issue7 同主题9 摄象机与书面记录.有拍必回

猫猫624UID: 171232

最初由 neverfly 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 猫猫624 发布
7 The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important o..

以下省略...... [/B]

这段短了些。其实我觉得这段比上段要好写，毕竟video也可能参杂进摄影师的主观因素，
同意你的观点,写的时候感觉和上段有重复的地方,没有太展开.


btw, 这些realm和题目中的contemporary life 有没有矛盾？
我觉的contemporary life 可以包括教育,政治等方面吧.说到这点我反而觉的我的第2段中说到语言的limitation.可能不属于contemporary
谢谢提醒  

the relationship between these important forms of documentation serves as complement but not substitution from each other.
想表达他们之间的关系是相互补充,不是替代

Mars3000UID: 198477

[B]Whenever, images and sounds are central to an event,+that否则有语病 the camera is superior to the written records.
每当图象和声音对描述一件事十分重要时,摄象机优于书面文字.[/B]
这下懂了，看来是偶水平凹了 :o
不过为了在逻辑显得顺畅建议在这句话前加一些具有总结性含义的副词或短语，否则刚刚还在谈people，突然转到这句似乎有些突兀。

boyjimUID: 125249

如此热烈~嘻嘻~

boyjimUID: 125249

7 The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important of documentation than written records.

Since the advent [good!] of video cameras, video documentation has played a vital [vital and pivotal and even fatal看来你还是不喜欢偶的押韵哦~嘿嘿] role in people’s working and living. Therefore, some people, including the speaker, assert that video camera has become a more essential form of recording than written records, . I concede that video camera, with its direct, accurate and vivid characteristics, seems more appropriate than written records sometimes. Nevertheless, written records are of their own importance [written is important就好了~~何必这么复杂涅~] and cannot be substituted by video camera in many fields, such as in abstract and objective realms.
[开门见山！不错]

摄像机不容易受主观因素（个人爱好偏见，语言限制，有意的歪曲）影响，更加准确。
The information provided by video camera can be more direct and accurate compared with written records, for the reason that video documentation is much [去掉much] less likely influenced by the subjective adjustment. Firstly, it is believed that every person possesses his/her own preference, disposition [disposition [简明英汉词典] n.部署??] , disinclination, and even taboo to someone provided special religious beliefs. During the process of written recording, people usually observe and document information in distinct perspectives [我这么想啊~记录应该不存在因为观点的偏见~顶多是个人的误差不同~说到从记录到观点这个可能出现因为个人的因素不同而造成的差异] , therefore some bias and prejudice are definitely [inevitably and inextricably换掉definitely] involved in it. When people read written documentation, they are more likely to be influenced by author’s subjective emotion and position. Secondly, limited by nature of language [这点我非常同意！something in human's meaning is meaningless] , people nowdays, if without [devoid of] possessing professional knowledge, hardly understand the meanings of written records left by our ancestors , for the reason that language is an abstraction from human life , and cannot be unchanged during thousands of years [这个双重否定用的一般~效果用肯定句可能更好] . While video camera, as an objective recorder, can document information directly and accurately, without being impacted by the constraint of recorders and languages. Besides, another conspicuous advantage of video camera not simply lies in its vulnerability to objective influence, but in its prevention from deliberately modification and revision [学到东西啦！not only but also变体！good!!!这句写得不错！] . A case in point is video surveillance camera as an objective witness in the legal proceeding---such as robbery, violence and the like [就是~广外考场一共有16个摄像头~真郁闷~] . In a word, video camera is more likely to provide more [两个more不好哦~] direct and precise message than written documentation.

摄像机更加生动真实
The vivid and lively characteristics of video documentation help people fully appreciate and understand people, events and the world around us. Provided by sounds and moving images of video documentation, people could appreciate [前面appreciate建议换词] the appealing scenery in the original rainforests, the moment of winner’s rushing through the finishing line and the astonishing scene of historical events [排比用得不错！！！举例子的同时还用得这么有气势！] . Given only the written documentations, hardly [前面用过一次hardly这里改seldom吧] can people comprehensively imagine the pictures listed above. Whenever, images and sounds are central to an event, the camera is superior to the written records.

