Issue56 政府应该更重视紧急的问题.狂砸吧,比回!

iverUID: 198348

Issue56  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分52秒     602 words
从2005年2月26日15时45分到2005年2月26日16时44分
------题目------
Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.
------正文------
As the development of the technology and science leading to complex and intricate problems, which people should face, governments should solving the immediate problems, as the speakers asserts. However, when it comes to addressing the anticipated problems in the future, I fundamentally disagree with speaker that governments should not less emphasize on those problems, which will also have great influence on people's life, the stability of society and the prosperous of the world.

Firstly of all, at this era of highly developed industry and advance technology, increasing number of problems has been caused, which are detrimental to the public. A telling example is the environmental problem, which has lead to deteriorate the place where people live and animal habit. Excessive deforestation has rendered a vast majority of precious animals and plants on the edge of dying out, which play an indispensable role in the ecological balance and have great merits in researching for ameliorating the life of human and maintaining the balance and stability of the environment. Therefore, government should take crucial and effective measures to solve these environmental problems, or not only it will serve people difficult to thrive and even survive.  Another example is that we are facing lack of energy as we explore excessive coal, oil and energy resource, while the total amount of energy in the world is almost limited. Therefore, governments should exert to solve it so that the energy resource will not run out and endanger lives of people.  

Secondly, while it is wise for governments to solve the immediate problems of today, however, this is not to say that they can overlook or delay deliberately to address the anticipated problems of the future. First of all, there is an adage that people should prepare fully for what may happen in the future. In addition, nearly every government has become aware of the importance of sustainable development. Therefore, the development of economy, industry, and education will be checked if government just pays attention to the current situation without taking impending respects into account in the long term. A case in point is that it is said in Africa, while a country include a lake is lack of the place for dwelling, the government determined to fill some part of the lake for more living place. Although it actually solved the immediate problem, it actually led to the deteriorated environment by influencing the amount of rainfall and caused worse agriculture. From this lesson and many other cases, for the sake of sustainable development, government should be wise and careful in case of damage the foundation for the future.

Finally, as most diseases have the incubative stage, many problems also have such attribution, and thus it requires the governments to take measures to solve the problems, which would happen. For example, it is obvious that the education have the function of edifying and cultivate from children to adult, and will be beneficial to the public, and will contribute to the prosperity of the country, or the new generation will become illiterate and cannot qualify the development of the country, even break the law so the governments should pay attention to such respects and should not support only industry and economy while ignoring the condition of education. In a word, the government should pay attention to the process, which play a important role on the country.

In the final analysis, the immediate problems should be emphasized and solved because they are damaging the life of us. However, in the long term, government should also focus on the anticipated problems, only by this way, people will have a bright future and live a happy life.

iverUID: 198348

只好自己up一下了

yogurt4UID: 198389

粘下了.

yoyo1984UID: 192359

the second paragraph is full of examples lacking connections and transtions , thus give the impression that there are so kinds of social problems whereas the title does not debate if there are problems . i know you want to express the problems of nowadays and future, but you must strenghten your organization structure.
the examples of the fourth paragragh is improper,education is atypical.
apart from above, your logic and sentences are good.
come on ,

skating_dollUID: 168003

------题目------
Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.
------正文------
As the development of the technology and science leading to complex and intricate problems, which people should face, governments should solvingsolve the immediate problems, as the speakersspeaker asserts. However, when it comes to addressing the anticipated problems in the future, I fundamentally disagree with speaker that governments should not less emphasize on those problems, which will also have great influence on people's life, the stability of society and the prosperousprosperity of the world.

FirstlyFirst of all, at this era of highly developed industry and advance technology, increasing number of problems has been causedcause number感觉搭配不太好吧, which are detrimental to the public. A telling example is the environmental problem, which has lead to lead to后面应该加名词吧 deteriorate the place where people live and animals habit. Excessive deforestation has rendered a vast majority of precious animals and plants on the edge of dying out, which play an indispensable role in the ecological balance and have great merits in researching for amelioratingmeliorating? the life of human and maintaining the balance and stability of the environment. Therefore, government should take crucial and effective measures to solve these environmental problems, or not only it will serve people difficult to thrive and even survive. Another example is that we are facing lack of energy as we explore excessive coal, oil and energy resource, while the total amount of energy in the world is almost limited. Therefore, governments should exert to solve it so that the energy resource will not run out and endanger lives of people.  这段讨论主题是各种问题给公众带来危害，举例为环境问题和能源问题。感觉基本属于同一类，可以再举些其他领域的例子。另外，全段都是例子，也许可以适当添加些论述说明

