怪，我感觉应该说即使治理也不一定有效果，是否能治理的彻底呢

On the other hand, though the agency responsible for rivers in the region has announced plans to clean up the river, there is no evidence to prove that it really has taken effects. The author fails to provide some effective and detailed evidence to convince us. Moreover, granted the conditions of the river may have been improved, it does not follow that the recreational use of the river is likely to increase. Since at present, Mason City residents have already seldom useused the river for any recreational activity, they may have divertdiverted their activities to another place that is suitable and healthy for their use. Then, if the conditions of the river have improved, due to the habits and preconception, they are possibly reluctant to change their centers into this river; in this sense, the use of the river does not definitely to increase. So the author is too optimistic to anticipate the near future without considering some other factors that would affect the results.注意时态

To sum up, the recommendation is not persuasive as it stands. To make his recommendation acceptable, the author would have to investigate the current situation about the lands along the river. Furthermore, he or she needs to know the residents' attitudes towards the use of river if the plans are really taken effects.
好像没有指出有没有必要增加改善公共场所，只提到了河水的问题