issue130 还有三天了 希望也能得到一次批改的机会 文章已经该了好多次了

wicwawaUID: 199056

130
How children are socialized today determined the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Are how children are socialized today largely determined the future of society?  The statement claims that socialization of children is crucial for the destiny of society. Another claim the speaker suggests is that contemporary society still have not find effective methods to raise children for our future. In my point of view, while I concede that socialization is of significant importance for our younger generation and the society today still need more efforts to ameliorate its approaches to educate children, it may not be true that well socialization of the youth is the only determination of the future prosperity of society.

To begin with, socialization is crucial factor in children's process to adulthood in any society of any times. A well socialization could provide children with better interpersonal qualities with others especially their peers. This would turn out to be significantly useful in children future lives as adults no matter in academic fields or professional career. After all, any one who wants to succeed needs communications with others and subsequent help of others. Children without a good socialization may find hard to cooperate with others and develop a sense of anti-society as the result. Moreover, only through process of socialization, can young generation find what is acceptable or unacceptable and what is meritorious to society or harmful to society. Such sense would become indeed necessary to direct their future academic endeavor or career pursuing within the ethics and values of the society they grow up in. In short, unless children are allowed sufficient opportunities for healthy interaction with their peers and environments they involve in, they would turn out to be contrary to pillars of future society as our hope.

However, socialization is only one factors influencing to extent that our society's destiny. History has told us those great figures who contributed to society are those possessed various other factors even if lacking a better socialization. Consider Martin Luther King, his great contribution to the social progress and equality of all races sprang from his conviction of the religious belief and values he advocated. But this conviction may have more to do with parental influence than socialization. A more compelling example is Einstein, whose contribution to the revolutionary progress of mankind's understanding of the nature world. But no one would argue that his contributions are largely derived from his profound knowledge and a gifted mind replete with creativity and imagination although his childhood may prove that his poor interpersonal ability with his peers since many of his classmates often considered him as oddball. In fact, nowadays, many more qualities than a better socialization are needed for devoting to a better society, such as broad knowledge background, courage and adherence to beliefs as well as a sense of competition and practicality.

Turning to the next point of the statement, the society today does need more effort to ameliorate its current ways to education which a deluge of empirical evidence have proved that such ways may do actually harm to children also contradict with the aim of providing a  better socialization. For instance, contemporary society have placed too emphasis on sense of competition which seems passive and even counterproductive to our future generation. Students in elementary schools are encouraged to pursue for a few top marks and compete in any activities they participate. Nevertheless, children’s immature psychological world have tends to be distorted since they have lost the real interest and enjoyment in the process of study but simply fight for the complement and satisfaction of teachers and parents. Moreover, this trend also becomes more or less inhibitive role to effective cooperation among children which is one of important objectives in the process of socialization. Therefore, it is high time for our parents, educators and authorities to realize the defects of our education today and spare no efforts to make it better conform to our objective of a better socialization for younger generation before it is too late to redirect children.

To sum up, in any perspective, a healthy socialization would be granted a special emphasis since it is crucial for ensuring children's better development. But contemporary society need giving more alerts that some of their approaches to educate children  in fact contradict with their initial objectives and have been radiating negative influence on children. Moreover, educators should have a clear vision that socialization is not the only determinant to a better society tomorrow since many other contributive factors  still wait society's attention to instill in our future generation.

wicwawaUID: 199056

有必要顶一下

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我占一个

鬼谷子UID: 159645

130
How children are socialized today determined the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Are how children are socialized today largely determined the future of society?    【病句】 The statement claims that socialization of children is crucial for the destiny of society. Another claim the speaker suggests is that contemporary society still have not find effective methods to raise children for our future.    【restate不必要，直接说你的观点就可以了】 In my point of view, while I concede that socialization is of significant importance    【这个有点重复】 for our younger generation and the society today still need more efforts to ameliorate its approaches to educate children, it may not be true that well socialization of the youth is the only determination of the future prosperity of society.   【反对前句，同意后句】

To begin with, socialization is    【a】 crucial factor in children's process to adulthood in any society of any times   【time】 . A well socialization could provide children with better interpersonal qualities with others especially their peers. This would turn out to be significantly useful in children future lives as adults no matter in academic fields or professional career. After all, any one who wants to succeed needs communications with others and subsequent help of others. Children without a good socialization may find    【it is】 hard to cooperate with others and develop a sense of anti-society as the result. Moreover, only through    【这个only就不符合你的观点了，绝对了】 process of socialization, can young generation find what is acceptable or unacceptable and what is meritorious to society or harmful to society. Such sense would become indeed necessary to direct their future academic endeavor or career pursuing within the ethics and values of the society they grow up in. In short, unless children are allowed sufficient opportunities for healthy interaction with their peers and environments they involve in, they would turn out to be contrary to pillars of future society as our hope.   【有具体的例子会好一点，而且，一个only就把你整个观点的意味给转变了】

However, socialization is only one factors    【单复数！！】 influencing to extent that our society's destiny. History has told us those great figures who contributed to society are those possessed various other factors even if lacking a better socialization.    【这个论断就有点过了，不好证明的】 Consider Martin Luther King, his great contribution to the social progress and equality of all races sprang from his conviction of the religious belief and values he advocated. But this conviction may have more to do with parental influence than socialization.    【你怎么证明他的socialization是不够的或者是不重要的呢？】 A more compelling example is Einstein, whose contribution to the revolutionary progress of mankind's understanding of the nature world. But no one would argue that his contributions are largely derived from his profound knowledge and a gifted mind replete with creativity and imagination although    【but和although能连用吗？】 his childhood may prove that his poor interpersonal ability with his peers since many of his classmates often considered him as oddball.   【这个不对吧】 In fact, nowadays, many more qualities than a better socialization are needed for devoting to a better society, such as broad knowledge background, courage and adherence to beliefs as well as a sense of competition and practicality.   【你的立论不好，你说即使socialization不够也能成功这样的论断本身就是有问题的，一，不容易证明，二，你前面已经承认了socialization的作用了，这里又反对，岂不矛盾】