Secondly, while it is wise for governments to solve the immediate problems of today, however, this is not to say that they can overlook or delay deliberately to address the anticipated problems of the future. First of all, there is an adage that people should prepare fully for what may happen in the future这样说太平实了吧，具体格言是什么...Although the sun shine, leave not your cloak at home. 未雨绸缪？. In addition, nearly every government has become aware of the importance of sustainable development. Therefore, the development of economy, industry, and education will be checked if government just pays attention to the current situation without taking impending respects into account in the long term. A case in point is that it is said据说不太好吧，reported如何？ in Africa, while a country includeincluding a lake is lack of the place for dwelling, the government determined to fill some part of the lake for more living place. Although it actually solved the immediate problem, it actually换个不和前面重复的词吧 led to the deteriorated environment by influencing the amount of rainfallthe reducing amount of rainfall是不是好一点 and caused worse agricultureagricultural production. From this lesson and many other cases, for the sake of sustainable development, government should be wise and careful in case of damagedamaging? the foundation for the future.

Finally, as most diseases have the incubative stage, many problems also have such attribution, and thus it requires the governments to take measures to solve the problems, which would happen. For example, it is obvious that the education have the function of edifying and cultivatecultivating from children to adults, and will be beneficial to the public, and will contribute to the prosperity of the country, or the new generation will become illiterate and cannot qualify the development of the country, even break the law so the governments should pay attention to such respects and should not support only industry and economy while ignoring the condition of education. In a word, the government should pay attention to the process, which plays an important role on the country.

In the final analysis, the immediate problems should be emphasized and solved because they are damaging the life of us. However, in the long term, government should also focus on the anticipated problems, only byin this way, people will have a bright future and live a happy life.


总觉得论述还不够深入，例子很多，但是最好适当增加论述内容。另外，既然是从正反两方面论述，也许就不要用first, second, finally了，可以用用however, on the contrary之类的，毕竟不是层次递进关系。最好层次再清晰一点，比如论述future时说一样重要时，先说它为什么重要，再说如果不重视会有什么严重后果。个人评论水平有限，欢迎讨论。

yogurt4UID: 198389

Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.
------正文------
As the development of the technology and science leading to complex and intricate problems, which people should face, governments should solving solve the immediate problems, as the speakers  speaker  asserts. However, when it comes to addressing the anticipated problems in the future, I fundamentally disagree with the  speaker that governments should not less emphasize on those problems, which will also have a great influence on people's life, the stability of society and the prosperous prosperityof the world.

Firstly of all,怪怪的，就First of all,或Firstly好了 at in this era of highly developed industry and advanceadvanced  technology, increasing number of problems has been caused, which are detrimental to the public. A telling example is the environmental problem, which has lead to deteriorate deterioratingthe place where people live and animal habitare inhabited by animals. Excessive deforestation has rendered a vast majority of precious animals and plants on the edge of dying out, which play an indispensable role in the ecological balance and have great merits in researching for ameliorating the life of human and maintaining the balance and stability of the environment. Therefore, government should take crucial and effective measures to solve these environmental problems, or not only it will or 后面的不懂 serve people difficult to thrive and even survive. Another example is that we are facing lack of energy as we explore excessive coal, oil and energy resourceresources, while the total amount of energy in the world is almost limited. Therefore, governments should exert to solve it so that the energy resource will not run out and endanger lives of people.
濒危物种的问题好象不怎么detrimental to the public;而且，环境问题和能源问题好象不是当务之急而是anticipated problems of the future.

Secondly, while it is wise for governments to solve the immediate problems of today, however, this is not to say that they can overlook or delay deliberately to address the anticipated problems of the future. First of all, there is an adage that people should prepare fully for what may happen in the future.我懂，我懂。但是我有点怀疑这是不是adage In addition, nearly every government has become aware of the importance of sustainable development.不是很支持你这段的中心 Therefore, the development of economy, industry, and education will be checked if government just pays attention to the current situation without taking impending respects into account in the long term. A case in point is that it is said in Africa, while a country include a lake is lack of the place for dwellingwhen a country lacked dwelling places…some lakes…, the government determined to fill some part of the lake for more living place. Although it actually solved the immediate problem, it actually led to the deteriorated environment by influencing the amount of rainfall and caused worse agriculture. From this lesson and many other cases, for the sake of sustainable development, government should be wise and careful in case of in case of是假如的意思，应该是in case that the foundation may be damaged in the futuredamage the foundation for the future.
后面这个例子举的很具体，有说服力。注意，你这段的前半部分说，将来预期的问题很重要；后半部分，尤其是这个例子，说一味注意当前问题的解决会导致将来的其他方面的问题。这两层意思有差异哦

Finally, as most diseases have the incubative stagean incubation period, many problems also have such attributionattribute, and thus it requires the governments to take measures to solve the problems, which would happen. For example, it is obvious that the education have the function of edifying and cultivate from children to adult这个句子有问题, and will be beneficial to the public, and will contribute to the prosperity of the country, or the new generation will become illiterate and cannot qualify the development of the country, even break the law so the governments should pay attention to such respects and should not support only industry and economy while ignoring the condition of education.好….长啊，呵呵 In a word, the government should pay attention to the process, which play a important role on the country.
不是特别明白，这一段的侧重点在哪里?