书面纪录对于纪录抽象和主观的信息比摄像机更有优势。
On the other hand, written recording has [boast for..] its own significance in the abstract and objective realms, which cannot be substituted by video camera. In the field of education, students can better understand abstract theory and systematic knowledge through written documentation [不是better而是录像机根本没法记录抽象的东西] . In the field of literature, people convey their impressions, emotions and reflections of an event or experience. In the political and legal realms, the most significant and formal policies and contracts have to be recorded in written forms. [三个排比可以放在一句话~自己尝试一下] Therefore, written documentation, regarded as the most traditional method of recording, possesses its own advantages and is even superior to [前面用过be superior to了~把顺序倒过来就可以用inferior/subordinate to了么~] video camera under certain circumstances.

In the final analysis, compared with written documentation video camera can provide more accurate, convincing and vivid information, however, written recording cannot be replaced by video recording, for its unique significance in documenting abstract and subjective thoughts. With the development of science and technology, the relationship between these important forms of documentation serves as complement but not substitution from each other.

拍完后请留下连接
[不错！猫猫现在的文章很少那种很长的定语从句了~长短结合也做得很好！偶尔有一两个重复问题不是很大~
最重要的是我觉得思路很清晰！这点要继续保持阿！！！]

猫猫624UID: 171232

最初由 boyjim 发布
[B]7 The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important of documentation than written record..

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢boyjim,考完把那么多经验分享给我们.给你鞠躬了!  
vital and pivotal and even fatal看来你还是不喜欢偶的押韵哦~嘿嘿

喜欢你的压韵,只是我觉的是不是开头就这样有点过.呵呵,其实是写的时候没有想起来.这下记住了.  

disposition 有性格的意思.和nature temperament 同义

definitely inevitably and inextricably换掉definitely
铭记在心!

真正开始恰时间体会到那些很长的定语从句其实很不好,即不容易说清楚问题,而且还常犯错误!

再次谢谢你的鼓励.从你的意见中学到不少呀!

枫丹UID: 166492

7 The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important of documentation than written records.

Since the advent of video cameras, video documentation has played a vital role in people’s working and living. Therefore, some people, including the speaker, assert that video camera has become a more essential form of recording than written records, . I concede that video camera, with its direct, accurate and vivid characteristics, seems more appropriate than written records sometimes. Nevertheless, written records are of their own importance and cannot be substituted by video camera in many fields, such as in abstract and objective realms.（这里可以强调一下，especially in realms of abstract and objectiveness

摄像机不容易受主观因素（个人爱好偏见，语言限制，有意的歪曲）影响，更加准确。
The information provided by video camera can be more direct and accurate compared with written records, for the reason that video documentation is much less likely influenced by the subjective adjustment. Firstly, it is believed that every person possesses his/her own preference, disposition, disinclination, and even taboo to someone provided special religious beliefs(provide的主语是什么？). ( 我认为你这个分论点不太清楚和简练。)During the process of written recording, people usually observe and document information in distinct perspectives, therefore some bias （biases）and prejudice (prejudices)are definitely involved in it. When people read written documentation, they are more likely to be influenced by author’s subjective emotion and position. Secondly, limited by nature of language, people nowdays, if without possessing professional knowledge, hardly understand the meanings of written records left by our ancestors , for the reason that language is an abstraction from human life , and cannot be unchanged during thousands of years. （language 改变了什么呢？change太vague 了， 你可以说character or meaning ）While video camera, as an objective recorder, can document information directly and accurately, without being impacted by the constraint of recorders and languages. Besides, another conspicuous advantage of video camera not simply lies in its vulnerability to objective influence, but in its prevention from deliberately modification and revision. A case in point is video surveillance camera as an objective witness in the legal proceeding---such as robbery, violence and the like. In a word, video camera is more likely to provide more direct and precise message than written documentation.
这一段三个分层还是两个??
摄像机更加生动真实
The vivid and lively characteristics of video documentation help people fully appreciate and understand people, events and the world around us. Provided by sounds and moving images of video documentation, people could appreciate the appealing scenery in the original rainforests, the moment of winner’s rushing through the finishing line and the astonishing scene of historical events. (排比用的好！！最好和下面的句子之间加一些转折和逻辑词 )Given only the written documentations, hardly can people comprehensively imagine the pictures listed above. Whenever, images and sounds are central to an event, the camera is superior to the written records.  

