argument147 模考 倒计时一天 明天不能来了,希望大家给个分数

圣光UID: 193720

Argument147  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分3秒     484 words
从2001年2月22日9时15分到2001年2月22日9时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'
------正文------
The arguer states a seemingly logical argument that the sales of the video games of Whirlwind would increase in a few months, based on a survey of the players, and the advertising campaign the company would initiate. Also, s/he provided an assumption, which indicated that the video games may cater to the needs of the market. Closer scrutiny, however, reveals several fallacies in the argument, preventing it from being accepted.

First of all, the survey the author cited to bolster her or his conclusion is insufficient. There is no information of the participants taking part in the investigation. There is possibility that the respondents are those who have the most up-to-date computers, achieving the ability to play these games. However, there is no evidence that all the players have such computers. If the players who respond in the survey are the minorities in the market, they cannot represent the whole requirements of the players, which makes the author's conclusion absurd.

Secondly, even though the players all like the games with lifelike graphics, there is no guarantee that they will like the video games Whirlwind produced, and buy them. As we all know, there are many firms develop their games to occupy the market and satisfy the consumers. However, only a few of them can be successful. It is because although they can keep themselves with the steps of fashion, but the technology they achieve cannot content the players and thereby their products cannot have good sales. It is possible that Whirlwind is one of these firms, with poor quality of the video games, which cannot satisfy the consumers and thus bring poor sales of the products to the company.  

Finally, as for the advertising campaign, we cannot see its concrete function in propagandize the product and increase the sales of the video games. Firstly, there is no information in the argument that the consumers of the video games are mostly people 10 to 25 years old. Were it not the case, we cannot guarantee the effect of the advertisement. Secondly, granted the consumers are in that age, the arguer provides no detailed measures to insure the attraction of the campaign to them. If the propaganda cannot attract them, it would be useless. What is more, common sense tells us that even if the advertisement is effective, it cannot lead to a bombard in the sale of a commodity. The increase in sale needs time, which may takes many months or even longer. Thus, it is not certain that the sales of the video games Whirlwind produces can increase in a few months.

In sum, the argument depends on problematic survey and unsubstantial presumption, which make it unconvincing. To develop it, the author should provide more information about the survey and the quality of the video games Whirlwind produces. To further ameliorate it, s/he should take the effect of the propaganda into account.

圣光UID: 193720

顶一下吧

圣光UID: 193720

我顶!
只要一个分数的说~
考完了回来回报大家啦~~

imjasonUID: 176604

占坐，

imjasonUID: 176604

------正文------
The arguer states a seemingly logical argument that the sales of the video games of Whirlwind would increase in a few months, based on a survey of the players,这里可以不用逗号的，使其更连贯点 and the advertising campaign the company would initiate. Also, s/he provided前后时态上有些矛盾，这种小问题要注意呀 an assumption, which indicated that the video games may cater to the needs of the market. Closer scrutiny, however, reveals several fallacies in the argument, preventing it from being accepted.

First of all, the survey the author cited to bolster her or his conclusion is insufficient. There is no information of the participants taking part in the investigation. There is possibility that the respondents are those who have the most up-to-date computers, achieving the ability to play these games. However, there is no evidence that all the players have such computers. If the players who respond in the survey are the minorities in the market, they cannot represent the whole requirements of the players, which makes the author's conclusion absurd.对于调查之类的东西最好形成本能反应：1。这个是谁做的？2。怎么做的？有代表性吗？3。数据是如何处理的？4。权威性如何？可信度怎样？——这样不就有话说了么？

Secondly, even though the players all like the games with lifelike graphics, there is no guarantee that they will like the video games Whirlwind produced, and buy them. （As we all know, there are many firms develop their games to occupy the market and satisfy the consumers.语法的问题，there be后面有动词出现要注意！ However, only a few of them can be successful）这里的两句用不着however，直接用but连接就足够了。因为用however可能应该是层意的变化。. It is because although they can keep themselves with the steps of fashion, but the technology they achieve cannot content the players and thereby their products cannot have good sales. It is possible that Whirlwind is one of these firms, with poor quality of the video games, which cannot satisfy the consumers and thus bring poor sales of the products to the company.有些牵强，建议多看下