Turning to the next point of the statement, the society today does need more effort to ameliorate its current ways to education which a deluge of empirical evidence have proved that such ways may do actually harm to children also contradict with the aim of providing a better socialization.    【你看你这里还是在承认socialization的作用，不是跟上段矛盾？】 For instance, contemporary society have placed too emphasis on sense of competition which seems passive and even counterproductive to our future generation. Students in elementary schools are encouraged to pursue for a few top marks and compete in any activities they participate. Nevertheless, children’s immature psychological world have tends to be distorted since they have lost the real interest and enjoyment in the process of study but simply fight for the complement and satisfaction of teachers and parents. Moreover, this trend also becomes more or less inhibitive role to effective cooperation among children which is one of important objectives in the process of socialization. Therefore, it is high time for our parents, educators and authorities to realize the defects of our education today and spare no efforts to make it better conform to our objective of a better socialization for younger generation before it is too late to redirect children.

To sum up, in any perspective, a healthy socialization would be granted a special emphasis since it is crucial for ensuring children's better development. But contemporary society need giving more alerts that some of their approaches to educate children in fact contradict with their initial objectives and have been radiating negative influence on children. Moreover, educators should have a clear vision that socialization is not the only determinant to a better society tomorrow since many other contributive factors still wait society's attention to instill in our future generation.

   【论证上面还需要加强，而且要注意前后论点的一致性。加油！】  

wicwawaUID: 199056

是啊， 我本来想说以下socialization 不是完全能决定society的将来， 不过写过了
b3我承认socialization 的作用是想和前面两段联系的紧凑些， 不过可能因为b2有否定socialization的意味，反而看起来自相矛盾的，
多谢老大，
者就去改

wicwawaUID: 199056

Does how children are socialized today largely determine the future of society? In term of the statement, while I concede that socialization is of significance for our younger generation and the society today still need more efforts to ameliorate its approaches to educate children, it may not be true that well socialization of the youth is the only determination of the future prosperity of society.

To begin with, socialization is a crucial factor in children's process to adulthood in any society of any time . A well socialization could provide children with better interpersonal qualities with others especially their peers. This would turn out to be significantly useful in children future lives as adults no matter in academic fields or professional career. After all, any one who wants to succeed needs communications with others and subsequent help of others. Children without a good socialization may find it is hard to cooperate with others and develop a sense of anti-society as the result. Moreover, through process of socialization, can young generation find what is acceptable or unacceptable to society. Such sense would become indeed necessary to direct their future academic endeavor or career pursuing within the ethics and values of the society. One of compelling examples involves human cloning. Some scientists with profound biological knowledge risk violating the moral boundary to pursue their own interests or so-called academic challenges. Their immoral activities may large derive from their poor socialization in childhood that is essential to make them understand what is really meritorious to society and whether personal interests should be prior to public interests In short, unless children are allowed sufficient opportunities for healthy interaction with their peers and environments they involve in, they would turn out to be contrary to pillars of future society as our hope.
However, socialization is only one factor influencing to extent that our society's destiny. History has told us great contributions to society larger sprang from important figures’ various other qualities rather than a good socialization. Consider Martin Luther King, his great contribution to the social progress and equality of all races sprang from his conviction of the religious belief and values he advocated. But this conviction may have more to do with parental influence than socialization. A more conspicuous example is Thomas Edison, whose social development was stunted by his kept asking “why” -style in elementary schools. In spite of his isolation to his peers in childhood, Edison eventually become the great inventor in any time of history by means of his will to investigating everything he encountered and his voracious appetite for knowledge. In fact, nowadays, many more qualities besides a better socialization are needed for devoting to a better society, such as broad knowledge background, courage and adherence to beliefs as well as a sense of competition and practicality.

Turning to the next point of the statement, the society today does need more effort to ameliorate its current ways to education which a deluge of empirical evidence have proved that such ways may do actually harm to children also contradict with the aim of providing a better socialization. For instance, contemporary society have placed too emphasis on sense of competition which seems passive and even counterproductive to our future generation. Students in elementary schools are encouraged to pursue for a few top marks and compete in any activities they participate. Nevertheless, children’s immature psychological world have tends to be distorted since they have lost the real interest and enjoyment in the process of study but simply fight for the complement and satisfaction of teachers and parents. Moreover, this trend also becomes more or less inhibitive role to effective cooperation among children which is one of important objectives in the process of socialization. Therefore, it is high time for our parents, educators and authorities to realize the defects of our education today and spare no efforts to make it better conform to our objective of a better socialization for younger generation before it is too late to redirect children.

To sum up, in any perspective, a healthy socialization would be granted a special emphasis since it is crucial for ensuring children's better development. But contemporary society need giving more alerts that some of their approaches to educate children in fact contradict with their initial objectives and have been radiating negative influence on children. Moreover, educators should have a clear vision that socialization is not the only determinant to a better society tomorrow since many other contributive factors still wait society's attention to instill in our future generation.