书面纪录对于纪录抽象和主观的信息比摄像机更有优势。
On the other hand, written recording has its own significance in the abstract and objective realms, which cannot be substituted by video camera. In the field of education, students can better understand abstract theory and systematic knowledge through written documentation. In the field of literature, people convey their impressions, emotions and reflections of an event or experience. In the political and legal realms, the most significant and formal policies and contracts have to be recorded in written forms. Therefore, written documentation, regarded as the most traditional method of recording, possesses its own advantages and is even superior to video camera under certain circumstances.

这最后一句不好，似乎只是前面的重复。 不够精练，另外个人认为这一段中的abstract theory , systematic, formal policies and contracts, 最好有一个拿来special 一下。否则不够深入。个人意见，待讨论。

In the final analysis, compared with written documentation video camera can provide more accurate, convincing and vivid information, however, written recording cannot be replaced by video recording, for its unique significance in documenting abstract and subjective thoughts. With the development of science and technology, the relationship between these important forms of documentation serves as complement but not substitution from each other.

思路和米的太象了，所以有的句子虽然不太明白也能想到你说什么意思。
我说意见：
有些句子和词的用法别扭，不知道是不是我的水平问题。
还有每段的收尾你似乎也是喜欢abstract 一下，但是注意不要和前面的重复，作到言简意赅。
另句子之间的连贯请注意！！能想到的就这些了，看你一直在进步！！加油哦

猫猫624UID: 171232

Firstly, it is believed that every person possesses his/her own preference, disposition, disinclination, and even taboo to someone provided special religious beliefs(provide的主语是什么？)

把provided 改成having

谢谢拍砖.这篇文章是比较型的,一会说这个,一会说那个,很容易不连贯!
还要加油!

thminUID: 192642

最近来发现你的文章总是热贴,崇拜啊,赶紧进来学习一下.

thminUID: 192642

Since the advent of video cameras, video documentation has played a vital role in people’s working and living. Therefore, some people, including the speaker, assert that video camera has become a more essential form of recording than written records, . I concede that video camera, with its direct, accurate and vivid characteristics, seems more appropriate than更合适?感觉没有表达出某些意思,我觉得是更有优势be superior to written records sometimes. Nevertheless, written records are of their own importance and cannot be substituted by video camera in many fields, such as in abstract and objective realms.

