Argument147 pc game 写得不爽

mondiaUID: 193825

Argument147  第6篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！

The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'

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Failed giving efficient evidences and all-sided analysis, the speaker made the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in future. In some way as follows, we can not accept the statement, and thus our commercial plans purely based on this assertion will meet very risks in fact.

Firstly, the speaker neglects the potential reasons for the decline of sales in past two years. Graphics may be one relevant course, however, it is quite possible other cases contribute more to this result. For example: the plot (which is regarded as the most important thing in a RPG game.) Some players incline to choose the better game with more interesting plot produced, in this way, the market of Whirlwind becomes smaller and smaller. Therefore, without solving such potential problems, if exist all the time among most of the company’s products, the sales of new games will bring Whirlwind another failure.

Secondly, the survey is still open to question. The result of the survey does not sufficient enough to support the speaker's conclusion. Although, in the survey, players show more interesting to play games provide lifelike graphics and require the most up-to-date computers, among them, how many ones have up-to-date computers to enjoy such games? How many of them will put the opinion into practice? Although Whirlwind has just introduced such games with advertisements campaign, what is the result and effect of such measure? How many people accepted the campaign for such games? Although the advertisements directed at those people most likely to play video games, we should ask how many people of 10 to 25 years old can afford such games, whose prices may be much higher than common ones for more cost on producing better graphics and advertisement campaign for popularizing the products.

At last, the speaker neglect or overlook the existence and reflection of opponent companies in the same market. At first, maybe many bigger companies have already produced such games some time before, which was quiet popular now among the players for its attractive graphics and fascinating plot; even if there have no such games exist in marker at present, how can we believe that once the Whirlwind sells the first one, many influential companies will not do the same thing, and achieve the final success no sooner?

Therefore, it is quite irresponsible for an editor to draw such a statement without excluding alternative possibilities. At least, he should offer more information about the condition of the game market, including the reflection of other companies and the result of the advertisement campaign.

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龙非UID: 193190

The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'

=============================
Failed giving efficient evidences and all-sided analysis, the speaker made the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in future. In some way as follows, we can not accept the statement, and thus our commercial plans purely based on this assertion will meet very risks in fact.开头不是很好，第一句点出了speaker的结论，可以；但是第二句用在开头就不是特别贴切，这个用在结尾还差不多。个人觉得第一句以后，应该是对接下来要驳斥的几个问题概要的点出来。

Firstly, the speaker neglects the potential reasons for the decline of sales in past two years. Graphics may be one relevant course, however, it is quite possible other cases contribute more to this result. For example: the plot (which is regarded as the most important thing in a RPG game.) Some players incline to choose the better game with more interesting plot produced, in this way, the market of Whirlwind becomes smaller and smaller. Therefore, without solving such potential problems, if exist all the time among most of the company’s products, the sales of new games will bring Whirlwind another failure.个人感觉一开始讲这个问题有点突兀

Secondly, the survey is still open to question. The result of the survey does not sufficient enough to support the speaker's conclusion. Although, in the survey, players show more interesting to play games provide lifelike graphics and require the most up-to-date computers, among them, how many ones have up-to-date computers to enjoy such games? How many of them will put the opinion into practice? Although Whirlwind has just introduced such games with advertisements campaign, what is the result and effect of such measure?不好，突然冒出个ad的问题，这个跟survey是两码事，属于另外一个问题来的 How many people accepted the campaign for such games? Although the advertisements directed at those people most likely to play video games, we should ask how many people of 10 to 25 years old can afford such games, whose prices may be much higher than common ones for more cost on producing better graphics and advertisement campaign for popularizing the products.不是很成功，通篇用了疑问句来进行驳斥，但是效果不大，没能明确的点出问题所在，流于表面。应该明确指出，如果人少的话会是怎么样。同时条理不是很清楚，主题句要驳survey，后面跑到ad，同时how many people of 10 to 25 years old can afford such games与前面How many of them will put the opinion into practice其实是类似的。

At last, the speaker neglect or overlook the existence and reflection of opponent companies in the same market. At first, maybe many bigger companies have already produced such games some time before, which was quiet popular now among the players for its attractive graphics and fascinating plot; even if there have no such games exist in marker at present, how can we believe that once the Whirlwind sells the first one, many influential companies will not do the same thing, and achieve the final success no sooner?

Therefore, it is quite irresponsible for an editor to draw such a statement without excluding alternative possibilities. At least, he should offer more information about the condition of the game market, including the reflection of other companies and the result of the advertisement campaign.
整体来说，语言清晰，但是条理不够清晰，写得不成功。这篇文章有个特点就是喜欢用疑问句，但是用滥了，每一个问句都不能有效的驳斥题目。举个例子，Although the advertisements directed at those people most likely to play video games, we should ask how many people of 10 to 25 years old can afford such games, whose prices may be much higher than common ones for more cost on producing better graphics and advertisement campaign for popularizing the products.这么长的一段话，但是驳得很无力。“虽然ad针对最喜欢玩视频游戏的人群，但是我们应该问有多少人能负担得起这些游戏”，嘎然而止，试问有什么效果？根本没有点出关键－“如果很少人负担的起的话，ad就没有了效果，那么游戏可能也就买不出去了“。其他的疑问句也有这样的问题，归结原因，是思维跳跃了。

最后给给我对这道题的思路，希望能有帮助：
1、survey结果的可靠性值得怀疑。比如调查的范围，如果只有几个人参加调查，，那么调查结果可能就不值得相信；又比如调查的地点如果局限在某个地区，那么调查结果也不能保证客观；还比如调查的问题是怎么设计的？调查的结果是怎么收集的？如果问题设计得有倾向性，或者respondent的回答被有意识地引导等等，那么调查结果也是不可靠的。这样的问题还可以问出很多来，总之诸如此类的因素都有可能影响调查结果的可靠性。
2、即使调查结果是客观可靠的。那么prefer不等于会买，比如很多人喜欢但是玩不起啊，没有机器，有机器但是配置不够等等。。
3、即使prefer的人会买，不见得AD的效果就成功了。说10到25岁的人最喜欢玩video game没有根据。即使是最喜欢玩video game，不见得他们就是最看中graphic。因为可能参加调查的人并不是这个年龄段的人等等，反正就是质疑AD的效果
4、即使是AD效果不错，一个游戏要买得好还要考虑其他的因素，竞争、渠道、市场份额等等。。

mondiaUID: 193825

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早上起来头晕晕的

不是借口！


居然写得这么s.. :(

多谢龙非！

下去好好改改

特别是问句的使用，

不是跳跃是偷懒
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