In the final analysis, the immediate problems should be emphasized and solved because they are damaging the life of us. However, in the long term, government should also focus on the anticipated problems, only by this way, people will have a bright future and live a happy life.
想听一听你自己的看法..

iverUID: 198348

谢谢各位,
我会及时改正,也会多多给你们砖头,
各位加油!

iverUID: 198348

总结:
觉得楼上的都很有见地
  (1):论述还不够深入，虽然例子很多.
    (2)要增加论述内容;
    (3)最重要的一点:既然是从正反两方面论述，就不要用first, second, finally了，应该用however, on the contrary之类的，因为不是层次递进关系。层次不是很清晰，比如论述future时说一样重要时，先说它为什么重要，再说如果不重视会有什么严重后果.
     (4)确实有很多句子有问题,太长了,并且是那种不能让人理解的,加油

thminUID: 192642

------题目------
Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.
------正文------
As the development of the technology and science leading to complex and intricate problems, which people should face,这里用插入语读起来很别扭,还不如去掉逗号直接连上呢 governments should solvinging? the immediate problems, as the speakers asserts. However, when it comes to addressing the anticipated problems in the future, I fundamentally disagree with speaker that governments should not less emphasize on those problems,几重否定,有点晕的说,不如直接挑明 which will also have great influence on people's life, the stability of society and the prosperousprosperity,记得前后一致 of the world.

Firstly of allFirst of all, atin this era of highly developed industry and advance technology, increasing number of problems has been caused, which are detrimental to the public.这个句子并不是很长,建议不要用逗号隔开了,否则读起来停顿太多,有点破碎 A telling example这个表达不错,学习ing is the environmental problem, which has leadled to deterioratethe deterioration of the place where people live and animal habitinhabit. Excessive deforestation has rendered a vast majority of precious animals and plants on the edge of dying out用extinction更好, which play an indispensable role in the ecological balance and have great merits in researching for ameliorating the life of human and maintaining the balance and stability of the environment.不明白了,后面的这个which开头的宾语从句是在说谁呢 Therefore, government should take crucial and effective measures to solve these environmental problems, or not only it will serve people difficult to thrive and even survive. Another example is that we are facing lack of energy as we explore excessive coal, oil and energy resource, while the total amount of energy in the world is almost limited. Therefore, governments should exert to solve it so that the energy resource will not run out and endanger lives of people.其实在我看来这个例子不是特别恰当,因为我们还没有真正面临能源的短缺,仅仅是危机,未来可能会没有,所以我感觉这例子属于anticipated problems的范畴.
以上这一段觉得说到的面有点窄,当务之急应该有很多方面,不光是你所认为的环境.你可以在段开头的地方提一下,举例子的时候再拿环境来具体说.

Secondly, while it is wise for governments to solve the immediate problems of today, however, this is not to say that they can overlook or delay deliberately这个词有点过了,不如不要,因为题目里面没有说到”故意,有意”这个意思. to address the anticipated problems of the future. First of all, there is an adage that people should prepare fully for what may happen in the future.这一句最好能改一改,总觉得不是十分有震慑力 In addition, nearly every government has become aware of the importance of sustainable development. Therefore, the development of economy, industry, and education will be checked if government just pays attention to the current situation without taking impending respects into account in the long term.这句话在本段没有得到充分的论述 A case in point is that it is said in Africa, while a country include a lake is lack of the place for dwelling,这句话有问题 the government determined to fill some part of the lake for more living place. Although it actually solved the immediate problem, it actually与前面重复 led to the deteriorated environment by influencing the amount of rainfall如何influence的,说得太模糊 and caused worse agriculture如何恶化. From this lesson and many other cases, for the sake of sustainable development, 这个插入语建议放在全句的后面.government should be wise and careful in case of damage the foundation for the future.