摄像机不容易受主观因素（个人爱好偏见，语言限制，有意的歪曲）影响，更加准确。
The information provided by video camera can be more direct and accurate compared with written records, for the reason that video documentation is much less likely to be influenced by the subjective adjustment. Firstly, it is believed that every person possesses his/her own preference, disposition, disinclination, and even taboo to someone provided special religious beliefs最后这点儿有点不明白. During the process of written recording, people usually observe and document information in distinct perspectives, therefore some bias and prejudice are definitely应该尽量少用这种过于绝对的词 involved in it. When people read written documentation, they are more likely to be influenced by author’s subjective emotion and position.这句和上句表达的意思差不多,建议合成一个句子就行了,否则看起来有点罗嗦 Secondly, limited by nature of languagenature of language是什么意思啊, people nowdaysnowadays, if without possessing这个processing可以去掉了,真的显得有点redundant professional knowledge, hardly understand the meanings of written records left by our ancestors , for the reason that又是一个for the reason that,好累啊,直接说because就行了 language is an abstraction from human life , and cannot be unchanged during thousands of years.例子不好,因为题目限定了范围是contemporary life,猫猫可以去看版主鬼鬼的分析 While video camera, as an objective recorder, can document information directly and accurately, without being impacted by the constraint of recorders and languages. Besides, another conspicuous advantage of video camera not simply lies in its晕,看完了句子不明白你这个its指代是谁了 vulnerability to objective influence, but in its prevention from deliberately modification and revision. A case in point is video surveillance camera as an objective witnesscamera本身不能成为证据,楼主应该具体到它拍下的画面 in the legal proceeding---such as robbery, violence and the like. In a word, video camera is more likely to provide more direct and precise message than written documentation.

摄像机更加生动真实
The vivid and lively characteristics指物的属性和特性的话用property似乎更好 of video documentation help people fully appreciate and understand people, events and the world around us. Provided bywith sounds and moving images of video documentation, people could appreciate the appealing scenery in the original rainforests, the moment of winner’s rushing through the finishing line and the astonishing scene of historical events.这个排比举例很好,学习中… Given only the written documentations, hardly can people comprehensively imagine the pictures listed above. Whenever, images and sounds are central to an event, the camera is superior to the written records.

书面纪录对于纪录抽象和主观的信息比摄像机更有优势。
On the other hand, written recording has its own significance in the abstract and objective realms, which cannot be substituted by video camera. In the field of education, students can better understand abstract theory and systematic knowledge through written documentation. In the field of literature, people convey their impressions, emotions and reflections of an event or experience.文学层面上这句话好像没有说完似的 In the political and legal realms, the most significant and formal policies and contracts have to be recorded in written forms. Therefore, written documentation, regarded as the most traditional method of recording, possesses its own advantages and is even superior to video camera under certain circumstances. 不错,很全面

In the final analysis, compared with written documentation video camera can provide more accurate, convincing and vivid information, however, written recording cannot be replaced by video recording, for its unique significance in documenting abstract and subjective thoughts. With the development of science and technology, the relationship between these important forms of documentation serves as complement but not substitution fromfor each other.最后这句话也很好,值得学习.

猫猫624UID: 171232

最初由 thmin 发布
[B]Since the advent of video cameras, video documentation has played a vital role in people’s working and living. Therefore, some people, including the speaker, a..

以下省略...... [/B]

呵呵,谢谢拍砖.
limited by nature of language
语言的本性.指从生活的积累而来,时刻在变化.


Besides, another conspicuous advantage of video camera not simply lies in its晕,看完了句子不明白你这个its指代是谁了 vulnerability to objective influence, but in its prevention from deliberately modification and revision
l两个its 都只video camera. 意思是摄象机的另外一个优点不仅在于他的客观性,还在与他能够防止故意的修改和歪曲事实.

例子不好,因为题目限定了范围是contemporary life,猫猫可以去看版主鬼鬼的分析.
这个早上我已经意识到了,谢谢.不过可以改成现在社会中各国家语言障碍.

thminUID: 192642

最初由 猫猫624 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 thmin 发布
[B]Since the advent of video cameras, video documentation has played a vital role in people’s working and living. Therefore, s..

以下省略...... [/B]

其实我也不是明白那个nature of language,但是用这个词组的确是太vague了,语言很多的特性,谁知道每个人是怎么理解的?

还有那个vulnerability to objective influence,你的解释和我的理解正好相反,我理解的是:容易被objective inlfuence所影响. 反正我不是很理解这个短语,请再赐教!

ooajUID: 200299

[QUOTE]最初由 猫猫624 发布
[B]QUOTEi最初由 ooaj 发布/i
B55……偶也严重超时：P

7 The video camera p..

even taboo to someone provided special religious beliefs不好意思后半句没看大懂.

