argument145 模考,倒计时两天

圣光UID: 193720

Argument145  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：29分42秒     491 words
从2001年2月21日9时11分到2001年2月21日9时29分
------题目------
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
------正文------
The arguer states a seemingly logical argument that people who snore at night would be more likely to get weight than those not, based on such evidence that they may experience the condition called apnea, which makes them to be too tired to excise the next day. Closer scrutiny, however, reveals several fallacies in the argument preventing it from being accepted.

First of all, to bolster her/his conclusion, the author cited the data in a study, which, however, is insufficient to prove her/his claim. There is no detailed information of the study. Who participate in the study? Is the number of the respondents enough to get correct conclusion? Are they representative? If the participants who snore are fatter than those do not, the data may reveals that there is more possibility for the fats to snore, but lends no support to the author's allege. What is more, whether this new study is well accepted by the academia is not known. If it cannot be well accepted, it cannot prove anything.

Secondly, the evidence the author provides that people who snore at night feel more tired is unsubstantial. According to the argument, people may be awaked by their own snore; however, the wake is too brief to be noticed by the people. Without disturbing their sleep, I can figure no possibilities that it can make people tired in the next day. Furthermore, the author also assumes that it is the sleep apnea that leads to the less exercise of these people the next day, which results in their gaining more weight. However, even if they are not tired, they may also have no time to take exercise, due to their work or other things, which makes the author's presumption unsubstantial.

Finally, there is no tenable reason for the arguer to claim that people who snore at night should eat less and exercise more. Firstly, there is no evidence showing that they are lack of exercise. Thus, it is untenable for the author to emphasize on their exercise. There may be other factors that cause their fatness, like genetic factor, for instance. Thus, granted they exercise more, they perhaps cannot lose weight at all. Moreover, there is no concrete data or evidence proving these people eat more than others. Were it not that case, there would be no necessity for them to obey the author's recommendation. And if they actually have less sleep than others, it may be harmful for them to lose weight by eating less. The author fails to take the health of them into account.

In sum, the argument depends on unsubstantial facts and groundless assumption. Also the study the author cites is unconvincing. These factors all makes it unacceptable. To develop her/his argument, the arguer should provide more detailed information of the study, both on the participants and the study itself; to further ameliorate it, s/he should provide more information about the people who snore.

圣光UID: 193720

谁帮忙看看或者打个分数.谢谢啦~~

圣光UID: 193720

顶

iverUID: 198348

过一会帮你看看！
你一定回有好成绩的！

加油！
考试顺利呀！

iverUID: 198348

呵呵，这篇是我刚看过的

圣光UID: 193720

呵呵,但愿~~
不过觉得今天状态不好,issue写出来被人拍得,唉~~~~
希望考试就好了吧~

iverUID: 198348

Argument145 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：29分42秒 491 words
从2001年2月21日9时11分到2001年2月21日9时29分
------题目------
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
------正文------
The arguer states a seemingly logical argument that people who snore at night would be more likely to get gain不知道是否有get weight的用法 weight than those not, based on such evidence that they may experience the condition called apnea, which makes them to be too tired to excise the next day. Closer scrutiny, however, reveals several fallacies in the argument preventing it from being accepted. 首段简明扼要,不错

First of all, to bolster her/his her/his是否有这种用法,如果确定,请告诉我.谢谢先 conclusion, the author cited the data in a study, which, however, is insufficient to prove her/his claim. There is no detailed information of the study. Who participate in the study? Is the number of the respondents enough to get correct conclusion? Are they representative? If the participants who snore are fatter than those do not, the data may reveals that there is more possibility for the fats the fat to snore, but lends no support to the author's allege allegation. What is more, whether this new study is well accepted by the academia is not known. If it cannot be well accepted, it cannot prove anything.除了几个小的语法错误,不错

Secondly, the evidence the author provides that people who snore at night feel more tired is unsubstantial. According to the argument, people may be awaked by their own snore; however, the wake is too brief to be noticed by the people. Without disturbing their sleep, I can figure no possibilities that it can make people tired in the next day. Furthermore, the author also assumes that it is the sleep apnea that leads to the less exercise of these people the next day, which results in their gaining more weight. However, even if they are not tired, they may also have no time to take exercise, due to their work or other things, which makes render,建议把make全部换掉,形成条件反射.不知道可好? the author's presumption unsubstantial.

Finally, there is no tenable reason for the arguer to claim that people who snore at night should eat less and exercise more. Firstly, there is no evidence showing that they are lack of exercise. Thus, it is untenable for the author to emphasize on their exercise. There may be other factors that cause their fatness, like genetic factor, for instance. Thus, granted they exercise more, they perhaps cannot lose weight at all. Moreover, there is no concrete data or evidence proving these people eat more than others. Were it not that case, there would be no necessity for them to obey the author's recommendation. And if they actually have less sleep than others, it may be harmful for them to lose weight by eating less. The author fails to take the health of them into account.

In sum, the argument depends on unsubstantial facts and groundless assumption. Also the study the author cites is unconvincing. These factors all makes it unacceptable. To develop her/his argument, the arguer should provide more detailed information of the study, both on the participants and the study itself; to further ameliorate it, s/he should provide more information about the people who snore.

文章写的很有条理,短时间内能够写的如此好,不错不错!如果将小量的语法错误搞定就是不折不扣的满分了.
现在还是调整一下情绪呀,你会有好成绩的.
对了,有几个问题想请教:
1 写augu的时候是不是不能用太多的假设.比如perhaps, it is possible that...等;
2 写出的设问句是否需要自己回答?比如:Who participate in the study? Is the number of the respondents enough to get correct conclusion? Are they representative?
谢谢,祝你取得好成绩!

猫猫624UID: 171232

圣光,其实你写的也是不错的,刚才我只指出缺点,优点省略了.
不要受我给你砖头的影响.相信自己,你能成功的.