Finally, as for the advertising campaign, we cannot see its concrete function in propagandize the product and记得以前学的否定或疑问句里应该是用or而不是and increase the sales of the video games. Firstly, there is no information in the argument that the consumers of the video games are mostly peoplemostly放在people后面要好些 10 to 25 years old. Were不应该用虚拟语气吧，因为虚拟的就是在否定啊，而且后面也应该是could not了。就说if so就可以了 it not the case, we cannot guarantee the effect of the advertisement. Secondly, granted the consumers are in that age, the arguer provides no detailed measures to insure the attraction of the campaign to them. If the propaganda cannot attract them, it would be useless. What is more, common sense tells us that even if the advertisement is effective, it cannot lead to a bombard in the sale of a commodity. The increase in sale needs time, which may takes many months or even longer. Thus, it is not certain that the sales of the video games Whirlwind produces can increase in a few months.小宇宙在蠢蠢欲动哈

In sum, the argument depends on problematic survey and unsubstantial presumption, which make it unconvincing. To develop it, the author should provide more information about the survey and the quality of the video games Whirlwind produces. To further ameliorate it, s/he should take the effect of the propaganda into account.
考试时注意点语法的问题了，虽然说GRE的作文不是很重视这个，但是别人是以为我们已经掌握好了的。加油了，好运！

猫猫624UID: 171232

大概看了一下,还可以.注意一些小问题.多少分已经现在来说不重要.发挥正常水平就好了.(超常发挥更好,呵呵) 给个祝福 先!!

flyingwindUID: 189320

不错,不错
我给5分

apolloxpUID: 156355

Argument147 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：30分3秒 484 words
从2001年2月22日9时15分到2001年2月22日9时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'
------正文------
The arguer states a seemingly logical argument that the sales of the video games of Whirlwind would increase in a few months, based on a survey of the players, and the advertising campaign the company would initiate. Also, s/he provided an assumption, which indicated that the video games may cater to the needs of the market. cater to the market cater本来就有迎合需要的意思 Closer scrutiny, however, reveals several fallacies in the argument, preventing it from being accepted.

First of all, the survey the author cited to bolster her or his conclusion is insufficient. There is no information of the participants taking part in the investigation. There is possibility that the respondents are those who have the most up-to-date computers, achieving the ability to play these games.这一点没有讲清楚，调查人群都拥有好电脑是如何影响调查结果的？比如说有可能这些人本来就是因为喜欢玩这类游戏而去买最新最好的电脑的，这样这个调查根本就不可信 However, there is no evidence that all the players have such computers. If the players who respond in the survey are the minorities in the market, they cannot represent the whole requirements of the players, which makes the author's conclusion absurd.

Secondly, even though the players all like the games with lifelike graphics, there is no guarantee that they will like the video games Whirlwind produced, and buy them. As we all know, there are many firms develop their games to occupy the market and satisfy the consumers. However, only a few 不要说only a few，说not all比较严密 of them can be successful. It is because 销售不成功可能有多方面原因，技术不行也许只是其中之一，不要把话说的太绝，以免受人以炳。建议改成One of the reasons for that is although they can keep themselves with the steps of fashion, but the technology they achieve cannot content the players and thereby their products cannot have good sales. It is possible that Whirlwind is one of these firms, with poor quality of the video games, which cannot satisfy the consumers and thus bring poor sales of the products to the company.

Finally, as for the advertising campaign, we cannot see its concrete function in propagandize 用动名词propagandizing the product products and increase the sales of the video games 加上in a few months与下面自己的论述统一起来. Firstly, there is no information in the argument that the consumers of the video games are mostly people 10 to 25 years old.感觉不必在这一点上进行纠缠，毕竟这是个类似于常识的东西  Were it not the case, we cannot guarantee the effect of the advertisement.Secondly, granted the consumers are in that age, the arguer provides no detailed measures to insure the attraction of the campaign to them. If the propaganda cannot attract them, it would be useless. What is more, common sense tells us that even if the advertisement is effective, it cannot lead to a bombard in the sale of a commodity. The increase in sale needs time, which may takes many months or even longer. Thus, it is not certain that the sales of the video games Whirlwind produces can increase in a few months.

In sum, the argument depends on problematic survey and unsubstantial presumption, which make it unconvincing. To develop it, the author should provide more information about the survey and the quality of the video games Whirlwind produces. To further ameliorate it, s/he should take the effect of the propaganda into account.

iverUID: 198348

圣光,我大概看了看,你写的很好,除了几个小的语法错误,这些五楼指出了
考试时调整心态,尽量不要紧张,把考试当平时即可,
这样的文章可以的满分了.
best wishes to you and all gters.
再次祝你旗开得胜.