甚至是一些具有宗教信仰人的禁忌

possess...taboo to 何解？查了维氏，possess 只有拥有占有的意思，所以如果把to了解为相对于xx来说，那么to短语很象是preference……taboo的后置定语，是不是太突兀了？而且如果单就taboo来说，taboo尤指宗教禁忌，那么又是不是罗索了，个人观点是去掉，前面几个词用头韵，preference,predisposition, predilection, propensity...and alike:)btw, every people 是不是可改为everyone

therefore some bias and prejudice are definitelydefinitely is involved in it去掉is还有it.

把definitely 和is 调换一下会好一点
is 和it 不能去,therefore后面必须是句子

偶的意思是is应用复数，in作副词用，in that it指代不明，是指前面的perspective，还是更前面的pocess,其实in也可以去掉;
还有最好把bias换成proneness，感觉好一些~

When people read written documentationdocuments

documents专指文件.documentation指记录,和records 同义

document: something (as a photograph or a recording) that serves as evidence or proof;a writing conveying information
documentation: the use of historical documents; conformity to historical or objective facts   ------by M Web

In the field of education, students can better understand abstract theory and systematic knowledge through written documentation. 但教育也需要感性的方面，and anyway how about long-distance education

这里只想提教育中学习抽象概念时written records is suporior
.并不想提感性方面.个人觉的感性方面video camera 可能更有优势,在这里不合适

...所以教育的例子不大好啊，同意mars

appreciate 在这里做欣赏,领会.面对lively and vivid records,个人认为这个词可以

赞同用appreciate，但后面最好改成people and events concerning,因为原来的是不是有点大

however, written recording cannot be replaced by video recording, 偶觉得最好不要说替代，因为题目并没有这么提
个人觉的可以提,题目说到more important, issue我认为可以适当引申.况且没有大段去论述替代问题,不算偏题!

呵呵，服了u，个人保留原观点，其实可以把替换类词改为preponderate over，surpass，etc


欢迎讨论和反拍：）

猫猫624UID: 171232

最初由 thmin 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 猫猫624 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 thmin 发布
[B]Since the advent of video cameras, video documentation has played a vital role in peop..

以下省略...... [/B]

改为:invulnerable to objective factors.

猫猫624UID: 171232

最初由 ooaj 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 猫猫624 发布
[B]QUOTEi最初由 ooaj 发布/i
B55……?.

以下省略...... [/B]

possess 只有拥有占有的意思
刚才查了一下,如果是religious beliefs 用hold
若是religious situation  用possess
hold 抽象一些,possess 稍微具体

tacoo 是宗教词汇,后面的religious 应该是单独修饰它的,不太可能去修饰前面的preference
但是这里用的不好,tacoo 后面的修饰部分去掉.

preference,predisposition, predilection, propensity...and alike
我觉的这是一个记忆同意词的好方法,但我不建议文章中使用.小列举都是非常近似的同义词,意义不大,有买弄辞藻之嫌.个人认为各个词还是应当有所差别.

therefore some biases and prejudice are definitely  involved in it.
后面有in it 显的比较哆嗦,但it 指代porcess应该没有问题吧.perspective这里是复数形式.
当然in it 可以都去掉.而且要去必须同时去掉.即简练,又不容易有歧义.

document: something (as a photograph or a recording) that serves as evidence or proof;a writing conveying information
documentation: the use of historical documents; conformity to historical or objective facts ------by M Web
document 当具体的文件公文解释.具体名词,有复数形式documents
documentation指记录,历史记录.抽象名词
这篇文章做记录解应该更合适吧.

呵呵，服了u，个人保留原观点，其实可以把替换类词改为preponderate over，surpass，etc
对于这一点是看付顺闲提纲上的,当时没怎么想.我认为一个词没有什么大关系吧.
谢谢你的拍砖,以后我会多加注意!!!