Finally, as most diseases have the incubative stage, many problems also have such attribution, and thus it requires the governments to take measures to solve the problems, which would happen.最后这个which would happen实在多余 For example, it is obvious that the education have the function of edifying and cultivate from children to adult, and will be beneficial to the public, and will contribute to the prosperity of the country,好多and啊! or the new generation will become illiterate and cannot qualify the development of the country, even break the law so the governments should pay attention to such respects and should not support only industry and economy while ignoring the condition of education.这个句子太长了而且表达了很多意思,你可以拆分一下. In a word, the government should pay attention to the process什么意思?, which plays a important role on the country.
这段话的意思我不是太明白,为什么government就应该take measures to problems that will happen in the future这一点似乎没有说出来;另外,我不认为education是一个problem
In the final analysis, the immediate problems should be emphasized and solved because they are damaging the life of usour lives. However, in the long term, government should also focus on the anticipated problems, only by this way, people will have a bright future and live a happy life.

iverUID: 198348

------题目------
Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.
------正文------
As the development of the technology and science leading to complex and intricate problems, which people should face,这里用插入语读起来很别扭,还不如去掉逗号直接连上呢[这里确实直接连上比较好] governments should solvinging[低级错误犯了]? the immediate problems, as the speakers asserts. However, when it comes to addressing the anticipated problems in the future, I fundamentally disagree with speaker that governments should not less emphasize on those problems,几重否定,有点晕的说,不如直接挑明 [确实太多否定了：As far as I am concerned, I fundamentally agree that governments should emphasize on those problems since they will greatly influence on people’s lives]which will also have great influence on people's life, the stability of society and the prosperousprosperity,记得前后一致 of the world.

[把第一段修改后:]
As the development of science and technology leading to society complicated problems, the issue on whether government should emphasize on the immediate problems or the anticipated problems are enthusiastically debated. As far as I am concerned, governments should take measure to handle the immediate problems. In addition, these anticipated problems should be treat seriously as well since there is a famous adage that although the sun shine, leave not your cloak at home

Firstly of allFirst of all, atin this era of highly developed industry and advance technology, increasing number of problems has been caused, which are detrimental to the public.这个句子并不是很长,建议不要用逗号隔开了,否则读起来停顿太多,有点破碎 A telling example这个表达不错,学习ing is the environmental problem, which has leadled to deterioratethe deterioration of the place where people live and animal habitinhabit. Excessive deforestation has rendered a vast majority of precious animals and plants on the edge of dying out用extinction更好, which play an indispensable role in the ecological balance and have great merits in researching for ameliorating the life of human and maintaining the balance and stability of the environment.不明白了,后面的这个which开头的宾语从句是在说谁呢 Therefore, government should take crucial and effective measures to solve these environmental problems, or not only it will serve people difficult to thrive and even survive. Another example is that we are facing lack of energy as we explore excessive coal, oil and energy resource, while the total amount of energy in the world is almost limited. Therefore, governments should exert to solve it so that the energy resource will not run out and endanger lives of people.其实在我看来这个例子不是特别恰当,因为我们还没有真正面临能源的短缺,仅仅是危机,未来可能会没有,所以我感觉这例子属于anticipated problems的范畴.
以上这一段觉得说到的面有点窄,当务之急应该有很多方面,不光是你所认为的环境.你可以在段开头的地方提一下,举例子的时候再拿环境来具体说.

Secondly, while it is wise for governments to solve the immediate problems of today, however, this is not to say that they can overlook or delay deliberately这个词有点过了,不如不要,因为题目里面没有说到”故意,有意”这个意思. to address the anticipated problems of the future. First of all, there is an adage that people should prepare fully for what may happen in the future.这一句最好能改一改,总觉得不是十分有震慑力 In addition, nearly every government has become aware of the importance of sustainable development. Therefore, the development of economy, industry, and education will be checked if government just pays attention to the current situation without taking impending respects into account in the long term.这句话在本段没有得到充分的论述 A case in point is that it is said in Africa, while a country include a lake is lack of the place for dwelling,这句话有问题 the government determined to fill some part of the lake for more living place. Although it actually solved the immediate problem, it actually与前面重复 led to the deteriorated environment by influencing the amount of rainfall如何influence的,说得太模糊 and caused worse agriculture如何恶化. From this lesson and many other cases, for the sake of sustainable development, 这个插入语建议放在全句的后面.government should be wise and careful in case of damage the foundation for the future.

Finally, as most diseases have the incubative stage, many problems also have such attribution, and thus it requires the governments to take measures to solve the problems, which would happen.最后这个which would happen实在多余 For example, it is obvious that the education have the function of edifying and cultivate from children to adult, and will be beneficial to the public, and will contribute to the prosperity of the country,好多and啊! or the new generation will become illiterate and cannot qualify the development of the country, even break the law so the governments should pay attention to such respects and should not support only industry and economy while ignoring the condition of education.这个句子太长了而且表达了很多意思,你可以拆分一下. In a word, the government should pay attention to the process什么意思?, which plays a important role on the country.
这段话的意思我不是太明白,为什么government就应该take measures to problems that will happen in the future这一点似乎没有说出来;另外,我不认为education是一个problem
In the final analysis, the immediate problems should be emphasized and solved because they are damaging the life of usour lives. However, in the long term, government should also focus on the anticipated problems, only by this way, people will have a bright future and live a happy life.