厚着脸皮， 希望大家给点意见！

kkygrace24UID: 183615

我知道自己写得很烂，但是希望大家给点意见！
快要考试了！
argument 1
1.This argument is not cogent to conclude that our stores will be most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. To support the conclusion the arguer provides the evidence of the increased sales of sports shoes and the increasing number of people who take part in health club. But there are several problems lack of evidence to support in this argument.

First of all, the argument depends on an unwarranted assumption that taking exercises is the only symbol of the residents who live in Plainsville to lead healthy lives. While it is true that the residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives, they may not be interested in taking exercises. There are many other things they can do to keep health, such as eating healthy food, taking some vitamin drugs and other related fields. The high sale of running shoes and exercise clothing does not indicate that the residents are willing to take exercises. They use these things for other use, like going out for picnic. Furthermore, there is no statistical evidence of the survey upon how many classes are always full and how large of one class. The arguer should consider the possibility that the classes are always full before the survey. Even if we concede that the classes are full in recent period of time, we cannot exclude that the class of the weight training and aerobics is very small. One class only has more than ten students.

Secondly, the arguer does not take into account that possibility that the competition between companies. It is true that the residents of Plainsville are willing to spend a lot of money in buying health food and other health-related products, this does not necessarily mean that the residents will buy the products of Nature’s Way. The number of the companies which are similar to Nature's Way is unknown. Maybe the market of Plainsville has been occupied by other companies.

Thirdly, another unwarranted assumption in this argument is that the schoolchildren will surely become the customers of Nature's Way. The schoolchildren may not be interested the health food and other health-related products, although they are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program. The schoolchildren are forced by their parents to take regular exercise at an early age.

Fourth, the arguer ignores other relevant factors that affect the business of Nature's way in Plainsville. The business of Nature’s Way might be determined by traffic, climate and other related field. The traffic is not convenient and it will cost a lot of money to convey products to Plainsville. Similarly, the residents will not be willing to take exercises because of the bad weather of Plainsville.

To sum up, the arguer does not succeed in convincing the readers with the evidences and the assumptions are unreasonable. To be a better argument, the arguer should provide the data of the revenues and costs of the program. More information about the market in Plainsville is needed to support the conclusion.

lawrence1984UID: 178326

我知道自己写得很烂，但是希望大家给点意见！
快要考试了！
argument 1
1.This argument is not cogent to conclude that our stores will be most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. To support the conclusion the arguer provides the evidence of the increased sales of sports shoes and the increasing number of people who take part in（the ） health club. But there are several problems lack of evidence to support in this argument.

First of all, the argument depends on an unwarranted assumption that taking exercises is the only symbol of the residents who live in(直接用of ，你认为呢？) Plainsville to lead healthy lives. While it is true that the residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives, they may not be interested in taking exercises. There are many other things they can do to keep health, such as eating healthy food, taking some vitamin drugs and other related fields（这是什么意思？）. The high sale of running shoes and exercise clothing does not indicate that the residents are willing to take exercises. They use these things for other use, like going out for picnic. Furthermore, there is no statistical evidence of the survey upon how many classes are always full and how large of one class. The arguer should consider the possibility that the classes are always full before the survey. Even if we concede that the classes are full in recent period of time, we cannot exclude that the class of the weight training and aerobics is very small. One class only has more than ten students.（给人感觉思维比较混乱，没条理。）

Secondly, the arguer does not take into account that（是the 吧？） possibility that （这几个可删去）the competition between companies（写得很粗糙）.  It is（might be显示出是推理论证，你认为呢？ ） true that the residents of Plainsville are willing to spend a lot of money in buying health food and other health-related products, this does not necessarily mean that the residents will buy the products of Nature’s Way. The number of the companies which are similar to Nature's Way is unknown. Maybe the market of Plainsville has been occupied by other companies.（这段的论证还可以，但是语言需要改进。）

Thirdly, another unwarranted assumption in this argument is that the schoolchildren will surely become the customers of Nature's Way. The schoolchildren may not be interested the health food and other health-related products, although they are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program. The schoolchildren are forced by their parents to take regular exercise at an early age.（建议在文章中多用逻辑性的语句，而不是纯粹的陈述句。）

Fourth, the arguer ignores other relevant factors that affect the business of Nature's way in Plainsville. The business of Nature’s Way might be determined by traffic, climate and other related field（不懂）. The traffic is not convenient and it will cost a lot of money to convey products to Plainsville. Similarly, the residents will not be willing to take exercises because of the bad weather of Plainsville.

To sum up, the arguer does not succeed in convincing the readers with the evidences and the assumptions are unreasonable（句子写的零散） To be a better argument, the arguer should provide the data of the revenues and costs of the program. More information about the market in Plainsville is needed to support the conclusion.（总体看来这篇文章写得不好，一是语言不好，严重缺乏逻辑论证句式的使用，二是论证的思路不够清晰，证据的力度总体还行。需要多练习。祝你成功！）抱歉我不会用那个修改软件，所以字还是黑色。带来阅读不便，请包涵！

kkygrace24UID: 183615

已经很感谢了，我觉得自己的语言表达有点问题， 谢谢太感谢了
一定改进